camden

> I suspect that most of us have been there in the beginning. I know I have.
> However, I think it is more accurate to say that we feel *defensive*,
> since
> "attacked" refers to what the other person is being perceived as doing
> rather than one's own feelings. It is perfectly possible to feel defensive
> even in the absence of attack.
>

I know that in the beginning, I was very defensive. The first question I
posted, I can honestly tell you, I was NOT ready to hear the answer. When I
first read the responses I got, I was like...... who do they think they are?
the unschooling queens? (I hope you don't take offense. LOL). It took me a
few times of reading my posts again & the numerous replies I got, to say
WOW, they just might have something :) So for all the new members .........
your not alone & please don't leave just because you don't agree or
understand right away. You'll be missing alot

> Defensiveness can be great because it is a real clue that something needs
> examining. I find I feel the most defensive when I am the most in the
> wrong.
> When I most want to jump back and bite is when I try to take a deep breath
> or two, and walk around the house muttering replies to myself, until I get
> to what *my* real problem is.


I have discovered that when I am at my most defensive, I now realize I need
to step back and examine myself & the situation. I've even told my kids to
let me know when I'm slipping into an old habit ( which they gleefully
do ). Some old habits die hard, but we're working on it. And I'll have
many more times I will need the advice of the members of this list. Some I
might not even agree with at first, but its amazing what a little
open-mindedness will do.

Thanks again for a great start.
Carol

simplemom3

I find I feel the most defensive when I am the most in the
> > wrong.

This is true for me, as well. As a matter of fact, I used to be
(when we first began homeschooling) first in line to bash
unschoolers. Comments like: how will those kids EVER learn math?
pass the GED or score well on the SATs? attain the discipline to
stick with the "un-fun" tasks of life? Won't they become selfish and
lazy always doing only what they're interested in?? The list goes
on. (Please forgive my ignorance:-(

Of course, I didn't actually KNOW any unschooling families, nor had I
bothered to learn anything about the lifestyle.....but because I was
unsure of myself (I was a curriculum junkie), I had to validate what
I was doing. Somehow it seemed like it would be more acceptable to
my critics if I painted a picture of the kids and I sitting around
the kitchen table with our workbooks -- or me standing at a
chalkboard teaching them "lessons."

Ugh. Painful, but I guess taking responsibility for our
mistakes/ignorance and doing our best to correct them/it is part of
(like grandma used to say) growing older and wiser.

Sharon