Re: [unschoolingbasics] pass the bean dip
Tina
Kay, I'm sorry about your bad experience today, I'm sure that is frustrating. I just got off the phone with my mom who ticked me off to no end. I haven't told her we are unschooling, she thinks we are still doing what we have been doing, but what ticks me off is she only asks because she wants to catch us doing something wrong so she can prove it's not a good idea. She will drill me on what we are covering in math, history, science, etc, and then when I start to reply with intelligent answers instead of "uh, duh, we don't do anything" she just ignores me and pops out another question (this was before, when I could actually list books, lessons, etc). I've decided I just don't want to discuss our homeschooling with her at all anymore, now I just need some canned answers and redirection statement/questions to keep on hand when she "goes there". She kept pressing me about when did we start back, and that I need a substitute teacher because I've been sick a few times in the last month (I mean how freaking absurd is that??) and what did my kids do while I was sick (I'm sure that what they did was nothing compared to what my sister and I did when we were locked out of the house because she didn't want to be bothered with us). I would like to say she's commenting because she cares, but she's just looking for something to attack me on. I mentioned that our AC is messed up in our car and we will probably have to get a new car this summer before it gets too hot, and she said we should sell it now because no one would test the AC now. Okay, nevermind the fact that I don't have the money to buy a new car now, it would be better to cheat someone into buying a car with no AC and then I don't know, WALK for 4 months than to use an otherwise usable car and save up so that we can purchase a car or fix the problem. We will be rid of two bills in a couple of months and can afford the car payment then, but hey, that's not important, right? I told my husband I'm thinking about giving up talking to my mother and MIL for Lent, maybe the 40 days of peace and quiet will give me time to figure out how to handle them. Except that's not my religion so I don't know when Lent is, but I guess I could just start today.
Anyway, I'm ranting about my frustrations, I'm sorry. I just feel for you unschooling in the closet, I'm in there with you. I wonder if there is a site online with canned responses to things like that?
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
Dysfunctional Domestic Diva
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Anyway, I'm ranting about my frustrations, I'm sorry. I just feel for you unschooling in the closet, I'm in there with you. I wonder if there is a site online with canned responses to things like that?
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
Dysfunctional Domestic Diva
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tina
Heather, Thank you!! I have been meaning to get that book and it kind of slipped off my mental plate. I'm adding it to my list now. It works for in-laws too, right?
We will be moving up close to both sets of parents in about 9 months, so I need to prepare for the "easy access" they will have. Thank you again for mentioning that book!!
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
Dysfunctional Domestic Diva
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We will be moving up close to both sets of parents in about 9 months, so I need to prepare for the "easy access" they will have. Thank you again for mentioning that book!!
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
Dysfunctional Domestic Diva
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nrskay
After a bad experience with a close friend yesterday, my dd and I have
decided to become closet unschoolers. Most of my friends are
traditional homeschoolers with all the rules, restrictions and of
course structure.
My dd had been telling her friend about what we do and she told her
mom. Well this friend's mother decided that their dd shouldn't spend
so much time with my dd. Hence, the decision to just radically
unschool quietly.
And when asked what curriculm we use, say "pass the bean dip, please."
Kay
decided to become closet unschoolers. Most of my friends are
traditional homeschoolers with all the rules, restrictions and of
course structure.
My dd had been telling her friend about what we do and she told her
mom. Well this friend's mother decided that their dd shouldn't spend
so much time with my dd. Hence, the decision to just radically
unschool quietly.
And when asked what curriculm we use, say "pass the bean dip, please."
Kay
Heather
Hey, Tina,
I'm sorry your mom isn't supportive. Your mom sounds a lot like mine! But
mine hasn't ever used the "substitute teacher" ploy. That is really crazy!
Anyway, I just read a book yesterday that I found helpful "Toxic Parents:
Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life". I think I
already knew most of what the book says, but it was a nice reminder. The
best part for me was Chapter 11 - on Responding versus Reacting and using
nondefensive answers to break "the cycle of attack, retreat, defense, and
escalation".
From page 211 "Here are some examples of nondefensive responses that you can
try using in your daily interactions:
* Oh?
* Oh, I see.
* That's interesting.
* You're certainly entitled to your opinion.
* I'm sorry you don't approve.
* Let me think about that.
* Why don't we talk about this when you're not so upset.
* I'm sorry you're hurt (upset, disappointed).
We are going to be visiting my parents in March (they live in Alabama) and
will be staying with them for probably a week or so, so I'm trying to
mentally prepare myself.
Heather
tucson
<<I just got off the phone with my mom who ticked me off to no end. I
haven't told her we are unschooling, she thinks we are still doing what we
have been doing, but what ticks me off is she only asks because she wants to
catch us doing something wrong so she can prove it's not a good idea>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm sorry your mom isn't supportive. Your mom sounds a lot like mine! But
mine hasn't ever used the "substitute teacher" ploy. That is really crazy!
Anyway, I just read a book yesterday that I found helpful "Toxic Parents:
Overcoming their hurtful legacy and reclaiming your life". I think I
already knew most of what the book says, but it was a nice reminder. The
best part for me was Chapter 11 - on Responding versus Reacting and using
nondefensive answers to break "the cycle of attack, retreat, defense, and
escalation".
From page 211 "Here are some examples of nondefensive responses that you can
try using in your daily interactions:
* Oh?
* Oh, I see.
* That's interesting.
* You're certainly entitled to your opinion.
* I'm sorry you don't approve.
* Let me think about that.
* Why don't we talk about this when you're not so upset.
* I'm sorry you're hurt (upset, disappointed).
We are going to be visiting my parents in March (they live in Alabama) and
will be staying with them for probably a week or so, so I'm trying to
mentally prepare myself.
Heather
tucson
<<I just got off the phone with my mom who ticked me off to no end. I
haven't told her we are unschooling, she thinks we are still doing what we
have been doing, but what ticks me off is she only asks because she wants to
catch us doing something wrong so she can prove it's not a good idea>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tina
Tyra, good point!! I was thinking in the shower today that I just need to let her know that I can't explain what we are doing if she isn't willing to become educated. That if she only wants to compare and judge me, that I'm not going to feed that with my energy or responses. She wouldn't ask my sister (who's kids are in PS) what they are learning, or what they did today, she just assumes that since they are in school they are getting what they need. I'll never forget the time I mentioned that I didn't like how competitive and strict their gymnastics teacher was, and she asked me how I expected my children to learn discipline, and I asked her how they learned discipline before they went to gymnastics class, and how did she think that not taking gymnastics would cause them to become undisciplined? I mean really it's absurd the expectations she has, but I guess she is so wrapped up in the "main" mentality, she can't think outside the box.
That occurred to me too, that I could just start my fast anytime I wanted. It would be a little silly to put it off till a religious holiday that isn't my religion anyway. I actually got the idea from LOST, where a character did something kind of wrong (killed in self defense) and spent 40 days in silence (I don't know if it was in penance or just to reflect on what he did, or make peace with it, or what, but he is Catholic from what I understand). I remembered Lent had something to do with Mardi Gras, but I couldn't remember what, other than Fat Tuesday is either the beginning or the end.
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
Dysfunctional Domestic Diva
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
That occurred to me too, that I could just start my fast anytime I wanted. It would be a little silly to put it off till a religious holiday that isn't my religion anyway. I actually got the idea from LOST, where a character did something kind of wrong (killed in self defense) and spent 40 days in silence (I don't know if it was in penance or just to reflect on what he did, or make peace with it, or what, but he is Catholic from what I understand). I remembered Lent had something to do with Mardi Gras, but I couldn't remember what, other than Fat Tuesday is either the beginning or the end.
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
Dysfunctional Domestic Diva
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tina
Kelly, Thank you!! I knew the Fat Tuesday had to do with stuffing yourself, but I couldn't remember if it was in preparation, or in celebration of making it through it. And I knew the whole Ash Wednesday and Easter thing were in there too, but again, I didn't know how it was all connected. Since I have never lived near the coast, I don't have anything to hang the date of Mardi Gras on. I didn't even know it was a religious thing until last year they had a Mardi Gras party here on base and hubby was in Mississippi at the time so I thought I would take the kids to it so they could kind of see what Daddy was experiencing (he would go to the parades and stuff), and found myself in a religious thing with Catholics. I was so shocked and embarrassed!!
By the way, I always find it fascinating how well educated in religious things atheists are. I'm on an atheist homeschooler board, and I learn more about religion there than I have anywhere else. They always tickle my brain about something. Thanks for the explanation!!
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
Dysfunctional Domestic Diva
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
By the way, I always find it fascinating how well educated in religious things atheists are. I'm on an atheist homeschooler board, and I learn more about religion there than I have anywhere else. They always tickle my brain about something. Thanks for the explanation!!
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
Dysfunctional Domestic Diva
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mother Earth (Tyra)
Tina,
Your post really stood out to me. One thing that I have learned over the years is that we can be thankful for those people who make us warm and fuzzy and those who just make us warm because within the big picture of our lives, they all help us become better people. I think that your mother is giving you an opportunity to learn how to be at peace with your life no matter what others say. I believe that more than trying to figure out a good response to her, that you are being called to deal with her in honesty and with integrity and to stand your ground. To be at peace with your decision on how your family will live.
And just to let you know, I started my own Lenten season this month because I cannot wait to start March 1 or 2, I cannot remember which date. And I am not Catholic either, but I need a fast, too! LOL
Much Peace to You
Tyra
Your post really stood out to me. One thing that I have learned over the years is that we can be thankful for those people who make us warm and fuzzy and those who just make us warm because within the big picture of our lives, they all help us become better people. I think that your mother is giving you an opportunity to learn how to be at peace with your life no matter what others say. I believe that more than trying to figure out a good response to her, that you are being called to deal with her in honesty and with integrity and to stand your ground. To be at peace with your decision on how your family will live.
And just to let you know, I started my own Lenten season this month because I cannot wait to start March 1 or 2, I cannot remember which date. And I am not Catholic either, but I need a fast, too! LOL
Much Peace to You
Tyra
----- Original Message -----
From: Tina
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 10:37 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] pass the bean dip
Kay, I'm sorry about your bad experience today, I'm sure that is frustrating. I just got off the phone with my mom who ticked me off to no end.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tina
Ren, Yes, Freethinking Unschoolers is one of them!! I am also on one that is actually called Homeschooling Atheists. The things those two come up with to discuss, it just amazes me!! Sometimes I feel dumb there though, cause sometimes I have to look up what they are talking about, but I figure I'm learning, so it's okay. And so many different points of views, I love hearing different points of view when they are presented with explanations and facts that I didn't know about, or even just explaining with personal experiences. There are so many things I never would have considered if I hadn't read a discussion on a group and thought "huh, I never thought of it that way, I think I'll research that some more". When I first heard about unschooling, I thought it was crazy (please forgive my ignorance), but then the more I heard people talk about it, the more and more it made sense. Now I'm so glad that so many people were willing to discuss it, or I might have never considered pursuing it!!
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
Dysfunctional Domestic Diva
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
Dysfunctional Domestic Diva
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
multimomma
Sorry about the ugliness. It must be the moon or something, because yesterday brought an
altercation between my mother and I about homeschooling (or our lack thereof!) She thinks I
make the kids do chores all day! I had to laugh because this conversation took place at 8pm
while I was sorting laundry and deciding what method was needed to get two day old syrup
off our dining table.
And she brought up the fact that I don't have the time to 'nurture' each of our seven kids if
they're not in school. Or the money because we have so many kids. Point one, how nurtured
were they feeling in ps? And two, how is money helpful when it comes to nurturing? ugh.
What drives me crazy is it's just her and my dad, and they can't even pay their bills. And we're
doing fine.
Melissa
altercation between my mother and I about homeschooling (or our lack thereof!) She thinks I
make the kids do chores all day! I had to laugh because this conversation took place at 8pm
while I was sorting laundry and deciding what method was needed to get two day old syrup
off our dining table.
And she brought up the fact that I don't have the time to 'nurture' each of our seven kids if
they're not in school. Or the money because we have so many kids. Point one, how nurtured
were they feeling in ps? And two, how is money helpful when it comes to nurturing? ugh.
What drives me crazy is it's just her and my dad, and they can't even pay their bills. And we're
doing fine.
Melissa
--- In [email protected], "nrskay" <k_bird@c...> wrote:
>
> After a bad experience with a close friend yesterday, my dd and I have
> decided to become closet unschoolers. Most of my friends are
> traditional homeschoolers with all the rules, restrictions and of
> course structure.
>
Deb
So, did you get the syrup off? Generally I've found that lots of hot
water and a bit of a scrub takes care of it.
--Deb
--- In [email protected], "multimomma"
<autismhelp@c...> wrote:
water and a bit of a scrub takes care of it.
--Deb
--- In [email protected], "multimomma"
<autismhelp@c...> wrote:
> I had to laugh because this conversation took place at 8pm
> while I was sorting laundry and deciding what method was needed to
>get two day old syrup
> off our dining table.
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Tina poey@...
I remembered Lent
had something to do with Mardi Gras, but I couldn't remember what, other than
Fat Tuesday is either the beginning or the end.
-=-=-=-
Mardi Gras is French for Fat Tuesday which is the day you eat all the pancakes you can stuff in your face so that your tummy's full before the fast starts on Ash Wednesday. It begins Lent. Easter ends the fast.
~Kelly, atheist
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: Tina poey@...
I remembered Lent
had something to do with Mardi Gras, but I couldn't remember what, other than
Fat Tuesday is either the beginning or the end.
-=-=-=-
Mardi Gras is French for Fat Tuesday which is the day you eat all the pancakes you can stuff in your face so that your tummy's full before the fast starts on Ash Wednesday. It begins Lent. Easter ends the fast.
~Kelly, atheist
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
camden
"By the way, I always find it fascinating how well educated in religious
things atheists are. I'm on an atheist homeschooler board, and I learn more
about religion there than I have anywhere else. They always tickle my brain
about something. Thanks for the explanation!!"
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is so true. I was raised Baptist with the other side of the family
being Catholic. I knew a bit about each, enough to know I didn't want
anything to do with either one as I got older. But I learned so much more
about religion on the atheists groups than anywhere else, which in turn made
me read even more about it. (still hasn't changed my mind any........ just
convinced me even more religion is not for me).
Its amazing the things you learn about & how these groups make you think
about life. I know I've done alot of thinking since being on this board.
Dh says sometimes he swears he can see smoke coming from my head because
I'm thinking so hard ! I told him it wouldnt hurt if he smoldered sometimes
too, LOL.
Carol
things atheists are. I'm on an atheist homeschooler board, and I learn more
about religion there than I have anywhere else. They always tickle my brain
about something. Thanks for the explanation!!"
°Ü° Tina Rod. °Ü°
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is so true. I was raised Baptist with the other side of the family
being Catholic. I knew a bit about each, enough to know I didn't want
anything to do with either one as I got older. But I learned so much more
about religion on the atheists groups than anywhere else, which in turn made
me read even more about it. (still hasn't changed my mind any........ just
convinced me even more religion is not for me).
Its amazing the things you learn about & how these groups make you think
about life. I know I've done alot of thinking since being on this board.
Dh says sometimes he swears he can see smoke coming from my head because
I'm thinking so hard ! I told him it wouldnt hurt if he smoldered sometimes
too, LOL.
Carol
Laura Padberg
I was going to respond to Tina's post too. It stood out for many reasons... I started out telling people that I unschool a couple years ago, and then I just started picking and choosing who I told. I got grimaces, and challenging conversations that I wasn't ready for. After equipping myself better by reading, I just kinda learned who to not waste my breath on. Right now I am at a point where I still don't tell many people, but I just moved back 'home' to Oklahoma, close to relatives. I have only been gone from Oklahoma for about 20 months. I wasn't bothered and could choose who I told. Now that I am back, my grandmother (she raised me), has totally gone against me and what I am doing because my son isn't reading everything she thinks he should be. He has been on a lovely gentle reading journey the last year, and yesterday he read me 5 reader books because he wanted to and could. She doesn't know that because she doesn't listen. That isn't good enough for her at 8 years old. She has
written me some nasty emails in the last two days, a virtual fight I suppose you could say. I finally had had enough and told her that I am sorry, but I will not participate in this any further. I remembered something a friend told me, that I wasn't here to make her happy. I have a life to lead, family to care for. I have spent too many years trying to make her happy all the while making my life miserable or living in the 'unschooling closet'. It was great to read what Tyra said. I realize now today, that things were different when I was here last, and while I was in Texas, I became my own person more and things changed. They were on their way back to the way they were until I decided to not let her rule my life. I will stand my ground, I will do what I believe in my heart is right for my kids. I feel so much better in doing so. I will tell anyone that asks that I unschool, and more if they want to hear it. I am sure I will have my bean dip days too. Life is beautiful.
Laura Padberg
Unschooling mommy to Jonah-8; Savannah-5; Oliviah-1
*************************
Message: 12
Date: Thu, 12 Jan 2006 06:30:41 -0600
From: "Mother Earth \(Tyra\)" <motherspirit@...>
Subject: Re: pass the bean dip
Tina,
Your post really stood out to me. One thing that I have learned over
the years is that we can be thankful for those people who make us warm
and fuzzy and those who just make us warm because within the big picture
of our lives, they all help us become better people. I think that your
mother is giving you an opportunity to learn how to be at peace with
your life no matter what others say. I believe that more than trying to
figure out a good response to her, that you are being called to deal
with her in honesty and with integrity and to stand your ground. To be
at peace with your decision on how your family will live.
And just to let you know, I started my own Lenten season this month
because I cannot wait to start March 1 or 2, I cannot remember which date.
And I am not Catholic either, but I need a fast, too! LOL
Much Peace to You
Tyra
written me some nasty emails in the last two days, a virtual fight I suppose you could say. I finally had had enough and told her that I am sorry, but I will not participate in this any further. I remembered something a friend told me, that I wasn't here to make her happy. I have a life to lead, family to care for. I have spent too many years trying to make her happy all the while making my life miserable or living in the 'unschooling closet'. It was great to read what Tyra said. I realize now today, that things were different when I was here last, and while I was in Texas, I became my own person more and things changed. They were on their way back to the way they were until I decided to not let her rule my life. I will stand my ground, I will do what I believe in my heart is right for my kids. I feel so much better in doing so. I will tell anyone that asks that I unschool, and more if they want to hear it. I am sure I will have my bean dip days too. Life is beautiful.
Laura Padberg
Unschooling mommy to Jonah-8; Savannah-5; Oliviah-1
*************************
Message: 12
Date: Thu, 12 Jan 2006 06:30:41 -0600
From: "Mother Earth \(Tyra\)" <motherspirit@...>
Subject: Re: pass the bean dip
Tina,
Your post really stood out to me. One thing that I have learned over
the years is that we can be thankful for those people who make us warm
and fuzzy and those who just make us warm because within the big picture
of our lives, they all help us become better people. I think that your
mother is giving you an opportunity to learn how to be at peace with
your life no matter what others say. I believe that more than trying to
figure out a good response to her, that you are being called to deal
with her in honesty and with integrity and to stand your ground. To be
at peace with your decision on how your family will live.
And just to let you know, I started my own Lenten season this month
because I cannot wait to start March 1 or 2, I cannot remember which date.
And I am not Catholic either, but I need a fast, too! LOL
Much Peace to You
Tyra
----- Original Message -----
From: Tina
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, January 11, 2006 10:37 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] pass the bean dip
Kay, I'm sorry about your bad experience today, I'm sure that is
frustrating. I just got off the phone with my mom who ticked me off to no
end.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
--Laura Padberg
"Children do not need to be made to learn about the world, or shown how. They want to and they know how." John Holt
---------------------------------
Yahoo! Photos Showcase holiday pictures in hardcover
Photo Books. You design it and well bind it!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
"By the way, I always find it fascinating how well educated in religious
things atheists are. I'm on an atheist homeschooler board, and I learn
more
about religion there than I have anywhere else. They always tickle my
brain
about something. Thanks for the explanation!!"
You must be talking about Freethinking Unschoolers!! I'm always
learning something new over there.:) Interesting group eh?
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
things atheists are. I'm on an atheist homeschooler board, and I learn
more
about religion there than I have anywhere else. They always tickle my
brain
about something. Thanks for the explanation!!"
You must be talking about Freethinking Unschoolers!! I'm always
learning something new over there.:) Interesting group eh?
Ren
learninginfreedom.com