Ren Allen

Sandy,

You said "I don't know what else to do"....

STAND UP FOR YOUR KIDS!!:)

They need you right now, they need you to stay strong, to NOT go back
into pushing them. You will hurt their trust FAR too much to make it
worth appeasing your dh.
Your dh will come around. Give it time.

Here's how you get through it until then. REFUSE to do the damage to
them yourself. If HE wants to do a lesson, let him. But don't YOU be a
party to the damage.
Take some snappy photos of your activities, brag about some cool thing
they learned, talk positively about all the wonderful learning
happening in your home. Leave interesting books, materials, sciency
stuff all over your house, GO away from home and away from him to do
cool, fun and exciting actitivies and talk all about the learning that
happened.

Breathe deep, recognize that he is acting this way because he loves
his children, but also realize you DON'T have to create harm to keep
this man happy. I've been there, you can do it too.:)

I'll be thinking of you.

Ren

frozenandcold

Sandy, I have to ditto what Ren said! I think the best thing you
can do is give your husband lots of reading material that deal with
unschooling, especially ones that have essays from unschooling
children that are now adults. Subscribe to Live Free, Learn Free
and Life Learning. Life Learning (the last issue) had an excellent
article about college, success, and money and how they are not
connected! It is a good one for those that worry about their
childrens "success".

My husband was never absolutely against unschooling, as far as the
school part goes but we had some hurdles to cross over to radical
unschooling. And he did have some issues with being a little
schooly but it didn't take him long to examine his thinking. He is
VERY pro-radical unschooling now! He has his issues, as we all do,
to do better, but he really loves the way we live. He thanked me
PROFUSELY before the conference for showing him this way of life!

Bring your husband to next years conference too!! That can do a lot
to change a persons thinking!! It is so uplifting to be around all
these wonderful, unique people. I loved it when Ren and I were
eating lunch one day and 3 or 4 teenage girls joined us just to
chat!! I mean, how many teenagers do you know that like to be
around adults? It is because they can trust us!! My husband was
just in awe of all the wonderful people that we met and he is so
excited for next years conference.

Like Ren said, when he insists that you do lessons (if that is the
case), let him know that he is more than welcome to do "lessons"
with them. More than likely it will end that discussion. Tell him
about all the wonderful things you do, even if it is just a cool TV
show that you watched.


Heidi
Children aren't coloring books. You can't fill them with your
favorite colors. From the Kite Runner

k

ren, thanks so much for these pithy words. i need to hear them.

i *know* dh is an unschooler in my heart of hearts. he's been hurt in
many ways--school, parents, siblings, trust is hard for him. he wants
to and seems many times to be almost there, yet can't let down his
guard
with me as his wife or his son's mother. i often feel the foundation
rock. i guess it's the paradigm shifting--scary, full of hope, even
exciting when i can view it that way.

we had another breakthru this weekend. instead of dh making the money
decisions, i changed my mind about the importance of being part of the
financial picture, not only for ds' sake but also for all our ability
to
interrelate and have a say about family resources: first money;
eventually other resources like time for individuals and time together;

among other resources.

anyway- but yeah... what you said!

kathe





Ren Allen wrote:
> Sandy,
>
> You said "I don't know what else to do"....
>
> STAND UP FOR YOUR KIDS!!:)
>
> They need you right now, they need you to stay strong, to NOT go back
> into pushing them. You will hurt their trust FAR too much to make it
> worth appeasing your dh.
> Your dh will come around. Give it time.
>
> Here's how you get through it until then. REFUSE to do the damage to
> them yourself. If HE wants to do a lesson, let him. But don't YOU be
a
> party to the damage.
> Take some snappy photos of your activities, brag about some cool
thing
> they learned, talk positively about all the wonderful learning
> happening in your home. Leave interesting books, materials, sciency
> stuff all over your house, GO away from home and away from him to do
> cool, fun and exciting actitivies and talk all about the learning
that
> happened.
>
> Breathe deep, recognize that he is acting this way because he loves
> his children, but also realize you DON'T have to create harm to keep
> this man happy. I've been there, you can do it too.:)
>
> I'll be thinking of you.
>
> Ren




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