ran out of ideas
Mary
It's a parenting dilemma I'm in and being that it's about unschooled kids, I would like to try here for some ideas, as I am all out of them.
The child in question is one of my daughters and she is almost 9. Although she's rather easy to cry, she's a very outgoing, friendly, easy happy funny kid. I have never ever had any squabbles regarding her and any of the friends she plays with.
It's between her and her brother and sister. As nice as she is to all her friends, she's that mean to her brother and sister at times. Sometimes to the point where I am shocked at what she does. Just downright mean, both verbally and physically. Her brother is 13 months older than her and her sister will be 4 next month.
She has never been punished for her behaviors as far as taking anything away or restricting her. She lies about what she does when she is mean. She can be rather sneaky about it too. For awhile it seemed like it was her brother and sister, but it's mostly her. I've seen it. Her brother is to the point where he cries over her being mean to him and the little one. He's frustrated because no matter what we say, she doesn't stop.
It's to the point where the other day, she actually was mean to her brother in front of a group of kids and they told me what happened when Joseph ended up in tears again. She denied it all. I've talked until I just don't know what to say anymore.
I've explained what her behavior will entail later on. I've tried to understand the whys and I get no where. I've read the books about how to talk to your kids and try all those neat little ways to get them to open up and I still get I don't knows from her when I talk to her about such things. And always a denial. It's to the point where she can't be believed. And I've explained that part of it too.
I'm stumped. Help.
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The child in question is one of my daughters and she is almost 9. Although she's rather easy to cry, she's a very outgoing, friendly, easy happy funny kid. I have never ever had any squabbles regarding her and any of the friends she plays with.
It's between her and her brother and sister. As nice as she is to all her friends, she's that mean to her brother and sister at times. Sometimes to the point where I am shocked at what she does. Just downright mean, both verbally and physically. Her brother is 13 months older than her and her sister will be 4 next month.
She has never been punished for her behaviors as far as taking anything away or restricting her. She lies about what she does when she is mean. She can be rather sneaky about it too. For awhile it seemed like it was her brother and sister, but it's mostly her. I've seen it. Her brother is to the point where he cries over her being mean to him and the little one. He's frustrated because no matter what we say, she doesn't stop.
It's to the point where the other day, she actually was mean to her brother in front of a group of kids and they told me what happened when Joseph ended up in tears again. She denied it all. I've talked until I just don't know what to say anymore.
I've explained what her behavior will entail later on. I've tried to understand the whys and I get no where. I've read the books about how to talk to your kids and try all those neat little ways to get them to open up and I still get I don't knows from her when I talk to her about such things. And always a denial. It's to the point where she can't be believed. And I've explained that part of it too.
I'm stumped. Help.
Mary B
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Muzyczka
>One thing I'd look at is what else is going on at the time. Is sheOne thing I said to my eldest once (or twice) was "If you caught someone
>bored? Has a decision gone against her? Has she had to wait for something?
else doing that to your brother you'd raise the roof, but somehow it's ok
when you do it?" I asked him to imagine if he saw his brother being
treated that way on a playground by another kid, how would he feel. It
seemed to make an impact.
Kelly
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand. --Linus
Seth W Bartels
that sounds like a great idea! i never thought of it that way before!
my kids are incredibly protective of their siblings outside of the house,
but seem to lose that perspective when it comes to *their* behavior being
in question.
makes so much sense...thanks!
lisa
On Sat, 02 Oct 2004 10:09:40 -0400 Kelly Muzyczka <mina@...> writes:
One thing I said to my eldest once (or twice) was "If you caught someone
else doing that to your brother you'd raise the roof, but somehow it's ok
when you do it?" I asked him to imagine if he saw his brother being
treated that way on a playground by another kid, how would he feel. It
seemed to make an impact.
Kelly
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand. --Linus
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
my kids are incredibly protective of their siblings outside of the house,
but seem to lose that perspective when it comes to *their* behavior being
in question.
makes so much sense...thanks!
lisa
On Sat, 02 Oct 2004 10:09:40 -0400 Kelly Muzyczka <mina@...> writes:
>One thing I'd look at is what else is going on at the time. Is shesomething?
>bored? Has a decision gone against her? Has she had to wait for
One thing I said to my eldest once (or twice) was "If you caught someone
else doing that to your brother you'd raise the roof, but somehow it's ok
when you do it?" I asked him to imagine if he saw his brother being
treated that way on a playground by another kid, how would he feel. It
seemed to make an impact.
Kelly
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand. --Linus
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary
From: "Kelly Muzyczka" <mina@...>
<<One thing I'd look at is what else is going on at the time. Is she
bored? Has a decision gone against her? Has she had to wait for
something?>>
Well naturally I'm not always there all the time but I do try and figure out
if something else is going on. From what I can see, there isn't really. It
just seems like she does it because she can. I just can't figure out what's
behind it. She's really a fun kid with a great sense of humor and she gets a
lot of attention one on one with her dad and I. She has never treated anyone
else like that at all. And yes she said she wouldn't like it if anyone did
such things to her brother and sister. But she will turn around and do it
again anyway.
I'm really baffled and want to help her deal with whatever it is that is
upsetting her and causing her to act out this way.
Mary B
<<One thing I'd look at is what else is going on at the time. Is she
bored? Has a decision gone against her? Has she had to wait for
something?>>
Well naturally I'm not always there all the time but I do try and figure out
if something else is going on. From what I can see, there isn't really. It
just seems like she does it because she can. I just can't figure out what's
behind it. She's really a fun kid with a great sense of humor and she gets a
lot of attention one on one with her dad and I. She has never treated anyone
else like that at all. And yes she said she wouldn't like it if anyone did
such things to her brother and sister. But she will turn around and do it
again anyway.
I'm really baffled and want to help her deal with whatever it is that is
upsetting her and causing her to act out this way.
Mary B