For Mothers and Grandmothers
Ren Allen
This was posted at another list I'm on and I couldn't help but mess
with it (the message is really irritating if you're an AP parent).
Here's the original (followed by my version):
THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN -
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time,
breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and
fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and
discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick
up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical
swing. !
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until
you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby:! When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off
with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they
need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if
needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to
complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and
Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry
cleaner.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she
sees blood.
! At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older
child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the child
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to
the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for
the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his
allowance!!
~~~Below is a little bit closer to my journey (though I had a midwife
for #4, never did unassisted)....those of you that didn't come into AP
parenting from the beginning might appreciate this more than those
that have always done it!!~~~
THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN -
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing and trust the doctor
2nd baby: You practice your breathing and question everything the
doctor says
3rd baby: You know you can get through the birth just fine, that the
doctors only get in the way, and opt for an unassisted home birth in a
tub in your living room.
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and
fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You pre-wash with Dr. Bronners soap and stack them neatly in
your room.
3rd baby: You buy mostly organic cotton baby clothing, pre-wash in Dr.
Bronners and throw them in a basket next to your bed.
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick
up the baby.
2nd baby: You don't wait for the baby to cry or whimper, you take care
of their needs at all times and buy a sling.
3rd baby: You wear the baby in a sling from the beginning, so they can
nurse at will.
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until
you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby:! You don't introduce a pacifier, you know it messes with
breastfeeding and allow the child to find their thumb if needed.
3rd baby: You breastfeed them so much they don't need a thumb or pacifier.
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they
need it or not.
2nd baby: You switch to clothe diapers and change as needed.
3rd baby: You try Natural evacuation techniques, decide to go back to
clothe and let the baby run around naked a lot.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and
Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You realize you spent far too much money on worthless
classes and opt for home products to stimulate their minds
3rd baby: You realize that if a baby is nurtured and loved, they don't
need all those programs at all and trust that growth equals learning.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.
2nd baby: You only leave the baby with a family member.
3rd baby: You take the baby with you everywhere (most likely in a sling).
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend just as much time watching the baby, but with an
older sibling joining in with "oohs" and "aaahs"
3rd baby: You spend lots of quality time interacting with all of your
children and nurturing their passions, gazing at your baby next to
your body in the sling.
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to
the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you decide to keep coins
put up higher and help them play with the money in your presence to
prevent unsafe useage and make sure they have lots of interesting
things that are safe to put in their mouths.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you realize you haven't
learned much with the first two children about keeping unsafe things
away from babies and decide to go coinless.
Ok, just kidding. But THREE kids swallowing coins? sheesh.
with it (the message is really irritating if you're an AP parent).
Here's the original (followed by my version):
THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN -
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time,
breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and
fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and
discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick
up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical
swing. !
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until
you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby:! When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off
with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they
need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if
needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to
complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and
Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry
cleaner.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she
sees blood.
! At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older
child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the child
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to
the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for
the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his
allowance!!
~~~Below is a little bit closer to my journey (though I had a midwife
for #4, never did unassisted)....those of you that didn't come into AP
parenting from the beginning might appreciate this more than those
that have always done it!!~~~
THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN -
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing and trust the doctor
2nd baby: You practice your breathing and question everything the
doctor says
3rd baby: You know you can get through the birth just fine, that the
doctors only get in the way, and opt for an unassisted home birth in a
tub in your living room.
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and
fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You pre-wash with Dr. Bronners soap and stack them neatly in
your room.
3rd baby: You buy mostly organic cotton baby clothing, pre-wash in Dr.
Bronners and throw them in a basket next to your bed.
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick
up the baby.
2nd baby: You don't wait for the baby to cry or whimper, you take care
of their needs at all times and buy a sling.
3rd baby: You wear the baby in a sling from the beginning, so they can
nurse at will.
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until
you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby:! You don't introduce a pacifier, you know it messes with
breastfeeding and allow the child to find their thumb if needed.
3rd baby: You breastfeed them so much they don't need a thumb or pacifier.
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they
need it or not.
2nd baby: You switch to clothe diapers and change as needed.
3rd baby: You try Natural evacuation techniques, decide to go back to
clothe and let the baby run around naked a lot.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and
Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You realize you spent far too much money on worthless
classes and opt for home products to stimulate their minds
3rd baby: You realize that if a baby is nurtured and loved, they don't
need all those programs at all and trust that growth equals learning.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.
2nd baby: You only leave the baby with a family member.
3rd baby: You take the baby with you everywhere (most likely in a sling).
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend just as much time watching the baby, but with an
older sibling joining in with "oohs" and "aaahs"
3rd baby: You spend lots of quality time interacting with all of your
children and nurturing their passions, gazing at your baby next to
your body in the sling.
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to
the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you decide to keep coins
put up higher and help them play with the money in your presence to
prevent unsafe useage and make sure they have lots of interesting
things that are safe to put in their mouths.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you realize you haven't
learned much with the first two children about keeping unsafe things
away from babies and decide to go coinless.
Ok, just kidding. But THREE kids swallowing coins? sheesh.
Melissa
I love your version Ren...I just wish I would have caught on by #3
child LOL! My head is so thick it took five kids to get to real
attachment parenting. I figure Dan and Avari will be just about
right. :-P
child LOL! My head is so thick it took five kids to get to real
attachment parenting. I figure Dan and Avari will be just about
right. :-P
On Jan 22, 2006, at 11:09 AM, Ren Allen wrote:
>
> ~~~Below is a little bit closer to my journey (though I had a midwife
> for #4, never did unassisted)....those of you that didn't come into AP
> parenting from the beginning might appreciate this more than those
> that have always done it!!~~~
>
> THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN -
>
> Your Clothes:
> 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
> confirms your pregnancy.
> 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
> 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
>
> Preparing for the Birth:
> 1st baby: You practice your breathing and trust the doctor
> 2nd baby: You practice your breathing and question everything the
> doctor says
> 3rd baby: You know you can get through the birth just fine, that the
> doctors only get in the way, and opt for an unassisted home birth in a
> tub in your living room.
>
> The Layette:
> 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and
> fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
> 2nd baby: You pre-wash with Dr. Bronners soap and stack them neatly in
> your room.
> 3rd baby: You buy mostly organic cotton baby clothing, pre-wash in Dr.
> Bronners and throw them in a basket next to your bed.
>
> Worries:
> 1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick
> up the baby.
> 2nd baby: You don't wait for the baby to cry or whimper, you take care
> of their needs at all times and buy a sling.
> 3rd baby: You wear the baby in a sling from the beginning, so they can
> nurse at will.
>
> Pacifier:
> 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until
> you can go home and wash and boil it.
> 2nd baby:! You don't introduce a pacifier, you know it messes with
> breastfeeding and allow the child to find their thumb if needed.
> 3rd baby: You breastfeed them so much they don't need a thumb or
> pacifier.
>
> Diapering:
> 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they
> need it or not.
> 2nd baby: You switch to clothe diapers and change as needed.
> 3rd baby: You try Natural evacuation techniques, decide to go back to
> clothe and let the baby run around naked a lot.
>
> Activities:
> 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and
> Baby Story Hour.
> 2nd baby: You realize you spent far too much money on worthless
> classes and opt for home products to stimulate their minds
> 3rd baby: You realize that if a baby is nurtured and loved, they don't
> need all those programs at all and trust that growth equals learning.
>
> Going Out:
> 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
> home five times.
> 2nd baby: You only leave the baby with a family member.
> 3rd baby: You take the baby with you everywhere (most likely in a
> sling).
>
> At Home:
> 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
> 2nd baby: You spend just as much time watching the baby, but with an
> older sibling joining in with "oohs" and "aaahs"
> 3rd baby: You spend lots of quality time interacting with all of your
> children and nurturing their passions, gazing at your baby next to
> your body in the sling.
>
> Swallowing Coins:
> 1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to
> the hospital and demand x-rays.
> 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you decide to keep coins
> put up higher and help them play with the money in your presence to
> prevent unsafe useage and make sure they have lots of interesting
> things that are safe to put in their mouths.
> 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you realize you haven't
> learned much with the first two children about keeping unsafe things
> away from babies and decide to go coinless.
>
> Ok, just kidding. But THREE kids swallowing coins? sheesh.
>
>
>
>
> YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS
>
> Visit your group "unschoolingbasics" on the web.
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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>
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>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mother Earth (Tyra)
Ren,
You hit the nail right on the head for me! Thank you!
You hit the nail right on the head for me! Thank you!
----- Original Message -----
From: Ren Allen
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, January 22, 2006 11:09 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] For Mothers and Grandmothers
This was posted at another list I'm on and I couldn't help but mess
with it (the message is really irritating if you're an AP parent).
Here's the original (followed by my version):
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]