Family comments: WAS Need Support
Mother Earth (Tyra)
Sharon,
I don't think that what you are feeling is uncommon. I think that many people whose children learn at home feel a bit insecure when we hear about other children who are in school and their achievements. Most of us are trailblazers when it comes to hsing and especially unschooling. However, I have always taken the stance that people can say what they want to about how I parent my children but the proof will be in the pudding. Both of my sons were/are hip babies until at least 3 yrs old. My sons stay under me and many people have said that I needed to push them away to be more independent. I have been talked about for extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Of course, I am the trailblazer for this type of parenting within my family and my circle of friends. So many people talked about me and said that I needed a break. I would always tell them, "Don't worry. The proof will be in the pudding." Now, I get so many compliments on my children, their behavior and how smart they are all the time. Even when I think that they are buck wild, people will say that they are so happy and well-behaved.
It boils down to us trusting our inner knowing that the way we have decided our family will run is what is best and is working. As I have stated in another post, my mother passed away 8.5 years ago, that was three years before I gave birth to my first son. Her death has shaped the way I parent my children. It made me realize what was most important and that is relationships. She had cancer and in the last few months what I heard her pondering most was her relationships. She had to come to terms with those that were maybe not the best and she even called people to make peace with them. I had to remind her that her relationships with her husband and children were so powerful and strong that in my opinion that was her greatest life's work. She had 3 children who loved her deeply even to this day. So for me I don't focus much on any of the world's standards for my children because I know what really matters. Relationships. I am happy for any person's child who does well and receives accolades, but I am most happy that my children are happy and feel good within their skin. I am also most happy that if I were to die today, that I gave my children the greatest gift that I could, the gift of ME! The gift of my time and building our relationships. Because it was the relationship that I had with my mother that helped me to stand in the midst of the grief that I had after her death. I don't remember much of anything that my mother gave me other than herself.
But if my family came to me in anyway other than respectfully regarding how my children are learning, I would talk their ears off about the studies and whatever else I needed to to let them know that my way is just as good as the child who is going to school. I would not be mad as I spoke, I would be resolute.
Don't worry. The proof is in the pudding. Your children are fabulous just because they are who they are. They don't need dance recitals and spelling bee competitions to prove their self worth. What you are giving your children in unschooling is a gift that will last far longer than any accolades they would get from competitions and school. The love you show your children will be passed on from generation to generation. Feel good about what you are doing and enjoy the family get together despite!
Peace
Tyra
I don't think that what you are feeling is uncommon. I think that many people whose children learn at home feel a bit insecure when we hear about other children who are in school and their achievements. Most of us are trailblazers when it comes to hsing and especially unschooling. However, I have always taken the stance that people can say what they want to about how I parent my children but the proof will be in the pudding. Both of my sons were/are hip babies until at least 3 yrs old. My sons stay under me and many people have said that I needed to push them away to be more independent. I have been talked about for extended breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Of course, I am the trailblazer for this type of parenting within my family and my circle of friends. So many people talked about me and said that I needed a break. I would always tell them, "Don't worry. The proof will be in the pudding." Now, I get so many compliments on my children, their behavior and how smart they are all the time. Even when I think that they are buck wild, people will say that they are so happy and well-behaved.
It boils down to us trusting our inner knowing that the way we have decided our family will run is what is best and is working. As I have stated in another post, my mother passed away 8.5 years ago, that was three years before I gave birth to my first son. Her death has shaped the way I parent my children. It made me realize what was most important and that is relationships. She had cancer and in the last few months what I heard her pondering most was her relationships. She had to come to terms with those that were maybe not the best and she even called people to make peace with them. I had to remind her that her relationships with her husband and children were so powerful and strong that in my opinion that was her greatest life's work. She had 3 children who loved her deeply even to this day. So for me I don't focus much on any of the world's standards for my children because I know what really matters. Relationships. I am happy for any person's child who does well and receives accolades, but I am most happy that my children are happy and feel good within their skin. I am also most happy that if I were to die today, that I gave my children the greatest gift that I could, the gift of ME! The gift of my time and building our relationships. Because it was the relationship that I had with my mother that helped me to stand in the midst of the grief that I had after her death. I don't remember much of anything that my mother gave me other than herself.
But if my family came to me in anyway other than respectfully regarding how my children are learning, I would talk their ears off about the studies and whatever else I needed to to let them know that my way is just as good as the child who is going to school. I would not be mad as I spoke, I would be resolute.
Don't worry. The proof is in the pudding. Your children are fabulous just because they are who they are. They don't need dance recitals and spelling bee competitions to prove their self worth. What you are giving your children in unschooling is a gift that will last far longer than any accolades they would get from competitions and school. The love you show your children will be passed on from generation to generation. Feel good about what you are doing and enjoy the family get together despite!
Peace
Tyra
----- Original Message -----
From: simplemom3
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2005 5:36 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] RE: Need Support
I'm new here and it's a bit embarrassing to "bare my soul," but here
goes....I received an email this morning from my niece, (we both have
girls that are within one month of each other in age) proudly
announcing that her dd just won the regional spelling bee for her
school. It goes on to say that she really didn't have much time to
practice, because she danced in the Nutcracker Ballet all
weekend....Grrr.
I am ashamed of the feelings I'm having. Our family Christmas party
will be this coming Saturday. Although my niece won't be there (they
live a few hours away and can't come), I am already imagining the
barrage of comments that I'll have to field (about the sensational
achievements of said child). Suffice it to say that my family
doesn't understand homeschooling, let alone unschooling....and most
of them think that my dc would be "better off" in school. My great-
neice's latest achievements will simply solidify (in family's mind)
that the best opportunites come for kids who are in school. All
these chances to gain a college scholarship, ya know....My poor kids
just stay home all day and do "nothing." (Last two sentences are the
imagined (real?) comments of family members.) Part of the reason
they're not in school is becuz I HATE the competition kids have to
face there -- but I guess competition is everywhere, especially when
children are very close in age.
Thanks for allowing me to vent my frustration.
Sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Laura Gallagher
Hello,
I'm a lurker here and am enjoying learning from all of these threads.
Tyra, I was moved to tears by what you just said, "The love you show your
children will be passed on from generation to generation." Well, that's it
isn't it? Or, a big part of it. What a beautiful sentiment.
Last year at a homeschooling conference here in Illinois, I saw David Albert
who brought up the idea of all parents saying that they want happiness for
their children, and then he asked us what that would look like. What would
be a curriculum for happiness? He also pointed out that schools NEVER
mention the word happiness--it's not part of the thinking at all.
I'm unschooling my kids to help them be in charge of themselves, to know
themselves, to be able to find their own happiness every day and I would say
it's working really well (despite sibling issues).
Anyway, here's to our children's happiness and the future generation's
happiness!
Laura
on 12/13/05 8:14 AM, Mother Earth (Tyra) at motherspirit@...
wrote:
Sharon,
I don't think that what you are feeling is uncommon. I think that many
people whose children learn at home feel a bit insecure when we hear about
other children who are in school and their achievements. Most of us are
trailblazers when it comes to hsing and especially unschooling. However, I
have always taken the stance that people can say what they want to about how
I parent my children but the proof will be in the pudding. Both of my sons
were/are hip babies until at least 3 yrs old. My sons stay under me and
many people have said that I needed to push them away to be more
independent. I have been talked about for extended breastfeeding and
co-sleeping. Of course, I am the trailblazer for this type of parenting
within my family and my circle of friends. So many people talked about me
and said that I needed a break. I would always tell them, "Don't worry.
The proof will be in the pudding." Now, I get so many compliments on my
children, their behavior and how smart they are all the time. Even when I
think that they are buck wild, people will say that they are so happy and
well-behaved.
It boils down to us trusting our inner knowing that the way we have decided
our family will run is what is best and is working. As I have stated in
another post, my mother passed away 8.5 years ago, that was three years
before I gave birth to my first son. Her death has shaped the way I parent
my children. It made me realize what was most important and that is
relationships. She had cancer and in the last few months what I heard her
pondering most was her relationships. She had to come to terms with those
that were maybe not the best and she even called people to make peace with
them. I had to remind her that her relationships with her husband and
children were so powerful and strong that in my opinion that was her
greatest life's work. She had 3 children who loved her deeply even to this
day. So for me I don't focus much on any of the world's standards for my
children because I know what really matters. Relationships. I am happy for
any person's child who does well and receives accolades, but I am most happy
that my children are happy and feel good within their skin. I am also most
happy that if I were to die today, that I gave my children the greatest gift
that I could, the gift of ME! The gift of my time and building our
relationships. Because it was the relationship that I had with my mother
that helped me to stand in the midst of the grief that I had after her
death. I don't remember much of anything that my mother gave me other than
herself.
But if my family came to me in anyway other than respectfully regarding how
my children are learning, I would talk their ears off about the studies and
whatever else I needed to to let them know that my way is just as good as
the child who is going to school. I would not be mad as I spoke, I would be
resolute.
Don't worry. The proof is in the pudding. Your children are fabulous just
because they are who they are. They don't need dance recitals and spelling
bee competitions to prove their self worth. What you are giving your
children in unschooling is a gift that will last far longer than any
accolades they would get from competitions and school. The love you show
your children will be passed on from generation to generation. Feel good
about what you are doing and enjoy the family get together despite!
Peace
Tyra
I'm a lurker here and am enjoying learning from all of these threads.
Tyra, I was moved to tears by what you just said, "The love you show your
children will be passed on from generation to generation." Well, that's it
isn't it? Or, a big part of it. What a beautiful sentiment.
Last year at a homeschooling conference here in Illinois, I saw David Albert
who brought up the idea of all parents saying that they want happiness for
their children, and then he asked us what that would look like. What would
be a curriculum for happiness? He also pointed out that schools NEVER
mention the word happiness--it's not part of the thinking at all.
I'm unschooling my kids to help them be in charge of themselves, to know
themselves, to be able to find their own happiness every day and I would say
it's working really well (despite sibling issues).
Anyway, here's to our children's happiness and the future generation's
happiness!
Laura
on 12/13/05 8:14 AM, Mother Earth (Tyra) at motherspirit@...
wrote:
Sharon,
I don't think that what you are feeling is uncommon. I think that many
people whose children learn at home feel a bit insecure when we hear about
other children who are in school and their achievements. Most of us are
trailblazers when it comes to hsing and especially unschooling. However, I
have always taken the stance that people can say what they want to about how
I parent my children but the proof will be in the pudding. Both of my sons
were/are hip babies until at least 3 yrs old. My sons stay under me and
many people have said that I needed to push them away to be more
independent. I have been talked about for extended breastfeeding and
co-sleeping. Of course, I am the trailblazer for this type of parenting
within my family and my circle of friends. So many people talked about me
and said that I needed a break. I would always tell them, "Don't worry.
The proof will be in the pudding." Now, I get so many compliments on my
children, their behavior and how smart they are all the time. Even when I
think that they are buck wild, people will say that they are so happy and
well-behaved.
It boils down to us trusting our inner knowing that the way we have decided
our family will run is what is best and is working. As I have stated in
another post, my mother passed away 8.5 years ago, that was three years
before I gave birth to my first son. Her death has shaped the way I parent
my children. It made me realize what was most important and that is
relationships. She had cancer and in the last few months what I heard her
pondering most was her relationships. She had to come to terms with those
that were maybe not the best and she even called people to make peace with
them. I had to remind her that her relationships with her husband and
children were so powerful and strong that in my opinion that was her
greatest life's work. She had 3 children who loved her deeply even to this
day. So for me I don't focus much on any of the world's standards for my
children because I know what really matters. Relationships. I am happy for
any person's child who does well and receives accolades, but I am most happy
that my children are happy and feel good within their skin. I am also most
happy that if I were to die today, that I gave my children the greatest gift
that I could, the gift of ME! The gift of my time and building our
relationships. Because it was the relationship that I had with my mother
that helped me to stand in the midst of the grief that I had after her
death. I don't remember much of anything that my mother gave me other than
herself.
But if my family came to me in anyway other than respectfully regarding how
my children are learning, I would talk their ears off about the studies and
whatever else I needed to to let them know that my way is just as good as
the child who is going to school. I would not be mad as I spoke, I would be
resolute.
Don't worry. The proof is in the pudding. Your children are fabulous just
because they are who they are. They don't need dance recitals and spelling
bee competitions to prove their self worth. What you are giving your
children in unschooling is a gift that will last far longer than any
accolades they would get from competitions and school. The love you show
your children will be passed on from generation to generation. Feel good
about what you are doing and enjoy the family get together despite!
Peace
Tyra
----- Original Message -----
From: simplemom3
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2005 5:36 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] RE: Need Support
I'm new here and it's a bit embarrassing to "bare my soul," but here
goes....I received an email this morning from my niece, (we both have
girls that are within one month of each other in age) proudly
announcing that her dd just won the regional spelling bee for her
school. It goes on to say that she really didn't have much time to
practice, because she danced in the Nutcracker Ballet all
weekend....Grrr.
I am ashamed of the feelings I'm having. Our family Christmas party
will be this coming Saturday. Although my niece won't be there (they
live a few hours away and can't come), I am already imagining the
barrage of comments that I'll have to field (about the sensational
achievements of said child). Suffice it to say that my family
doesn't understand homeschooling, let alone unschooling....and most
of them think that my dc would be "better off" in school. My great-
neice's latest achievements will simply solidify (in family's mind)
that the best opportunites come for kids who are in school. All
these chances to gain a college scholarship, ya know....My poor kids
just stay home all day and do "nothing." (Last two sentences are the
imagined (real?) comments of family members.) Part of the reason
they're not in school is becuz I HATE the competition kids have to
face there -- but I guess competition is everywhere, especially when
children are very close in age.
Thanks for allowing me to vent my frustration.
Sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[email protected]
Tyra,
My mom died 4 years before my first child was born. I can really
relate to what you wrote! I think my great relationship with my mom and
the fact that she is no longer around play a strong role in how I want to
raise my children, including homeschooling, unschooling, and daily living
with them.
Nancy
My mom died 4 years before my first child was born. I can really
relate to what you wrote! I think my great relationship with my mom and
the fact that she is no longer around play a strong role in how I want to
raise my children, including homeschooling, unschooling, and daily living
with them.
Nancy
Ren Allen
~"The love you show your
children will be passed on from generation to generation." Well,
that's it
isn't it? Or, a big part of it. What a beautiful sentiment.~
It is.
In a sense, it makes you immortal. Many Native American tribes
considered the next seven generations when making decisions, and what
the affect would be on them.
If you think of parenting decisions in that context, it sure makes a
lot of sense to unschool and by gentle, doesn't it? My name won't be
remembered in just 3-4 generations, but my actions might be living on
in the form of joy.
Ren
children will be passed on from generation to generation." Well,
that's it
isn't it? Or, a big part of it. What a beautiful sentiment.~
It is.
In a sense, it makes you immortal. Many Native American tribes
considered the next seven generations when making decisions, and what
the affect would be on them.
If you think of parenting decisions in that context, it sure makes a
lot of sense to unschool and by gentle, doesn't it? My name won't be
remembered in just 3-4 generations, but my actions might be living on
in the form of joy.
Ren
Mother Earth (Tyra)
I did not know about the tradition of some Native American tribes considering the next seven generations when making the decision, but it is sentiments like that that make mothering a spiritual path for me. I am becoming less and less surprised that I am ending up where I am as a mother. It started with breastfeeding and has evolved into unschooling. These last few weeks, I have truly come into the realization that unschooling is just the next step in a process that began with a goal that I had before I had my children. I decided that my goal as a parent would be to raise children who felt good about themselves, who had high self-esteem. This has to do with the fact that I have struggled with having high self-esteem. Little did I know where this would lead me because at every turn, I have to work on who I am in order to parent in a way that allows my children the freedom to be who they are.
It is a beautiful thing to be able to leave our children material wealth, but nothing compares to the love. I once remember an alcohol and drug counselor saying that he had NEVER treated a patient for alcohol and drug addiction who said that they were addicts because their parents did not buy them enough stuff. It is the lack of love that had them there. It is comments like those that keep me determined to continue to open myself more to my children, husband and people in general.
They may not remember our name, but they will have our love.......There is no greater legacy.
Peace
Tyra
It is a beautiful thing to be able to leave our children material wealth, but nothing compares to the love. I once remember an alcohol and drug counselor saying that he had NEVER treated a patient for alcohol and drug addiction who said that they were addicts because their parents did not buy them enough stuff. It is the lack of love that had them there. It is comments like those that keep me determined to continue to open myself more to my children, husband and people in general.
They may not remember our name, but they will have our love.......There is no greater legacy.
Peace
Tyra
----- Original Message -----
From: Ren Allen
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2005 3:44 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Family comments
~"The love you show your
children will be passed on from generation to generation." Well,
that's it
isn't it? Or, a big part of it. What a beautiful sentiment.~
It is.
In a sense, it makes you immortal. Many Native American tribes
considered the next seven generations when making decisions, and what
the affect would be on them.
If you think of parenting decisions in that context, it sure makes a
lot of sense to unschool and by gentle, doesn't it? My name won't be
remembered in just 3-4 generations, but my actions might be living on
in the form of joy.
Ren
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mother Earth (Tyra)
It is great to meet another person who can relate. Taking that position on my mother's transition is how I have turned my lemons into lemonade. Otherwise, I think I would be depressed all the time. I appreciate you for sharing.
Peace
Tyra
Peace
Tyra
----- Original Message -----
From: Nancy.Reeves@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2005 10:28 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Family comments
Tyra,
My mom died 4 years before my first child was born. I can really
relate to what you wrote! I think my great relationship with my mom and
the fact that she is no longer around play a strong role in how I want to
raise my children, including homeschooling, unschooling, and daily living
with them.
Nancy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]