Life without chores; was 4y.o. potty stuff
Ren Allen
The idea of "teaching" responsibility and how children learn to be
responsible when parents don't make them clean up after themselves is
a good topic to explore.
It's hard to explain this concept, when people only have an email list
and can not see it in action. I think parents can do things to rob
their children of the ability to become responsible, but I don't
believe making children clean up after themselves leads to more
responsibility....it can possible lead to resentment though.
Here's a post I'm swiping from the AU list, that Danielle Conger
wrote. I thought she explained this so perfectlyl (as usual) and
wanted to share it over here (hope you don't mind me swiping the whole
thing Danielle!) :) Ren
Danielle:
I've been meaning to write about this topic here--some of which I posted
at UD, some of which is new. Not requiring chores or creating an
atmosphere of "it's your mess, you be responsible" has resulted in an
amazingly cooperative household and genuine offers of help. Each of my
kids do different things at different times and to different extents and
all of it is welcomed when it comes, and I'm noticing some really
amazing growth.
Recently, the girls have been into helping me cook. The other day, they
chopped potatoes and onions (Em learned about chopping onions and plans
on choosing potatoes next time! *g*), they've been scrambling their own
eggs, making their own oatmeal (Em showed Sam how to do his), chopping
and steaming vegetables and helping make pasta and rice. They certainly
don't do this every time I cook, but I always welcome them when they
ask. For a long time, they liked helping make pizza dough, cookies and
bread, but then they got bored with that.
Two weeks ago, I asked the girls to help me in their room, which had
become *very* messy and completely un-navigable--pretty much everything
in there was on the floor. I asked them to let me know when they were
ready to tackle it. Jules decided she was ready at some point in the
afternoon and came and got me, but Em didn't feel ready. I asked her if
she felt like sitting on her bed and keeping us company, which she did.
I did much of the work, which I usually do, but Jules helped a lot,
which she usually does and Em ran a few errands here and there--taking
cups to the sink and dirty clothes to the laundry. I ended up diving
into lots of their bins and asking them to help me sort through stuff
they no longer wanted. We also reworked their clothes baskets to create
more room--really an all day affair.
At the end of the day, I asked them to do me the favor of keeping the
floor cleaned up until tomorrow so I could run a vacuum. They asked why
I didn't just run the vacuum now, so I told them I needed to get Sam's
room cleaned up first and just didn't have the energy. They were fine
with that, and we went about our evening--dinner, playing and finally
curled up in our room to watch a movie and fall asleep.
As everyone else was falling asleep, Em, my nightowl, got up and cleaned
and organized her brother's room (a much more straight-forward job than
their room!). It was a gift to him and a gift to me--all freely given. I
doubt she would have felt so generous if I'd made her clean her room
with us earlier that day because it was *her* room, and I'm not sure she
would have thought to do it if I hadn't been modeling that kind of
generosity for her most of her life.
Just last night, the girls decided to clean their room and the living
room because their grandpa is coming down for the weekend to help us
drywall the basement. Em looked around for her "Jagged Little Pill" CD,
popped it in, and proceeded to clean much of the room by herself,
happily. The girls straightened the living room, put the games they'd
been playing away, straightened up their bathroom, and Sam cleaned up
his room. No one had been asked to do any of this. I hadn't mentioned
anything about cleaning up, though they know I often do before someone
comes to visit. But because I don't make a big deal out of it, because I
always ask for their help and take what they're willing to give
cheerfully, because I don't require they take responsibility, they seem
to be happy to step up and take responsibility.
So, I figure we're doing something right.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (7), Sam (5)
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
responsible when parents don't make them clean up after themselves is
a good topic to explore.
It's hard to explain this concept, when people only have an email list
and can not see it in action. I think parents can do things to rob
their children of the ability to become responsible, but I don't
believe making children clean up after themselves leads to more
responsibility....it can possible lead to resentment though.
Here's a post I'm swiping from the AU list, that Danielle Conger
wrote. I thought she explained this so perfectlyl (as usual) and
wanted to share it over here (hope you don't mind me swiping the whole
thing Danielle!) :) Ren
Danielle:
I've been meaning to write about this topic here--some of which I posted
at UD, some of which is new. Not requiring chores or creating an
atmosphere of "it's your mess, you be responsible" has resulted in an
amazingly cooperative household and genuine offers of help. Each of my
kids do different things at different times and to different extents and
all of it is welcomed when it comes, and I'm noticing some really
amazing growth.
Recently, the girls have been into helping me cook. The other day, they
chopped potatoes and onions (Em learned about chopping onions and plans
on choosing potatoes next time! *g*), they've been scrambling their own
eggs, making their own oatmeal (Em showed Sam how to do his), chopping
and steaming vegetables and helping make pasta and rice. They certainly
don't do this every time I cook, but I always welcome them when they
ask. For a long time, they liked helping make pizza dough, cookies and
bread, but then they got bored with that.
Two weeks ago, I asked the girls to help me in their room, which had
become *very* messy and completely un-navigable--pretty much everything
in there was on the floor. I asked them to let me know when they were
ready to tackle it. Jules decided she was ready at some point in the
afternoon and came and got me, but Em didn't feel ready. I asked her if
she felt like sitting on her bed and keeping us company, which she did.
I did much of the work, which I usually do, but Jules helped a lot,
which she usually does and Em ran a few errands here and there--taking
cups to the sink and dirty clothes to the laundry. I ended up diving
into lots of their bins and asking them to help me sort through stuff
they no longer wanted. We also reworked their clothes baskets to create
more room--really an all day affair.
At the end of the day, I asked them to do me the favor of keeping the
floor cleaned up until tomorrow so I could run a vacuum. They asked why
I didn't just run the vacuum now, so I told them I needed to get Sam's
room cleaned up first and just didn't have the energy. They were fine
with that, and we went about our evening--dinner, playing and finally
curled up in our room to watch a movie and fall asleep.
As everyone else was falling asleep, Em, my nightowl, got up and cleaned
and organized her brother's room (a much more straight-forward job than
their room!). It was a gift to him and a gift to me--all freely given. I
doubt she would have felt so generous if I'd made her clean her room
with us earlier that day because it was *her* room, and I'm not sure she
would have thought to do it if I hadn't been modeling that kind of
generosity for her most of her life.
Just last night, the girls decided to clean their room and the living
room because their grandpa is coming down for the weekend to help us
drywall the basement. Em looked around for her "Jagged Little Pill" CD,
popped it in, and proceeded to clean much of the room by herself,
happily. The girls straightened the living room, put the games they'd
been playing away, straightened up their bathroom, and Sam cleaned up
his room. No one had been asked to do any of this. I hadn't mentioned
anything about cleaning up, though they know I often do before someone
comes to visit. But because I don't make a big deal out of it, because I
always ask for their help and take what they're willing to give
cheerfully, because I don't require they take responsibility, they seem
to be happy to step up and take responsibility.
So, I figure we're doing something right.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (7), Sam (5)
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
S Drag-teine
Yes, this is much the way that we try to run our household. It doesn't
happen over night and some days nothing gets done but it works most the
time. I don't look for perfection and I reward anything done even if it is
only with a hug and kiss.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
I'm glad we switched!
We are now safer and healthier, using toxic-free products and saving money,
too.
Call (212) 990-6214 for a 10 minute prerecorded presentation or contact me
directly.
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Ren Allen
Sent: Friday, February 03, 2006 1:10 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Life without chores; was 4y.o. potty stuff
The idea of "teaching" responsibility and how children learn to be
responsible when parents don't make them clean up after themselves is
a good topic to explore.
It's hard to explain this concept, when people only have an email list
and can not see it in action. I think parents can do things to rob
their children of the ability to become responsible, but I don't
believe making children clean up after themselves leads to more
responsibility....it can possible lead to resentment though.
Here's a post I'm swiping from the AU list, that Danielle Conger
wrote. I thought she explained this so perfectlyl (as usual) and
wanted to share it over here (hope you don't mind me swiping the whole
thing Danielle!) :) Ren
Danielle:
I've been meaning to write about this topic here--some of which I posted
at UD, some of which is new. Not requiring chores or creating an
atmosphere of "it's your mess, you be responsible" has resulted in an
amazingly cooperative household and genuine offers of help. Each of my
kids do different things at different times and to different extents and
all of it is welcomed when it comes, and I'm noticing some really
amazing growth.
Recently, the girls have been into helping me cook. The other day, they
chopped potatoes and onions (Em learned about chopping onions and plans
on choosing potatoes next time! *g*), they've been scrambling their own
eggs, making their own oatmeal (Em showed Sam how to do his), chopping
and steaming vegetables and helping make pasta and rice. They certainly
don't do this every time I cook, but I always welcome them when they
ask. For a long time, they liked helping make pizza dough, cookies and
bread, but then they got bored with that.
Two weeks ago, I asked the girls to help me in their room, which had
become *very* messy and completely un-navigable--pretty much everything
in there was on the floor. I asked them to let me know when they were
ready to tackle it. Jules decided she was ready at some point in the
afternoon and came and got me, but Em didn't feel ready. I asked her if
she felt like sitting on her bed and keeping us company, which she did.
I did much of the work, which I usually do, but Jules helped a lot,
which she usually does and Em ran a few errands here and there--taking
cups to the sink and dirty clothes to the laundry. I ended up diving
into lots of their bins and asking them to help me sort through stuff
they no longer wanted. We also reworked their clothes baskets to create
more room--really an all day affair.
At the end of the day, I asked them to do me the favor of keeping the
floor cleaned up until tomorrow so I could run a vacuum. They asked why
I didn't just run the vacuum now, so I told them I needed to get Sam's
room cleaned up first and just didn't have the energy. They were fine
with that, and we went about our evening--dinner, playing and finally
curled up in our room to watch a movie and fall asleep.
As everyone else was falling asleep, Em, my nightowl, got up and cleaned
and organized her brother's room (a much more straight-forward job than
their room!). It was a gift to him and a gift to me--all freely given. I
doubt she would have felt so generous if I'd made her clean her room
with us earlier that day because it was *her* room, and I'm not sure she
would have thought to do it if I hadn't been modeling that kind of
generosity for her most of her life.
Just last night, the girls decided to clean their room and the living
room because their grandpa is coming down for the weekend to help us
drywall the basement. Em looked around for her "Jagged Little Pill" CD,
popped it in, and proceeded to clean much of the room by herself,
happily. The girls straightened the living room, put the games they'd
been playing away, straightened up their bathroom, and Sam cleaned up
his room. No one had been asked to do any of this. I hadn't mentioned
anything about cleaning up, though they know I often do before someone
comes to visit. But because I don't make a big deal out of it, because I
always ask for their help and take what they're willing to give
cheerfully, because I don't require they take responsibility, they seem
to be happy to step up and take responsibility.
So, I figure we're doing something right.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (7), Sam (5)
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
Yahoo! Groups Links
happen over night and some days nothing gets done but it works most the
time. I don't look for perfection and I reward anything done even if it is
only with a hug and kiss.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
I'm glad we switched!
We are now safer and healthier, using toxic-free products and saving money,
too.
Call (212) 990-6214 for a 10 minute prerecorded presentation or contact me
directly.
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Ren Allen
Sent: Friday, February 03, 2006 1:10 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Life without chores; was 4y.o. potty stuff
The idea of "teaching" responsibility and how children learn to be
responsible when parents don't make them clean up after themselves is
a good topic to explore.
It's hard to explain this concept, when people only have an email list
and can not see it in action. I think parents can do things to rob
their children of the ability to become responsible, but I don't
believe making children clean up after themselves leads to more
responsibility....it can possible lead to resentment though.
Here's a post I'm swiping from the AU list, that Danielle Conger
wrote. I thought she explained this so perfectlyl (as usual) and
wanted to share it over here (hope you don't mind me swiping the whole
thing Danielle!) :) Ren
Danielle:
I've been meaning to write about this topic here--some of which I posted
at UD, some of which is new. Not requiring chores or creating an
atmosphere of "it's your mess, you be responsible" has resulted in an
amazingly cooperative household and genuine offers of help. Each of my
kids do different things at different times and to different extents and
all of it is welcomed when it comes, and I'm noticing some really
amazing growth.
Recently, the girls have been into helping me cook. The other day, they
chopped potatoes and onions (Em learned about chopping onions and plans
on choosing potatoes next time! *g*), they've been scrambling their own
eggs, making their own oatmeal (Em showed Sam how to do his), chopping
and steaming vegetables and helping make pasta and rice. They certainly
don't do this every time I cook, but I always welcome them when they
ask. For a long time, they liked helping make pizza dough, cookies and
bread, but then they got bored with that.
Two weeks ago, I asked the girls to help me in their room, which had
become *very* messy and completely un-navigable--pretty much everything
in there was on the floor. I asked them to let me know when they were
ready to tackle it. Jules decided she was ready at some point in the
afternoon and came and got me, but Em didn't feel ready. I asked her if
she felt like sitting on her bed and keeping us company, which she did.
I did much of the work, which I usually do, but Jules helped a lot,
which she usually does and Em ran a few errands here and there--taking
cups to the sink and dirty clothes to the laundry. I ended up diving
into lots of their bins and asking them to help me sort through stuff
they no longer wanted. We also reworked their clothes baskets to create
more room--really an all day affair.
At the end of the day, I asked them to do me the favor of keeping the
floor cleaned up until tomorrow so I could run a vacuum. They asked why
I didn't just run the vacuum now, so I told them I needed to get Sam's
room cleaned up first and just didn't have the energy. They were fine
with that, and we went about our evening--dinner, playing and finally
curled up in our room to watch a movie and fall asleep.
As everyone else was falling asleep, Em, my nightowl, got up and cleaned
and organized her brother's room (a much more straight-forward job than
their room!). It was a gift to him and a gift to me--all freely given. I
doubt she would have felt so generous if I'd made her clean her room
with us earlier that day because it was *her* room, and I'm not sure she
would have thought to do it if I hadn't been modeling that kind of
generosity for her most of her life.
Just last night, the girls decided to clean their room and the living
room because their grandpa is coming down for the weekend to help us
drywall the basement. Em looked around for her "Jagged Little Pill" CD,
popped it in, and proceeded to clean much of the room by herself,
happily. The girls straightened the living room, put the games they'd
been playing away, straightened up their bathroom, and Sam cleaned up
his room. No one had been asked to do any of this. I hadn't mentioned
anything about cleaning up, though they know I often do before someone
comes to visit. But because I don't make a big deal out of it, because I
always ask for their help and take what they're willing to give
cheerfully, because I don't require they take responsibility, they seem
to be happy to step up and take responsibility.
So, I figure we're doing something right.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (7), Sam (5)
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
Yahoo! Groups Links
Ren Allen
"Over the yrs. we have gotten into such a bad "habit" of looking at
what should be just plain & simple kindness like "helping around the
house" as a BIG CHORE instead of what Danielle just decried in this
post."
I SO deeply understand!!! My childhood taught me that chores sucked.
They were something that made my Mom yell, that caused stress, that
you complained loudly over and grumbled under your breath if not. YUCK.
What I have learned (and not very quickly sometimes) is that things a
parent avoids or acts stressed out over, a child is very SMART to
avoid!! duh.
It sounds like you've figured that out and want to get somewhere new,
but what you need to do first, is just accept where you are right now.
That might sound strange, but instead of looking at this lovely flow
(and comparing your family to another family, which can discourage as
well as encourage) that others talk about, simply LIVE it yourself.
Pick up the dishes and give them a kiss, ask them if they need
anything else to eat. Start seeing the tasks as a blessing, because
they really are. It's hard to remember that at times, but if you shift
your thinking, you'll be able to see the mess as a huge gift.
Every bit of mess is evidence of healthy, happy kids. They aren't in
the hospital, they are alive and learning and growing. That's HUGE.
Yes, we need help when we live with many people. I really NEED help
somedays. But when I back up and look at how I approach the task,
asking myself "am I acting in such a way that my child would WANT to
join me?" it helps me slow down and see the truth of the moment.
The truth that household tasks are secondary to relationships. That I
get one life and I (and my children) are not going to be on this earth
for very long. What do I want to leave behind? What do I want to take
with me? That's important stuff.
And as you approach these tasks with gratitude and joy, your children
will begin to see that change and join in. Maybe not today, maybe not
tomorrow, but until they do, you're building a better environment in
which that can take place.
"Smile and the world smiles with you." (can't remember who that quote
is from right now).
I have noticed that just ME, just little 'ol ME, can completely affect
every person in the household. My joy or my irritation can set off a
ripple affect that is noticeable. One person can shift the mood of the
house by simply BEING the change they wish to see. I know that is so
cliched, but it's TRUE.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
what should be just plain & simple kindness like "helping around the
house" as a BIG CHORE instead of what Danielle just decried in this
post."
I SO deeply understand!!! My childhood taught me that chores sucked.
They were something that made my Mom yell, that caused stress, that
you complained loudly over and grumbled under your breath if not. YUCK.
What I have learned (and not very quickly sometimes) is that things a
parent avoids or acts stressed out over, a child is very SMART to
avoid!! duh.
It sounds like you've figured that out and want to get somewhere new,
but what you need to do first, is just accept where you are right now.
That might sound strange, but instead of looking at this lovely flow
(and comparing your family to another family, which can discourage as
well as encourage) that others talk about, simply LIVE it yourself.
Pick up the dishes and give them a kiss, ask them if they need
anything else to eat. Start seeing the tasks as a blessing, because
they really are. It's hard to remember that at times, but if you shift
your thinking, you'll be able to see the mess as a huge gift.
Every bit of mess is evidence of healthy, happy kids. They aren't in
the hospital, they are alive and learning and growing. That's HUGE.
Yes, we need help when we live with many people. I really NEED help
somedays. But when I back up and look at how I approach the task,
asking myself "am I acting in such a way that my child would WANT to
join me?" it helps me slow down and see the truth of the moment.
The truth that household tasks are secondary to relationships. That I
get one life and I (and my children) are not going to be on this earth
for very long. What do I want to leave behind? What do I want to take
with me? That's important stuff.
And as you approach these tasks with gratitude and joy, your children
will begin to see that change and join in. Maybe not today, maybe not
tomorrow, but until they do, you're building a better environment in
which that can take place.
"Smile and the world smiles with you." (can't remember who that quote
is from right now).
I have noticed that just ME, just little 'ol ME, can completely affect
every person in the household. My joy or my irritation can set off a
ripple affect that is noticeable. One person can shift the mood of the
house by simply BEING the change they wish to see. I know that is so
cliched, but it's TRUE.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
[email protected]
***My childhood taught me that chores sucked.
made my Mom yell***
Oh, that was my childhood big time! (my Dad mostly)!
***It sounds like you've figured that out and want to get somewhere new,
but what you need to do first, is just accept where you are right now.*****
Wow, I sure do want to get to somewhere new! Nice of you to say that, that is
exactly what I need to do. Accept it and then move on to a better place.
And....
*****simply LIVE it yourself.****
*****Pick up the dishes and give them a kiss, ask them if they need
anything else to eat. Start seeing the tasks as a blessing, because
they really are. It's hard to remember that at times, but if you shift
your thinking, you'll be able to see the mess as a huge gift.****
Every bit of mess is evidence of healthy, happy kids. They aren't in
the hospital, they are alive and learning and growing. That's HUGE.****
But when I back up and look at how I approach the task,
asking myself "am I acting in such a way that my child would WANT to
join me?" it helps me slow down and see the truth of the moment.****
Oh wow, what a great thought Ren!
I could hug you Ren, thank you. Here I am, writing you back, putting little
stars by all the things that you've said that I really appreciate hearing,
things that really hit home, things I NEEDED to hear...heck, I should have just
put stars by the whole darn post! <BG!> I am saving this, printing it off and
using it as my book marker in whatever book I happen to be reading. (I read a
lot, so it will always be with me) and when I need a little shove in the right
direction, I'll have it there to read, again and again.
This is an awesome group,
Thanks again Ren!
Take care,
Nancy
check out my art at!
<A HREF="http://www.picturetrail.com/nancysart">PictureTrail</A> or
<A HREF="http://carverscompanion.com/Ezine/Vol9Issue3/KMenendez/KMenendez2.html">Woodcarver On-Line Magazine, Pyrography News, No. 34</A>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
made my Mom yell***
Oh, that was my childhood big time! (my Dad mostly)!
***It sounds like you've figured that out and want to get somewhere new,
but what you need to do first, is just accept where you are right now.*****
Wow, I sure do want to get to somewhere new! Nice of you to say that, that is
exactly what I need to do. Accept it and then move on to a better place.
And....
*****simply LIVE it yourself.****
*****Pick up the dishes and give them a kiss, ask them if they need
anything else to eat. Start seeing the tasks as a blessing, because
they really are. It's hard to remember that at times, but if you shift
your thinking, you'll be able to see the mess as a huge gift.****
Every bit of mess is evidence of healthy, happy kids. They aren't in
the hospital, they are alive and learning and growing. That's HUGE.****
But when I back up and look at how I approach the task,
asking myself "am I acting in such a way that my child would WANT to
join me?" it helps me slow down and see the truth of the moment.****
Oh wow, what a great thought Ren!
I could hug you Ren, thank you. Here I am, writing you back, putting little
stars by all the things that you've said that I really appreciate hearing,
things that really hit home, things I NEEDED to hear...heck, I should have just
put stars by the whole darn post! <BG!> I am saving this, printing it off and
using it as my book marker in whatever book I happen to be reading. (I read a
lot, so it will always be with me) and when I need a little shove in the right
direction, I'll have it there to read, again and again.
This is an awesome group,
Thanks again Ren!
Take care,
Nancy
check out my art at!
<A HREF="http://www.picturetrail.com/nancysart">PictureTrail</A> or
<A HREF="http://carverscompanion.com/Ezine/Vol9Issue3/KMenendez/KMenendez2.html">Woodcarver On-Line Magazine, Pyrography News, No. 34</A>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
> *****Pick up the dishes and give them a kiss, ask them if they needI thought Ren meant to give the dishes a kiss. Sounds about right to
> anything else to eat.
me because one of the most important pieces of advice I've received
for changing my own attitude has been to slow down and appreciate
things like the dishes. Sandra Dodd talks about how she loves this
plate or that bowl. I have dishes I really dislike - I have plates
that I don't like to eat on. No wonder I get no satisfaction from
picking them up, rinsing them off, putting them in the dishwasher,
taking them out and putting them away. And, if I so actively and
openly dislike housework, why would the kids want to join in!
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
"I thought Ren meant to give the dishes a kiss."
Oh boy, it sure DID sound like that! Oops. It should have said " pick
up their dishes, give your kids a kiss...." Oh well.
I bought brand new dishes when we moved to this house. I wanted a set
I LOVED, and I have to admit it makes dish washing more pleasant.:)
Maybe I'll go kiss them goodnight now....it's time to clean the kitchen.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Oh boy, it sure DID sound like that! Oops. It should have said " pick
up their dishes, give your kids a kiss...." Oh well.
I bought brand new dishes when we moved to this house. I wanted a set
I LOVED, and I have to admit it makes dish washing more pleasant.:)
Maybe I'll go kiss them goodnight now....it's time to clean the kitchen.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
[email protected]
Hi Pam!
I have dishes I hate too, the ones in the living rm. layin' around that the
kids left there! :o) Guess I need to buy NEW dishes. (just kidding) Or, I guess
I have to start "pretending" that, Gee, I LOVE doing these dishes, THANKS!
kids for leaving them for me to pick up! lol I am kidding here, I wouldn't and
didn't want to just "join in" with my Mom either when she was cleaning and
seemed so miserable doing it, why would I WANT to do something that seemed so
daunting?!! Very good point Pam, now I just have to learn to love house
cleaning...lol! that aint gonna happen! But I can be more appreciative for what I have
here and just enjoy my kids and the fact that they are here with me now.
We have quite a few animals around here and they are not always easy to care
for, especially in the winter! But, I love them, love being outdoors, and I
love those kind of "chores." Funny, my kids also love all those things and
usually don't give me a too much of a hard time doing them or helping me do them!
mmmmm..........and duh! On my behalf! It starts with ME!
Nice talking with you Pam, and thanks!
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have dishes I hate too, the ones in the living rm. layin' around that the
kids left there! :o) Guess I need to buy NEW dishes. (just kidding) Or, I guess
I have to start "pretending" that, Gee, I LOVE doing these dishes, THANKS!
kids for leaving them for me to pick up! lol I am kidding here, I wouldn't and
didn't want to just "join in" with my Mom either when she was cleaning and
seemed so miserable doing it, why would I WANT to do something that seemed so
daunting?!! Very good point Pam, now I just have to learn to love house
cleaning...lol! that aint gonna happen! But I can be more appreciative for what I have
here and just enjoy my kids and the fact that they are here with me now.
We have quite a few animals around here and they are not always easy to care
for, especially in the winter! But, I love them, love being outdoors, and I
love those kind of "chores." Funny, my kids also love all those things and
usually don't give me a too much of a hard time doing them or helping me do them!
mmmmm..........and duh! On my behalf! It starts with ME!
Nice talking with you Pam, and thanks!
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
****Oh boy, it sure DID sound like that! Oops. It should have said " pick
up their dishes, give your kids a kiss...." Oh well. ****
Boy, I'm glad you clarified that Ren, cuz I really do hate my dishes and
kissing them just didn't sound that appealing to me!
No, :o) I did give my kids a kiss AND I picked up the ugly dish too! :o)
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
up their dishes, give your kids a kiss...." Oh well. ****
Boy, I'm glad you clarified that Ren, cuz I really do hate my dishes and
kissing them just didn't sound that appealing to me!
No, :o) I did give my kids a kiss AND I picked up the ugly dish too! :o)
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
S Drag-teine
I gently remind my son when I give him something "Where does this go when
you are done?" Now, that if someone said that to me - I would probably be
sarcastic with them. I see I need to pick better words. If I am heading to
the kitchen I grab a handful of whatever and take it to the kitchen or the
laundry or the trash and from that my son (and surprise my husband!) has
begun to do the same thing.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
I'm glad we switched!
We are now safer and healthier, using toxic-free products and saving money,
too.
Call (212) 990-6214 for a 10 minute prerecorded presentation or contact me
directly.
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Pamela Sorooshian
Sent: Friday, February 03, 2006 8:49 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Life without chores
me because one of the most important pieces of advice I've received
for changing my own attitude has been to slow down and appreciate
things like the dishes. Sandra Dodd talks about how she loves this
plate or that bowl. I have dishes I really dislike - I have plates
that I don't like to eat on. No wonder I get no satisfaction from
picking them up, rinsing them off, putting them in the dishwasher,
taking them out and putting them away. And, if I so actively and
openly dislike housework, why would the kids want to join in!
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Links
you are done?" Now, that if someone said that to me - I would probably be
sarcastic with them. I see I need to pick better words. If I am heading to
the kitchen I grab a handful of whatever and take it to the kitchen or the
laundry or the trash and from that my son (and surprise my husband!) has
begun to do the same thing.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
I'm glad we switched!
We are now safer and healthier, using toxic-free products and saving money,
too.
Call (212) 990-6214 for a 10 minute prerecorded presentation or contact me
directly.
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Pamela Sorooshian
Sent: Friday, February 03, 2006 8:49 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Life without chores
> *****Pick up the dishes and give them a kiss, ask them if they needI thought Ren meant to give the dishes a kiss. Sounds about right to
> anything else to eat.
me because one of the most important pieces of advice I've received
for changing my own attitude has been to slow down and appreciate
things like the dishes. Sandra Dodd talks about how she loves this
plate or that bowl. I have dishes I really dislike - I have plates
that I don't like to eat on. No wonder I get no satisfaction from
picking them up, rinsing them off, putting them in the dishwasher,
taking them out and putting them away. And, if I so actively and
openly dislike housework, why would the kids want to join in!
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Links
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: barndogzzz@...
Or, I guess
I have to start "pretending" that, Gee, I LOVE doing these dishes, THANKS!
kids for leaving them for me to pick up! lol I am kidding here,
-=-=-
I realize you were kidding---but it is NOT about just "pretending" that you love the dishes or love washing
the dishes. It's about that paradigm shift--it's about REALLY, TRULY MAKING that change! To see dishes as
a good part of your life. Too see laundry as meaningful and wonderful. To know---in your heart---that
cleaning up after your family is a gift you can give them because you love and respect them.
It's about changing the way you feel inside. That inside feeling will give you a "glow" on the outside and
change the way what you're doing is preceived by others. I can't tell you what a HUGE difference this makes!
Think about how you would feel if you didn't have that little t-shirt to fold or if you didn't have good
food to eat or a living room floor to vacuum. It CAN change your life! AND the lives of those around you!
They're not chores. They're what you do because you *want* to.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: barndogzzz@...
Or, I guess
I have to start "pretending" that, Gee, I LOVE doing these dishes, THANKS!
kids for leaving them for me to pick up! lol I am kidding here,
-=-=-
I realize you were kidding---but it is NOT about just "pretending" that you love the dishes or love washing
the dishes. It's about that paradigm shift--it's about REALLY, TRULY MAKING that change! To see dishes as
a good part of your life. Too see laundry as meaningful and wonderful. To know---in your heart---that
cleaning up after your family is a gift you can give them because you love and respect them.
It's about changing the way you feel inside. That inside feeling will give you a "glow" on the outside and
change the way what you're doing is preceived by others. I can't tell you what a HUGE difference this makes!
Think about how you would feel if you didn't have that little t-shirt to fold or if you didn't have good
food to eat or a living room floor to vacuum. It CAN change your life! AND the lives of those around you!
They're not chores. They're what you do because you *want* to.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lisa H
They're what you do because you *want* to.
~Kelly
**********
OK, so what if you don't want to. There was a time that i could leave dishes in the sink and a mess around the house until i wanted to do the task. But i am currently in a state of mind where i want my house in order and resent the hell out of feeling like the maid and cook for everyone else. Needless to say i am not liking myself much these days because i am exhibiting such anger. I am feeling this overwhelming need for order in my environment. And thus this is taking precedence over doing other things with my kids. Along with the feeling that whatever i am doing it just doesn't seem like enough. Something is very off kilter here...wonder if it's hormonal.
And all the while, my beautiful family yesterday served me breakfast in bed in appreciation of all i do - boy do i feel like a jerk.
I could use some compassionate replies.
Lisa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
~Kelly
**********
OK, so what if you don't want to. There was a time that i could leave dishes in the sink and a mess around the house until i wanted to do the task. But i am currently in a state of mind where i want my house in order and resent the hell out of feeling like the maid and cook for everyone else. Needless to say i am not liking myself much these days because i am exhibiting such anger. I am feeling this overwhelming need for order in my environment. And thus this is taking precedence over doing other things with my kids. Along with the feeling that whatever i am doing it just doesn't seem like enough. Something is very off kilter here...wonder if it's hormonal.
And all the while, my beautiful family yesterday served me breakfast in bed in appreciation of all i do - boy do i feel like a jerk.
I could use some compassionate replies.
Lisa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Hello Kelly,
Oh I know how right you are! Those "chores" like laundry, dishes, vacuuming,
etc., are really a blessing to us all. I cannot begin to tell you how
unschooling is beautifully changing our lives. I always dreaded seeing our girls
disappear for the whole day, being with hundreds of people all day long, every day
who really could give a sh... about them. Having them AND their "messes" all
day is wonderful!
Thanks for your much needed comments!
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Oh I know how right you are! Those "chores" like laundry, dishes, vacuuming,
etc., are really a blessing to us all. I cannot begin to tell you how
unschooling is beautifully changing our lives. I always dreaded seeing our girls
disappear for the whole day, being with hundreds of people all day long, every day
who really could give a sh... about them. Having them AND their "messes" all
day is wonderful!
Thanks for your much needed comments!
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb
--- In [email protected], "Lisa H" <Lmanathome@...>
wrote:
the majority of meals maybe (do breakfast and lunch on paper and
then dinner with regular plates and cutlery, pots and pans). Do bulk
cooking so all you're doing is re-heating things in microwaveable
containers that are single serving so they can heat and eat in one
container. We like having our double sink so that one person can
wash and one can rinse and one can stand off to the side to dry and
stack/put away - then it becomes a family thing rather than someone
in 'exile'. I've found that what helps me a lot is having an orange
oil scented dish soap - of all the scents out there, this one leaves
me feeling more energetic and perky than when I started! Music
playing helps too - my feet and butt can dance while the rest of me
washes (DS gets a kick out of half of Mommy dancing). Hire a
teenager (if you've got one handy, great if not look to the
neighbors) who can come over maybe 4 afternoons per week to tackle
the dishes. This is just a tidbit to get ideas started - brainstorm
with your family how to tackle the situation. If you think it's
hormonal, or seasonal, or whatever 'this will pass' situation, let
them know that - "Hey guys, right now I'm feeling a need for a bit
of extra help with the dishes (laundry, dusting, whatever). How can
we work it out?" Since my DH is the at home parent, he's usually
tackling the dishes. If he's at it when I get home from work, I'll
often stand behind him and give him a back rub while he works. Or,
we'll trade off - he does some, then he takes a break and I do some,
and so on - back and forth together until it's done (note that my DH
has a seriously damaged hip joint so standing still for long
stretches is a real issue for his back).
And, if just needing a tidy spot is what you're needing - it's not
so much the dishes per se but that you need a clean and serene
place, pick a place and clean it, put some nice candles there, maybe
some light reading and a comfy chair or cushion, maybe a portable
radio or CD player, and when you feel out of sorts and overwhelmed,
go there. Yeah, the dishes and all will still be there in 20 minutes
or 30 minutes, but you'll have recharged your own self.
--Deb
wrote:
> OK, so what if you don't want to.Find alternatives. Paper plates and plastic utensils, at least for
the majority of meals maybe (do breakfast and lunch on paper and
then dinner with regular plates and cutlery, pots and pans). Do bulk
cooking so all you're doing is re-heating things in microwaveable
containers that are single serving so they can heat and eat in one
container. We like having our double sink so that one person can
wash and one can rinse and one can stand off to the side to dry and
stack/put away - then it becomes a family thing rather than someone
in 'exile'. I've found that what helps me a lot is having an orange
oil scented dish soap - of all the scents out there, this one leaves
me feeling more energetic and perky than when I started! Music
playing helps too - my feet and butt can dance while the rest of me
washes (DS gets a kick out of half of Mommy dancing). Hire a
teenager (if you've got one handy, great if not look to the
neighbors) who can come over maybe 4 afternoons per week to tackle
the dishes. This is just a tidbit to get ideas started - brainstorm
with your family how to tackle the situation. If you think it's
hormonal, or seasonal, or whatever 'this will pass' situation, let
them know that - "Hey guys, right now I'm feeling a need for a bit
of extra help with the dishes (laundry, dusting, whatever). How can
we work it out?" Since my DH is the at home parent, he's usually
tackling the dishes. If he's at it when I get home from work, I'll
often stand behind him and give him a back rub while he works. Or,
we'll trade off - he does some, then he takes a break and I do some,
and so on - back and forth together until it's done (note that my DH
has a seriously damaged hip joint so standing still for long
stretches is a real issue for his back).
And, if just needing a tidy spot is what you're needing - it's not
so much the dishes per se but that you need a clean and serene
place, pick a place and clean it, put some nice candles there, maybe
some light reading and a comfy chair or cushion, maybe a portable
radio or CD player, and when you feel out of sorts and overwhelmed,
go there. Yeah, the dishes and all will still be there in 20 minutes
or 30 minutes, but you'll have recharged your own self.
--Deb
Ren Allen
" But i am currently in a state of mind where i want my house in order
and resent the hell out of feeling like the maid and cook for everyone
else. "
Just see it as a choice. You're choosing to feel like a maid and
cook...it's really that simple. Nobody is making you do those
activities, you could stop today. You chose a family, you choose to
help them get nourishment and have a nice environment, they aren't
forcing it upon you.
You desire more order than others in the family unit, so you provide
that order.:)
It's really all choice.
If I want to shift perspective, I use death as my cornerstone. Maybe
it sounds strange, but it doesn't bother me to think about death...I
ponder serious issues a lot.
If my child was gone next week, what would really matter? The mess I'm
cleaning up, or the atmosphere of my home? If *I* was gone tomorrow,
what would matter? Thinking about these things helps me shift
perspective very quickly. I've lost enough friends and loved ones in
life to really value LIFE!
I think it's easy to get bogged down in that resentment we've been
trained with. But that's exactly what it is...programming. We've been
taught that chores are something to grumble about, rather than be
thankful for. We've been taught negative feelings in association with
those tasks. It's not necessary though.
I'm trying hard to end that pattern in this family! Just because
chores had a negative connotation for me, doesn't mean they have to be
for my children. Nor do I have to choose to continue in that paradiagm.
I talked about this in my "unschooling a tribe" talk in St. Louis.
Chores seem to come up a lot at the lists, but especially for big
families. I read an excerpt that I absolutely LOVE, from "Wherever you
go, there you are" by Jon Kabatt-Zin:
He talks about the feelings of anger that cat food dishes in the sink
had caused for him and how he started dealing with those feelings,
that often led to an irritated discussion or other methods of
funneling his frustration:
"I have taken to experimenting with my reactions at the kitchen sink
by watching them very closely without acting on them. I can report
that the intitial feeling of revulsion is not all that bad, and if I
stay with it, breathe with it, and permit myself to just feel it, it
actually goes away within a second or two. I have also noticed that
it is the sense of betrayal, of being thwarted in my wishes, that
makes me mad much more htan the cat food itself. So, I discover, it's
not really the cat food by itself that is the source of my anger.
It's that I'm not feeling listened to and respected. Very different
from the cat food. Aha!"
Recognizing where the anger is really stemming from is hugely helpful.
It takes a lot of self examination and taking responsiblity for our
own emotions. Chores would be absolutely minimal if we lived
alone...but that's not the life we chose, and we'd be pretty torn up
if that's what happened to us. Household tasks are a sign of wealth.
You aren't living in a tent, freezing in the mountains of Pakistan.
You aren't being shot at every day, you have food and shelter. Having
the good things means a certain amount of work to go with it...enjoy
the good life!!:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
and resent the hell out of feeling like the maid and cook for everyone
else. "
Just see it as a choice. You're choosing to feel like a maid and
cook...it's really that simple. Nobody is making you do those
activities, you could stop today. You chose a family, you choose to
help them get nourishment and have a nice environment, they aren't
forcing it upon you.
You desire more order than others in the family unit, so you provide
that order.:)
It's really all choice.
If I want to shift perspective, I use death as my cornerstone. Maybe
it sounds strange, but it doesn't bother me to think about death...I
ponder serious issues a lot.
If my child was gone next week, what would really matter? The mess I'm
cleaning up, or the atmosphere of my home? If *I* was gone tomorrow,
what would matter? Thinking about these things helps me shift
perspective very quickly. I've lost enough friends and loved ones in
life to really value LIFE!
I think it's easy to get bogged down in that resentment we've been
trained with. But that's exactly what it is...programming. We've been
taught that chores are something to grumble about, rather than be
thankful for. We've been taught negative feelings in association with
those tasks. It's not necessary though.
I'm trying hard to end that pattern in this family! Just because
chores had a negative connotation for me, doesn't mean they have to be
for my children. Nor do I have to choose to continue in that paradiagm.
I talked about this in my "unschooling a tribe" talk in St. Louis.
Chores seem to come up a lot at the lists, but especially for big
families. I read an excerpt that I absolutely LOVE, from "Wherever you
go, there you are" by Jon Kabatt-Zin:
He talks about the feelings of anger that cat food dishes in the sink
had caused for him and how he started dealing with those feelings,
that often led to an irritated discussion or other methods of
funneling his frustration:
"I have taken to experimenting with my reactions at the kitchen sink
by watching them very closely without acting on them. I can report
that the intitial feeling of revulsion is not all that bad, and if I
stay with it, breathe with it, and permit myself to just feel it, it
actually goes away within a second or two. I have also noticed that
it is the sense of betrayal, of being thwarted in my wishes, that
makes me mad much more htan the cat food itself. So, I discover, it's
not really the cat food by itself that is the source of my anger.
It's that I'm not feeling listened to and respected. Very different
from the cat food. Aha!"
Recognizing where the anger is really stemming from is hugely helpful.
It takes a lot of self examination and taking responsiblity for our
own emotions. Chores would be absolutely minimal if we lived
alone...but that's not the life we chose, and we'd be pretty torn up
if that's what happened to us. Household tasks are a sign of wealth.
You aren't living in a tent, freezing in the mountains of Pakistan.
You aren't being shot at every day, you have food and shelter. Having
the good things means a certain amount of work to go with it...enjoy
the good life!!:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Ren Allen
Gawd, that last post I wrote was timely in an awful way.
I just went over to UD and read that Diana Jenner (hahamommy) just
found out that her daughter Hannah has luekemia. They were visiting
Kelli Traaseth's family when she started getting nosebleeds and
feeling sick.
Anyhow, they just got the diagnoses and the docs want to start chemo.
When you're picking up after your children this week, just be thankful
you aren't in the hospital watching your child suffer from chemo
treatment. Ok, I'm crying now. Need to find a way to channel postive
energy to Diana....whom I adore.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
I just went over to UD and read that Diana Jenner (hahamommy) just
found out that her daughter Hannah has luekemia. They were visiting
Kelli Traaseth's family when she started getting nosebleeds and
feeling sick.
Anyhow, they just got the diagnoses and the docs want to start chemo.
When you're picking up after your children this week, just be thankful
you aren't in the hospital watching your child suffer from chemo
treatment. Ok, I'm crying now. Need to find a way to channel postive
energy to Diana....whom I adore.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Lesa McMahon-Lowe
I've been feeling very much the same way lately. chores aren't my choice..
they're a "have to". i'm fine with not doing them until i want to... but
my DH isn't happy if i don't do them and he is very nasty to me about it...
even though i'm the one who makes the money to pay the bills. hmmm....
anyhow.... i guess this will work it's way out, one way or another
Lesa
-------Original Message-------
From: Lisa H
Date: 02/13/06 13:55:13
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Life without chores
OK, so what if you don't want to. There was a time that i could leave
dishes in the sink and a mess around the house until i wanted to do the task
But i am currently in a state of mind where i want my house in order and
resent the hell out of feeling like the maid and cook for everyone else.
Needless to say i am not liking myself much these days because i am
exhibiting such anger. I am feeling this overwhelming need for order in my
environment. And thus this is taking precedence over doing other things with
my kids. Along with the feeling that whatever i am doing it just doesn't
seem like enough. Something is very off kilter here...wonder if it's
hormonal.
And all the while, my beautiful family yesterday served me breakfast in bed
in appreciation of all i do - boy do i feel like a jerk.
I could use some compassionate replies.
Lisa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
they're a "have to". i'm fine with not doing them until i want to... but
my DH isn't happy if i don't do them and he is very nasty to me about it...
even though i'm the one who makes the money to pay the bills. hmmm....
anyhow.... i guess this will work it's way out, one way or another
Lesa
-------Original Message-------
From: Lisa H
Date: 02/13/06 13:55:13
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Life without chores
OK, so what if you don't want to. There was a time that i could leave
dishes in the sink and a mess around the house until i wanted to do the task
But i am currently in a state of mind where i want my house in order and
resent the hell out of feeling like the maid and cook for everyone else.
Needless to say i am not liking myself much these days because i am
exhibiting such anger. I am feeling this overwhelming need for order in my
environment. And thus this is taking precedence over doing other things with
my kids. Along with the feeling that whatever i am doing it just doesn't
seem like enough. Something is very off kilter here...wonder if it's
hormonal.
And all the while, my beautiful family yesterday served me breakfast in bed
in appreciation of all i do - boy do i feel like a jerk.
I could use some compassionate replies.
Lisa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Su Penn
On Feb 13, 2006, at 3:02 PM, Lisa H wrote:
has been years of struggle for me. I still don't like doing
housework, but I'm in a really good routine with it now (God Bless
Flylady, All Hail Flylady). What I finally had to do was affirm the
first half of the statement you made (for me, not for you!) --"I want
my house in order" and try to let go of the second half of it.
I love Flylady b/c except for dishes, her system takes me AT MOST an
hour a day, most days less than half an hour. And it really has
helped make the house feel cleaner and more orderly
. And the change in my attitude has helped my family--when the house
was feeling overwhelmingly chaotic to me a few months ago, I cleared
off the mantel and then asked everyone not to put anything on it
again, so that I could have one clear space in the house. After some
negotiation, we agreed that my 4 y.o. could put up to two treasures
in "hiding places" behind the clock and pictures up there. My partner
agreed that he would not set anything there at all (he tends to set
things down and leave them literally for years sometimes). Because I
asked nicely--not "I work and I work and I work and this place is a
pit and G-dDAMN it the next person who sets something on the mantel
is going to lose it!" but "I would love to have one clear space in
the house to rest my eyes. Will you help me?"--they responded really
well.
One important piece for me about letting go of the resentment was
flipping things around in my mind and realizing that, by expecting
them all to live up to my standards and resenting them when they
didn't, I was giving up all my power over my environment. I wanted an
orderly house and because I could not control the behavior of my
family members, I couldn't have it. When I start to feel resentful
that I'm the one picking up and running the vacuum and washing the
dishes for the third time today--I remind myself that I am exercising
my power over my environment, to create an orderly home for myself,
and that this is a gift for myself. A gift I give me.
The outside can look the same--I'm still the one running the vacuum!
But inside, instead of seething, I'm thinking, "I have the power to
make my house the house I want it to be, a house I can be comfortable
in."
do for you. I will say that the less cranky and resentful I have
gotten about the housework, the easier it gets for my family to give
me these kinds of gifts. Just the other day, my 4 y.o. suddenly piped
up as he was working on a project, "Mama, as soon as I'm done here
I'll be able to help you with your chores." And he did.
Good luck, Lisa. I think most of us have been where you're at...at
least, I know I have. I don't visit there as often as I used to, but
I do still take the occasional vacation there! I just get out of it
quicker now.
Su
p.s. A practical tip that saved our relationship back pre-kids but
when my partner and I were sharing a house with a friend who is Chaos
Personified was to put a basket for each family member in the corner
of the living room. Anything that was in my way, I could just toss
into the person's basket. This made it easy for me to clean up the
common space for my own comfort, without making me responsible for
dealing with their stuff. And our agreement was that if the baskets
got too full to put more stuff in, I could give 48 hour notice to
have it cleaned out, or I could bag the stuff up and trash it (I
wouldn't do that with kids; and I never had to do it with the grown-
ups, either, though I did have to give 48 warnings once or twice). It
seems like a simple thing but it was a breakthrough for us that made
a big difference.
My version of this now is that if there are a lot of toys all over
the living room, I don't try to sort them into their appropriate
storage places. I just work from one end of the room to the other and
throw them all into a laundry basket. It gets the room clean enough
to do the sweeping in just a couple of minutes, and I can either sort
the stuff out later when I'm feeling like it, or ask my partner to
work on it.
> OK, so what if you don't want to. There was a time that i couldI have been there, Lisa, and I hope you can hear my compassion! It
> leave dishes in the sink and a mess around the house until i wanted
> to do the task. But i am currently in a state of mind where i want
> my house in order and resent the hell out of feeling like the maid
> and cook for everyone else.
has been years of struggle for me. I still don't like doing
housework, but I'm in a really good routine with it now (God Bless
Flylady, All Hail Flylady). What I finally had to do was affirm the
first half of the statement you made (for me, not for you!) --"I want
my house in order" and try to let go of the second half of it.
I love Flylady b/c except for dishes, her system takes me AT MOST an
hour a day, most days less than half an hour. And it really has
helped make the house feel cleaner and more orderly
. And the change in my attitude has helped my family--when the house
was feeling overwhelmingly chaotic to me a few months ago, I cleared
off the mantel and then asked everyone not to put anything on it
again, so that I could have one clear space in the house. After some
negotiation, we agreed that my 4 y.o. could put up to two treasures
in "hiding places" behind the clock and pictures up there. My partner
agreed that he would not set anything there at all (he tends to set
things down and leave them literally for years sometimes). Because I
asked nicely--not "I work and I work and I work and this place is a
pit and G-dDAMN it the next person who sets something on the mantel
is going to lose it!" but "I would love to have one clear space in
the house to rest my eyes. Will you help me?"--they responded really
well.
One important piece for me about letting go of the resentment was
flipping things around in my mind and realizing that, by expecting
them all to live up to my standards and resenting them when they
didn't, I was giving up all my power over my environment. I wanted an
orderly house and because I could not control the behavior of my
family members, I couldn't have it. When I start to feel resentful
that I'm the one picking up and running the vacuum and washing the
dishes for the third time today--I remind myself that I am exercising
my power over my environment, to create an orderly home for myself,
and that this is a gift for myself. A gift I give me.
The outside can look the same--I'm still the one running the vacuum!
But inside, instead of seething, I'm thinking, "I have the power to
make my house the house I want it to be, a house I can be comfortable
in."
> And all the while, my beautiful family yesterday served meYou're not a jerk! Breakfast in bed is such a nice thing for them to
> breakfast in bed in appreciation of all i do - boy do i feel like a
> jerk.
do for you. I will say that the less cranky and resentful I have
gotten about the housework, the easier it gets for my family to give
me these kinds of gifts. Just the other day, my 4 y.o. suddenly piped
up as he was working on a project, "Mama, as soon as I'm done here
I'll be able to help you with your chores." And he did.
Good luck, Lisa. I think most of us have been where you're at...at
least, I know I have. I don't visit there as often as I used to, but
I do still take the occasional vacation there! I just get out of it
quicker now.
Su
p.s. A practical tip that saved our relationship back pre-kids but
when my partner and I were sharing a house with a friend who is Chaos
Personified was to put a basket for each family member in the corner
of the living room. Anything that was in my way, I could just toss
into the person's basket. This made it easy for me to clean up the
common space for my own comfort, without making me responsible for
dealing with their stuff. And our agreement was that if the baskets
got too full to put more stuff in, I could give 48 hour notice to
have it cleaned out, or I could bag the stuff up and trash it (I
wouldn't do that with kids; and I never had to do it with the grown-
ups, either, though I did have to give 48 warnings once or twice). It
seems like a simple thing but it was a breakthrough for us that made
a big difference.
My version of this now is that if there are a lot of toys all over
the living room, I don't try to sort them into their appropriate
storage places. I just work from one end of the room to the other and
throw them all into a laundry basket. It gets the room clean enough
to do the sweeping in just a couple of minutes, and I can either sort
the stuff out later when I'm feeling like it, or ask my partner to
work on it.
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/13/2006 8:10:20 AM Pacific Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
They're not chores. They're what you do because you *want* to.
Hi, I'm new here and I want to say that of course we always choose our
perception of everything at every opportunity. Our children also have the choice
to make this shift too! It's as easy or challenging for them as it is for
us. They have the option to view chores as drudgery or choose to enjoy caring
for their things and contributing to the family responsibilities as well.
Michelle
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
They're not chores. They're what you do because you *want* to.
Hi, I'm new here and I want to say that of course we always choose our
perception of everything at every opportunity. Our children also have the choice
to make this shift too! It's as easy or challenging for them as it is for
us. They have the option to view chores as drudgery or choose to enjoy caring
for their things and contributing to the family responsibilities as well.
Michelle
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
<<It's that I'm not feeling listened to and respected>>
This is such a major thing that I wanted to post it again. I'm by no means a clean freak but I do like a bit of order in the house (not sticking to the kitchen floor, being able to at least see the carpet, being able to find the ringing phone). We stay real busy doing things we love and it tends to fall to me to stay on top of "chores" and "schedules" (like when to go to the feed store, sign up dates for activities, etc.)
It is easy to get overwhelmed and have things fall through the cracks. I used to get angry, thinking "Can't they see? Surely they know? How dare they ignore...." Eventually, I realized that *I* wasn't communicating my needs to my family. Of course, I wanted everyone to be happy and I would get so busy helping everyone that I would start to slip on the things *I* needed, then I would be angry that nobody could read my mind and know exactly what I needed.
I came to realize that while I "get" reading the needs of other family members, jumping in to help out, seeing what needs to be done....the rest of the family just doesn't "get it". Reading those needs is my gift to my family. They each have many gifts for me, but just knowing my needs isn't one of them. So I have become more mindful of myself, of my inner state....I still love helping my family but when I am reaching "melt down", I put the brakes on, verbalize the problem and ask for help. And you know what? 99% of the time I get it.
Julie S.
This is such a major thing that I wanted to post it again. I'm by no means a clean freak but I do like a bit of order in the house (not sticking to the kitchen floor, being able to at least see the carpet, being able to find the ringing phone). We stay real busy doing things we love and it tends to fall to me to stay on top of "chores" and "schedules" (like when to go to the feed store, sign up dates for activities, etc.)
It is easy to get overwhelmed and have things fall through the cracks. I used to get angry, thinking "Can't they see? Surely they know? How dare they ignore...." Eventually, I realized that *I* wasn't communicating my needs to my family. Of course, I wanted everyone to be happy and I would get so busy helping everyone that I would start to slip on the things *I* needed, then I would be angry that nobody could read my mind and know exactly what I needed.
I came to realize that while I "get" reading the needs of other family members, jumping in to help out, seeing what needs to be done....the rest of the family just doesn't "get it". Reading those needs is my gift to my family. They each have many gifts for me, but just knowing my needs isn't one of them. So I have become more mindful of myself, of my inner state....I still love helping my family but when I am reaching "melt down", I put the brakes on, verbalize the problem and ask for help. And you know what? 99% of the time I get it.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...>
Date: Monday, February 13, 2006 2:51 pm
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Life without chores
> " But i am currently in a state of mind where i want my house in order
> and resent the hell out of feeling like the maid and cook for everyone
> else. "
>
> Just see it as a choice. You're choosing to feel like a maid and
> cook...it's really that simple. Nobody is making you do those
> activities, you could stop today. You chose a family, you choose to
> help them get nourishment and have a nice environment, they aren't
> forcing it upon you.
> You desire more order than others in the family unit, so you provide
> that order.:)
>
> It's really all choice.
> If I want to shift perspective, I use death as my cornerstone. Maybe
> it sounds strange, but it doesn't bother me to think about death...I
> ponder serious issues a lot.
> If my child was gone next week, what would really matter? The mess I'm
> cleaning up, or the atmosphere of my home? If *I* was gone tomorrow,
> what would matter? Thinking about these things helps me shift
> perspective very quickly. I've lost enough friends and loved ones in
> life to really value LIFE!
>
> I think it's easy to get bogged down in that resentment we've been
> trained with. But that's exactly what it is...programming. We've been
> taught that chores are something to grumble about, rather than be
> thankful for. We've been taught negative feelings in association with
> those tasks. It's not necessary though.
>
> I'm trying hard to end that pattern in this family! Just because
> chores had a negative connotation for me, doesn't mean they have
> to be
> for my children. Nor do I have to choose to continue in that
> paradiagm.
> I talked about this in my "unschooling a tribe" talk in St. Louis.
> Chores seem to come up a lot at the lists, but especially for big
> families. I read an excerpt that I absolutely LOVE, from "Wherever you
> go, there you are" by Jon Kabatt-Zin:
>
> He talks about the feelings of anger that cat food dishes in the sink
> had caused for him and how he started dealing with those feelings,
> that often led to an irritated discussion or other methods of
> funneling his frustration:
>
> "I have taken to experimenting with my reactions at the kitchen sink
> by watching them very closely without acting on them. I can report
> that the intitial feeling of revulsion is not all that bad, and if I
> stay with it, breathe with it, and permit myself to just feel it, it
> actually goes away within a second or two. I have also noticed that
> it is the sense of betrayal, of being thwarted in my wishes, that
> makes me mad much more htan the cat food itself. So, I discover, it's
> not really the cat food by itself that is the source of my anger.
> It's that I'm not feeling listened to and respected. Very different
> from the cat food. Aha!"
>
> Recognizing where the anger is really stemming from is hugely helpful.
> It takes a lot of self examination and taking responsiblity for our
> own emotions. Chores would be absolutely minimal if we lived
> alone...but that's not the life we chose, and we'd be pretty torn up
> if that's what happened to us. Household tasks are a sign of wealth.
> You aren't living in a tent, freezing in the mountains of Pakistan.
> You aren't being shot at every day, you have food and shelter. Having
> the good things means a certain amount of work to go with it...enjoy
> the good life!!:)
>
> Ren
> learninginfreedom.com
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Lisa H
<< If I want to shift perspective, I use death as my cornerstone. Maybe
it sounds strange, but it doesn't bother me to think about death...I
ponder serious issues a lot. >>
Not strange at all. This has been a benchmark for me as well. There was a time that i felt perfectly at peace should i die. I felt fulfilled in my life. Now i am feeling like there's a part of me that hasn't/isn't having a chance to be realized and i want that part to have a chance to live before dying. this is part of the rising resentment. not being content with the moment, the now. How does the song go..."it's not about having what you want but wanting what you have."
Perhaps my restlessness is connected to the car accident this past fall. i feel the vulnerability of life and that while i am still here and there is still more i want to do - yes accomplish...outside of and beyond my children. I've always said "there will be time for that...for me...my dds are only this age once"...but this idea is not sitting well right now and the antithesis of this thought is not serving me well either. I am feeling selfish in having desires outside of the needs of my family.
<<If my child was gone next week, what would really matter? The mess I'm
cleaning up, or the atmosphere of my home? If *I* was gone tomorrow,
what would matter? Thinking about these things helps me shift
perspective very quickly. I've lost enough friends and loved ones in
life to really value LIFE!>>
Thank you for this reminder. I really don't want my kids to remember me as a neurotic angry parent.
<<I think it's easy to get bogged down in that resentment we've been
trained with. But that's exactly what it is...programming. We've been
taught that chores are something to grumble about, rather than be
thankful for. We've been taught negative feelings in association with
those tasks. It's not necessary though.>>
Oh so true. My mothers generation were women who revelled in the opportunities outside of the home - to be more than "just a housewife." Totally diminishing the value of sahm's. This has been an off and on again struggle for me since my first dd was born and chose to stay home. My mom once said to me "you have to do something other than being home with your child(ren), just to stay interesting."
<<I talked about this in my "unschooling a tribe" talk in St. Louis.>>
Oh Ren, your talk was so inspirational. I came away wanting to have another child. But i am too far removed from the spirit of that talk and back to feeling very limited in my ability to be at peace with the choas of childrearing to consider having a third.
<< I can report
that the intitial feeling of revulsion is not all that bad, and if I
stay with it, breathe with it, and permit myself to just feel it, it
actually goes away within a second or two. I have also noticed that
it is the sense of betrayal, of being thwarted in my wishes, that
makes me mad much more htan the cat food itself. So, I discover, it's
not really the cat food by itself that is the source of my anger.
It's that I'm not feeling listened to and respected. Very different
from the cat food. Aha!"
Recognizing where the anger is really stemming from is hugely helpful.
It takes a lot of self examination and taking responsiblity for our
own emotions. >>
Yes yes and yes. Thank you so much Ren for sharing this.
<<Chores would be absolutely minimal if we lived
alone...but that's not the life we chose, and we'd be pretty torn up
if that's what happened to us. Household tasks are a sign of wealth.
You aren't living in a tent, freezing in the mountains of Pakistan.
You aren't being shot at every day, you have food and shelter. Having
the good things means a certain amount of work to go with it...enjoy
the good life!!:)>>
Ah the attitude of gratitude reminder.
That is why i need these lists. As hard as it is to admit, sometimes I just don't feel very good at living life the way i want to live life.
With much gratitude...thanks for the compassionate responses and gentle reminders from everyone.
Lisa.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
it sounds strange, but it doesn't bother me to think about death...I
ponder serious issues a lot. >>
Not strange at all. This has been a benchmark for me as well. There was a time that i felt perfectly at peace should i die. I felt fulfilled in my life. Now i am feeling like there's a part of me that hasn't/isn't having a chance to be realized and i want that part to have a chance to live before dying. this is part of the rising resentment. not being content with the moment, the now. How does the song go..."it's not about having what you want but wanting what you have."
Perhaps my restlessness is connected to the car accident this past fall. i feel the vulnerability of life and that while i am still here and there is still more i want to do - yes accomplish...outside of and beyond my children. I've always said "there will be time for that...for me...my dds are only this age once"...but this idea is not sitting well right now and the antithesis of this thought is not serving me well either. I am feeling selfish in having desires outside of the needs of my family.
<<If my child was gone next week, what would really matter? The mess I'm
cleaning up, or the atmosphere of my home? If *I* was gone tomorrow,
what would matter? Thinking about these things helps me shift
perspective very quickly. I've lost enough friends and loved ones in
life to really value LIFE!>>
Thank you for this reminder. I really don't want my kids to remember me as a neurotic angry parent.
<<I think it's easy to get bogged down in that resentment we've been
trained with. But that's exactly what it is...programming. We've been
taught that chores are something to grumble about, rather than be
thankful for. We've been taught negative feelings in association with
those tasks. It's not necessary though.>>
Oh so true. My mothers generation were women who revelled in the opportunities outside of the home - to be more than "just a housewife." Totally diminishing the value of sahm's. This has been an off and on again struggle for me since my first dd was born and chose to stay home. My mom once said to me "you have to do something other than being home with your child(ren), just to stay interesting."
<<I talked about this in my "unschooling a tribe" talk in St. Louis.>>
Oh Ren, your talk was so inspirational. I came away wanting to have another child. But i am too far removed from the spirit of that talk and back to feeling very limited in my ability to be at peace with the choas of childrearing to consider having a third.
<< I can report
that the intitial feeling of revulsion is not all that bad, and if I
stay with it, breathe with it, and permit myself to just feel it, it
actually goes away within a second or two. I have also noticed that
it is the sense of betrayal, of being thwarted in my wishes, that
makes me mad much more htan the cat food itself. So, I discover, it's
not really the cat food by itself that is the source of my anger.
It's that I'm not feeling listened to and respected. Very different
from the cat food. Aha!"
Recognizing where the anger is really stemming from is hugely helpful.
It takes a lot of self examination and taking responsiblity for our
own emotions. >>
Yes yes and yes. Thank you so much Ren for sharing this.
<<Chores would be absolutely minimal if we lived
alone...but that's not the life we chose, and we'd be pretty torn up
if that's what happened to us. Household tasks are a sign of wealth.
You aren't living in a tent, freezing in the mountains of Pakistan.
You aren't being shot at every day, you have food and shelter. Having
the good things means a certain amount of work to go with it...enjoy
the good life!!:)>>
Ah the attitude of gratitude reminder.
That is why i need these lists. As hard as it is to admit, sometimes I just don't feel very good at living life the way i want to live life.
With much gratitude...thanks for the compassionate responses and gentle reminders from everyone.
Lisa.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
""there will be time for that...for me...my dds are only this age
once"...but this idea is not sitting well right now and the antithesis
of this thought is not serving me well either. I am feeling selfish
in having desires outside of the needs of my family."
Ah, but maybe some of that discontent is your heart's voice speaking
to you on a very deep level. Funny...I just finished up a very short
article on the call to creativity and parenting. On the surface, these
worlds seem to collide, but with some examination we find that they
are connected and parenting is actually fodder for creative expression.
It takes quite a bit of mindfulness and creativity to swirl OUR
interests and passions into the mix of parenting at first, but with
time, you'll find a natural ebb and flow to it all. I don't think
ignoring our passions helps us be better parents...in fact, we
withhold the very best parts of ourselves by doing that.
It doesn't mean we can pick up every interest without real life
limitations. BUT, there are ways to pursue the things you love, and
not cheat the kids....truly. Maybe you could post about some of the
things you feel you're ignoring, some of your inner urgings that
you're having a difficult time honoring. Only post if you feel
comfortable with that. I'm just thinking some creative brainstorming
on ways to pursue those inner stirrings, while meeting the needs of
young children, might help you see more possibilties.
That may very well help take care of some of those resentments about
the house too? And maybe it's time for a good heart to heart with
your partner, who seems to be heaping on extra feelings of inadequacy
by being nasty over the cleanliness? I know my dh needs a reminder
every so often, that the messes aren't worth being grumpy over.:)
I try to do it sweetly, but sometimes I just let him know he's making
me feel stepped on. We truly don't SEE the stuff he does...totally
different levels of comfort with mess.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
once"...but this idea is not sitting well right now and the antithesis
of this thought is not serving me well either. I am feeling selfish
in having desires outside of the needs of my family."
Ah, but maybe some of that discontent is your heart's voice speaking
to you on a very deep level. Funny...I just finished up a very short
article on the call to creativity and parenting. On the surface, these
worlds seem to collide, but with some examination we find that they
are connected and parenting is actually fodder for creative expression.
It takes quite a bit of mindfulness and creativity to swirl OUR
interests and passions into the mix of parenting at first, but with
time, you'll find a natural ebb and flow to it all. I don't think
ignoring our passions helps us be better parents...in fact, we
withhold the very best parts of ourselves by doing that.
It doesn't mean we can pick up every interest without real life
limitations. BUT, there are ways to pursue the things you love, and
not cheat the kids....truly. Maybe you could post about some of the
things you feel you're ignoring, some of your inner urgings that
you're having a difficult time honoring. Only post if you feel
comfortable with that. I'm just thinking some creative brainstorming
on ways to pursue those inner stirrings, while meeting the needs of
young children, might help you see more possibilties.
That may very well help take care of some of those resentments about
the house too? And maybe it's time for a good heart to heart with
your partner, who seems to be heaping on extra feelings of inadequacy
by being nasty over the cleanliness? I know my dh needs a reminder
every so often, that the messes aren't worth being grumpy over.:)
I try to do it sweetly, but sometimes I just let him know he's making
me feel stepped on. We truly don't SEE the stuff he does...totally
different levels of comfort with mess.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
[email protected]
--- In "Lisa H" <Lmanathome@...> wrote:
---In [email protected],soggyboysmom@... (Deb) wrote:>
place, pick a place and clean it, put some nice candles there, maybe
some light reading and a comfy chair or cushion, maybe a portable
radio or CD player, and when you feel out of sorts and overwhelmed,
go there. Yeah, the dishes and all will still be there in 20 minutes
or 30 minutes, but you'll have recharged your own self.
--Deb<<<
******I couldn't agree with you more Deb. We have a loveseat type couch (I
think it's called a setae?? :o) at the table in our dinning rm. with a throw and
lots of BIG pillows on it to relax and get comfy on. I sit at it A LOT to
read, and veg. There is nothing like lighting some candles, putting on some
Billy Holiday, getting a hot cup of tea or a glass of wine, a good book and
cuddling up there for some peaceful time.
The kids LOVE it too! So does company, whoever comes for dinner always calls
"dibs" on the couch!
Nancy
check out my art at!
<A HREF="http://www.picturetrail.com/nancysart">PictureTrail</A> or
<A HREF="http://carverscompanion.com/Ezine/Vol9Issue3/KMenendez/KMenendez2.html">Woodcarver On-Line Magazine, Pyrography News, No. 34</A>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> OK, so what if you don't want to......and
---In [email protected],soggyboysmom@... (Deb) wrote:>
>And, if just needing a tidy spot is what you're needing - it's notso much the dishes per se but that you need a clean and serene
place, pick a place and clean it, put some nice candles there, maybe
some light reading and a comfy chair or cushion, maybe a portable
radio or CD player, and when you feel out of sorts and overwhelmed,
go there. Yeah, the dishes and all will still be there in 20 minutes
or 30 minutes, but you'll have recharged your own self.
--Deb<<<
******I couldn't agree with you more Deb. We have a loveseat type couch (I
think it's called a setae?? :o) at the table in our dinning rm. with a throw and
lots of BIG pillows on it to relax and get comfy on. I sit at it A LOT to
read, and veg. There is nothing like lighting some candles, putting on some
Billy Holiday, getting a hot cup of tea or a glass of wine, a good book and
cuddling up there for some peaceful time.
The kids LOVE it too! So does company, whoever comes for dinner always calls
"dibs" on the couch!
Nancy
check out my art at!
<A HREF="http://www.picturetrail.com/nancysart">PictureTrail</A> or
<A HREF="http://carverscompanion.com/Ezine/Vol9Issue3/KMenendez/KMenendez2.html">Woodcarver On-Line Magazine, Pyrography News, No. 34</A>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Andrea
I believe that we always have choice. You can choose to let the dishes go.
But you have made a bigger choice to honor the value of order in your
environment. Within that bigger choice/goal, is doing the dishes. For me,
these are some things that have helped me deal with choices regarding
chores:
* FlyLady.com
* Keep your mind on the bigger goal (and stay aware of thoughts that
lead you down the road of energy depleating negativity, and have ready made
affirmations that help turn them around. (i.e. When my house is in order,
I have room in my mind for more creativity.When my dishes are done, I feel
great.When I am accomplishing my goals, I know that I can do anything I set
out to do.you find what works for you.)
* Know that you are setting a great example. When your kids see how
you feel when you've accomplished something that might not have been so fun
at the time, but ultimately helps you achieve your ideal, they are inspired
and what a great role model you become. When I am in this positive space,
my son often is inspired to join in on his own. Nobody gets nagged or
coerced, and we both have amazing feelings inside!
* Try to focus less on words like maid and resentment, and start doing
these things for you and your own piece of mind. This is your value. Some
people are perfectly fine with a messy house, and you might be living with
them.It's so tricky when values clash.Non-Violent Communication has really
helped me in my communication about these very issues (You can google it).
Hope this helps!
Andrea
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
But you have made a bigger choice to honor the value of order in your
environment. Within that bigger choice/goal, is doing the dishes. For me,
these are some things that have helped me deal with choices regarding
chores:
* FlyLady.com
* Keep your mind on the bigger goal (and stay aware of thoughts that
lead you down the road of energy depleating negativity, and have ready made
affirmations that help turn them around. (i.e. When my house is in order,
I have room in my mind for more creativity.When my dishes are done, I feel
great.When I am accomplishing my goals, I know that I can do anything I set
out to do.you find what works for you.)
* Know that you are setting a great example. When your kids see how
you feel when you've accomplished something that might not have been so fun
at the time, but ultimately helps you achieve your ideal, they are inspired
and what a great role model you become. When I am in this positive space,
my son often is inspired to join in on his own. Nobody gets nagged or
coerced, and we both have amazing feelings inside!
* Try to focus less on words like maid and resentment, and start doing
these things for you and your own piece of mind. This is your value. Some
people are perfectly fine with a messy house, and you might be living with
them.It's so tricky when values clash.Non-Violent Communication has really
helped me in my communication about these very issues (You can google it).
Hope this helps!
Andrea
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maggy Alonso
Wow, this really hits home with me! A family in our neighborhood lost a 9 yo son last year to leukemia. His mother told me once that she wishes his bike would still be outside blocking her car like it used to be. She wished she hadn't yelled at him about it......
I don't know Diana but I will keep her and her family in my thoughts and pray for Hannah's recovery.
Maggy
I don't know Diana but I will keep her and her family in my thoughts and pray for Hannah's recovery.
Maggy
----- Original Message -----
From: Ren Allen
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, February 13, 2006 4:05 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Life without chores
Gawd, that last post I wrote was timely in an awful way.
I just went over to UD and read that Diana Jenner (hahamommy) just
found out that her daughter Hannah has luekemia. They were visiting
Kelli Traaseth's family when she started getting nosebleeds and
feeling sick.
Anyhow, they just got the diagnoses and the docs want to start chemo.
When you're picking up after your children this week, just be thankful
you aren't in the hospital watching your child suffer from chemo
treatment. Ok, I'm crying now. Need to find a way to channel postive
energy to Diana....whom I adore.:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
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