TV-issues of impact beyond good and evil
Ren Allen
"In our house we have found several
issues -
I wouldn't "have" my child watch anything. I WOULD have them choose.
If there was something on that I was aware may be problematic for
that child, I would describe exactly what it was that might cause
stress/concern. It would then be up to that child.
Last night, Sierra and Jalen flipped on the tv right as we were
getting ready to go to sleep...it was "Boa" (scary flick for anyone
that hasn't seen the previews) and a snake was in the process of
attacking and eating a human. I just said "you know Sierra, I don't
think Jalen needs to see that right before bed, could you find
something not scary." She quickly changed it to cartoon network. If
they'd both said "NO, we want to watch this" I would have stayed and
let them watch.
So while I think addressing these issues are important, I don't take
the choice from them either.
I've never had any kind of tv/movie cause nightmares for weeks. I
think it's in part how WE handle it when something disturbing gets
viewed that we maybe weren't prepared for. We are calm, we talk
about the special effects it took to prepare that scene, we dicuss
how nothing was really harmed in real life, my children don't see
everyone reacting intensely, so they tend to discuss, rather than be
reactive.
Sierra used to be extremely sensitive.
I still warn her about a lot, but she is also very much needing to
be in control of her choices, so she's seen things that upset her.
It's a learning opportunity, it doesn't damage anyone for life.
The worst that's come of disturbing scenes is I have to walk small
people to the bathroom for several weeks...sigh.
There are always issues that arise when a family is trying to
balance everyone's needs. That doesn't mean the parent's need to
override the child's choices. If they make a choice that isn't
great, they'll learn something new about themselves. And hopefully
it's being learned with parent's that discuss what disturbed them
and don't say "I told you so".
Ren
issues -
> in addition to the one Ren talked about - the fact that youwouldn't have
> your sensitive children watch things that would traumatize them andgive
> them nightmares for weeks (and my daughter gets too scared to watchDisney
> movies so that is a big consideration around here)."I need to clarify.
I wouldn't "have" my child watch anything. I WOULD have them choose.
If there was something on that I was aware may be problematic for
that child, I would describe exactly what it was that might cause
stress/concern. It would then be up to that child.
Last night, Sierra and Jalen flipped on the tv right as we were
getting ready to go to sleep...it was "Boa" (scary flick for anyone
that hasn't seen the previews) and a snake was in the process of
attacking and eating a human. I just said "you know Sierra, I don't
think Jalen needs to see that right before bed, could you find
something not scary." She quickly changed it to cartoon network. If
they'd both said "NO, we want to watch this" I would have stayed and
let them watch.
So while I think addressing these issues are important, I don't take
the choice from them either.
I've never had any kind of tv/movie cause nightmares for weeks. I
think it's in part how WE handle it when something disturbing gets
viewed that we maybe weren't prepared for. We are calm, we talk
about the special effects it took to prepare that scene, we dicuss
how nothing was really harmed in real life, my children don't see
everyone reacting intensely, so they tend to discuss, rather than be
reactive.
Sierra used to be extremely sensitive.
I still warn her about a lot, but she is also very much needing to
be in control of her choices, so she's seen things that upset her.
It's a learning opportunity, it doesn't damage anyone for life.
The worst that's come of disturbing scenes is I have to walk small
people to the bathroom for several weeks...sigh.
There are always issues that arise when a family is trying to
balance everyone's needs. That doesn't mean the parent's need to
override the child's choices. If they make a choice that isn't
great, they'll learn something new about themselves. And hopefully
it's being learned with parent's that discuss what disturbed them
and don't say "I told you so".
Ren
Joan Labbe & Salvatore Genovese
Thanks for clarifying, Ren. I definitely rephrased what you said poorly
using the word "have", and in my mind I definitely wasn't thinking that you
said or that I would believe that the adult would choose what's too scary
and what's not, just that the adult would be aware and talk about it with
their child. I would not stop my daughter from watching something she
wished to if she wanted to try it because I thought it was too scary. I
would only explain why I was concerned about it - it would definitely be up
to her to choose unless there was an issue with her brother feeling
threatened by it which might mean seeing it while he was asleep or
distracting him or some such.
It is my own ongoing challenge that my daughter is more sensitive than any
other child I have met so far in regards not only to TV, but to books and
other materials. She is not reading yet, and before asking for anything to
be read to her insists on looking through it at all the pictures to see if
she thinks it would be "too scary". For this reason, much to my husband's
dismay as he is a librarian, she has no interest in storytime at the
library - too big of a risk it might be something scary. If I read a book
aloud to my son and she doesn't want to hear it, she goes to another room
and I make sure I read softly. Because she not only watches, but feels she
is living in the video, like the books, she finds an amazing (to me) list of
things scary including even some of the mildest children's videos out
there - even one Little Bear episode made her list. Anything representative
of adult crankiness and insensitivity seems to set her off, although she
often asks and we discuss "why" it happened that way if she happens to see
it. As she gets older, she seems to take some of it more in stride.
Personally I do not question what she finds scary or not scary - if she
finds it scary, then it is and we go from there, although sometimes I see if
she would like to discuss what she finds scary about it to see if that helps
her feel better in a given situation.
She has not had anything on a video that has given her nightmares for weeks,
although she has seen things that have sent her out of the room screaming
(like the mean witch on "Dora Saves the Prince"), and by saying that in my
post, I may simply be expressing an unrealistic worry of mine - we are
currently trying to handle a situation where she felt threatened by the
behavior of some other children while in a childcare situation during
regular 3 hour meetings we attended - she found the behavior scary and the
providers there did not help her feel safe, and she has had recurrent
nightmares about that going on 3 months now. So I have likely put my own
struggles and fears into my rephrase and not anything well thought out about
videos, and certainly not anything reflective of what you wrote!
Joan
-----Original Message-----
From: Ren Allen [mailto:starsuncloud@...]
Sent: Friday, June 18, 2004 11:33 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] TV-issues of impact beyond good and evil
"In our house we have found several
issues -
I wouldn't "have" my child watch anything. I WOULD have them choose.
If there was something on that I was aware may be problematic for
that child, I would describe exactly what it was that might cause
stress/concern. It would then be up to that child.
Last night, Sierra and Jalen flipped on the tv right as we were
getting ready to go to sleep...it was "Boa" (scary flick for anyone
that hasn't seen the previews) and a snake was in the process of
attacking and eating a human. I just said "you know Sierra, I don't
think Jalen needs to see that right before bed, could you find
something not scary." She quickly changed it to cartoon network. If
they'd both said "NO, we want to watch this" I would have stayed and
let them watch.
So while I think addressing these issues are important, I don't take
the choice from them either.
I've never had any kind of tv/movie cause nightmares for weeks. I
think it's in part how WE handle it when something disturbing gets
viewed that we maybe weren't prepared for. We are calm, we talk
about the special effects it took to prepare that scene, we dicuss
how nothing was really harmed in real life, my children don't see
everyone reacting intensely, so they tend to discuss, rather than be
reactive.
Sierra used to be extremely sensitive.
I still warn her about a lot, but she is also very much needing to
be in control of her choices, so she's seen things that upset her.
It's a learning opportunity, it doesn't damage anyone for life.
The worst that's come of disturbing scenes is I have to walk small
people to the bathroom for several weeks...sigh.
There are always issues that arise when a family is trying to
balance everyone's needs. That doesn't mean the parent's need to
override the child's choices. If they make a choice that isn't
great, they'll learn something new about themselves. And hopefully
it's being learned with parent's that discuss what disturbed them
and don't say "I told you so".
Ren
Yahoo! Groups Links
using the word "have", and in my mind I definitely wasn't thinking that you
said or that I would believe that the adult would choose what's too scary
and what's not, just that the adult would be aware and talk about it with
their child. I would not stop my daughter from watching something she
wished to if she wanted to try it because I thought it was too scary. I
would only explain why I was concerned about it - it would definitely be up
to her to choose unless there was an issue with her brother feeling
threatened by it which might mean seeing it while he was asleep or
distracting him or some such.
It is my own ongoing challenge that my daughter is more sensitive than any
other child I have met so far in regards not only to TV, but to books and
other materials. She is not reading yet, and before asking for anything to
be read to her insists on looking through it at all the pictures to see if
she thinks it would be "too scary". For this reason, much to my husband's
dismay as he is a librarian, she has no interest in storytime at the
library - too big of a risk it might be something scary. If I read a book
aloud to my son and she doesn't want to hear it, she goes to another room
and I make sure I read softly. Because she not only watches, but feels she
is living in the video, like the books, she finds an amazing (to me) list of
things scary including even some of the mildest children's videos out
there - even one Little Bear episode made her list. Anything representative
of adult crankiness and insensitivity seems to set her off, although she
often asks and we discuss "why" it happened that way if she happens to see
it. As she gets older, she seems to take some of it more in stride.
Personally I do not question what she finds scary or not scary - if she
finds it scary, then it is and we go from there, although sometimes I see if
she would like to discuss what she finds scary about it to see if that helps
her feel better in a given situation.
She has not had anything on a video that has given her nightmares for weeks,
although she has seen things that have sent her out of the room screaming
(like the mean witch on "Dora Saves the Prince"), and by saying that in my
post, I may simply be expressing an unrealistic worry of mine - we are
currently trying to handle a situation where she felt threatened by the
behavior of some other children while in a childcare situation during
regular 3 hour meetings we attended - she found the behavior scary and the
providers there did not help her feel safe, and she has had recurrent
nightmares about that going on 3 months now. So I have likely put my own
struggles and fears into my rephrase and not anything well thought out about
videos, and certainly not anything reflective of what you wrote!
Joan
-----Original Message-----
From: Ren Allen [mailto:starsuncloud@...]
Sent: Friday, June 18, 2004 11:33 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] TV-issues of impact beyond good and evil
"In our house we have found several
issues -
> in addition to the one Ren talked about - the fact that youwouldn't have
> your sensitive children watch things that would traumatize them andgive
> them nightmares for weeks (and my daughter gets too scared to watchDisney
> movies so that is a big consideration around here)."I need to clarify.
I wouldn't "have" my child watch anything. I WOULD have them choose.
If there was something on that I was aware may be problematic for
that child, I would describe exactly what it was that might cause
stress/concern. It would then be up to that child.
Last night, Sierra and Jalen flipped on the tv right as we were
getting ready to go to sleep...it was "Boa" (scary flick for anyone
that hasn't seen the previews) and a snake was in the process of
attacking and eating a human. I just said "you know Sierra, I don't
think Jalen needs to see that right before bed, could you find
something not scary." She quickly changed it to cartoon network. If
they'd both said "NO, we want to watch this" I would have stayed and
let them watch.
So while I think addressing these issues are important, I don't take
the choice from them either.
I've never had any kind of tv/movie cause nightmares for weeks. I
think it's in part how WE handle it when something disturbing gets
viewed that we maybe weren't prepared for. We are calm, we talk
about the special effects it took to prepare that scene, we dicuss
how nothing was really harmed in real life, my children don't see
everyone reacting intensely, so they tend to discuss, rather than be
reactive.
Sierra used to be extremely sensitive.
I still warn her about a lot, but she is also very much needing to
be in control of her choices, so she's seen things that upset her.
It's a learning opportunity, it doesn't damage anyone for life.
The worst that's come of disturbing scenes is I have to walk small
people to the bathroom for several weeks...sigh.
There are always issues that arise when a family is trying to
balance everyone's needs. That doesn't mean the parent's need to
override the child's choices. If they make a choice that isn't
great, they'll learn something new about themselves. And hopefully
it's being learned with parent's that discuss what disturbed them
and don't say "I told you so".
Ren
Yahoo! Groups Links