Getting tired!
Joanne
We are interested in unschooling and are trying a couple new things
with our five year son. One is to lift off constraints and allow
him to make his own decisions. He now wants to stay up very late
either watching movies or playing on the computer. I explained that
he could make that choice but I needed to go to bed. He said he was
afraid to be alone. We went back and forth with our seemingly
conflicting needs. The first night I read in his bed next to the
room where he watches TV. Later I told him I was tired and he was
willing put out the light so I could sleep and went back to his
movie. When he was ready he woke me up and we went back to the
family bed where my husband was already sleeping. I was pretty
delighted at that point. The second night he wanted to play the
computer after his first movie. I got up put on the computer. The
repetition of the noise on the computer made it hard for me to relax
and fall asleep. I got up and explained that to him, we decided to
turn down the volume really low. At around 11:30, I thought to
myself, why am I doing this? He is free and now I am trapped!! I
am in his bed so he can stay up, I can't sleep and I am tired! But
still trying to allow him more freedom I decided to delay my needs
and give it some more time. Last night I explained that the
computer noise made it hard for me to sleep. So he decided that he
wanted to watch two movies again. When I explained that I can't
stay up he begs me to watch them with him. He tells me he is afraid
to be alone. (I do know that he is afraid of the dark sometimes
even when I am lying down next to him.) Then I feel bad. I don't
want to overburden him with my illness but I do have MS and I really
do need to get enough sleep. My dh is willing to allow me to try
unschooling but he is not going to be willing to sit up with him
every night until midnight either. How can we give him choices
while still taking care of ourselves? At the rate we are going I am
getting pretty tired, pretty quickly. This level of fatigue then
compromises my mood the next day and I feel much crankier. Joanne
with our five year son. One is to lift off constraints and allow
him to make his own decisions. He now wants to stay up very late
either watching movies or playing on the computer. I explained that
he could make that choice but I needed to go to bed. He said he was
afraid to be alone. We went back and forth with our seemingly
conflicting needs. The first night I read in his bed next to the
room where he watches TV. Later I told him I was tired and he was
willing put out the light so I could sleep and went back to his
movie. When he was ready he woke me up and we went back to the
family bed where my husband was already sleeping. I was pretty
delighted at that point. The second night he wanted to play the
computer after his first movie. I got up put on the computer. The
repetition of the noise on the computer made it hard for me to relax
and fall asleep. I got up and explained that to him, we decided to
turn down the volume really low. At around 11:30, I thought to
myself, why am I doing this? He is free and now I am trapped!! I
am in his bed so he can stay up, I can't sleep and I am tired! But
still trying to allow him more freedom I decided to delay my needs
and give it some more time. Last night I explained that the
computer noise made it hard for me to sleep. So he decided that he
wanted to watch two movies again. When I explained that I can't
stay up he begs me to watch them with him. He tells me he is afraid
to be alone. (I do know that he is afraid of the dark sometimes
even when I am lying down next to him.) Then I feel bad. I don't
want to overburden him with my illness but I do have MS and I really
do need to get enough sleep. My dh is willing to allow me to try
unschooling but he is not going to be willing to sit up with him
every night until midnight either. How can we give him choices
while still taking care of ourselves? At the rate we are going I am
getting pretty tired, pretty quickly. This level of fatigue then
compromises my mood the next day and I feel much crankier. Joanne
Joanne
>>>>>In [email protected], "Joanne" <oh.kneel@v...>wrote: How can we give him choices while still taking care of
ourselves? At the rate we are going I am getting pretty tired, pretty
quickly. This level of fatigue then compromises my mood the next day
and I feel much crankier.>>>>
Hello fellow Joanne! (I see we spell it the same way also!)
What kind of discussions did you have with your son *before* you
lifted the bedtime rule and how long did you discuss it? Also, instead
of just stopping a rule, maybe it might be better to ease up a little
at a time. I think it's confusing for children to go from rules and
controls to none.
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (12)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
[email protected]
Hi Joanne,
him to make his own decisions. He now wants to stay up very late
either watching movies or playing on the computer.>>
I don't think you need to change all of his habits all at once. And you don't need to give up your right to sleep for his right to choose to stay awake. It's all about balance. You need to balance his freedom of choice and the needs of other members of the household. Plus you must take into account his age and level of understanding and empathy.
We never had an enforced "bedtime" when my kids were 5. I didn't send them to bed just because it was 8:00. But I would certainly help them to bed when it seemed the time was right-when they seemed tired or I would soon be too tired to help them. That was just part of our gentle routine. So they were used to me talking about when we were going to bed, did they want help getting into their jammies, etc. That usually resulted in happily getting to bed before 9 or 10. Now that they're older (11 and 16) they stay up till whenever and handle it all on their own.
Our children shouldn't be making their choices without consideration for the other people in the house. Some of that understanding comes with age. So you could remove the "you must be in bed by 8:00" part while still not leaving it open for him to challenge himself to stay awake as late as he can. We had routines instead of rules and that seemed to work very well.
--
~Mary
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>>We are interested in unschooling and are trying a couple new thingswith our five year son. One is to lift off constraints and allow
him to make his own decisions. He now wants to stay up very late
either watching movies or playing on the computer.>>
I don't think you need to change all of his habits all at once. And you don't need to give up your right to sleep for his right to choose to stay awake. It's all about balance. You need to balance his freedom of choice and the needs of other members of the household. Plus you must take into account his age and level of understanding and empathy.
We never had an enforced "bedtime" when my kids were 5. I didn't send them to bed just because it was 8:00. But I would certainly help them to bed when it seemed the time was right-when they seemed tired or I would soon be too tired to help them. That was just part of our gentle routine. So they were used to me talking about when we were going to bed, did they want help getting into their jammies, etc. That usually resulted in happily getting to bed before 9 or 10. Now that they're older (11 and 16) they stay up till whenever and handle it all on their own.
Our children shouldn't be making their choices without consideration for the other people in the house. Some of that understanding comes with age. So you could remove the "you must be in bed by 8:00" part while still not leaving it open for him to challenge himself to stay awake as late as he can. We had routines instead of rules and that seemed to work very well.
--
~Mary
"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
<<he is free and I am trapped>>
I think I would explain to my son that I am ill and exhausted and that I am going to bed. I would willingly attempt to problem solve with ways that he can stay up and not feel afraid...but I would not give in on me being in bed asleep. It is quite possible that he simply isn't ready to be up by himself and the answer is that he will choose try it when he is older.
Julie S.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I think I would explain to my son that I am ill and exhausted and that I am going to bed. I would willingly attempt to problem solve with ways that he can stay up and not feel afraid...but I would not give in on me being in bed asleep. It is quite possible that he simply isn't ready to be up by himself and the answer is that he will choose try it when he is older.
Julie S.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
joanne
Hi Joanne,
Very good point! Thank you! I think I was just so excited about unschooling that I jumped in over my head before I learned how to swim :) JO (Since we both spell out names the same way perhaps I will switch to my initials?)
instead
of just stopping a rule, maybe it might be better to ease up a little
at a time. I think it's confusing for children to go from rules and
controls to none.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Very good point! Thank you! I think I was just so excited about unschooling that I jumped in over my head before I learned how to swim :) JO (Since we both spell out names the same way perhaps I will switch to my initials?)
instead
of just stopping a rule, maybe it might be better to ease up a little
at a time. I think it's confusing for children to go from rules and
controls to none.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pete_bernier
>I would suggest getting headphones to be used with the computer ortv. That way the child can hear it but not you. When my son is
watching tv he gets upset if my daughter is playing a computer game as
it distracts him. so, she uses the headphones and everyone is
content.TINA