really deschooling
Ren Allen
"I feel awful
whenever one of the kids comes up and asks if they can do this or
that. Or have this or that. We're still deschooling, altho i can't
really blame schooling for that, it's all me."
That's not always a bad thing...though I understand wanting to undo
the control issues!
My kids ask about whether or not they can do things...it's more about
watching out for each other and checking in so we know what other
people are planning at the moment.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
whenever one of the kids comes up and asks if they can do this or
that. Or have this or that. We're still deschooling, altho i can't
really blame schooling for that, it's all me."
That's not always a bad thing...though I understand wanting to undo
the control issues!
My kids ask about whether or not they can do things...it's more about
watching out for each other and checking in so we know what other
people are planning at the moment.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Melissa
That's what we're working on...that balance between watching out/
respecting each other, and requiring permission. With the food, it's
always been an issue between my husband and me <blush> because he's
the kind to eat everything (in his family, eat it because it two
minutes it'll all be gone), while I like to take my favorite snacks
and spread it out....or he would use all the eggs when I planned to
make a cake. So I think the kids grew up hearing *that*, and between
that and my seeming "need" to control diets, it just got out of control.
And the whole choosing what to do, we had such a strict schedule for
so long, and it was easier to just not get involved in something that
would take a long time rather than try to pull away a screaming child
who wasn't ready to quit, kwim? So...they're still learning to trust
me, and to know that I won't change my mind. It'll happen, right?
:-) I think I heard of the group CA...controllers anonymous? Don't
they meet here? LOL!
Melissa
respecting each other, and requiring permission. With the food, it's
always been an issue between my husband and me <blush> because he's
the kind to eat everything (in his family, eat it because it two
minutes it'll all be gone), while I like to take my favorite snacks
and spread it out....or he would use all the eggs when I planned to
make a cake. So I think the kids grew up hearing *that*, and between
that and my seeming "need" to control diets, it just got out of control.
And the whole choosing what to do, we had such a strict schedule for
so long, and it was easier to just not get involved in something that
would take a long time rather than try to pull away a screaming child
who wasn't ready to quit, kwim? So...they're still learning to trust
me, and to know that I won't change my mind. It'll happen, right?
:-) I think I heard of the group CA...controllers anonymous? Don't
they meet here? LOL!
Melissa
On Jan 17, 2006, at 6:28 PM, Ren Allen wrote:
That's not always a bad thing...though I understand wanting to undo
the control issues!
My kids ask about whether or not they can do things...it's more about
watching out for each other and checking in so we know what other
people are planning at the moment.
Ren Allen
"So...they're still learning to trust
me, and to know that I won't change my mind. It'll happen, right?'
Yes, it really will. Try really hard not to backpedal and that trust
will blossom beautifully.
":-) I think I heard of the group CA...controllers anonymous? Don't
they meet here? LOL!"
Yep. There's a few former controllers here, and a lot of folks trying
to let go....you're in good company.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
me, and to know that I won't change my mind. It'll happen, right?'
Yes, it really will. Try really hard not to backpedal and that trust
will blossom beautifully.
":-) I think I heard of the group CA...controllers anonymous? Don't
they meet here? LOL!"
Yep. There's a few former controllers here, and a lot of folks trying
to let go....you're in good company.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
[email protected]
>>:-) I think I heard of the group CA...controllers anonymous? Don'tthey meet here? LOL!>>
Yes, but we usually don't stay anonymous for long. ;-)
I've had plenty of control issues to get over with my husband, my kids and even myself. It's a journey. And yes, they will come to trust that you won't change your mind as long as they get enough practice. <g>
--
~Mary, unschooling mom to Conor (16) and Casey (11)
"Just today I'm going to be utterly present for my children, I'm going to be in their world (not just doing my own thing while they do theirs), I'm going to really hear them, I'm going to prepare myself to be present starting right now."
~Ren Allen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia Toyama
My kids ask about whether or not they can do things...it's more about watching out for each other and checking in so we know what other people are planning at the moment.
Ren
******
We joke that our kids ask permission for everything! And we've never required it. Like Ren's family, it's more about checking in and touching base with each other.
Sylvia
Mom to Will (20) Andy (9) and Dan (4.5)
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Photos
Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren
******
We joke that our kids ask permission for everything! And we've never required it. Like Ren's family, it's more about checking in and touching base with each other.
Sylvia
Mom to Will (20) Andy (9) and Dan (4.5)
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Photos
Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
camden
Our kids are the same ....... its really out of respect for other members of
the house. They like to know what everyone else is doing or going to do. I
think its because they want to make sure nobody is going to do something
"more fun" than their ideas. Or to see if someone else wants to join them.
My kids even holler to me when they are going to the bathroom, (Mom, I'm
using the bathroooooooom ! ).
Carol
the house. They like to know what everyone else is doing or going to do. I
think its because they want to make sure nobody is going to do something
"more fun" than their ideas. Or to see if someone else wants to join them.
My kids even holler to me when they are going to the bathroom, (Mom, I'm
using the bathroooooooom ! ).
Carol
----- Original Message -----
From: "Sylvia Toyama" <sylgt04@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, January 18, 2006 10:24 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] really deschooling
> My kids ask about whether or not they can do things...it's more about
> watching out for each other and checking in so we know what other people
> are planning at the moment.
>
> Ren
>
> ******
>
> We joke that our kids ask permission for everything! And we've never
> required it. Like Ren's family, it's more about checking in and touching
> base with each other.
>
> Sylvia
>
>
> Mom to Will (20) Andy (9) and Dan (4.5)
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Yahoo! Photos
> Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands
> ASAP.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Danielle Conger
Sylvia Toyama wrote:
Mine do this as well, and I think it's partly checking in and partly for
ideas some of the time.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (7), Sam (5)
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"With our thoughts, we make the world." ~~Buddha
> My kids ask about whether or not they can do things...it's more about=========
> watching out for each other and checking in so we know what other
> people are planning at the moment.
>
> Ren
>
> ******
>
> We joke that our kids ask permission for everything! And we've
> never required it. Like Ren's family, it's more about checking in and
> touching base with each other.
>
>
Mine do this as well, and I think it's partly checking in and partly for
ideas some of the time.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (8), Julia (7), Sam (5)
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"With our thoughts, we make the world." ~~Buddha
[email protected]
I think asking permission is a common thing. My kids both ask me often if
they can play with their toys or get some water. I just smile and say
"absolutely!"
I think they just need to chat with me for a second. My son looked for me
all over the house this morning (I was in the laundry room.....a first! <g>).
I asked what he needed and he said "I love you" and went to his room to
play. I don't think he had an overwhelming urge to tell me he loved me, just an
urge to make a connection.
Leslie in SC
*************************************
In a message dated 1/18/2006 11:38:27 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
danielle.conger@... writes:
Sylvia Toyama wrote:
Mine do this as well, and I think it's partly checking in and partly for
ideas some of the time.
--
~~Danielle
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
they can play with their toys or get some water. I just smile and say
"absolutely!"
I think they just need to chat with me for a second. My son looked for me
all over the house this morning (I was in the laundry room.....a first! <g>).
I asked what he needed and he said "I love you" and went to his room to
play. I don't think he had an overwhelming urge to tell me he loved me, just an
urge to make a connection.
Leslie in SC
*************************************
In a message dated 1/18/2006 11:38:27 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
danielle.conger@... writes:
Sylvia Toyama wrote:
> My kids ask about whether or not they can do things...it's more about=========
> watching out for each other and checking in so we know what other
> people are planning at the moment.
>
> Ren
>
> ******
>
> We joke that our kids ask permission for everything! And we've
> never required it. Like Ren's family, it's more about checking in and
> touching base with each other.
>
>
Mine do this as well, and I think it's partly checking in and partly for
ideas some of the time.
--
~~Danielle
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/18/2006 11:58:07 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
Leslie530@... writes:
I think asking permission is a common thing. My kids both ask me often if
they can play with their toys or get some water. I just smile and say
"absolutely!"
Asking permission reminds me of the movie, Mean Girls. Yes, I am 36 and
love those teen movies..lol. It's about a girl who was homeschooled in Africa
and moves to the US and goes to public high school. Her first day of class
she just gets up and starts heading to the bathroom and the teacher read her
the riot act. It just cracked me up because even at home my sons still ask
permission to go to the bathroom. I just smile at them and say just go..you
aren't in school anymore.
Hugs,
Jess H
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Leslie530@... writes:
I think asking permission is a common thing. My kids both ask me often if
they can play with their toys or get some water. I just smile and say
"absolutely!"
Asking permission reminds me of the movie, Mean Girls. Yes, I am 36 and
love those teen movies..lol. It's about a girl who was homeschooled in Africa
and moves to the US and goes to public high school. Her first day of class
she just gets up and starts heading to the bathroom and the teacher read her
the riot act. It just cracked me up because even at home my sons still ask
permission to go to the bathroom. I just smile at them and say just go..you
aren't in school anymore.
Hugs,
Jess H
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Su Penn
I'm really glad to see this thread. My son is always asking me
whether he can do something, and I've been thinking, "Have I been
setting up a power structure without realizing it? Has he somehow
internalized that I am the ultimate authority?" OK, maybe I have and
he has, but it's helpful to think that maybe he's just checking in
with me.
Su
whether he can do something, and I've been thinking, "Have I been
setting up a power structure without realizing it? Has he somehow
internalized that I am the ultimate authority?" OK, maybe I have and
he has, but it's helpful to think that maybe he's just checking in
with me.
Su
On Jan 18, 2006, at 11:49 AM, Leslie530@... wrote:
>
> I think asking permission is a common thing. My kids both ask me
> often if
> they can play with their toys or get some water. I just smile and
> say
> "absolutely!"
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Su Penn <supenn@...>
I'm really glad to see this thread. My son is always asking me
whether he can do something, and I've been thinking, "Have I been
setting up a power structure without realizing it? Has he somehow
internalized that I am the ultimate authority?" OK, maybe I have and
he has, but it's helpful to think that maybe he's just checking in
with me.
-=-=-=-=
*I* think it's following the behavior that's been modelled FOR them.
I will often ask them these things, so they do the same for me.
"Do you want the last cookie?"
"Are you finished with this yet?"
"Can I take that for you?"
I really think they're just doing as we do.
~KellyKelly LovejoyConference CoordinatorLive and Learn Unschooling Conferencehttp://liveandlearnconference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: Su Penn <supenn@...>
I'm really glad to see this thread. My son is always asking me
whether he can do something, and I've been thinking, "Have I been
setting up a power structure without realizing it? Has he somehow
internalized that I am the ultimate authority?" OK, maybe I have and
he has, but it's helpful to think that maybe he's just checking in
with me.
-=-=-=-=
*I* think it's following the behavior that's been modelled FOR them.
I will often ask them these things, so they do the same for me.
"Do you want the last cookie?"
"Are you finished with this yet?"
"Can I take that for you?"
I really think they're just doing as we do.
~KellyKelly LovejoyConference CoordinatorLive and Learn Unschooling Conferencehttp://liveandlearnconference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/18/2006 10:58:07 AM Central Standard Time,
Leslie530@... writes:
some days a no monster.. my first reaction to everything for the longest time
was NO its a slow road to break this habit but everyday it gets better. Its
funny if they just do something like paint or chalk the wood shed I have no
problem I think wow that was creative but if they come to me and say mom can we
chalk on the shed my first reaction is NO you cant chalk on the shed
(incredulous sounds here). Same with really artsy crafty things if they just drag it
out I find myself doing it with them and we have a blast if they ask I think
what a chore getting it out and cleaning it up will be... So now they ask and
if I say no my 6yr old will say mom is that a real no and I laugh and we do
the task! So we are working on the permission/no monster that lives in our
home!
Chrissy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Leslie530@... writes:
> I think asking permission is a common thingI agree! For us I think its a mommy test... lol I was and still struggle
some days a no monster.. my first reaction to everything for the longest time
was NO its a slow road to break this habit but everyday it gets better. Its
funny if they just do something like paint or chalk the wood shed I have no
problem I think wow that was creative but if they come to me and say mom can we
chalk on the shed my first reaction is NO you cant chalk on the shed
(incredulous sounds here). Same with really artsy crafty things if they just drag it
out I find myself doing it with them and we have a blast if they ask I think
what a chore getting it out and cleaning it up will be... So now they ask and
if I say no my 6yr old will say mom is that a real no and I laugh and we do
the task! So we are working on the permission/no monster that lives in our
home!
Chrissy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
S Drag-teine
Yeah, I guess that is more what my son does - we have a lot of stuff that
isn't readily available and some things that he can only play in special
areas like the kitchen because it has small pieces and we can't risk him
loosing one and his one year old sister trying to swallow it. Other make
great wonderful messes that while I wish he could do anytime - ten minutes
before we are walking out the door or while dinner is being made. Other
times he asks because he wants to play a game he needs help with because he
finds it fun but he doesn't have all the knowledge to make it easy. Of
course, by it gets easy - he will move on to something else - like me - he
loves a challenge.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
Did you know?...
--most well-known brands of lipstick contain lead?
--air fresheners have toxic ingredients you aren't supposed to breathe?
--most household cleaners have carcinogens and neurotoxins such as
formaldehyde, phenols and/or phosphates?
--of 2,983 everyday products, 884 have toxic chemicals?
I'm glad we switched!
We are now safer and healthier, using toxic-free products and saving money,
too. Call (212) 990-6214 for a 10 minute prerecorded presentation or contact
me directly.
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Sylvia Toyama
Sent: Wednesday, January 18, 2006 10:25 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] really deschooling
My kids ask about whether or not they can do things...it's more about
watching out for each other and checking in so we know what other people are
planning at the moment.
Ren
******
We joke that our kids ask permission for everything! And we've never
required it. Like Ren's family, it's more about checking in and touching
base with each other.
Sylvia
Mom to Will (20) Andy (9) and Dan (4.5)
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Photos
Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands
ASAP.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Links
isn't readily available and some things that he can only play in special
areas like the kitchen because it has small pieces and we can't risk him
loosing one and his one year old sister trying to swallow it. Other make
great wonderful messes that while I wish he could do anytime - ten minutes
before we are walking out the door or while dinner is being made. Other
times he asks because he wants to play a game he needs help with because he
finds it fun but he doesn't have all the knowledge to make it easy. Of
course, by it gets easy - he will move on to something else - like me - he
loves a challenge.
Shannon
~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~.~>|<~
Did you know?...
--most well-known brands of lipstick contain lead?
--air fresheners have toxic ingredients you aren't supposed to breathe?
--most household cleaners have carcinogens and neurotoxins such as
formaldehyde, phenols and/or phosphates?
--of 2,983 everyday products, 884 have toxic chemicals?
I'm glad we switched!
We are now safer and healthier, using toxic-free products and saving money,
too. Call (212) 990-6214 for a 10 minute prerecorded presentation or contact
me directly.
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Sylvia Toyama
Sent: Wednesday, January 18, 2006 10:25 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] really deschooling
My kids ask about whether or not they can do things...it's more about
watching out for each other and checking in so we know what other people are
planning at the moment.
Ren
******
We joke that our kids ask permission for everything! And we've never
required it. Like Ren's family, it's more about checking in and touching
base with each other.
Sylvia
Mom to Will (20) Andy (9) and Dan (4.5)
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Photos
Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands
ASAP.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Links