Mindfulness
Cheryl Morkan
This book isn't specifically a parenting book. Instead it can be
applied to every aspect of our lives. It seems like many of you know
these principles intuitively, but for those of us who don't this book
is clearly written and transforming. Just thought I'd share.
Cheryl
Excerpt from Mindfulness By Ellen J. Langer
"Openness, not only to new information, but to different
points of view is also an important feature of mindfulness. For
years, social psychologists have written about the differences
between the perspective of an actor and that of an observer. For
instance, we are likely to blame circumstances for our own negative
behavior: `The subway made me late'. If the very same behavior is
engaged in by someone else, however, we tend to blame that
individual: `He is chronically behind schedule.'
"Once we become mindfully aware of views other than our own,
we start to realize that there are as many different views as there
are different observers. Such awareness is potentially liberating.
For instance, imagine that someone has just told you that you are
rude. You thought you were being frank. If there is only one
perspective, you can't be both right. But with an awareness of many
perspectives, you could accept that you are both right and
concentrate on whether your remarks had the effect that you actually
wanted to produce. If we cling to our own point of view, we may be
blind to our impact on others; if we are too vulnerable to other
people's definitions of our behavior, we may feel undermined, for
observers are typically less flattering of us than we are of
ourselves. It is easy to see that any single gesture, remark, or act
between people can have at least two interpretations: spontaneous
versus impulsive; consistent versus rigid; softhearted versus weak;
intense versus overemotional; and so on.
"This list should not give the impression that for every act
there are two set, polarized interpretations. As we said, there are
potentially as many interpretations as there are observers. Every
idea, person or object is potentially simultaneously many things
depending on the perspective from which it is viewed. A steer is
steak to a rancher, a sacred object to a Hindu, and a collections of
genes and proteins to a molecular biologist. Nor does being mindful
mean that we can plan certain defined ways of interacting with others
that will produce certain outcomes; rather, it means that we remain
aware that the various possible perspectives will never be exhausted."
applied to every aspect of our lives. It seems like many of you know
these principles intuitively, but for those of us who don't this book
is clearly written and transforming. Just thought I'd share.
Cheryl
Excerpt from Mindfulness By Ellen J. Langer
"Openness, not only to new information, but to different
points of view is also an important feature of mindfulness. For
years, social psychologists have written about the differences
between the perspective of an actor and that of an observer. For
instance, we are likely to blame circumstances for our own negative
behavior: `The subway made me late'. If the very same behavior is
engaged in by someone else, however, we tend to blame that
individual: `He is chronically behind schedule.'
"Once we become mindfully aware of views other than our own,
we start to realize that there are as many different views as there
are different observers. Such awareness is potentially liberating.
For instance, imagine that someone has just told you that you are
rude. You thought you were being frank. If there is only one
perspective, you can't be both right. But with an awareness of many
perspectives, you could accept that you are both right and
concentrate on whether your remarks had the effect that you actually
wanted to produce. If we cling to our own point of view, we may be
blind to our impact on others; if we are too vulnerable to other
people's definitions of our behavior, we may feel undermined, for
observers are typically less flattering of us than we are of
ourselves. It is easy to see that any single gesture, remark, or act
between people can have at least two interpretations: spontaneous
versus impulsive; consistent versus rigid; softhearted versus weak;
intense versus overemotional; and so on.
"This list should not give the impression that for every act
there are two set, polarized interpretations. As we said, there are
potentially as many interpretations as there are observers. Every
idea, person or object is potentially simultaneously many things
depending on the perspective from which it is viewed. A steer is
steak to a rancher, a sacred object to a Hindu, and a collections of
genes and proteins to a molecular biologist. Nor does being mindful
mean that we can plan certain defined ways of interacting with others
that will produce certain outcomes; rather, it means that we remain
aware that the various possible perspectives will never be exhausted."