restless
[email protected]
Hello all... I've been lurking for a bit and wanted to say hello and ask for
some insight into some issues our family is having. There are 4 of us all
together - me, my husband (second marriage not the biological father not that
that matters really) and my two girls Courtney 12 and Tasha 9. We started
homeschooling then unschooling this year. Before now both girls were in privet
school and daycare pretty much their whole lives. I worked full time as an
accountant up until two years ago and I remarried 11/11/04. I left my first
husband in July 2002 he was an extremely abusive man and the girls have not seen
him or spoken to him since 02 and have not desired to.
Ok to way to much info... sorry...
Our issue has really been what to do with our time. And its been a huge
struggle with Tasha. We have no limits on food or TV or bedtime. She's very
assured and will tell you most the time what works and what doesn't. "no mom I
don't want to play a game right now but I love you" :) But she is restless a
lot. She gets board or discouraged often. We were on the road most of the summer
so when she got out of school we travailed for several months. (as a side
note if anyone here is from Louisiana - I think that area is one of the most
beautiful places I've ever seen in my life)
Now that we are home things have changed a lot. She never wants to play in
her room anymore - or really be anywhere I'm not or dh or sister isn't. I
can't remember when she slept in her own bed last witch is fine - she's either on
the couch or with us. Its just she can't seem to "get into" anything. Very
seldom will she do one thing besides maybe TV or computer (witch more often
seem a last resort to her) for more then an hour at most. Again its not that its
that it seems she can't find anything fun or of interest and she gets board
or frustrated. We have tons of books and crafts and kits and games and
anything she suggest that we can afford and find we try to give to her. It seems
I'm always saying things like - you know I'm here if you'd like to do something
or making suggestions. Its just several times a week we seem to hit these
road blocks and I have no idea how to handle them.
So here's a specific example. Earlier in the week she decided to "be like a
mole" she was going to dig a vast system of underground tunnels.
She decided this at about 10pm. We live just outside of Seattle and were in
the middle of 20 some odd days of "consecutive measurable rainfall" so it was
very cold and wet.
So the conversation went something like this
Tasha: Can I dig a tunnel in the back yard
Me: yes of course - where are you thinking (and something about please don't
dig up the garden)
T: in the back corner to start
m: ok - do you need help or a flashlight its very dark
t: no
about a half hour later she comes back dressed to the hilt very wonderfully
in knee pads and bike helmet and other "gear" and "protective wear".
T: I'm going now
m: ok let me know if you need something
about 3 minuets later she come in
t: its raining and to wet and cold and dark
m: maybe you can go at it again tomorrow
t: no I can't
m: why
t: it illegal
m: oh... did you make that law?
t: yes
m: then you could change it right?
t: yes but I don't want to and now I can't ever dig a tunnel
At this point because we have had many similar conversations I know she has
shut off. And it is at this moment I have no idea what to do. If I make
suggests or say much of anything she gets more upset. Sometimes it will last for
an hour sometimes a few days. Its like this restless energy just builds all
around and I'm completely at a loss. I feel we say yes far more then no. But it
is any form of no that can set her off and get her upset. Like she'll want to
go to the park at 1am its closed and when I explain that she says "see there
is nothing I can do"
Not everyday is like this but it seems like most are at least in some way.
We talk about it and how if we run into an "I can't" ( like I can't drive or
rule the world or build a huge chicken robot) that maybe we can find ways to
turn it into "I can" but she says it will take to much work.
Ok I'm having a hard time explaining this. I guess I feel the gist is when
she gets an idea if it doesn't have immediate pay off then she drops it and
gets upset. Like building a huge robot she has no desire to read or talk or
research robots or anything she just wants to build one right this moment. This
turns into " I don't know how so I can't or I don't have the money it might
take"
When I suggest lets look at all the things we can do - she says "I know all
I can do mom and I just don't want to do any of that". I feel like we have
tried to approach it from many angles - but nothing works. She still seems
restless most the time.
Like I said it isn't always like that - but I just worry and can't figure
out how to help her find her passions and interests. When I ask what it is she
wants she will say something like "I'm going to rule the world" but she won't
talk about how to go about that or anything.
It is like she has this resistance to any effort or "learning" I know that
sounds horrid but I feel like that. I'm not trying to speak negatively of her
just how I feel about it and what it seems from mpov. Last night she said she
wanted to make a hot air balloon. I asked if she knew how or wanted more
info on them. "no I just want to make it. and ride in one" I said I think they
have ride in summer and we could look into that and she was happy with that. I
asked if she'd be learning about hot air balloons if she rode in one. "Mom I
NEVER what to do ANYTHING where I KNOW I'm learning something."
I just sat a bit blind sided and had no idea what to say to that. I think
maybe some of it is just adjusting to not being in school and testing the
boundaries of her world... still I don't know how to help her. It pains me to see
her frustrated, restless or upset. I feel very overwhelmed and frustrated.
Thank you all for reading any advice would be welcomed...,
joy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
some insight into some issues our family is having. There are 4 of us all
together - me, my husband (second marriage not the biological father not that
that matters really) and my two girls Courtney 12 and Tasha 9. We started
homeschooling then unschooling this year. Before now both girls were in privet
school and daycare pretty much their whole lives. I worked full time as an
accountant up until two years ago and I remarried 11/11/04. I left my first
husband in July 2002 he was an extremely abusive man and the girls have not seen
him or spoken to him since 02 and have not desired to.
Ok to way to much info... sorry...
Our issue has really been what to do with our time. And its been a huge
struggle with Tasha. We have no limits on food or TV or bedtime. She's very
assured and will tell you most the time what works and what doesn't. "no mom I
don't want to play a game right now but I love you" :) But she is restless a
lot. She gets board or discouraged often. We were on the road most of the summer
so when she got out of school we travailed for several months. (as a side
note if anyone here is from Louisiana - I think that area is one of the most
beautiful places I've ever seen in my life)
Now that we are home things have changed a lot. She never wants to play in
her room anymore - or really be anywhere I'm not or dh or sister isn't. I
can't remember when she slept in her own bed last witch is fine - she's either on
the couch or with us. Its just she can't seem to "get into" anything. Very
seldom will she do one thing besides maybe TV or computer (witch more often
seem a last resort to her) for more then an hour at most. Again its not that its
that it seems she can't find anything fun or of interest and she gets board
or frustrated. We have tons of books and crafts and kits and games and
anything she suggest that we can afford and find we try to give to her. It seems
I'm always saying things like - you know I'm here if you'd like to do something
or making suggestions. Its just several times a week we seem to hit these
road blocks and I have no idea how to handle them.
So here's a specific example. Earlier in the week she decided to "be like a
mole" she was going to dig a vast system of underground tunnels.
She decided this at about 10pm. We live just outside of Seattle and were in
the middle of 20 some odd days of "consecutive measurable rainfall" so it was
very cold and wet.
So the conversation went something like this
Tasha: Can I dig a tunnel in the back yard
Me: yes of course - where are you thinking (and something about please don't
dig up the garden)
T: in the back corner to start
m: ok - do you need help or a flashlight its very dark
t: no
about a half hour later she comes back dressed to the hilt very wonderfully
in knee pads and bike helmet and other "gear" and "protective wear".
T: I'm going now
m: ok let me know if you need something
about 3 minuets later she come in
t: its raining and to wet and cold and dark
m: maybe you can go at it again tomorrow
t: no I can't
m: why
t: it illegal
m: oh... did you make that law?
t: yes
m: then you could change it right?
t: yes but I don't want to and now I can't ever dig a tunnel
At this point because we have had many similar conversations I know she has
shut off. And it is at this moment I have no idea what to do. If I make
suggests or say much of anything she gets more upset. Sometimes it will last for
an hour sometimes a few days. Its like this restless energy just builds all
around and I'm completely at a loss. I feel we say yes far more then no. But it
is any form of no that can set her off and get her upset. Like she'll want to
go to the park at 1am its closed and when I explain that she says "see there
is nothing I can do"
Not everyday is like this but it seems like most are at least in some way.
We talk about it and how if we run into an "I can't" ( like I can't drive or
rule the world or build a huge chicken robot) that maybe we can find ways to
turn it into "I can" but she says it will take to much work.
Ok I'm having a hard time explaining this. I guess I feel the gist is when
she gets an idea if it doesn't have immediate pay off then she drops it and
gets upset. Like building a huge robot she has no desire to read or talk or
research robots or anything she just wants to build one right this moment. This
turns into " I don't know how so I can't or I don't have the money it might
take"
When I suggest lets look at all the things we can do - she says "I know all
I can do mom and I just don't want to do any of that". I feel like we have
tried to approach it from many angles - but nothing works. She still seems
restless most the time.
Like I said it isn't always like that - but I just worry and can't figure
out how to help her find her passions and interests. When I ask what it is she
wants she will say something like "I'm going to rule the world" but she won't
talk about how to go about that or anything.
It is like she has this resistance to any effort or "learning" I know that
sounds horrid but I feel like that. I'm not trying to speak negatively of her
just how I feel about it and what it seems from mpov. Last night she said she
wanted to make a hot air balloon. I asked if she knew how or wanted more
info on them. "no I just want to make it. and ride in one" I said I think they
have ride in summer and we could look into that and she was happy with that. I
asked if she'd be learning about hot air balloons if she rode in one. "Mom I
NEVER what to do ANYTHING where I KNOW I'm learning something."
I just sat a bit blind sided and had no idea what to say to that. I think
maybe some of it is just adjusting to not being in school and testing the
boundaries of her world... still I don't know how to help her. It pains me to see
her frustrated, restless or upset. I feel very overwhelmed and frustrated.
Thank you all for reading any advice would be welcomed...,
joy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
>>my two girls Courtney 12 and Tasha 9. We startedhomeschooling then unschooling this year. Before now both girls were in privet school and daycare pretty much their whole lives.>>
You've still got quite of bit of deschooling to get through I would think. That's probably what you're interpreting as restlessness. Your girls have got to get used to managing their own time and even their own thoughts. They've gone from a very scheduled life to one that's more free flowing. That takes some getting used to.
>>Last night she said she wanted to make a hot air balloon. I asked if she knew how or wanted more info on them. "no I just want to make it. and ride in one" I said I think they have ride in summer and we could look into that and she was happy with that.>>This sounds great! There are slso websites (I'm sure) to play around with making a smaller version of the hot air balloon. Maybe you could find some fun books to strew around that include ballooning. The key is to have fun with it and let her pursue these ideas as far as she wants to. It's NOT going to look like school. She may dabble with hundreds of ideas before she picks one to delve into more deeply.
>>I asked if she'd be learning about hot air balloons if she rode in one.>>Why did you think to ask that? If one of your friends said she was taking a hot air balloon ride, would you ask her the same question? Probably not. It's more likely that you'd want to know how she decided to pick that activity, or where she was riding, or what she hoped to see and experience.
>>"Mom I NEVER what to do ANYTHING where I KNOW I'm learning something." I just sat a bit blind sided and had no idea what to say to that.>>I would just nod my head and tell her "I know what you mean!" It sounds like she's rebelling at the idea of being taught or of someone else trying to direct her learning. She doesn't want anything that even remotely resembles school. That's okay. That's good. She wants to own her learning experience. It'll take time, but she'll find her passions again.
>>Thank you all for reading any advice would be welcomed...>>Relax. Breathe. Bring home some good movies. Make some popcorn and enjoy your time together. Go to places you've always wanted to try. Eat food you love. Talk. Laugh. Have fun. Give yourselves time to deschool a bit more because each time you ask about what she's learning, you're slowing up the process.
--
~Mary, unschooling mom to Conor (16) and Casey (11)
"Just today I'm going to be utterly present for my children, I'm going to be in their world (not just doing my own thing while they do theirs), I'm going to really hear them, I'm going to prepare myself to be present starting right now."
~Ren Allen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]