Re: #3 Feed them. (Not such bad advice)
[email protected]
<< 3. Feed them.
A handful of Goldfish goes a long way to help soften moods. One caveat: Each
kid has to get the exact same number of crackers. You don't want to feed a
new
argument. >>
This works with adults, too. If adults are getting cranky with each other,
bring snacks or drinks.
Being in the desert, I think drinks are often more needed than something like
Goldfish (which for the benefit of those outside of North America who might
not know, are fat little yellow fish-shaped cheese-flavored soda crackers about
an inch long). Dehydration can make anyones thought processes sluggish. And
fruit or protein can be be way better for quick mood-improvement than
carbohydrates too, in my kid-management experience. We do "monkey platters" here,
after once having seen them bring a tray of cut up things to the monkeys at the
zoo. I try to put fruit and protein (little cubes of cheese or meat, or tiny
tuna sandwiches) and carbs (crackers or homemade bread or little muffins)
all, but if there's not time any snack's better than none.
And as to that caveat about counting them out, it makes me shudder. My mom
did that. And she was very stingy with snacks of any sort, so when she counted
us out the exact same number of grapes or M&Ms she felt QUITE virtuous, and I
felt weighed and measured. Maybe bigger kids need more food than smaller
ones. Maybe a hungry kid needs more food than others. Maybe a kid who never
gets snacks would be bought or distracted by sudden food availability whereas a
child with constant access to a variety of food would prefer to stay with the
matter at hand and eat later.
But being hungry is often a contributing factor to frustration and
unhappiness.
Food is good.
And food is better than the "ignore them" advice.
And kids who are unaccustomed to snacks and are angry probably might fight
worse if one kid snatched most of the food, or was offered more, clearly and
measurably. Bummer when a family has gotten to that food-counting point, though.
And probably all of their advice is better than recommendations of spanking,
isolation or other punishments.
Sandra
A handful of Goldfish goes a long way to help soften moods. One caveat: Each
kid has to get the exact same number of crackers. You don't want to feed a
new
argument. >>
This works with adults, too. If adults are getting cranky with each other,
bring snacks or drinks.
Being in the desert, I think drinks are often more needed than something like
Goldfish (which for the benefit of those outside of North America who might
not know, are fat little yellow fish-shaped cheese-flavored soda crackers about
an inch long). Dehydration can make anyones thought processes sluggish. And
fruit or protein can be be way better for quick mood-improvement than
carbohydrates too, in my kid-management experience. We do "monkey platters" here,
after once having seen them bring a tray of cut up things to the monkeys at the
zoo. I try to put fruit and protein (little cubes of cheese or meat, or tiny
tuna sandwiches) and carbs (crackers or homemade bread or little muffins)
all, but if there's not time any snack's better than none.
And as to that caveat about counting them out, it makes me shudder. My mom
did that. And she was very stingy with snacks of any sort, so when she counted
us out the exact same number of grapes or M&Ms she felt QUITE virtuous, and I
felt weighed and measured. Maybe bigger kids need more food than smaller
ones. Maybe a hungry kid needs more food than others. Maybe a kid who never
gets snacks would be bought or distracted by sudden food availability whereas a
child with constant access to a variety of food would prefer to stay with the
matter at hand and eat later.
But being hungry is often a contributing factor to frustration and
unhappiness.
Food is good.
And food is better than the "ignore them" advice.
And kids who are unaccustomed to snacks and are angry probably might fight
worse if one kid snatched most of the food, or was offered more, clearly and
measurably. Bummer when a family has gotten to that food-counting point, though.
And probably all of their advice is better than recommendations of spanking,
isolation or other punishments.
Sandra
Elisa Tauraso
Alright, I'm frustrated tonight - my kids were at each other all day and particularly two of them are at each other all of the time. I'm at my wits end. I read these "unschooling" discussions but all I hear is what I shouldn't do as a good "unschooling" parent which seems like a whole lot. But, what can I do to guide these little ones who are saying and doing things that I don't like "I hate you, you aren't my brother anymore, etc, etc". Do I just stand by and watch them kill themselves and each other?? Am I totally on the wrong track? What can I do? I try to be tolerant, listen, reason with them about their feelings etc, but nothing seems to work. Then, I end up resorting to time outs and I'm still not getting anywhere. Ahhhh!!
Sorry, I'm new to the discussion group. I homeschool four - Aria, 7, Siena, 6, Cosimo, 5, and Lorenzo 3. It's mostly Aria and Cosimo that are at it all the time. Siena is a blessing and easy to say the least. I don't show favoritism. Aria and Cosimo seem to have "controlling" personalities and when one looses control all chaos breaks loose. How can I get these two to include each other in play and stop fighting so much?? Any help and suggestions would be most appreciated? Lorenzo, who is adopted, is picking up horrible things from his brother, Cosimo, who is giving me a very hard time right now.
Thanks so much for any help,
Elisa Tauraso
Sorry, I'm new to the discussion group. I homeschool four - Aria, 7, Siena, 6, Cosimo, 5, and Lorenzo 3. It's mostly Aria and Cosimo that are at it all the time. Siena is a blessing and easy to say the least. I don't show favoritism. Aria and Cosimo seem to have "controlling" personalities and when one looses control all chaos breaks loose. How can I get these two to include each other in play and stop fighting so much?? Any help and suggestions would be most appreciated? Lorenzo, who is adopted, is picking up horrible things from his brother, Cosimo, who is giving me a very hard time right now.
Thanks so much for any help,
Elisa Tauraso
----- Original Message -----
From: SandraDodd@...
Sent: Sunday, December 12, 2004 12:02 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: #3 Feed them. (Not such bad advice)
<< 3. Feed them.
A handful of Goldfish goes a long way to help soften moods. One caveat: Each
kid has to get the exact same number of crackers. You don't want to feed a
new
argument. >>
This works with adults, too. If adults are getting cranky with each other,
bring snacks or drinks.
Being in the desert, I think drinks are often more needed than something like
Goldfish (which for the benefit of those outside of North America who might
not know, are fat little yellow fish-shaped cheese-flavored soda crackers about
an inch long). Dehydration can make anyones thought processes sluggish. And
fruit or protein can be be way better for quick mood-improvement than
carbohydrates too, in my kid-management experience. We do "monkey platters" here,
after once having seen them bring a tray of cut up things to the monkeys at the
zoo. I try to put fruit and protein (little cubes of cheese or meat, or tiny
tuna sandwiches) and carbs (crackers or homemade bread or little muffins)
all, but if there's not time any snack's better than none.
And as to that caveat about counting them out, it makes me shudder. My mom
did that. And she was very stingy with snacks of any sort, so when she counted
us out the exact same number of grapes or M&Ms she felt QUITE virtuous, and I
felt weighed and measured. Maybe bigger kids need more food than smaller
ones. Maybe a hungry kid needs more food than others. Maybe a kid who never
gets snacks would be bought or distracted by sudden food availability whereas a
child with constant access to a variety of food would prefer to stay with the
matter at hand and eat later.
But being hungry is often a contributing factor to frustration and
unhappiness.
Food is good.
And food is better than the "ignore them" advice.
And kids who are unaccustomed to snacks and are angry probably might fight
worse if one kid snatched most of the food, or was offered more, clearly and
measurably. Bummer when a family has gotten to that food-counting point, though.
And probably all of their advice is better than recommendations of spanking,
isolation or other punishments.
Sandra
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pam sorooshian
On Dec 12, 2004, at 6:34 PM, Elisa Tauraso wrote:
Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too" by Adele Faber
and Elaine Mazlish. While you're at it read their other book, "How to
Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk." You won't
regret it - buy them so you can reread them occasionally.
-pam
> Thanks so much for any help,First thing would be to get and read "Siblings Without Rivalry: How to
Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too" by Adele Faber
and Elaine Mazlish. While you're at it read their other book, "How to
Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk." You won't
regret it - buy them so you can reread them occasionally.
-pam
myfunny4
--- In [email protected], "Elisa Tauraso"
<elisatauraso@m...> wrote:
I'm at my wits end.>
Hi Elisa,
Does the arguing seem to erupt at certain times (lunch time, late
afternoon, early evening), or during certain games? Distraction
often works. If a storm is brewing (an emotional storm, that is
<g>), suggest a family walk or game outside. If that isn't
possible, perhaps you could suggest a bubble bath? My kids were
delighted with a bubble bath in the middle of the afternoon. Try to
avoid games that depend on outright competition.
I wouldn't say anything like, "Okay, since you can't play nicely
with each other, you can't play this game." You're setting them up
for another argument, because then they'll attack each other
saying, "It's your fault we can't play this game anymore!" An
escalation in hurt feelings in inevitable.
Perhaps you could calmly turn on some quiet music and set out some
art supplies like soft dough or stuff for collage work? Clay or
soft dough is great for these turbulent episodes.
Trying to reason with a person while he/she is angry doesn't work.
Anger clouds reason. The anger has to dissipate before reasoning
can occur. This is true in adults, and even more so in children.
Debbie
<elisatauraso@m...> wrote:
> Alright, I'm frustrated tonight - my kids were at each other allday and particularly two of them are at each other all of the time.
I'm at my wits end.>
Hi Elisa,
Does the arguing seem to erupt at certain times (lunch time, late
afternoon, early evening), or during certain games? Distraction
often works. If a storm is brewing (an emotional storm, that is
<g>), suggest a family walk or game outside. If that isn't
possible, perhaps you could suggest a bubble bath? My kids were
delighted with a bubble bath in the middle of the afternoon. Try to
avoid games that depend on outright competition.
I wouldn't say anything like, "Okay, since you can't play nicely
with each other, you can't play this game." You're setting them up
for another argument, because then they'll attack each other
saying, "It's your fault we can't play this game anymore!" An
escalation in hurt feelings in inevitable.
Perhaps you could calmly turn on some quiet music and set out some
art supplies like soft dough or stuff for collage work? Clay or
soft dough is great for these turbulent episodes.
Trying to reason with a person while he/she is angry doesn't work.
Anger clouds reason. The anger has to dissipate before reasoning
can occur. This is true in adults, and even more so in children.
Debbie
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/12/04 7:54:05 PM, elisatauraso@... writes:
<< I read these "unschooling" discussions but all I hear is what I shouldn't
do as a good "unschooling" parent which seems like a whole lot. >>
Pam's suggestion is important. Get those books quickly and use them. It
will save you a lot of grief and undoing. They're easily available, but if you
can't get out to a bookstore get them used from amazon. And maybe while
you're out there looking for them online, read reviews and summaries and you might
be able to pick up a few good hints that way.
The quotation marks on "unschooling" make me think you're not too sold on
unschooling. That's okay, but don't undo things until you have something to
replace them with.
-=- I try to be tolerant, listen, reason with them about their feelings etc,
but nothing seems to work. -=-
What did Yoda say about trying?
"Try to be tolerant" is faking. You're either tolerant or you're not. But
"tolerant" isn't what you want here. Understanding and compassion are what you
want. You try to reason with them about their feelings. FEEL with them
about their feelings. Hear them out. Hold them and rock them and touch their
hair. SMELL their hair. That's helpful. Look at baby pictures when they're
not around. Envision the peace you want in your home and when you have a
decision to make, make the more peaceful choice.
-=-Then, I end up resorting to time outs and I'm still not getting anywhere.
-=-
If you need to separate kids, pick one up and hold him while talking nicely
to the other one. You're are still little and you can do that with some of
them.
Here are some of the methods I used with boys two and a half years apart
(still do someti when one looses control all chaos breaks loose. How can I get
these two to include each other in play and stop fighting so much?? -=-
Do you have enough room and stuff that they can play separately? Playing
together shouldn't be a requirement for them. Try to give your kids
opportunities to do what they would do if they didn't have all those other siblings.
Give them things they can control, give them opportunities to make decisions
about meals and food and outings and where things are in the house, maybe.
-=- Lorenzo, who is adopted, is picking up horrible things from his brother,
Cosimo, who is giving me a very hard time right now.-=-
I would speak gently and quietly with Cosimo sometime when no one else is
around and tell him you're worried, and that Lorenzo wants to be more like him so
could Cosimo show Lorenzo some really sweet ways to be. It might make no
discernable difference right now, but it will stay in him for a while and help
give him a basis for decisionmaking too.
Sandra
<< I read these "unschooling" discussions but all I hear is what I shouldn't
do as a good "unschooling" parent which seems like a whole lot. >>
Pam's suggestion is important. Get those books quickly and use them. It
will save you a lot of grief and undoing. They're easily available, but if you
can't get out to a bookstore get them used from amazon. And maybe while
you're out there looking for them online, read reviews and summaries and you might
be able to pick up a few good hints that way.
The quotation marks on "unschooling" make me think you're not too sold on
unschooling. That's okay, but don't undo things until you have something to
replace them with.
-=- I try to be tolerant, listen, reason with them about their feelings etc,
but nothing seems to work. -=-
What did Yoda say about trying?
"Try to be tolerant" is faking. You're either tolerant or you're not. But
"tolerant" isn't what you want here. Understanding and compassion are what you
want. You try to reason with them about their feelings. FEEL with them
about their feelings. Hear them out. Hold them and rock them and touch their
hair. SMELL their hair. That's helpful. Look at baby pictures when they're
not around. Envision the peace you want in your home and when you have a
decision to make, make the more peaceful choice.
-=-Then, I end up resorting to time outs and I'm still not getting anywhere.
-=-
If you need to separate kids, pick one up and hold him while talking nicely
to the other one. You're are still little and you can do that with some of
them.
Here are some of the methods I used with boys two and a half years apart
(still do someti when one looses control all chaos breaks loose. How can I get
these two to include each other in play and stop fighting so much?? -=-
Do you have enough room and stuff that they can play separately? Playing
together shouldn't be a requirement for them. Try to give your kids
opportunities to do what they would do if they didn't have all those other siblings.
Give them things they can control, give them opportunities to make decisions
about meals and food and outings and where things are in the house, maybe.
-=- Lorenzo, who is adopted, is picking up horrible things from his brother,
Cosimo, who is giving me a very hard time right now.-=-
I would speak gently and quietly with Cosimo sometime when no one else is
around and tell him you're worried, and that Lorenzo wants to be more like him so
could Cosimo show Lorenzo some really sweet ways to be. It might make no
discernable difference right now, but it will stay in him for a while and help
give him a basis for decisionmaking too.
Sandra
Elisa Tauraso
Thank you all. I've ordered the suggested books and will read them ASAP. Thanks for the other suggestions too. I'm listening.
Playing together isn't a requirement for them and they do have enough room and enough of their own space to go where they please.
I try taking them out one on one quite a bit also so they get alone time with Mom and Dad.
Elisa
Playing together isn't a requirement for them and they do have enough room and enough of their own space to go where they please.
I try taking them out one on one quite a bit also so they get alone time with Mom and Dad.
Elisa
----- Original Message -----
From: SandraDodd@...
Sent: Monday, December 13, 2004 10:48 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: #3 Feed them. (Not such bad advice)
In a message dated 12/12/04 7:54:05 PM, elisatauraso@... writes:
<< I read these "unschooling" discussions but all I hear is what I shouldn't
do as a good "unschooling" parent which seems like a whole lot. >>
Pam's suggestion is important. Get those books quickly and use them. It
will save you a lot of grief and undoing. They're easily available, but if you
can't get out to a bookstore get them used from amazon. And maybe while
you're out there looking for them online, read reviews and summaries and you might
be able to pick up a few good hints that way.
The quotation marks on "unschooling" make me think you're not too sold on
unschooling. That's okay, but don't undo things until you have something to
replace them with.
-=- I try to be tolerant, listen, reason with them about their feelings etc,
but nothing seems to work. -=-
What did Yoda say about trying?
"Try to be tolerant" is faking. You're either tolerant or you're not. But
"tolerant" isn't what you want here. Understanding and compassion are what you
want. You try to reason with them about their feelings. FEEL with them
about their feelings. Hear them out. Hold them and rock them and touch their
hair. SMELL their hair. That's helpful. Look at baby pictures when they're
not around. Envision the peace you want in your home and when you have a
decision to make, make the more peaceful choice.
-=-Then, I end up resorting to time outs and I'm still not getting anywhere.
-=-
If you need to separate kids, pick one up and hold him while talking nicely
to the other one. You're are still little and you can do that with some of
them.
Here are some of the methods I used with boys two and a half years apart
(still do someti when one looses control all chaos breaks loose. How can I get
these two to include each other in play and stop fighting so much?? -=-
Do you have enough room and stuff that they can play separately? Playing
together shouldn't be a requirement for them. Try to give your kids
opportunities to do what they would do if they didn't have all those other siblings.
Give them things they can control, give them opportunities to make decisions
about meals and food and outings and where things are in the house, maybe.
-=- Lorenzo, who is adopted, is picking up horrible things from his brother,
Cosimo, who is giving me a very hard time right now.-=-
I would speak gently and quietly with Cosimo sometime when no one else is
around and tell him you're worried, and that Lorenzo wants to be more like him so
could Cosimo show Lorenzo some really sweet ways to be. It might make no
discernable difference right now, but it will stay in him for a while and help
give him a basis for decisionmaking too.
Sandra
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com
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ADVERTISEMENT
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To visit your group on the web, go to:
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To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
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