Meddling grandparent
dtsh26
My mother most recently decided to drill my five year old on arithmetic while she watched
him for us one day, without me knowing. The next day, my dh tells me my mother called and
told him to bring my son over the next day so she can teach him math. She believes he
should know this stuff by now. *Sigh* I'm not sure how to approach the situation. I'd like to
explain what we are doing but then I think why should I?
Even though I know she means well. I still feel sort of disrespected because she seems to be
going behind my back to do what she thinks is best for my son. I'm a very introverted person
and I don't like confrontations but I'd really like to get her to step back. She knows we're
homeschooling but not unschoolling and a while back I asked her to stop questioning me
about our choice which she has done but now this happens.
Does anyone have any suggestions or has anyone handled this situation before?
Thanks,
Dee
him for us one day, without me knowing. The next day, my dh tells me my mother called and
told him to bring my son over the next day so she can teach him math. She believes he
should know this stuff by now. *Sigh* I'm not sure how to approach the situation. I'd like to
explain what we are doing but then I think why should I?
Even though I know she means well. I still feel sort of disrespected because she seems to be
going behind my back to do what she thinks is best for my son. I'm a very introverted person
and I don't like confrontations but I'd really like to get her to step back. She knows we're
homeschooling but not unschoolling and a while back I asked her to stop questioning me
about our choice which she has done but now this happens.
Does anyone have any suggestions or has anyone handled this situation before?
Thanks,
Dee
Lisa H
As inconvenient as it may be to not have your mother available to baby-sit for you, I would suggest perhaps not leaving your child alone with your mom.
My mom didn't get anything i had to say about our home education philosophy and only got defensive (and angry) when i questioned her pov. (Perhaps i do the same in return) I backed off trying to explain or "correct" her. My ability to communicate with her without it turning into a confrontation has needed work and i've learned when to back off. When she offers an opinion that conflicts with unschooling ideology i simply say uh huh and thanks. The one thing that did work was to offer articles and books i found inspiring and relevant. My mom is an academician, so having "authorized" documentation from "certified" people works. Though ironically she never read anything i offered. I also had to let her know, when she questions what i am doing, that i've done a lot of reading and research on the subject of learning and even though i am not a degreed professional, i am well read <g>. Unfortunately, telling her i trust my instincts doesn't really cut it for her. btw - i have rarely used the word "unschooling" with my family. As highly degreed intellectual folks "unschooled" is equivalent to saying "uneducated." imho, the label just doesn't do justice.
Fortunately, her respect for what we do has grown over the years as she witnesses my dd's in real life. My mom is a part of my children's life but always with supervision. My older dd 12yo is now willing to do things alone with my mom - sometimes. My 7yo dd went to the ballet with her last year. I accompanied them to lunch, dropped them off at the door of the theater and was there when it was over. We had a lovely visit.
Lisa
My mom didn't get anything i had to say about our home education philosophy and only got defensive (and angry) when i questioned her pov. (Perhaps i do the same in return) I backed off trying to explain or "correct" her. My ability to communicate with her without it turning into a confrontation has needed work and i've learned when to back off. When she offers an opinion that conflicts with unschooling ideology i simply say uh huh and thanks. The one thing that did work was to offer articles and books i found inspiring and relevant. My mom is an academician, so having "authorized" documentation from "certified" people works. Though ironically she never read anything i offered. I also had to let her know, when she questions what i am doing, that i've done a lot of reading and research on the subject of learning and even though i am not a degreed professional, i am well read <g>. Unfortunately, telling her i trust my instincts doesn't really cut it for her. btw - i have rarely used the word "unschooling" with my family. As highly degreed intellectual folks "unschooled" is equivalent to saying "uneducated." imho, the label just doesn't do justice.
Fortunately, her respect for what we do has grown over the years as she witnesses my dd's in real life. My mom is a part of my children's life but always with supervision. My older dd 12yo is now willing to do things alone with my mom - sometimes. My 7yo dd went to the ballet with her last year. I accompanied them to lunch, dropped them off at the door of the theater and was there when it was over. We had a lovely visit.
Lisa
----- Original Message -----
From: dtsh26
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2006 8:31 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Meddling grandparent
My mother most recently decided to drill my five year old on arithmetic while she watched
him for us one day, without me knowing. The next day, my dh tells me my mother called and
told him to bring my son over the next day so she can teach him math. She believes he
should know this stuff by now. *Sigh* I'm not sure how to approach the situation. I'd like to
explain what we are doing but then I think why should I?
Even though I know she means well. I still feel sort of disrespected because she seems to be
going behind my back to do what she thinks is best for my son. I'm a very introverted person
and I don't like confrontations but I'd really like to get her to step back. She knows we're
homeschooling but not unschoolling and a while back I asked her to stop questioning me
about our choice which she has done but now this happens.
Does anyone have any suggestions or has anyone handled this situation before?
Thanks,
Dee
SPONSORED LINKS Secondary school education Graduate school education Home school education
Graduate school education online High school education Chicago school education
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
a.. Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
S Drag-teine
Just like teaching anything else we need to educate the people in our
children's lives this is more difficult because they must unlearn all the
things that they believe in. I would simply tell anyone who thinks that my
son needs to learn something that he is busy learning other things right now
and math isn't as important as those things right now in his life. If you
would like more information on my philosophy of teaching I can recommend a
few good books or websites to you.
The most important thing to remember is that your child's grandparents are
doing what they think is best because they love your child not because they
want to irritate you. When many of us started homeschooling or unschooling
we didn't truly "get it" either. It has only been through the information
and support of this group that I remember to let go and let my child be a
child.
If she truly wants to teach him math maybe the two of you can compromise?
Maybe baking with Grandma and they could work on making a recipe larger or
smaller. A practical application that would be fun and make Grandma happy
too.
If you just want her to back off then I would tell her as unemotionally as
possible that you understand that she is doing what she believes is best but
that until she has educated herself on the philosophy of learning that you
have chosen, she needs to not concern herself with his learning and just be
content being a Grandmother who loves and spoils her grandkids.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Lisa H
Sent: Thursday, February 09, 2006 9:03 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Meddling grandparent
As inconvenient as it may be to not have your mother available to baby-sit
for you, I would suggest perhaps not leaving your child alone with your mom.
My mom didn't get anything i had to say about our home education philosophy
and only got defensive (and angry) when i questioned her pov. (Perhaps i do
the same in return) I backed off trying to explain or "correct" her. My
ability to communicate with her without it turning into a confrontation has
needed work and i've learned when to back off. When she offers an opinion
that conflicts with unschooling ideology i simply say uh huh and thanks.
The one thing that did work was to offer articles and books i found
inspiring and relevant. My mom is an academician, so having "authorized"
documentation from "certified" people works. Though ironically she never
read anything i offered. I also had to let her know, when she questions
what i am doing, that i've done a lot of reading and research on the subject
of learning and even though i am not a degreed professional, i am well read
<g>. Unfortunately, telling her i trust my instincts doesn't really cut it
for her. btw - i have rarely used the word "unschooling" with my family.
As highly degreed intellectual folks "unschooled" is equivalent to saying
"uneducated." imho, the label just doesn't do justice.
Fortunately, her respect for what we do has grown over the years as she
witnesses my dd's in real life. My mom is a part of my children's life but
always with supervision. My older dd 12yo is now willing to do things alone
with my mom - sometimes. My 7yo dd went to the ballet with her last year.
I accompanied them to lunch, dropped them off at the door of the theater and
was there when it was over. We had a lovely visit.
Lisa
children's lives this is more difficult because they must unlearn all the
things that they believe in. I would simply tell anyone who thinks that my
son needs to learn something that he is busy learning other things right now
and math isn't as important as those things right now in his life. If you
would like more information on my philosophy of teaching I can recommend a
few good books or websites to you.
The most important thing to remember is that your child's grandparents are
doing what they think is best because they love your child not because they
want to irritate you. When many of us started homeschooling or unschooling
we didn't truly "get it" either. It has only been through the information
and support of this group that I remember to let go and let my child be a
child.
If she truly wants to teach him math maybe the two of you can compromise?
Maybe baking with Grandma and they could work on making a recipe larger or
smaller. A practical application that would be fun and make Grandma happy
too.
If you just want her to back off then I would tell her as unemotionally as
possible that you understand that she is doing what she believes is best but
that until she has educated herself on the philosophy of learning that you
have chosen, she needs to not concern herself with his learning and just be
content being a Grandmother who loves and spoils her grandkids.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Lisa H
Sent: Thursday, February 09, 2006 9:03 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Meddling grandparent
As inconvenient as it may be to not have your mother available to baby-sit
for you, I would suggest perhaps not leaving your child alone with your mom.
My mom didn't get anything i had to say about our home education philosophy
and only got defensive (and angry) when i questioned her pov. (Perhaps i do
the same in return) I backed off trying to explain or "correct" her. My
ability to communicate with her without it turning into a confrontation has
needed work and i've learned when to back off. When she offers an opinion
that conflicts with unschooling ideology i simply say uh huh and thanks.
The one thing that did work was to offer articles and books i found
inspiring and relevant. My mom is an academician, so having "authorized"
documentation from "certified" people works. Though ironically she never
read anything i offered. I also had to let her know, when she questions
what i am doing, that i've done a lot of reading and research on the subject
of learning and even though i am not a degreed professional, i am well read
<g>. Unfortunately, telling her i trust my instincts doesn't really cut it
for her. btw - i have rarely used the word "unschooling" with my family.
As highly degreed intellectual folks "unschooled" is equivalent to saying
"uneducated." imho, the label just doesn't do justice.
Fortunately, her respect for what we do has grown over the years as she
witnesses my dd's in real life. My mom is a part of my children's life but
always with supervision. My older dd 12yo is now willing to do things alone
with my mom - sometimes. My 7yo dd went to the ballet with her last year.
I accompanied them to lunch, dropped them off at the door of the theater and
was there when it was over. We had a lovely visit.
Lisa
----- Original Message -----
From: dtsh26
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2006 8:31 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Meddling grandparent
My mother most recently decided to drill my five year old on arithmetic
while she watched
him for us one day, without me knowing. The next day, my dh tells me my
mother called and
told him to bring my son over the next day so she can teach him math. She
believes he
should know this stuff by now. *Sigh* I'm not sure how to approach the
situation. I'd like to
explain what we are doing but then I think why should I?
Even though I know she means well. I still feel sort of disrespected
because she seems to be
going behind my back to do what she thinks is best for my son. I'm a very
introverted person
and I don't like confrontations but I'd really like to get her to step
back. She knows we're
homeschooling but not unschoolling and a while back I asked her to stop
questioning me
about our choice which she has done but now this happens.
Does anyone have any suggestions or has anyone handled this situation
before?
Thanks,
Dee
SPONSORED LINKS Secondary school education Graduate school education
Home school education
Graduate school education online High school education Chicago
school education
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
a.. Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
Service.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Links