Re: #5 Let them work it out (was and is bad advice)
[email protected]
<< 5. Let them work it out.
Ask them to do something that'll make them gang up on you. Picking up toys or
some other much-hated chore should do the trick.
Or you could just stop listening in and worrying. You might be amazed to find
they work things out themselves.
Inspire them to believe that picking toys up should only be done by those who
are in trouble? (I see county-jail inmates picking up trash in Albuquerque,
but that doesn't mean I should litter; people should pick up their own
possessions because they WANT to, and they see value in it, not because they were
bad.)
But wait...
Telling them to pick up toys isn't "let them work it out." There was no
elaboration on "Let them work it out." Because it's a bad idea and can't be
explained away.
And find something so they will "gang up on you" seems by the nature of the
way it's worded to encourage MORE negativity, and to accept that "ganging up"
is an inevitable (and in this case desired) behavior. NOT solutions. Just
ways to make the overall situation worse in the future.
And that second part, the summary of the five items, "Or you could just stop
listening in and worrying. You might be amazed to find
they work things out themselves."
Stop listening?
Stop listening to children?
You could stop worrying if you NEVER stopped listening. If you had always
listened and responded, there would be little to worry about.
You might be amazed to find they work things out themselves, and wouldn't
that be convenient for the mom? Wouldn't that make a mom who's willing to ignore
her children feel better?
You might be less amazed, and it would be more likely, to find that they had
NOT worked things out themselves, but continued to yell, insult and hurt one
another for year after year, and go on to hurt others in the same ways unless
as young children they are helped to learn better ways to interact. And it's
possible to help them do that as long as parents don't accept bad mainstream
advice and expect it to do anything other than help produce bad mainstream
behavior.
Sandra
Ask them to do something that'll make them gang up on you. Picking up toys or
some other much-hated chore should do the trick.
Or you could just stop listening in and worrying. You might be amazed to find
they work things out themselves.
>>Part 1: Teach them to further hate picking up toys?
Inspire them to believe that picking toys up should only be done by those who
are in trouble? (I see county-jail inmates picking up trash in Albuquerque,
but that doesn't mean I should litter; people should pick up their own
possessions because they WANT to, and they see value in it, not because they were
bad.)
But wait...
Telling them to pick up toys isn't "let them work it out." There was no
elaboration on "Let them work it out." Because it's a bad idea and can't be
explained away.
And find something so they will "gang up on you" seems by the nature of the
way it's worded to encourage MORE negativity, and to accept that "ganging up"
is an inevitable (and in this case desired) behavior. NOT solutions. Just
ways to make the overall situation worse in the future.
And that second part, the summary of the five items, "Or you could just stop
listening in and worrying. You might be amazed to find
they work things out themselves."
Stop listening?
Stop listening to children?
You could stop worrying if you NEVER stopped listening. If you had always
listened and responded, there would be little to worry about.
You might be amazed to find they work things out themselves, and wouldn't
that be convenient for the mom? Wouldn't that make a mom who's willing to ignore
her children feel better?
You might be less amazed, and it would be more likely, to find that they had
NOT worked things out themselves, but continued to yell, insult and hurt one
another for year after year, and go on to hurt others in the same ways unless
as young children they are helped to learn better ways to interact. And it's
possible to help them do that as long as parents don't accept bad mainstream
advice and expect it to do anything other than help produce bad mainstream
behavior.
Sandra