Ren Allen

"Could one of you adopt us for a while, so I can learn a different way of
being? : )"

You've just been adopted by an entire list of radical unschoolers!!!

I wish I could give you a hug and then invite you down to my art area,
where stamps are always a mess and paint gets spilled and paper is
everywhere and just turn your kids loose while we drink a cuppa hot
chai. I'm envisioning all the good energy surrounding such a moment,
and sending it your way.

I think it's time to look into the past....try to evaluate what and
where these control issues stem from. I certainly have my share of
demons to silence and control issues are one of them.
I don't know if you have a spiritual or religous path, but the most
growth happened in my life as I let go of religion and embraced my own
spirituality (like sweet Jaidens sandwich analogy). Zen has helped me
a ton....it's all about letting go of preconceived notions, letting go
of preference and being in the moment.

It's always helped me to picture some of the people at this list (and
other lists) sitting right next to me, when these moments unfold and I
know there is potential to handle it poorly. I also think about the
talks I do, and the advice I give, and how would these people feel if
they saw me reacting badly to my children. It matters to me that I am
presenting an honest picture of my life, and it matters that my
children have the best parts of me....so picturing being "watched" can
help in a rough moment.

Could you put out some materials, in a place that is safe for
exploration and just walk away when you feel the need to control?
Letting them be, with cool stuff, is better than squelching their joy.

And remember, the mind can accept logic quickly, but the
emotions...the oh-so-tangled web of our pasts can take longer to catch
up with the mind. Frustrating, but true.

Think about the ways you felt out of control as a child, the things
that made you feel a need to be in charge. What happened in life that
made you convinced you had to be in charge or everything would fall apart?
I can just about bet there's a little girl inside that ugly control,
that is scared and just trying to hold her world together.
That's what I found out about myself...it was a relief and a shock
when that realization hit me. I NEEDED to be in control or my world
was going to go down the drain. I was afraid at the innermost core of
my being....I've learned to roll with the punches a lot better these days.

Try to imagine the very worst possible outcome if you let go of
control, then ask yourself if the very worst outcome happens, is it
really that bad? If they get all the stamps ruined, if there are
stains, if you have mixed ink and mess everywhere but they had fun,
was it worth the money?
YES, of course it is.:)

If you never wash the stamps and they stay dirty, it's OK. Really.

Read Sandra Dodd's certificate of Empowerment too.
http://sandradodd.com/empowerment

Oh, and join my imaginationtribe list, to focus on how to live more
creatively and have fun with art and writing and whatever ways you
want to express yourself!! Giving yourself permission to make mess
and dabble and have fun is a great way to re-gain that childlike sense
of wonder. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/imaginationtribe/

Hang in there, we're all here to help.


Ren
http://learninginfreedom.com
http://radicalunschooling.blogspot.com/