Question about stealing
Ren Allen
"> She's always had some personality traits that concern me, but this
me on a very deep level.
She's ALWAYS had traits that concern you? A child is born perfect and
whole in my opinion, so how early did these traits begin bothering you?
I think a big shift in how you view her and her personality traits
might really help her see herself differently. We are the very first
reflection our child sees of themselves.
What are you reflecting back to a child that you've always seen as
flawed? What is she really great at? What does she hear coming from
her own parents?
If our reflection to our child is annoyance and frustration, that
plays a huge role in how they see themselves.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
> is too far."YOu know, the more I think about this statement, the more it bothers
me on a very deep level.
She's ALWAYS had traits that concern you? A child is born perfect and
whole in my opinion, so how early did these traits begin bothering you?
I think a big shift in how you view her and her personality traits
might really help her see herself differently. We are the very first
reflection our child sees of themselves.
What are you reflecting back to a child that you've always seen as
flawed? What is she really great at? What does she hear coming from
her own parents?
If our reflection to our child is annoyance and frustration, that
plays a huge role in how they see themselves.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
sam
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:
> If our reflection to our child is annoyance and frustration, thatWow! I really needed to hear that.
> plays a huge role in how they see themselves.
Melissa
After I reread my post, I realize how difficult it is to relay to
anyone what our family life is like. I posted one negative thing, and
in the heat of the moment, really focused on that. I would like to
verify that we do not see her as flawed, and we are not constantly
annoyed or frustrated by her. She has a lot of great traits, and I
know she is a good person. We don't focus on the stealing, and she
doesn't get punished, lectured, etc. I can't even imagine that
subconsciously we're treating her differently, because I've always
assumed it was a developmental stage and that she'd work through it.
It is frustrating to me because I am not sure what to say or do to
help her or her siblings deal with the emotions that come along with
the actions.
When I say that she's always had traits that concern me, I mean to
say that I worry that her personality will not allow her to be all or
do all of which she is capable. She has always been competitive,
which is funny because no one else in our family (immediate or
extended) really is. My MIL was, but she died not much after Emily
was born, so dh and I laugh with each other about how much she is
like his mom. It is odd though, because she is 18 months younger than
her next older sibling, and it's always been a competition for her to
catch up and get ahead of Breanna. It started with walking, talking,
learning how to do anything. If she is not certain that she will be
better than anyone else she knows, she will not attempt to do or
learn something. That has concerned me, not because I think it's a
negative trait, but because I worry about her burning out early. She
doesn't have fun winning, but she is extremely driven to win. The
stealing and lying, cheating concern me as well, because at this
point, her friends and siblings don't want to play with her, and no
one trusts her. When ever money is missing, her siblings immediately
blame her. Because her sister is really really great at drawing
lifelike things, Emily will do absolutely nothing with crayon and
paper. When Rachel figured out on her own how to write in cursive,
Emily was furious and mean to the family for days over that.
In my op, I asked for help for ME to deal. Not to try and change her,
but to try to understand her and what I can do to help. I needed to
know if there was anything I should be doing with her, or what. I
never said she was flawed, I said she had traits that concern me. I
can't stand the cheating and stealing anymore, so I am obviously
needing help for MYSELF. I need help for her siblings, because they
are about to kill her. And I need ideas for how to approach her,
because obviously I'm not doing a good job. It's a big step for me
just to admit I need help...and I thank everyone who has replied with
insight and ideas.
Melissa
anyone what our family life is like. I posted one negative thing, and
in the heat of the moment, really focused on that. I would like to
verify that we do not see her as flawed, and we are not constantly
annoyed or frustrated by her. She has a lot of great traits, and I
know she is a good person. We don't focus on the stealing, and she
doesn't get punished, lectured, etc. I can't even imagine that
subconsciously we're treating her differently, because I've always
assumed it was a developmental stage and that she'd work through it.
It is frustrating to me because I am not sure what to say or do to
help her or her siblings deal with the emotions that come along with
the actions.
When I say that she's always had traits that concern me, I mean to
say that I worry that her personality will not allow her to be all or
do all of which she is capable. She has always been competitive,
which is funny because no one else in our family (immediate or
extended) really is. My MIL was, but she died not much after Emily
was born, so dh and I laugh with each other about how much she is
like his mom. It is odd though, because she is 18 months younger than
her next older sibling, and it's always been a competition for her to
catch up and get ahead of Breanna. It started with walking, talking,
learning how to do anything. If she is not certain that she will be
better than anyone else she knows, she will not attempt to do or
learn something. That has concerned me, not because I think it's a
negative trait, but because I worry about her burning out early. She
doesn't have fun winning, but she is extremely driven to win. The
stealing and lying, cheating concern me as well, because at this
point, her friends and siblings don't want to play with her, and no
one trusts her. When ever money is missing, her siblings immediately
blame her. Because her sister is really really great at drawing
lifelike things, Emily will do absolutely nothing with crayon and
paper. When Rachel figured out on her own how to write in cursive,
Emily was furious and mean to the family for days over that.
In my op, I asked for help for ME to deal. Not to try and change her,
but to try to understand her and what I can do to help. I needed to
know if there was anything I should be doing with her, or what. I
never said she was flawed, I said she had traits that concern me. I
can't stand the cheating and stealing anymore, so I am obviously
needing help for MYSELF. I need help for her siblings, because they
are about to kill her. And I need ideas for how to approach her,
because obviously I'm not doing a good job. It's a big step for me
just to admit I need help...and I thank everyone who has replied with
insight and ideas.
Melissa
On Feb 7, 2006, at 9:23 PM, Ren Allen wrote:
> "> She's always had some personality traits that concern me, but this
> > is too far."
>
> YOu know, the more I think about this statement, the more it bothers
> me on a very deep level.
> She's ALWAYS had traits that concern you? A child is born perfect and
> whole in my opinion, so how early did these traits begin bothering
> you?
>
> I think a big shift in how you view her and her personality traits
> might really help her see herself differently. We are the very first
> reflection our child sees of themselves.
> What are you reflecting back to a child that you've always seen as
> flawed? What is she really great at? What does she hear coming from
> her own parents?
> If our reflection to our child is annoyance and frustration, that
> plays a huge role in how they see themselves.