Various Questions (and a great moment to share)
Christy Putnam
Well first I wanna start by saying that I have learned so much from you all.
I have really relaxed a lot and see a huge difference in my 11 year old.
One thing that I have really been focusing on is not making his chores
mandatory...asking him if he wants to and making sure he knows I will not be
mad if he says no (and making sure he knows I am not going to take him on a
guilt trip). This is hard since habits have been that we ask him to do
something or he knows it is his responsibility then he doesn't do it so we
either get mad or guilt him into doing it. I hate that I had been doing
that but now I know better, I am doing better :)
I want to share a great moment that I will never forget: The other day after
some light grocery shopping, I asked that he help bring the 'cold' groceries
in because I needed to use the bathroom really bad (bad planning on my part)
and I didn't want them sitting in the van. He readily agreed to help and
actually took more than 1 bag (just enough to say helped) so we got it all
in 1 trip! Okay so that in itself is great to me but there is more. In the
brief time I was in the bathroom, he had put ALL the groceries away AND
switched the laundry (took the clothes out of the dryer and replaced them
with what 1 had put in the washer before leaving). I am glad I 'caught him
in the act' so I could say something right away. In my joking tone of voice
I asked "Why did you put the groceries away and switch the laundry...what do
you want from me?" He laughed and said "A million bucks" and then said "no,
I did it because you have been so nice to me lately that I wanted to do
something nice for you" So to that I gave him a big hug and told him thank
you and how good it felt for him to do something to help out. This was a
big moment for me because it showed me what I knew in my heart...that this
stuff really works!
I have some questions mainly for my 1 year old but also for my 11 year old:
1) How do you all feel about weaning for the bottle (wasn't able to bf, long
story)? I am pretty sure your answer is there is no timeline, they will
wean when they are ready. I just am not sure he is getting everything he
needs from drinking from a cup and eating table food. It just seems he is
not sleeping well and I am wondering if he is just not getting enough to
eat/drink. I was weaning because the dr. said that if I don't wean him b4
14 mo it will be harder to do but now I am thinking...I have never seen a 3
or 4 year old drinking from a bottle so whets the big deal, he will wean
himself when ready. I mean its not like he carries the thing around and its
not a pacifier...Also, if I *had* been able to bf, I wouldn't even be
thinking about weaning at all. Anyway, just wanting ya'lls thoughts on
weaning.
2) What guidelines/rules do you have in place for your households? I am
thinking you refer to them as them guidelines more than rules because
guidelines would be more gentle and not really something you punish. I am
also thinking these would be safety related more than anything.
I had other questions but I have forgotten them. I am sure I will remember
and post later.
In Gratitude,
Christy Putnam
Unschooling Mom to Aden (1) and Seth (11)
Loving wife of Chet (ann. 7/4/04)
<http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance>
http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance
"Go confidently in the direction of your
dreams. Live the life you have always
imagined." - Henry David Thoreau
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have really relaxed a lot and see a huge difference in my 11 year old.
One thing that I have really been focusing on is not making his chores
mandatory...asking him if he wants to and making sure he knows I will not be
mad if he says no (and making sure he knows I am not going to take him on a
guilt trip). This is hard since habits have been that we ask him to do
something or he knows it is his responsibility then he doesn't do it so we
either get mad or guilt him into doing it. I hate that I had been doing
that but now I know better, I am doing better :)
I want to share a great moment that I will never forget: The other day after
some light grocery shopping, I asked that he help bring the 'cold' groceries
in because I needed to use the bathroom really bad (bad planning on my part)
and I didn't want them sitting in the van. He readily agreed to help and
actually took more than 1 bag (just enough to say helped) so we got it all
in 1 trip! Okay so that in itself is great to me but there is more. In the
brief time I was in the bathroom, he had put ALL the groceries away AND
switched the laundry (took the clothes out of the dryer and replaced them
with what 1 had put in the washer before leaving). I am glad I 'caught him
in the act' so I could say something right away. In my joking tone of voice
I asked "Why did you put the groceries away and switch the laundry...what do
you want from me?" He laughed and said "A million bucks" and then said "no,
I did it because you have been so nice to me lately that I wanted to do
something nice for you" So to that I gave him a big hug and told him thank
you and how good it felt for him to do something to help out. This was a
big moment for me because it showed me what I knew in my heart...that this
stuff really works!
I have some questions mainly for my 1 year old but also for my 11 year old:
1) How do you all feel about weaning for the bottle (wasn't able to bf, long
story)? I am pretty sure your answer is there is no timeline, they will
wean when they are ready. I just am not sure he is getting everything he
needs from drinking from a cup and eating table food. It just seems he is
not sleeping well and I am wondering if he is just not getting enough to
eat/drink. I was weaning because the dr. said that if I don't wean him b4
14 mo it will be harder to do but now I am thinking...I have never seen a 3
or 4 year old drinking from a bottle so whets the big deal, he will wean
himself when ready. I mean its not like he carries the thing around and its
not a pacifier...Also, if I *had* been able to bf, I wouldn't even be
thinking about weaning at all. Anyway, just wanting ya'lls thoughts on
weaning.
2) What guidelines/rules do you have in place for your households? I am
thinking you refer to them as them guidelines more than rules because
guidelines would be more gentle and not really something you punish. I am
also thinking these would be safety related more than anything.
I had other questions but I have forgotten them. I am sure I will remember
and post later.
In Gratitude,
Christy Putnam
Unschooling Mom to Aden (1) and Seth (11)
Loving wife of Chet (ann. 7/4/04)
<http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance>
http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance
"Go confidently in the direction of your
dreams. Live the life you have always
imagined." - Henry David Thoreau
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb
--- In [email protected], "Christy Putnam"
<personal_balance@...> wrote:
(long story plus I know more now than I did then) - it wasn't
because the dr or anyone told me that I "had to". Trouble sleeping
at a year old is probably more from all the developmental stuff
going on than lack of food (unless he's obviously hungry or losing
weight). Have you tried a small solid snack at around 8 pm (whatever
timeframe fits really, for DS it was around 8) - string cheese,
pudding, whatever works (those were DS' top two for a long time) -
keep in mind that though he's added solids, he still needs food
fairly often, especially with a growth spurt possible/likely.
than guidelines - be safe/healthy, do no harm, etc. What they look
like would vary (be safe for a toddler looks different than for an
11 yr old or a 45 yr old) but the principles would apply to everyone
in the household, not just those under 18. "Be safe" is kind of an
umbrella principle in our house because my safety includes not being
injured by another person (deliberate harm, accidents happen). It
also includes things like picking up objects so our plastic chewing
dog doesn't get hurt or sick (I revised "toys" to include other
stuff since it's not just toys that get chewed) and so no one steps
on something and gets hurt or damages the item (which would impact
the owner). It's been harder for DH to adjust to this because he
grew up in a very rules environment (his dad is ex-Air Force) and
he'll often fall back to stating 'rules' when he gets feeling
stressed. DS will say "too many rules!" and we can step back and see
what's going on.
--Deb
<personal_balance@...> wrote:
> 1) How do you all feel about weaning for the bottle Can't addressthis precisely but I weaned DS from nursing at about 13 months old
(long story plus I know more now than I did then) - it wasn't
because the dr or anyone told me that I "had to". Trouble sleeping
at a year old is probably more from all the developmental stuff
going on than lack of food (unless he's obviously hungry or losing
weight). Have you tried a small solid snack at around 8 pm (whatever
timeframe fits really, for DS it was around 8) - string cheese,
pudding, whatever works (those were DS' top two for a long time) -
keep in mind that though he's added solids, he still needs food
fairly often, especially with a growth spurt possible/likely.
> 2) What guidelines/rules do you have in place for yourI think they might more often be referred to as principles rather
>households? I am
> thinking you refer to them as them guidelines more than rules
>because
> guidelines would be more gentle and not really something you
>punish. I am
> also thinking these would be safety related more than anything.
than guidelines - be safe/healthy, do no harm, etc. What they look
like would vary (be safe for a toddler looks different than for an
11 yr old or a 45 yr old) but the principles would apply to everyone
in the household, not just those under 18. "Be safe" is kind of an
umbrella principle in our house because my safety includes not being
injured by another person (deliberate harm, accidents happen). It
also includes things like picking up objects so our plastic chewing
dog doesn't get hurt or sick (I revised "toys" to include other
stuff since it's not just toys that get chewed) and so no one steps
on something and gets hurt or damages the item (which would impact
the owner). It's been harder for DH to adjust to this because he
grew up in a very rules environment (his dad is ex-Air Force) and
he'll often fall back to stating 'rules' when he gets feeling
stressed. DS will say "too many rules!" and we can step back and see
what's going on.
--Deb
Su Penn
On Feb 8, 2006, at 4:44 PM, Christy Putnam wrote:
will be 5 in May who is in his bed having a bedtime bottle with his
daddy right now. I also worried about him continuing to have a bottle
after 12 months. A friend of mine who is a pediatrician told me that
for toddlers, having under 20 ounces of milk a day is OK--it's only
when they get up to 20 ounces or more that there start to be worries
about it unbalancing their nutrition. She is also the one who said to
me one day, "Su, a bottle is just another way of taking a drink,"
which unburdened me wonderfully!
One thing we did when Eric was wanting a lot of bottles, and we were
pushing that 20-oz limit (which we used as a rough guideline, not a
firm limit) was start diluting the milk. He now, and for several
years now, usually drinks bottles that are half soy milk and half
water. In hot weather, he is happy with a bottle that is diluted as
much as 3:1 with water. This keeps his milk intake lower, and helps
keep him hydrated.
I actually felt smug last summer in the hot weather when all my
friends were worrying about their kids not being hydrated. "They
won't drink water!" Because Eric still took a bottle, he drank plenty
of water mixed with his milk, and I didn't feel I had to worry about
his hydration at all.
I have no idea when he'll wean from the bottle. I do think there was
a time when he was just over a year old when we could have quietly
removed the bottle without fuss, but I have many times been glad we
didn't--just like I've heard breastfeeding moms talk about being
grateful for nursing getting their older child through an illness, I
have been grateful for bottles when Eric has a fever, or a sickness
that depressed his appetite.
As he's gotten older, we have started making smaller bottles. He used
to get a full 8 ounces in each bottle; now we make him 3-4 ounces and
only get more if he asks for it. Just like my toddler seems to
sometimes have "symbolic nursing" moments, where he'll latch on
seemingly just to check it's still there and then hop down and go
play, Eric seems often to be soothed by the idea of the bottle, and
just a couple of ounces is enough for him. Gradually reducing the
volume of each bottle has also worked well for us as a way to keep
his overall food and beverage intake balanced. But he has
participated in that, gradually moving toward more solid food when he
was an older baby.
I have a breastfed 22-month old who didn't start solids in any real
way until he was over 15 months. Seven months I offered him baby food
every day and was lucky if he took two bites! I could have saved
myself the trouble; overnight when he was 15 months he just started
eating whatever we were eating. Your mileage may vary, but perhaps
your concern about your baby eating enough will solve itself as well.
I hope this helps--instead of making you think, "Gaah! Still taking a
bottle at 5! Horrors!" (smile).
Su
> 1) How do you all feel about weaning for the bottle (wasn't able toI also have a long "wasn't able to breastfeed" story, and a boy who
> bf, long
> story)?
will be 5 in May who is in his bed having a bedtime bottle with his
daddy right now. I also worried about him continuing to have a bottle
after 12 months. A friend of mine who is a pediatrician told me that
for toddlers, having under 20 ounces of milk a day is OK--it's only
when they get up to 20 ounces or more that there start to be worries
about it unbalancing their nutrition. She is also the one who said to
me one day, "Su, a bottle is just another way of taking a drink,"
which unburdened me wonderfully!
One thing we did when Eric was wanting a lot of bottles, and we were
pushing that 20-oz limit (which we used as a rough guideline, not a
firm limit) was start diluting the milk. He now, and for several
years now, usually drinks bottles that are half soy milk and half
water. In hot weather, he is happy with a bottle that is diluted as
much as 3:1 with water. This keeps his milk intake lower, and helps
keep him hydrated.
I actually felt smug last summer in the hot weather when all my
friends were worrying about their kids not being hydrated. "They
won't drink water!" Because Eric still took a bottle, he drank plenty
of water mixed with his milk, and I didn't feel I had to worry about
his hydration at all.
I have no idea when he'll wean from the bottle. I do think there was
a time when he was just over a year old when we could have quietly
removed the bottle without fuss, but I have many times been glad we
didn't--just like I've heard breastfeeding moms talk about being
grateful for nursing getting their older child through an illness, I
have been grateful for bottles when Eric has a fever, or a sickness
that depressed his appetite.
As he's gotten older, we have started making smaller bottles. He used
to get a full 8 ounces in each bottle; now we make him 3-4 ounces and
only get more if he asks for it. Just like my toddler seems to
sometimes have "symbolic nursing" moments, where he'll latch on
seemingly just to check it's still there and then hop down and go
play, Eric seems often to be soothed by the idea of the bottle, and
just a couple of ounces is enough for him. Gradually reducing the
volume of each bottle has also worked well for us as a way to keep
his overall food and beverage intake balanced. But he has
participated in that, gradually moving toward more solid food when he
was an older baby.
I have a breastfed 22-month old who didn't start solids in any real
way until he was over 15 months. Seven months I offered him baby food
every day and was lucky if he took two bites! I could have saved
myself the trouble; overnight when he was 15 months he just started
eating whatever we were eating. Your mileage may vary, but perhaps
your concern about your baby eating enough will solve itself as well.
I hope this helps--instead of making you think, "Gaah! Still taking a
bottle at 5! Horrors!" (smile).
Su
Nicole Willoughby
I hope this helps--instead of making you think, "Gaah! Still taking a
bottle at 5! Horrors!" (smile).
nicole
---------------------------------
Brings words and photos together (easily) with
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
bottle at 5! Horrors!" (smile).
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>My 6 year old has a sippy cupfull of water at bedtime. I think its comforting to her and other that a hard plastic spout vs soft plastic i really dont think its any different.
nicole
---------------------------------
Brings words and photos together (easily) with
PhotoMail - it's free and works with Yahoo! Mail.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
S Drag-teine
We breastfeed but my son even at five thinks it would be cool to have a
bottle... not all the time but as a change. He likes sports bottles too and
likes to pretend they are baby bottles. We have also found sippy cups called
NuBe at Wal-mart. They are very bottle like and both my son (5 1/2) and my
daughter (13 m) loves them.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Su Penn
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2006 11:41 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] weaning from a bottle was Various Questions
bottle... not all the time but as a change. He likes sports bottles too and
likes to pretend they are baby bottles. We have also found sippy cups called
NuBe at Wal-mart. They are very bottle like and both my son (5 1/2) and my
daughter (13 m) loves them.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Su Penn
Sent: Wednesday, February 08, 2006 11:41 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] weaning from a bottle was Various Questions
On Feb 8, 2006, at 4:44 PM, Christy Putnam wrote:
> 1) How do you all feel about weaning for the bottle (wasn't able to
> bf, long
> story)?
I also have a long "wasn't able to breastfeed" story, and a boy who
will be 5 in May who is in his bed having a bedtime bottle with his
daddy right now. I also worried about him continuing to have a bottle
after 12 months. A friend of mine who is a pediatrician told me that
for toddlers, having under 20 ounces of milk a day is OK--it's only
when they get up to 20 ounces or more that there start to be worries
about it unbalancing their nutrition. She is also the one who said to
me one day, "Su, a bottle is just another way of taking a drink,"
which unburdened me wonderfully!
One thing we did when Eric was wanting a lot of bottles, and we were
pushing that 20-oz limit (which we used as a rough guideline, not a
firm limit) was start diluting the milk. He now, and for several
years now, usually drinks bottles that are half soy milk and half
water. In hot weather, he is happy with a bottle that is diluted as
much as 3:1 with water. This keeps his milk intake lower, and helps
keep him hydrated.
I actually felt smug last summer in the hot weather when all my
friends were worrying about their kids not being hydrated. "They
won't drink water!" Because Eric still took a bottle, he drank plenty
of water mixed with his milk, and I didn't feel I had to worry about
his hydration at all.
I have no idea when he'll wean from the bottle. I do think there was
a time when he was just over a year old when we could have quietly
removed the bottle without fuss, but I have many times been glad we
didn't--just like I've heard breastfeeding moms talk about being
grateful for nursing getting their older child through an illness, I
have been grateful for bottles when Eric has a fever, or a sickness
that depressed his appetite.
As he's gotten older, we have started making smaller bottles. He used
to get a full 8 ounces in each bottle; now we make him 3-4 ounces and
only get more if he asks for it. Just like my toddler seems to
sometimes have "symbolic nursing" moments, where he'll latch on
seemingly just to check it's still there and then hop down and go
play, Eric seems often to be soothed by the idea of the bottle, and
just a couple of ounces is enough for him. Gradually reducing the
volume of each bottle has also worked well for us as a way to keep
his overall food and beverage intake balanced. But he has
participated in that, gradually moving toward more solid food when he
was an older baby.
I have a breastfed 22-month old who didn't start solids in any real
way until he was over 15 months. Seven months I offered him baby food
every day and was lucky if he took two bites! I could have saved
myself the trouble; overnight when he was 15 months he just started
eating whatever we were eating. Your mileage may vary, but perhaps
your concern about your baby eating enough will solve itself as well.
I hope this helps--instead of making you think, "Gaah! Still taking a
bottle at 5! Horrors!" (smile).
Su
Yahoo! Groups Links
Christy Putnam
I want to thank everyone for the validation you provided when I was worried
about weaning Aden from bottles. I am equating his bottle weaning to what I
would do if we were able to breastfeed...which is I would let him wean
himself whenever he was ready. Its not as easy to whip out a bottle (he
likes them warmed to a certain temp) as it is a breast so we decided to
continue bottles at snack "times" in addition to the solid snack he eats.
He is taking in between 20-24 oz now and sleeping better and temperament is
so much better! eating/weight gain has always been an issue so I figure if
I just pay more attention to his cues (hard to learn them with our history)
and stop trying to conform to what society says he should be doing (he will
do at his own pace) then we should do much better.
In Gratitude,
Christy Putnam
Unschooling Mom to Aden (1) and Seth (11)
Loving wife of Chet (ann. 7/4/04)
<http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance>
http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance
"Go confidently in the direction of your
dreams. Live the life you have always
imagined." - Henry David Thoreau
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
about weaning Aden from bottles. I am equating his bottle weaning to what I
would do if we were able to breastfeed...which is I would let him wean
himself whenever he was ready. Its not as easy to whip out a bottle (he
likes them warmed to a certain temp) as it is a breast so we decided to
continue bottles at snack "times" in addition to the solid snack he eats.
He is taking in between 20-24 oz now and sleeping better and temperament is
so much better! eating/weight gain has always been an issue so I figure if
I just pay more attention to his cues (hard to learn them with our history)
and stop trying to conform to what society says he should be doing (he will
do at his own pace) then we should do much better.
In Gratitude,
Christy Putnam
Unschooling Mom to Aden (1) and Seth (11)
Loving wife of Chet (ann. 7/4/04)
<http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance>
http://blog.myspace.com/personal_balance
"Go confidently in the direction of your
dreams. Live the life you have always
imagined." - Henry David Thoreau
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cindy Kee
Hi all,
Even though I am not unschooling yet, and I am just on this group to
learn as much as I can about it, this story reminded me of one of my own.
When one of my fraternal twin sons was 2-1/2 yo, he suddenly started
using a pacifier. He had never used one before, but for some reason
felt the need to start at that age. At first, I worried about it
because "everyone else" tries to get kids to lose it around 2, much
less start at 2-1/2! After my initial worry from peer pressure, I
decided it wasn't worth worrying about, that obviously he had a need
of somekind, and I let it go. Around 3-1/2 or so, he finally stopped
on his own. He had chewed a hole in the end of it and started leaving
it behind. After a couple of days, he asked where it was and I said I
don't know - where did he leave it? I told him that I figured if he
left it behind, he must not really need it anymore. That was the end
of it.
He is still a very oral child (at age 7) in that he likes to chew gum
a lot and it helps him when he gets nervous or anxious about
something. (Of course, 99% of the time, it's sugarfree!) Since I am a
nailbiter to this day, I don't mind letting him chew gum hoping that
he won't continue his nail biting into adulthood!
Just thought I'd share...
Cindy
--- In [email protected], "Christy Putnam"
<personal_balance@...> wrote:
Even though I am not unschooling yet, and I am just on this group to
learn as much as I can about it, this story reminded me of one of my own.
When one of my fraternal twin sons was 2-1/2 yo, he suddenly started
using a pacifier. He had never used one before, but for some reason
felt the need to start at that age. At first, I worried about it
because "everyone else" tries to get kids to lose it around 2, much
less start at 2-1/2! After my initial worry from peer pressure, I
decided it wasn't worth worrying about, that obviously he had a need
of somekind, and I let it go. Around 3-1/2 or so, he finally stopped
on his own. He had chewed a hole in the end of it and started leaving
it behind. After a couple of days, he asked where it was and I said I
don't know - where did he leave it? I told him that I figured if he
left it behind, he must not really need it anymore. That was the end
of it.
He is still a very oral child (at age 7) in that he likes to chew gum
a lot and it helps him when he gets nervous or anxious about
something. (Of course, 99% of the time, it's sugarfree!) Since I am a
nailbiter to this day, I don't mind letting him chew gum hoping that
he won't continue his nail biting into adulthood!
Just thought I'd share...
Cindy
--- In [email protected], "Christy Putnam"
<personal_balance@...> wrote:
>so I figure if
> I just pay more attention to his cues (hard to learn them with ourhistory)
> and stop trying to conform to what society says he should be doing(he will
> do at his own pace) then we should do much better.
>
Nicole Willoughby
When one of my fraternal twin sons was 2-1/2 yo, he suddenly started
using a pacifier. He had never used one before, but for some reason
felt the need to start at that age. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Thanks its nice to know my almost 3 yr old isnt the only one. She had never had a pacifier then grabbed one off the shelf and sweetly asked me to open it for her. I left it in the package at first thinking she would see a toy or something.......well we left with the binky and she had it for about a month then tossed it.
My 6 year old would sneak gun at school because it helped calm her so she could deal with all the movement and noise ( as of last week we no longer have to deal with that yea! ) and she still prefers a sippy to a regular cup.
Nicole
---------------------------------
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Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
using a pacifier. He had never used one before, but for some reason
felt the need to start at that age. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Thanks its nice to know my almost 3 yr old isnt the only one. She had never had a pacifier then grabbed one off the shelf and sweetly asked me to open it for her. I left it in the package at first thinking she would see a toy or something.......well we left with the binky and she had it for about a month then tossed it.
My 6 year old would sneak gun at school because it helped calm her so she could deal with all the movement and noise ( as of last week we no longer have to deal with that yea! ) and she still prefers a sippy to a regular cup.
Nicole
---------------------------------
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Bring photos to life! New PhotoMail makes sharing a breeze.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]