Krisula Moyer

I guess this thread has already been around the block once but I just wanted
to say that Millie, I recognized the feelings and fears in your original
post (about your dog becoming an outside pet after the baby arrived) and I
think you were brave to articulate it the way you did.
I can remember having similar fears, not before child number 2 arrived, but
after. They were 2 years apart exactly and the 2yo (now 10) was entering a
very intense phase just as the new baby was being rather intense. They are
still intense children but at the time the chemistry of it all including my
post partum condition seamed a bit overwhelming. I can remember thinking
that I couldn't possibly give older ds the attention he craved and that dd's
needs seemed more pressing all the time. He did learn to wait and of
course, she didn't stay a baby and he didn't stay a 2yo. By the time they
were 3 and 1 they were beginning to interact with each other in ways that
nurtured them both (not all the time mind you). But I came to see their
relationship with each other as a dimension that more than made up for my
inability to give them each my undivided attention 24-7. The third child
is the most independent of them all and she has been adored by all 4 of us,
not just me, from the beginning.
One thing that helped at least in the earliest years was to encourage their
own relationship in little ways. The 2 oldest tandem nursed and I used to
say "soft baby head" as the older one stroked her head gently or they'd hold
hands while they nursed. I told the older children when #3 was born that
they should try to teach her to smile. So they both would smile at the baby
endlessly, which translated to tender feelings. There's more, good and bad,
but that's all I wanted to say for now.

Peace,
Krisula