Re: [unschoolingbasics] Life without chores; thanksRen/help! & intro :o)
[email protected]
Wow, what an awesome post! THANK YOU REN! (and Danielle!) for "swiping" and
sharing it with us! That was just what I needed to hear!
I'm fairly new here to this list (been enjoying it immensely)! and also
pretty new to un/hsing. I've only posted a couple times here and never really
intro. myself, I guess I should now, especially cuz I need some advice on this one
BIG TIME!
My name is Nancy, we pulled our dd's (101/2 & 12) out of ps about a yr. ago.
We had always talked about hsing, my dh loved the idea, always wanted us to
and so did I, but I was always too big of a chicken to just go for it.(da, took
me long enough to see the light!) I had finally just gotten so tired of
watching our dd's love of learning slowly diminish down to almost despising it.
Watching them become more and more turned off towards learning made me sick to my
stomach, let alone watching all of the other garbage that goes on in the ps
system and I did see PLENTY of it. I can't imagine ever sending them back there,
unless, I suppose, if they really wanted to, but I don't think I have to
worry about that, at least not for now! They LOVE unschooling, heck, what kid
wouldn't!? I know I would have when I was growing up! <g> When their friends ask
them if they ever miss school and want to come back I always here them say,
"Are you kidding!? Why would I want to do that!" We are all so much more happier
now, I can't believe the difference unschooling has made in our lives!
Not that there haven't been a few bumps along the road! We have been "DE"
schooling ever since we pulled them out a yr ago and I have a feeling we all
still are! Which brings me to what I need advice on... chores and helping around
the house!
Over the yrs. we have gotten into such a bad "habit" of looking at what
should be just plain & simple kindness like "helping around the house" as a BIG
CHORE instead of what Danielle just decried in this post. I think that was just
beautiful. I have noticed our youngest do the sort of things mentioned in her
post now and then, but they, especially our oldest, look at cooking or helping
prepare meal as "yuk! work" and if I invite them to help me, they (again,
especially our oldest) are immediately turned off. I allow that and just say "OK,
maybe another time. But man, I would LOVE to spend time with them in that way!
They do help take care of the animals most of the time without too much
hassle but anything else like picking up around the house, forget it. It just turns
into a big hassle and I end up doing most of it. what a drag! <g>
I'm afraid we are very far away from the place where Danielle is and I really
want that for us! Just not sure how to stop the behavior that got us where we
are now. Any time I do say things like "Hey, would you please take your
dishes to the kitchen" sometimes you would think I was asking them to clean the
toilet! LOL!
When they were in school, it always seemed like we were in a hurry to get
things done, etc., and that (I think) is where the habit started. Always having
to "get things done" in time for ... whatever was happening at the time.
(sounds so silly now) It seemed like we were always on the go. We have slowed the
pace way down since hsing but those old habits are still here and as they say,
sometimes old habits die hard. I am hoping some of you will have some
suggestions on how to break this awful "habit" we have all gotten so accustomed to. Do
most of you just "do it all" and maybe someday they'll pitch in happily?? Our
girls are not that young and they are very independent in many ways. I just
wish they would want to be more involved with all of it, but also feel good
about it at the same time.I hope I'm making sense as to what is happening around
here! :o) I'll stop now, guess I was venting a bit also!
Maybe you've touched on this subject before so I'm sorry to have the need to
bring it up again here! This is just one of the biggest obstacles we have come
across since leaving the whole schooly stuff behind us! Well, besides those
pesky friends/relatives who "mean well" and are "just concerned" about our
decision to hs! But, that's another post I suppose, one I'm sure you've all
touched on many times! Anything ideas you have to offer would be GREATLY
appreciated!
Thanks for listening!
Nancy
check out my art!
<A HREF="http://www.picturetrail.com/nancysart">Click here: PictureTrail</A> or
<A HREF="http://carverscompanion.com/Ezine/Vol9Issue3/KMenendez/KMenendez2.html">Click here: Woodcarver On-Line Magazine, Pyrography News, No. 34</A>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sharing it with us! That was just what I needed to hear!
I'm fairly new here to this list (been enjoying it immensely)! and also
pretty new to un/hsing. I've only posted a couple times here and never really
intro. myself, I guess I should now, especially cuz I need some advice on this one
BIG TIME!
My name is Nancy, we pulled our dd's (101/2 & 12) out of ps about a yr. ago.
We had always talked about hsing, my dh loved the idea, always wanted us to
and so did I, but I was always too big of a chicken to just go for it.(da, took
me long enough to see the light!) I had finally just gotten so tired of
watching our dd's love of learning slowly diminish down to almost despising it.
Watching them become more and more turned off towards learning made me sick to my
stomach, let alone watching all of the other garbage that goes on in the ps
system and I did see PLENTY of it. I can't imagine ever sending them back there,
unless, I suppose, if they really wanted to, but I don't think I have to
worry about that, at least not for now! They LOVE unschooling, heck, what kid
wouldn't!? I know I would have when I was growing up! <g> When their friends ask
them if they ever miss school and want to come back I always here them say,
"Are you kidding!? Why would I want to do that!" We are all so much more happier
now, I can't believe the difference unschooling has made in our lives!
Not that there haven't been a few bumps along the road! We have been "DE"
schooling ever since we pulled them out a yr ago and I have a feeling we all
still are! Which brings me to what I need advice on... chores and helping around
the house!
Over the yrs. we have gotten into such a bad "habit" of looking at what
should be just plain & simple kindness like "helping around the house" as a BIG
CHORE instead of what Danielle just decried in this post. I think that was just
beautiful. I have noticed our youngest do the sort of things mentioned in her
post now and then, but they, especially our oldest, look at cooking or helping
prepare meal as "yuk! work" and if I invite them to help me, they (again,
especially our oldest) are immediately turned off. I allow that and just say "OK,
maybe another time. But man, I would LOVE to spend time with them in that way!
They do help take care of the animals most of the time without too much
hassle but anything else like picking up around the house, forget it. It just turns
into a big hassle and I end up doing most of it. what a drag! <g>
I'm afraid we are very far away from the place where Danielle is and I really
want that for us! Just not sure how to stop the behavior that got us where we
are now. Any time I do say things like "Hey, would you please take your
dishes to the kitchen" sometimes you would think I was asking them to clean the
toilet! LOL!
When they were in school, it always seemed like we were in a hurry to get
things done, etc., and that (I think) is where the habit started. Always having
to "get things done" in time for ... whatever was happening at the time.
(sounds so silly now) It seemed like we were always on the go. We have slowed the
pace way down since hsing but those old habits are still here and as they say,
sometimes old habits die hard. I am hoping some of you will have some
suggestions on how to break this awful "habit" we have all gotten so accustomed to. Do
most of you just "do it all" and maybe someday they'll pitch in happily?? Our
girls are not that young and they are very independent in many ways. I just
wish they would want to be more involved with all of it, but also feel good
about it at the same time.I hope I'm making sense as to what is happening around
here! :o) I'll stop now, guess I was venting a bit also!
Maybe you've touched on this subject before so I'm sorry to have the need to
bring it up again here! This is just one of the biggest obstacles we have come
across since leaving the whole schooly stuff behind us! Well, besides those
pesky friends/relatives who "mean well" and are "just concerned" about our
decision to hs! But, that's another post I suppose, one I'm sure you've all
touched on many times! Anything ideas you have to offer would be GREATLY
appreciated!
Thanks for listening!
Nancy
check out my art!
<A HREF="http://www.picturetrail.com/nancysart">Click here: PictureTrail</A> or
<A HREF="http://carverscompanion.com/Ezine/Vol9Issue3/KMenendez/KMenendez2.html">Click here: Woodcarver On-Line Magazine, Pyrography News, No. 34</A>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/3/2006 4:55:13 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
barndogzzz@... writes:
Any time I do say things like "Hey, would you please take your
dishes to the kitchen" sometimes you would think I was asking them to clean
the
toilet! LOL!
********'
Hi Nancy! This is such a hard situation. We have to mix family dynamics, a
history of "have to's", and our children's personalities. Neither of my
children are natural cleaners. I think your issues are a challenge for many
families.
It is easy and understandable to slip into feeling like we wait on our
children like servants! I try to keep an attitude of gift giving. It is a gift
for a child to not "have to" clean up, and your children are recovering from
their school lives of "have to".
The reason I picked the above quote is not that there is anything wrong with
it, it is a legitimate request. I have tweaked it recently with my kids. I
have been saying "it would be helpful to me if you take your dish to the
kitchen". A little shift in emphasis, but I have noticed a difference in some
of those little things, fewer candy wrappers and dirty clothes on the floor
and more dishes brought back in the kitchen.
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
barndogzzz@... writes:
Any time I do say things like "Hey, would you please take your
dishes to the kitchen" sometimes you would think I was asking them to clean
the
toilet! LOL!
********'
Hi Nancy! This is such a hard situation. We have to mix family dynamics, a
history of "have to's", and our children's personalities. Neither of my
children are natural cleaners. I think your issues are a challenge for many
families.
It is easy and understandable to slip into feeling like we wait on our
children like servants! I try to keep an attitude of gift giving. It is a gift
for a child to not "have to" clean up, and your children are recovering from
their school lives of "have to".
The reason I picked the above quote is not that there is anything wrong with
it, it is a legitimate request. I have tweaked it recently with my kids. I
have been saying "it would be helpful to me if you take your dish to the
kitchen". A little shift in emphasis, but I have noticed a difference in some
of those little things, fewer candy wrappers and dirty clothes on the floor
and more dishes brought back in the kitchen.
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Hello Leslie,
Thank you for your response! The need and want for your life and home to have
some sort of order and at least a bit of, LOL, "cleanliness" is a hard
situation WITH kids! I am not neurotic about them leaving messes around here at all,
I just get tired of having to pick up after them all the time! It's
exhausting! BUT, then I look at them and remember that they are, as you said,
"recovering from their school lives of Have to's", and my heart does soften! ....But
then I turn around and see the "stuff" that is all over the house and I think
GEESH! here we go again! <g> "
****it would be helpful to me if you take your dish to the
kitchen." A little shift in emphasis,*****
I know you are right, I remember when I was young, if my Mom or Dad yelled
(which for my Dad was all the time) and got all nasty about asking me to do
things, I rebelled big time and of course, also ended up in a bad mood. I knew if
I wrote to this group I would get a big shove in the right direction! hee hee!
Just what I needed! My kids would thank you! and probably my husband too!
Thanks for the insight,
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thank you for your response! The need and want for your life and home to have
some sort of order and at least a bit of, LOL, "cleanliness" is a hard
situation WITH kids! I am not neurotic about them leaving messes around here at all,
I just get tired of having to pick up after them all the time! It's
exhausting! BUT, then I look at them and remember that they are, as you said,
"recovering from their school lives of Have to's", and my heart does soften! ....But
then I turn around and see the "stuff" that is all over the house and I think
GEESH! here we go again! <g> "
****it would be helpful to me if you take your dish to the
kitchen." A little shift in emphasis,*****
I know you are right, I remember when I was young, if my Mom or Dad yelled
(which for my Dad was all the time) and got all nasty about asking me to do
things, I rebelled big time and of course, also ended up in a bad mood. I knew if
I wrote to this group I would get a big shove in the right direction! hee hee!
Just what I needed! My kids would thank you! and probably my husband too!
Thanks for the insight,
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]