Regressing
Julie Bogart
Have any of you found that as your kids get older, they become *less* interested in life,
less keen to read, develop, grow, take risks or explore?
Does it mean anything?
I remember being on the cusp of adulthood and even though there were daunting
challenges ahead, I also remember being excited to take risks, to do new things, to learn
and grow. I'm seeing what appears to be regression or withdrawal into a smaller and
smaller life and I wonder what it means.
Julie B
less keen to read, develop, grow, take risks or explore?
Does it mean anything?
I remember being on the cusp of adulthood and even though there were daunting
challenges ahead, I also remember being excited to take risks, to do new things, to learn
and grow. I'm seeing what appears to be regression or withdrawal into a smaller and
smaller life and I wonder what it means.
Julie B
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/17/2004 7:31:05 PM Eastern Standard Time,
julie@... writes:
Have any of you found that as your kids get older, they become *less*
interested in life,
less keen to read, develop, grow, take risks or explore?
Does it mean anything?
I remember being on the cusp of adulthood and even though there were
daunting
challenges ahead, I also remember being excited to take risks, to do new
things, to learn
and grow. I'm seeing what appears to be regression or withdrawal into a
smaller and
smaller life and I wonder what it means.<<<
What age (and school history) are you talking about?
I find myself taking breaks every now and then----still. It's during those
times that I often seem uninspired and dull. It's usually preceded by or
followed by intense creativity. As if I'm either relaxing after working really
hard---or saving up and meditating on what's next. Usually lasts two-three
months, but then I'm back to my old, high-wired, whirlwind, manic self! <g>
Want to give us more info?
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
julie@... writes:
Have any of you found that as your kids get older, they become *less*
interested in life,
less keen to read, develop, grow, take risks or explore?
Does it mean anything?
I remember being on the cusp of adulthood and even though there were
daunting
challenges ahead, I also remember being excited to take risks, to do new
things, to learn
and grow. I'm seeing what appears to be regression or withdrawal into a
smaller and
smaller life and I wonder what it means.<<<
What age (and school history) are you talking about?
I find myself taking breaks every now and then----still. It's during those
times that I often seem uninspired and dull. It's usually preceded by or
followed by intense creativity. As if I'm either relaxing after working really
hard---or saving up and meditating on what's next. Usually lasts two-three
months, but then I'm back to my old, high-wired, whirlwind, manic self! <g>
Want to give us more info?
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Julie Bogart
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@a... wrote:
high school. Unschooled since 2003 January.
time remembering weekly rehearsals, the right times to get to his job, keeping up with any
relationships even when he really wants to and is essentially just working and playing a lot
of cards and X box. He expresses being overwhelemed at times - like he is unable to know
how to sort out his life.
Yet from an onlooker's perspective, I don't see what is so difficult to juggle. His life is
pretty simple. So I want to understand. I have considered the possibility of ADD.
Years back, he used to read voraciously, played sports, studied languages, built things,
etc.
He's a great kid in the ways that matter most. But I've watched him pull in. I see less of
that curiosity and initiative now than I saw in years past. It seems that he is simply in a
cycle of work and cards and sleep.
And has been for months.
I guess I'm looking for some wisdom, experience. I sort of imagined that with increased
space and time in his life, he'd naturally be expanding his horizons, not honing in on one
thing and mostly as a passtime. It's that he's 17 and I wonder where he's going... and if I
need to be concerned.
Blech. Not saying this very well.
Julie
>17. Homeschooled entire life except for two years of one and then two classes at local
> What age (and school history) are you talking about?
>
high school. Unschooled since 2003 January.
> I find myself taking breaks every now and then----still. It's during thoseI would have thought it was this but it seems different. This is a kid who is having a hard
> times that I often seem uninspired and dull. It's usually preceded by or
> followed by intense creativity. As if I'm either relaxing after working really
> hard---or saving up and meditating on what's next. Usually lasts two-three
> months, but then I'm back to my old, high-wired, whirlwind, manic self! <g>
time remembering weekly rehearsals, the right times to get to his job, keeping up with any
relationships even when he really wants to and is essentially just working and playing a lot
of cards and X box. He expresses being overwhelemed at times - like he is unable to know
how to sort out his life.
Yet from an onlooker's perspective, I don't see what is so difficult to juggle. His life is
pretty simple. So I want to understand. I have considered the possibility of ADD.
Years back, he used to read voraciously, played sports, studied languages, built things,
etc.
He's a great kid in the ways that matter most. But I've watched him pull in. I see less of
that curiosity and initiative now than I saw in years past. It seems that he is simply in a
cycle of work and cards and sleep.
And has been for months.
I guess I'm looking for some wisdom, experience. I sort of imagined that with increased
space and time in his life, he'd naturally be expanding his horizons, not honing in on one
thing and mostly as a passtime. It's that he's 17 and I wonder where he's going... and if I
need to be concerned.
Blech. Not saying this very well.
Julie
Julie Bogart
He has one rehearsal a week on Saturdays and has missed it twice in a row.
And his work schedule is less than fifteen hours a week. (He's been early by hours many
times because he wrote the wrong times down - so far never late)
He plays cards three times a week in the evenings.
Just thought an actual break down of times might help. :)
Julie
And his work schedule is less than fifteen hours a week. (He's been early by hours many
times because he wrote the wrong times down - so far never late)
He plays cards three times a week in the evenings.
Just thought an actual break down of times might help. :)
Julie
Elizabeth Hill
** I would have thought it was this but it seems different. This is a
kid who is having a hard
time remembering weekly rehearsals, the right times to get to his job,
keeping up with any
relationships even when he really wants to and is essentially just
working and playing a lot
of cards and X box. He expresses being overwhelemed at times - like he
is unable to know
how to sort out his life.**
Did you used to remind him, when you had to drive him? Is this a new
task for him?
I remember reading a theory that as kids grow their brains completely
reorganize themselves a few times, every 3 or 4 years, I think. Maybe
his brain is temporarily scrambled? (Like a closet when you have
started to clean it by dumping everything out.) Or maybe hormones are
affecting thinking power. (Did you ever feel like your brain was
exceptionallly fuzzy when you were pregnant? Maybe there are other
shifts in life that can affect brain function.)
In an elderly person I would possibly suspect a side-effect from
medication, but it's unlikely that your son is taking anything. (A lot
of "senility" seems to be due to medicine or interactions of multiple meds.)
** He's a great kid in the ways that matter most. But I've watched him
pull in. I see less of
that curiosity and initiative now than I saw in years past. It seems
that he is simply in a
cycle of work and cards and sleep.
And has been for months.
**
Growth spurt? Depression? Performance anxiety? Rebellion? Terror?
Being temperamentally more of a follower than a leader?
Betsy
kid who is having a hard
time remembering weekly rehearsals, the right times to get to his job,
keeping up with any
relationships even when he really wants to and is essentially just
working and playing a lot
of cards and X box. He expresses being overwhelemed at times - like he
is unable to know
how to sort out his life.**
Did you used to remind him, when you had to drive him? Is this a new
task for him?
I remember reading a theory that as kids grow their brains completely
reorganize themselves a few times, every 3 or 4 years, I think. Maybe
his brain is temporarily scrambled? (Like a closet when you have
started to clean it by dumping everything out.) Or maybe hormones are
affecting thinking power. (Did you ever feel like your brain was
exceptionallly fuzzy when you were pregnant? Maybe there are other
shifts in life that can affect brain function.)
In an elderly person I would possibly suspect a side-effect from
medication, but it's unlikely that your son is taking anything. (A lot
of "senility" seems to be due to medicine or interactions of multiple meds.)
** He's a great kid in the ways that matter most. But I've watched him
pull in. I see less of
that curiosity and initiative now than I saw in years past. It seems
that he is simply in a
cycle of work and cards and sleep.
And has been for months.
**
Growth spurt? Depression? Performance anxiety? Rebellion? Terror?
Being temperamentally more of a follower than a leader?
Betsy
[email protected]
Maybe it's not regression.
I mean...
Unless you had predicted a growth curve and a vision of how a 17 year old
should be, he can't "regress."
We talk about who needs to be where the next day, and then in the morning
there are reminders. Or whoever's up double checks that others are up on time.
The other morning I woke up lateish, 9:30. I knew Kirby had a 10:30 meeting,
and so I got up to come and make sure he was awake. He was already up, and
Marty's alarm was going off. But Marty was in the shower.
Neither of them needed me, but I would've been fine with helping them, waking
them up, reminding them.
I think some parents (probably not here, but I'm thinking of relatives of
mine) kind of entrap their kids and say "serves you right" or "I'm not going to
wake you up" or whatever. I still make sure Kirby's gi is clean before the
days he goes to karate. Sometimes he washes it and sometimes I do, but if I
don't see it hanging up, I'll mention it. I do the same things for my husband
and he's way grown.
-=- This is a kid who is having a hard
time remembering weekly rehearsals, the right times to get to his job, -=-
Can you write all that on the public/family calendar? We have one of those
big wall calendars from the office supply, and anyone's appointments and work
schedules and poker parties and stuff go on there, so we can all help each
other out.
For social stuff, I coach, even the big kids. I'll ask how it's going with
one particular friend or another, or suggest they invite someone over I haven't
seen for a while, and sometimes they say "Oh yeah, we should really do
something with him."
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I mean...
Unless you had predicted a growth curve and a vision of how a 17 year old
should be, he can't "regress."
We talk about who needs to be where the next day, and then in the morning
there are reminders. Or whoever's up double checks that others are up on time.
The other morning I woke up lateish, 9:30. I knew Kirby had a 10:30 meeting,
and so I got up to come and make sure he was awake. He was already up, and
Marty's alarm was going off. But Marty was in the shower.
Neither of them needed me, but I would've been fine with helping them, waking
them up, reminding them.
I think some parents (probably not here, but I'm thinking of relatives of
mine) kind of entrap their kids and say "serves you right" or "I'm not going to
wake you up" or whatever. I still make sure Kirby's gi is clean before the
days he goes to karate. Sometimes he washes it and sometimes I do, but if I
don't see it hanging up, I'll mention it. I do the same things for my husband
and he's way grown.
-=- This is a kid who is having a hard
time remembering weekly rehearsals, the right times to get to his job, -=-
Can you write all that on the public/family calendar? We have one of those
big wall calendars from the office supply, and anyone's appointments and work
schedules and poker parties and stuff go on there, so we can all help each
other out.
For social stuff, I coach, even the big kids. I'll ask how it's going with
one particular friend or another, or suggest they invite someone over I haven't
seen for a while, and sometimes they say "Oh yeah, we should really do
something with him."
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
wifetovegman2002
--- [email protected] wrote:
blurry and you have to readjust and readjust and take the binoculars
away from your eyes to make sure you are pointing in the right
direction and then put them back and adjust again, until suddenly
the bird 200 yards away that you wanted to see is practically
sitting on your nose and everything else is peripheral.
My kids used to be so interested in EVERYTHING, and flitted from
interest to interest so fast I could barely keep up. As they have
gotten older, their interests have narrowed, but gone deeper.
Sometimes it seems like they aren't interested in anything, but then
they pick up a few of the things again and go deeper still.
~ Susan M (wifetovegman)
> ** He's a great kid in the ways that matter most. But I've watchedhim
> pull in. I see less ofseems
> that curiosity and initiative now than I saw in years past. It
> that he is simply in aHave you ever tried to focus a pair of binoculars? Everything is
> cycle of work and cards and sleep.
>
> And has been for months.
> **
blurry and you have to readjust and readjust and take the binoculars
away from your eyes to make sure you are pointing in the right
direction and then put them back and adjust again, until suddenly
the bird 200 yards away that you wanted to see is practically
sitting on your nose and everything else is peripheral.
My kids used to be so interested in EVERYTHING, and flitted from
interest to interest so fast I could barely keep up. As they have
gotten older, their interests have narrowed, but gone deeper.
Sometimes it seems like they aren't interested in anything, but then
they pick up a few of the things again and go deeper still.
~ Susan M (wifetovegman)
Kelli Traaseth
Julie,
Do you think that your son could still be deschooling or decompressing?
Since you've only been unschooling since 2003 and he has been doing sooo many things. Maybe some of those things are things that he thought were expected from him?
I remember you talking about his job at a Starbucks a month ago or so. How you were a bit disappointed in his mention of maybe wanting to work there for an extended period of time. I think even those bits of feelings from us come across and it takes quite a while for our kids to shed those expectations. For them to make decisions based only on their own desires, not ours.
He might just need time to figure out what he truly wants.
Just a thought.
Kelli~
PS. I also think the idea of a calendar of some sort is a good idea, yet it sounds like he needs to decide whether he really wants to be doing those things or not.
Julie Bogart <julie@...> wrote:
Have any of you found that as your kids get older, they become *less* interested in life,
less keen to read, develop, grow, take risks or explore?
Does it mean anything?
I remember being on the cusp of adulthood and even though there were daunting
challenges ahead, I also remember being excited to take risks, to do new things, to learn
and grow. I'm seeing what appears to be regression or withdrawal into a smaller and
smaller life and I wonder what it means.
Julie B
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Do you think that your son could still be deschooling or decompressing?
Since you've only been unschooling since 2003 and he has been doing sooo many things. Maybe some of those things are things that he thought were expected from him?
I remember you talking about his job at a Starbucks a month ago or so. How you were a bit disappointed in his mention of maybe wanting to work there for an extended period of time. I think even those bits of feelings from us come across and it takes quite a while for our kids to shed those expectations. For them to make decisions based only on their own desires, not ours.
He might just need time to figure out what he truly wants.
Just a thought.
Kelli~
PS. I also think the idea of a calendar of some sort is a good idea, yet it sounds like he needs to decide whether he really wants to be doing those things or not.
Julie Bogart <julie@...> wrote:
Have any of you found that as your kids get older, they become *less* interested in life,
less keen to read, develop, grow, take risks or explore?
Does it mean anything?
I remember being on the cusp of adulthood and even though there were daunting
challenges ahead, I also remember being excited to take risks, to do new things, to learn
and grow. I'm seeing what appears to be regression or withdrawal into a smaller and
smaller life and I wonder what it means.
Julie B
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: http://www.unschooling.com
Yahoo! Groups SponsorADVERTISEMENT
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/UnschoolingDiscussion/
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Julie Bogart
--- In [email protected], Kelli Traaseth <kellitraas@y...> wrote:
I have wondered that. How would I know it's that and not something else, do you think?
of time. I think even those bits of feelings from us come across and it takes quite a while
for our kids to shed those expectations. For them to make decisions based only on their
own desires, not ours.
We meet daily for now to just go over his schedule/calendar to help him remember so that
it "sticks." It only takes ten minutes or so, but it is really necessary - we go over schedule,
money - what to spend or save and why, and stuff he needs to do that he hasn't scheduled
yet (like the dentist or oil change). I don't mind doing that with him, either.
I don't know. Probably too hard to express in email. We are really for him, you know? I just
don't feel completely at ease with what I'm seeing/observing and can't tell if it's me or
him. He expresses a feeling of being easily overwhelmed and withdraws to cope. I guess
I'm wondering if that is a symptom of something like ADD or something else. I don't want
to miss a clue if that's what I'm seeing.
He wants to, according to him. He isn't doing anything that was someone else's idea.
Thanks for the input.
Julie
> Julie,things. Maybe some of those things are things that he thought were expected from him?
>
> Do you think that your son could still be deschooling or decompressing?
>
> Since you've only been unschooling since 2003 and he has been doing sooo many
I have wondered that. How would I know it's that and not something else, do you think?
>a bit disappointed in his mention of maybe wanting to work there for an extended period
>
> I remember you talking about his job at a Starbucks a month ago or so. How you were
of time. I think even those bits of feelings from us come across and it takes quite a while
for our kids to shed those expectations. For them to make decisions based only on their
own desires, not ours.
>He communicates that he doesn't really think ahead more than a couple of days at a time.
> He might just need time to figure out what he truly wants.
We meet daily for now to just go over his schedule/calendar to help him remember so that
it "sticks." It only takes ten minutes or so, but it is really necessary - we go over schedule,
money - what to spend or save and why, and stuff he needs to do that he hasn't scheduled
yet (like the dentist or oil change). I don't mind doing that with him, either.
I don't know. Probably too hard to express in email. We are really for him, you know? I just
don't feel completely at ease with what I'm seeing/observing and can't tell if it's me or
him. He expresses a feeling of being easily overwhelmed and withdraws to cope. I guess
I'm wondering if that is a symptom of something like ADD or something else. I don't want
to miss a clue if that's what I'm seeing.
> Just a thought.needs to decide whether he really wants to be doing those things or not.
>
> Kelli~
>
> PS. I also think the idea of a calendar of some sort is a good idea, yet it sounds like he
He wants to, according to him. He isn't doing anything that was someone else's idea.
Thanks for the input.
Julie
pam sorooshian
I think there is something natural that frequently happens with kids
around age 12 or 13 where they're less like "learning sponges" - no
longer in the 'fact-gathering" stage and less totally interested in
just anything and everything and far more selective. ALSO - they can
become far more focused on social relationships - spending hours on the
phone or IMing or emailing or just "hanging out" or reading books about
young adults and teens and so on.
Is that what you're talking about?
-pam
around age 12 or 13 where they're less like "learning sponges" - no
longer in the 'fact-gathering" stage and less totally interested in
just anything and everything and far more selective. ALSO - they can
become far more focused on social relationships - spending hours on the
phone or IMing or emailing or just "hanging out" or reading books about
young adults and teens and so on.
Is that what you're talking about?
-pam
On Nov 17, 2004, at 4:15 PM, Julie Bogart wrote:
> Have any of you found that as your kids get older, they become *less*
> interested in life,
> less keen to read, develop, grow, take risks or explore?
>
> Does it mean anything?
>
> I remember being on the cusp of adulthood and even though there were
> daunting
> challenges ahead, I also remember being excited to take risks, to do
> new things, to learn
> and grow. I'm seeing what appears to be regression or withdrawal into
> a smaller and
> smaller life and I wonder what it means.