frozenandcold

<<<<I'm a very introverted person and I don't like confrontations
but I'd really like to get her to step back>>>>>

There is no way to deal with it, without confrontation, and unless
you want her to control and meddle for the rest of your life you are
going to have to confront her. I would start with " I would love my
son to come over but not to have a math lesson."

I had a grandmother that would make very rude comments about school
and what my kids didn't know, especially when one came along that
was a late reader (he still doesn't read). One day she gave my
oldest son a lecture on how he should help teach Tristan how to
read. I finally had enough and told her in very blunt terms that
she needed to quit!!! I hurt her feelings but she has never done it
again. There is really no way around confrontation if you don't
want someone meddling.

If she is willing to read about unschooling, now might be the time
to give her the info.

Heidi

Ren Allen

"There is no way to deal with it, without confrontation, and unless
you want her to control and meddle for the rest of your life you are
going to have to confront her. I would start with " I would love my
son to come over but not to have a math lesson."

I agree.
When you're feeling insecure about confrontation, simply ask yourself
what matters more...your child's feelings and security, or your
mother's ego?
Your job is to protect your child and make sure his life is peaceable
and joyful. It's not your job to save your mothers feelings at this
point. That doesn't mean you have to approach this with anger or even
hostility at any level. She obviously cares for and loves you and her
grandson.
But you owe him a measure of protection from her meddling. I would
put it to her in a way that doesn't make for confrontation really...
"Hey Mom, I know you want to help him with math, but we see that as
our job and we'd just really like all of his time with you to be fun
and joyful. We trust you will respect our right to educate him as we
see fit and leave the fun stuff to you."

You're not saying he doesn't need "education", you're not saying
anything other than "have FUN with him, leave the parenting to us".

Maybe she'll get that. If not, you might have to step it up a notch.
Either way, your son needs you to stand up for him. That's part of
unschooling...you have to grow a thick skin at some point.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

dtsh26

Thanks for all the responses. I appreciate it. I will do my best to
not be angry when I speak to her about it. And, thank you for
pointing out that my son's feelings should come first. Good reminder.

Dee



--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
> "There is no way to deal with it, without confrontation, and
unless
> you want her to control and meddle for the rest of your life you
are
> going to have to confront her. I would start with " I would love
my
> son to come over but not to have a math lesson."
>
> I agree.
> When you're feeling insecure about confrontation, simply ask
yourself
> what matters more...your child's feelings and security, or your
> mother's ego?
> Your job is to protect your child and make sure his life is
peaceable
> and joyful. It's not your job to save your mothers feelings at this
> point. That doesn't mean you have to approach this with anger or
even
> hostility at any level. She obviously cares for and loves you and
her
> grandson.
> But you owe him a measure of protection from her meddling. I would
> put it to her in a way that doesn't make for confrontation
really...
> "Hey Mom, I know you want to help him with math, but we see that as
> our job and we'd just really like all of his time with you to be
fun
> and joyful. We trust you will respect our right to educate him as
we
> see fit and leave the fun stuff to you."
>
> You're not saying he doesn't need "education", you're not saying
> anything other than "have FUN with him, leave the parenting to us".
>
> Maybe she'll get that. If not, you might have to step it up a
notch.
> Either way, your son needs you to stand up for him. That's part of
> unschooling...you have to grow a thick skin at some point.
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>