Intro, praise for the conference, thank yous, comments & questions
crissyhall
Hi! I've been reading posts from this group since June 2004 and this
is my first post. I can hardly keep up with the reading, let alone
write something! So I've saved up a lot and this is my intro, praise
for the conference, thank yous, comments, and questions all in one :).
My intro: I'm Christine and I have 4 kids; Alexa (11), Autumn (9),
Nic (6) and Nate (4). My girls went to public school for K-4 and K-1.
I never even considered homeschooling. "Are you kidding, my oldest
"spirited" child and I would do nothing but fight!" But luckily my dh
was offered an assignment to a place where the schools were "awful"
and everyone sent their kids to $9,000/year/kid private schools.
Since that wasn't a possiblity for us, and "education" was a high
priority for us, I started to research homeschooling. I don't
remember what lead me to John Holt's "How Children Fail" but it
changed everything. We ended up staying where "the public schools are
some of the best in the nation" (*note the sarcasm, very good school
but still a school) and I still wanted to unschool! This is our second
year and my oldest dd, who was "dyslexic" in school, is so much
happier, likes reading again and our relationship is so much better.
Praise for the conference: I can't believe that a conference could
change my life so much! Dh and the kids rolled their eyes whenever we
talked about going to a conference for vacation, and I began to doubt
myself asking them to drive that far for it but I figured if the
conference was a bust (for them) there's lots to do in St. Louis. We
ended up only seeing the Arch and the City Museum and * I * was the
only one who wanted to at least see the Arch! LOL My dh said that
since we are *all* having fun and learning so much, we don't *have* to
do anything and we should stay at the conference! I couldn't believe
it. He went from thinking that we were making a mistake with
unschooling, to trusting me because I'm passionate in my belief in it
and have spent alot of time reading about it, to understanding it and
believing this would work for our family!
And while that is so incredibly wonderful to have his support and
understanding, I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was that made
the conference even more special than that. Then I realized that
although I've always believed that you should live in the moment,
make each day special and find joy in what ever you are doing, I
really struggled with actually doing it. The conference and all those
wonderful speakers made me see how wonderful, fun, and exciting every
day life is *each and every moment*. Young kids get that, they just
lose it along the way and if I can reclaim it and keep it for my kids,
that is the best thing I can do. And learning and trying new things,
without fear of mistakes or that it will lead to some career, is what
makes life so fun and exciting.
Thank yous: Kelly- thank you for cordinating the conference, you
helped change our lives. And thank you to all the speakers: Pam,
Sandra, Anne, Ren, Danielle, Robyn and Kelly. I'm so grateful that
the "gurus" of unschooling are such eloquent writers and speakers and
share your time and life with us. I felt like I was at movie premiere
with movie stars; I've read so much about you and learned so much from
you and there you were in real life! And thank you to everyone on
this board for taking the time to ask and answer questions, I've
learned along with you.
Kelly, at one of the break out sessions you had mentioned that you
thought kids had easy years and hard years, and I said it was the
theory of disequilibrium/equilibrium that you had figured out. Isn't
it funny how parents can instinctly figure things out, even without
"experts" ;) I couldn't find a really great link, but this is
similiar to what I had seen
.
http://crs.uvm.edu/nnco/communsupp/work4.html#bp
Kids go through stages of huge learning spurst (at the 1/2 year or
odd years) while they are figuring things out, and they are "out of
sorts" and "harder" on the parents. And once they it figure something
out, (at the beginning of an age or the even years), they are "easier"
on the parents. Of course, kids are all different and some start a
stage 6 months earlier or later, but it's still a similiar pattern.
Danielle, you recently said : "Sam came and helped me redefine what
amazing, loving children look like, and they're not always easy. ;)
But, they're always rewarding, and they benefit just as much, if not
*more*, from the AP and Unschooling, and they help *us* grow and
stretch in amazing, glorious ways that "easy"children do not."
I have 3 out of 4 "spirited" (not easy) kids and I had been extremely
frustrated with my youngest when I read that quote. And it made me
realize that I was lucky to have one easy kid so I didn't feel like
the worst parent in the world, and proof to me that so much is their
inborn personality, and I hadn't somehow messed them up. And I was
given Alexa, Nic and Nate to push me to learn more. I thought one was
plenty to challenge me, but I guess I'm really stubborn ;) Nate has
made it even more clear to me that you can't force anyone to do
something (even gently and explaining why). I'm someday going to
completely understand "mindful parenting" which is my goal, and I
never would have been "stretched" to do so if my children were easy,
compliant kids that traditional parenting worked with.
So now my questions: I've been trying to say "yes" more and working
out compromises, but I'm really struggling with balancing everyone's
needs and wants. With my 4 year old, everything has to be his idea or
he just won't do it. It is fun to see him doing things his way :).
Our biggest struggles have been leaving the house. He's a happy kid as
long as we are home. So I've been trying to honor what he wants, shop
and run errands without him, and have lots of completely open days to
hang out at home. But how do I handle times when I need him to come
with us and if we stay home, 3 other kids miss out on what they want
to do?
2nd question: How do you handle fights between kids? Especially
when they have such different personalities. I worry that the older
kids take advantage of the younger, the stronger personalities always
win, etc. We've tried to take turns, flip coins, "paper, rock, and
sissors".etc. But one kid points out that one side of a coin is
weighted to win more often, and etc. etc. They are too smart for
*my* own good. We seem to spend all our time to trying to work things
out and then they complain that we don't have time to do more things.
Well enough out of me
~Christine
is my first post. I can hardly keep up with the reading, let alone
write something! So I've saved up a lot and this is my intro, praise
for the conference, thank yous, comments, and questions all in one :).
My intro: I'm Christine and I have 4 kids; Alexa (11), Autumn (9),
Nic (6) and Nate (4). My girls went to public school for K-4 and K-1.
I never even considered homeschooling. "Are you kidding, my oldest
"spirited" child and I would do nothing but fight!" But luckily my dh
was offered an assignment to a place where the schools were "awful"
and everyone sent their kids to $9,000/year/kid private schools.
Since that wasn't a possiblity for us, and "education" was a high
priority for us, I started to research homeschooling. I don't
remember what lead me to John Holt's "How Children Fail" but it
changed everything. We ended up staying where "the public schools are
some of the best in the nation" (*note the sarcasm, very good school
but still a school) and I still wanted to unschool! This is our second
year and my oldest dd, who was "dyslexic" in school, is so much
happier, likes reading again and our relationship is so much better.
Praise for the conference: I can't believe that a conference could
change my life so much! Dh and the kids rolled their eyes whenever we
talked about going to a conference for vacation, and I began to doubt
myself asking them to drive that far for it but I figured if the
conference was a bust (for them) there's lots to do in St. Louis. We
ended up only seeing the Arch and the City Museum and * I * was the
only one who wanted to at least see the Arch! LOL My dh said that
since we are *all* having fun and learning so much, we don't *have* to
do anything and we should stay at the conference! I couldn't believe
it. He went from thinking that we were making a mistake with
unschooling, to trusting me because I'm passionate in my belief in it
and have spent alot of time reading about it, to understanding it and
believing this would work for our family!
And while that is so incredibly wonderful to have his support and
understanding, I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was that made
the conference even more special than that. Then I realized that
although I've always believed that you should live in the moment,
make each day special and find joy in what ever you are doing, I
really struggled with actually doing it. The conference and all those
wonderful speakers made me see how wonderful, fun, and exciting every
day life is *each and every moment*. Young kids get that, they just
lose it along the way and if I can reclaim it and keep it for my kids,
that is the best thing I can do. And learning and trying new things,
without fear of mistakes or that it will lead to some career, is what
makes life so fun and exciting.
Thank yous: Kelly- thank you for cordinating the conference, you
helped change our lives. And thank you to all the speakers: Pam,
Sandra, Anne, Ren, Danielle, Robyn and Kelly. I'm so grateful that
the "gurus" of unschooling are such eloquent writers and speakers and
share your time and life with us. I felt like I was at movie premiere
with movie stars; I've read so much about you and learned so much from
you and there you were in real life! And thank you to everyone on
this board for taking the time to ask and answer questions, I've
learned along with you.
Kelly, at one of the break out sessions you had mentioned that you
thought kids had easy years and hard years, and I said it was the
theory of disequilibrium/equilibrium that you had figured out. Isn't
it funny how parents can instinctly figure things out, even without
"experts" ;) I couldn't find a really great link, but this is
similiar to what I had seen
.
http://crs.uvm.edu/nnco/communsupp/work4.html#bp
Kids go through stages of huge learning spurst (at the 1/2 year or
odd years) while they are figuring things out, and they are "out of
sorts" and "harder" on the parents. And once they it figure something
out, (at the beginning of an age or the even years), they are "easier"
on the parents. Of course, kids are all different and some start a
stage 6 months earlier or later, but it's still a similiar pattern.
Danielle, you recently said : "Sam came and helped me redefine what
amazing, loving children look like, and they're not always easy. ;)
But, they're always rewarding, and they benefit just as much, if not
*more*, from the AP and Unschooling, and they help *us* grow and
stretch in amazing, glorious ways that "easy"children do not."
I have 3 out of 4 "spirited" (not easy) kids and I had been extremely
frustrated with my youngest when I read that quote. And it made me
realize that I was lucky to have one easy kid so I didn't feel like
the worst parent in the world, and proof to me that so much is their
inborn personality, and I hadn't somehow messed them up. And I was
given Alexa, Nic and Nate to push me to learn more. I thought one was
plenty to challenge me, but I guess I'm really stubborn ;) Nate has
made it even more clear to me that you can't force anyone to do
something (even gently and explaining why). I'm someday going to
completely understand "mindful parenting" which is my goal, and I
never would have been "stretched" to do so if my children were easy,
compliant kids that traditional parenting worked with.
So now my questions: I've been trying to say "yes" more and working
out compromises, but I'm really struggling with balancing everyone's
needs and wants. With my 4 year old, everything has to be his idea or
he just won't do it. It is fun to see him doing things his way :).
Our biggest struggles have been leaving the house. He's a happy kid as
long as we are home. So I've been trying to honor what he wants, shop
and run errands without him, and have lots of completely open days to
hang out at home. But how do I handle times when I need him to come
with us and if we stay home, 3 other kids miss out on what they want
to do?
2nd question: How do you handle fights between kids? Especially
when they have such different personalities. I worry that the older
kids take advantage of the younger, the stronger personalities always
win, etc. We've tried to take turns, flip coins, "paper, rock, and
sissors".etc. But one kid points out that one side of a coin is
weighted to win more often, and etc. etc. They are too smart for
*my* own good. We seem to spend all our time to trying to work things
out and then they complain that we don't have time to do more things.
Well enough out of me
~Christine
jlh44music
Welcome Christine!
I'm glad you got to go to the conference (we couldn't). Where do you
live? We're in MA.
You mentioned your spirited children. Have you checked out Anne's
group, shinewithunschooling? My dd (13) is spirited, or as I now
realize, thanks to Anne's group, highly sensitive. This is our first
year unschooling, I pulled Danielle out at the end of 6th grade in
June. We're still deschooling (BOTH of us!).
I haven't had much time to check in the past couple of weeks (it's been
a challenging month for my dd, first period, bumps in the deschooling
process, you probably saw my post) plus we had to move my MIL from
assisted living to an Alzheimer's nursing facility a couple of weeks
ago, still trying to sell her house, we're over an hour away from all
this.
I just wanted to pop in and say hi!
Jann
I'm glad you got to go to the conference (we couldn't). Where do you
live? We're in MA.
You mentioned your spirited children. Have you checked out Anne's
group, shinewithunschooling? My dd (13) is spirited, or as I now
realize, thanks to Anne's group, highly sensitive. This is our first
year unschooling, I pulled Danielle out at the end of 6th grade in
June. We're still deschooling (BOTH of us!).
I haven't had much time to check in the past couple of weeks (it's been
a challenging month for my dd, first period, bumps in the deschooling
process, you probably saw my post) plus we had to move my MIL from
assisted living to an Alzheimer's nursing facility a couple of weeks
ago, still trying to sell her house, we're over an hour away from all
this.
I just wanted to pop in and say hi!
Jann