Ren Allen

"Wouldn't it lead to think of your parents as your personal
servants and to treat them with a sort of "I snap my fingers and you
jump" kind of attitude?"

Only if YOU act that way.:)
I don't jump when someone snaps their fingers at me...but I respond
very quickly when a child makes a request. There's a difference. I
expect to be treated decently, from adults and children.
Children don't have the same skill level, but if Jalen is screeching
at me and being generally loud and demanding, I might say "hey, if
you just ask me in a soft voice, I can help you better"

Gentle nudges, gentle nudges.

When I clean Sierra's room, I DO ask her to help...if she's busy
that's fine, but I'm not just running around all day cleaning up and
never asking for assistance. I also let them know when I'm
exhausted and what will help me have a better day or night.

It's different when they're little, they love to help but most of
their help only makes tasks take longer for you....that's part of
setting up a partnership between you and your child.

Have you noticed your 4y.o. loving to be in the middle of household
tasks, wanting to try everything and "help"?
That's the sweet involvement we're perpetuating. Each child, that is
being honored for the different ways they help, continue to see
themselves as a valuable part of a family unit.

The families where the mother plays martyr, usually have control
issues too. The ones I've known, the mother doesn't WANT outside
help, she'll stop them from doing it because she wants it done a
certain way, but she'll moan about all the hard work she does. Yuck.

If you appreciate whatever form of help they give, show them new
skills as they get older and make a partnership of these tasks,
you'll get a whole different result. It takes a lot of letting go to
get there....

Ren