John & Karen Buxcel

(i'm resending this, my e-mails were bouncing, sorry if it's sort of our of
order or something?!)
karen


on 12/14/05 9:03 AM, jnjstau@... at jnjstau@... wrote:

> It sounds to me like you are dealing with different temperaments, people being
> comfortable with different levels of "give and take."
i've never thought about it like this before, thank you, that makes such
sense to me. it certainly doesn't seem to bother her, but does me. hmm?
interesting!


>I try real hard to work out MY OWN relationship with people, including other
people's children. If I don't like how someone
> is treating me, I deal with it gently initially, usually with humor, but I
> don't let it slide and then feel resentful. I wouldn't worry about "going
> there" with the mom. I would simply interact with the child as a fully
> functioning human being and work on having a relationship with him that you
> can both tolerate.

all very good points. I will take this advice with me into the next
interaction I have with this child. You're right. Our relationship can be
just that, ours. I don't have to accept behaviors that make me feel icky,
and I really think that we could learn a lot from each other. thanks so
much for your insight!
Karen

John & Karen Buxcel

I sent this a couple of days ago, but it bounced, so here it is now.
(bouncing problem is fixed, but 80 some messages bounced, yuck!)
karen


on 12/14/05 10:10 AM, averyschmidt at patti.schmidt2@... wrote:

> I can't help wondering why your son wants to hang out with this child
> when the result for him is usually frustration and tears. Is it
> because there's a lack of other friends available to get together
> with? If that's the case, I think if I were you I'd focus on forming
> some new friendships that were better fits for my children.
> Sorry if I missed some info that makes my advice moot. :-)

I try to understand why he wants to hang out with him, too. And when he
gets frustrated/teary, etc, we talk about it and why it is he might be
feeling that way.
You did hit the nail on the head, though. Our homeschooling community is
VERY small here. So I have been trying to be creative and try to get him
involved with some new friends. I have seen that when he has a choice
between he and another little guy, he chooses the other.
Ok, got me thinking now. I guess its up to me to offer more nourishing
relationships and opportunities for him. Thanks much!
Karen

(update: yesterday, thursday, after tae kwon do, ds went to a friend's
house and spent the whole day there and had a very nice time, i took the 4yo
ds and baby with me to a separate play day, where 4 yo had some time of his
own, so everyone was very happy and we all had a glorious time- we're on to
something here!)

John & Karen Buxcel

on 12/14/05 7:38 PM, Robyn Coburn at dezigna@... wrote:

> I don't ask more of visiting kids than I would ask of Jayn, although there
> are times when I feel that they take advantage of the aura of freedom that
> pervades our home. I also don't ask less of them in most respects.


Exactly! That's really it, just that he treats our home (and us) in the way
that we treat our home and each other. With love and respect.
Thanks for your support and input on this, Robyn. It's good to be able to
put something like this out there and get some really helpful, productive
feedback. I appreciate it!

Namaste~
Karen