Help with figuring out bedtimes
denise
This is what we used to do in regards to our 4 year old and bedtime:
1) watch for sleepy signs
2)then bring him up to his room (this would usually turn out to be around the
same time
every night-between 7;10 and 7:30 p.m.)
3)read books, listen to tapes, sing songs, talk-his choice-until he fell asleep.
Normally he would fall asleep within 2 to 20 mins.
Not bad, probably. He had a *bedtime* but it wasn't arbitrary.
Regardless, he would *fight* sleeping almost every night.
Even when his eyes were closing he would fight it and say, "mom didn't you know?
this is
how i sleep. with my eyes open" and "mom, i wasn't sleeping, i was just
pretending." :)
There would also be lots of restlessness, and sometimes yelling.
Almost always he fell asleep quickly, but lately it had been taking 40 mins to
an hour.
Two things happened for me
-I thought maybe I need to change the bedtime, that I was *missing* his sleepy
signals,
and/or
-that maybe now was the time to *lift* a *bedtime* guided by us.
My husband and I decided it was time to lift the bedtime.
We recognized that Marley has a really difficult time accepting when he is
tired, he
recognizes it but fights fights FIGHTS it, and we wanted to help him get to a
place where
he felt comfortable and o.k. with being sleepy and could/would tell US when he
was tired
and wanted to go to bed.
We have an older son, Sett, who is 10 1/2 who stays up till he decides he's
ready for bed
and has been doing that for awhile now. (about 8 months, i think).
We don't feel comfortable with Mars being downstairs either alone or with his
brother for
what could be long periods of time without us.
They get along really well but Sett is not ready (his determination which was
also our
guess)to be alone with Mars on that level.
What we came up with was that Mars can stay downstairs as long as one of us (me
or my
husband) are also down there.
After that, he has the choice of either coming up to our room with us where he
can watch
t.v. or read or draw or whatever he wants that is on the quieter side of things
till he falls
asleep
or
he can go to his room with one of us and do the same kinds of things till he
falls asleep.
He can also tell us when he's sleepy and or fall asleep down with us and then
we'd take
him up.
The first night Mars fell asleep watching t.v (12:30 a.m.). and my husband,
Adam, took
him up sometime after.
The second night Mars said he was sleepy and ready to go up when Sett said he
was ready
to go up(1:30 a.m.), but ended up fighting sleep once he was up there and saying
he
wasn't ready so my husband brought him back down and he fell asleep playing mega
man.
Last night my husband was ready to go up. (Adam and I had talked about being
aware of
when it was about 20-30 mins before we were absolutely ready to go to bed so
that we
could help Mars transition from being downstairs to being upstairs.)
At 12:30 a.m. he started giving Marley time to adjust saying things like "Mars,
We're going
up in 30 mins, in 20 mins, in 10, in 5, in 3...". (This is what has worked best,
transitions-
wise, for my guys in the past, giving time *warnings* so they know it's coming.)
Adam had been asking Marley what and where he would like to do/go-our room, his
room, books, gameboy, etc., but Mars was not interested in deciding.
So when the time came to go up, Mars freaked out and started screaming and
yelling and
kicking and refused to go up.
I had been asleep but woke up when I heard him and came down. I sat with him on
the
couch and held him and listened to him and he told me how he was feeling and I
listened
and gave him hugs and kisses. After he was in a calmner space, i started talking
wiht him
about what his options were-of either our room or his and which did he want but
he got
really upset again. Eventually I told him I was bringing him up to his room. He
was still
screaming and was pretty upset and I laid him in his bed and laid with him
untill he fell
asleep about 5 minutes later. Even as he was falling asleep he was saying "mom,
i'm so
annoyed with you" . (All of this, from when i came down to when he fell asleep,
took about
20 mins.)
What do i do now??? What did I do wrong??? We are working on putting a t.v. in
the boy's
room as soon as we can,
but other than that I don't know what else to do.
Am I starting this (letting him tell us) too early?
Is it that I've started this too late?
Help. Please :)
1) watch for sleepy signs
2)then bring him up to his room (this would usually turn out to be around the
same time
every night-between 7;10 and 7:30 p.m.)
3)read books, listen to tapes, sing songs, talk-his choice-until he fell asleep.
Normally he would fall asleep within 2 to 20 mins.
Not bad, probably. He had a *bedtime* but it wasn't arbitrary.
Regardless, he would *fight* sleeping almost every night.
Even when his eyes were closing he would fight it and say, "mom didn't you know?
this is
how i sleep. with my eyes open" and "mom, i wasn't sleeping, i was just
pretending." :)
There would also be lots of restlessness, and sometimes yelling.
Almost always he fell asleep quickly, but lately it had been taking 40 mins to
an hour.
Two things happened for me
-I thought maybe I need to change the bedtime, that I was *missing* his sleepy
signals,
and/or
-that maybe now was the time to *lift* a *bedtime* guided by us.
My husband and I decided it was time to lift the bedtime.
We recognized that Marley has a really difficult time accepting when he is
tired, he
recognizes it but fights fights FIGHTS it, and we wanted to help him get to a
place where
he felt comfortable and o.k. with being sleepy and could/would tell US when he
was tired
and wanted to go to bed.
We have an older son, Sett, who is 10 1/2 who stays up till he decides he's
ready for bed
and has been doing that for awhile now. (about 8 months, i think).
We don't feel comfortable with Mars being downstairs either alone or with his
brother for
what could be long periods of time without us.
They get along really well but Sett is not ready (his determination which was
also our
guess)to be alone with Mars on that level.
What we came up with was that Mars can stay downstairs as long as one of us (me
or my
husband) are also down there.
After that, he has the choice of either coming up to our room with us where he
can watch
t.v. or read or draw or whatever he wants that is on the quieter side of things
till he falls
asleep
or
he can go to his room with one of us and do the same kinds of things till he
falls asleep.
He can also tell us when he's sleepy and or fall asleep down with us and then
we'd take
him up.
The first night Mars fell asleep watching t.v (12:30 a.m.). and my husband,
Adam, took
him up sometime after.
The second night Mars said he was sleepy and ready to go up when Sett said he
was ready
to go up(1:30 a.m.), but ended up fighting sleep once he was up there and saying
he
wasn't ready so my husband brought him back down and he fell asleep playing mega
man.
Last night my husband was ready to go up. (Adam and I had talked about being
aware of
when it was about 20-30 mins before we were absolutely ready to go to bed so
that we
could help Mars transition from being downstairs to being upstairs.)
At 12:30 a.m. he started giving Marley time to adjust saying things like "Mars,
We're going
up in 30 mins, in 20 mins, in 10, in 5, in 3...". (This is what has worked best,
transitions-
wise, for my guys in the past, giving time *warnings* so they know it's coming.)
Adam had been asking Marley what and where he would like to do/go-our room, his
room, books, gameboy, etc., but Mars was not interested in deciding.
So when the time came to go up, Mars freaked out and started screaming and
yelling and
kicking and refused to go up.
I had been asleep but woke up when I heard him and came down. I sat with him on
the
couch and held him and listened to him and he told me how he was feeling and I
listened
and gave him hugs and kisses. After he was in a calmner space, i started talking
wiht him
about what his options were-of either our room or his and which did he want but
he got
really upset again. Eventually I told him I was bringing him up to his room. He
was still
screaming and was pretty upset and I laid him in his bed and laid with him
untill he fell
asleep about 5 minutes later. Even as he was falling asleep he was saying "mom,
i'm so
annoyed with you" . (All of this, from when i came down to when he fell asleep,
took about
20 mins.)
What do i do now??? What did I do wrong??? We are working on putting a t.v. in
the boy's
room as soon as we can,
but other than that I don't know what else to do.
Am I starting this (letting him tell us) too early?
Is it that I've started this too late?
Help. Please :)
[email protected]
I also have a guy that fights sleeping. At 4, he needed a routine of calming things to help his body ease into relaxation rather than fight against it. He would have a bath, then a foot massage, then be carried to bed and read a story. Same thing every night. We simply started when he seemed tired but not yet cranky. Very similar to what you were doing with your son.
Now at 7, he actually stays up quite a bit later but will often say "I'm tired, I'm going to bed." There are still times when we go back to the old routine of bath and foot massage. He seems to find it comforting, like an old teddy bear.
I would suggest that perhaps your son is a bit young to be making those decisions independently. I personally, would go back to watching for his signals, calming him and calming the house, like talking to your older son about having a half hour or so with low lights and only soft music to help his little brother move into sleep (so Mars doesn't feel he is missing out on a good video fight).
Julie S.
Now at 7, he actually stays up quite a bit later but will often say "I'm tired, I'm going to bed." There are still times when we go back to the old routine of bath and foot massage. He seems to find it comforting, like an old teddy bear.
I would suggest that perhaps your son is a bit young to be making those decisions independently. I personally, would go back to watching for his signals, calming him and calming the house, like talking to your older son about having a half hour or so with low lights and only soft music to help his little brother move into sleep (so Mars doesn't feel he is missing out on a good video fight).
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: denise <de_perri@...>
Date: Thursday, December 15, 2005 2:44 pm
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Help with figuring out bedtimes
> This is what we used to do in regards to our 4 year old and bedtime:
> 1) watch for sleepy signs
> 2)then bring him up to his room (this would usually turn out to be
> around the
> same time
> every night-between 7;10 and 7:30 p.m.)
> 3)read books, listen to tapes, sing songs, talk-his choice-until
> he fell asleep.
>
> Normally he would fall asleep within 2 to 20 mins.
> Not bad, probably. He had a *bedtime* but it wasn't arbitrary.
>
> Regardless, he would *fight* sleeping almost every night.
> Even when his eyes were closing he would fight it and say, "mom
> didn't you know?
> this is
> how i sleep. with my eyes open" and "mom, i wasn't sleeping, i was
> justpretending." :)
> There would also be lots of restlessness, and sometimes yelling.
> Almost always he fell asleep quickly, but lately it had been
> taking 40 mins to
> an hour.
>
> Two things happened for me
> -I thought maybe I need to change the bedtime, that I was
> *missing* his sleepy
> signals,
> and/or
> -that maybe now was the time to *lift* a *bedtime* guided by us.
>
> My husband and I decided it was time to lift the bedtime.
> We recognized that Marley has a really difficult time accepting
> when he is
> tired, he
> recognizes it but fights fights FIGHTS it, and we wanted to help
> him get to a
> place where
> he felt comfortable and o.k. with being sleepy and could/would
> tell US when he
> was tired
> and wanted to go to bed.
>
> We have an older son, Sett, who is 10 1/2 who stays up till he
> decides he's
> ready for bed
> and has been doing that for awhile now. (about 8 months, i think).
> We don't feel comfortable with Mars being downstairs either alone
> or with his
> brother for
> what could be long periods of time without us.
> They get along really well but Sett is not ready (his
> determination which was
> also our
> guess)to be alone with Mars on that level.
> What we came up with was that Mars can stay downstairs as long as
> one of us (me
> or my
> husband) are also down there.
> After that, he has the choice of either coming up to our room with
> us where he
> can watch
> t.v. or read or draw or whatever he wants that is on the quieter
> side of things
> till he falls
> asleep
> or
> he can go to his room with one of us and do the same kinds of
> things till he
> falls asleep.
>
> He can also tell us when he's sleepy and or fall asleep down with
> us and then
> we'd take
> him up.
>
> The first night Mars fell asleep watching t.v (12:30 a.m.). and my
> husband,Adam, took
> him up sometime after.
>
> The second night Mars said he was sleepy and ready to go up when
> Sett said he
> was ready
> to go up(1:30 a.m.), but ended up fighting sleep once he was up
> there and saying
> he
> wasn't ready so my husband brought him back down and he fell
> asleep playing mega
> man.
>
> Last night my husband was ready to go up. (Adam and I had talked
> about being
> aware of
> when it was about 20-30 mins before we were absolutely ready to go
> to bed so
> that we
> could help Mars transition from being downstairs to being upstairs.)
> At 12:30 a.m. he started giving Marley time to adjust saying
> things like "Mars,
> We're going
> up in 30 mins, in 20 mins, in 10, in 5, in 3...". (This is what
> has worked best,
> transitions-
> wise, for my guys in the past, giving time *warnings* so they know
> it's coming.)
> Adam had been asking Marley what and where he would like to do/go-
> our room, his
> room, books, gameboy, etc., but Mars was not interested in deciding.
> So when the time came to go up, Mars freaked out and started
> screaming and
> yelling and
> kicking and refused to go up.
> I had been asleep but woke up when I heard him and came down. I
> sat with him on
> the
> couch and held him and listened to him and he told me how he was
> feeling and I
> listened
> and gave him hugs and kisses. After he was in a calmner space, i
> started talking
> wiht him
> about what his options were-of either our room or his and which
> did he want but
> he got
> really upset again. Eventually I told him I was bringing him up to
> his room. He
> was still
> screaming and was pretty upset and I laid him in his bed and laid
> with him
> untill he fell
> asleep about 5 minutes later. Even as he was falling asleep he was
> saying "mom,
> i'm so
> annoyed with you" . (All of this, from when i came down to when he
> fell asleep,
> took about
> 20 mins.)
>
> What do i do now??? What did I do wrong??? We are working on
> putting a t.v. in
> the boy's
> room as soon as we can,
> but other than that I don't know what else to do.
> Am I starting this (letting him tell us) too early?
> Is it that I've started this too late?
> Help. Please :)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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