lindsayborrer

Hello, I just joined, and wanted to introduce myself and possibly get
some advice.

My name is Lindsay, and I am 25 and married for a year to my beloved,
Dan. Six months ago my family had a tragedy, and everything changed.
My husband's brother and sister and their respective spouses had gone
on a weekend away when they were killed by a drunk driver. Between
the two families, there are 7 children, from age 4 to 13. My husband
was listed as back-up guardian in both sets of wills (they are a very
close family, and the primary guardians were all killed.)

As a result, we are now parenting 7 children very, very suddenly. The
legal aspects have just been completed, and we are now legal
guardians for all the children. We have also just bought a new house
where we will all fit.

The kids are grieving, but luckily they have one another. But they
are in new schools, and several of the kids are refusing to go. They
are afraid to be away from Dan and me and each other
(understandably!) because they are afraid something will happen to
more people they love.

My husband and I are lawyers at the very beginning of our careers,
but suddenly taking care of these kids seems more important. With the
life insurance money from both families, it is extremely doable that
either (or even both of us) could just not work and be home with the
kids. If either of us do that, it will change forever the kind of
careers we will have.

But a few years ago I read Summerhill and Holt, and I think that
unschooling would be the perfect thing for the kids. They need time
and love. Other relatives think they should just be in school, and
that we should use the money to hire help. A couple have suggested
that the kids could be sent to boarding school. But they have lost so
much already.

What do you think? Would school give them more normalcy?

By the way, the kids are Annie, 10, Trey, 7, Lilly, 4, and Sophie,
13, Emma, 11, Becca, 9, and Phin, 7.

Lindsay and Dan

[email protected]

Hi Lindsay and Dan. Wow, what a tragic story. I wish you all well as you
all adjust to so many changes and so much pain.

Most of our group is at the Live and Learn unschooling conference, so our
list will be quiet for a week or so.

Others will have such great advise. My thought is that maybe you offer each
child a choice of whether they want to go to school or stay home. They have
had so many changes, maybe they could decide which place will help them
adjust to their new life. Chances are some may choose school at first, then
maybe as they get more settled they will be ready to stay home.

I do believe that unschooling heals children. There are a few people on
this list that have adopted children in great need of healing. Hopefully they
will have some advise for you.

Take care,
Leslie in SC



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Heather

Dear Lindsay,



Your letter brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
And I want to give you & your dh hugs for creating a safe home for the
children.

You ask if school would give them more normalcy. But it sounds like the
children are already telling you what they want - they want to stay home, to
be with each other & with you & Dan, where they feel safe & loved. I'm
guessing your relatives are giving advice by thinking about what they would
do in your situation. Just because they might put the children in school or
send them to boarding school, does not mean they are thinking of the best
interests of the children. It sounds like you are. Follow your heart.
Welcome to the list.





Heather

Tucson AZ

Unschooling mom to Quentin, almost 9 (on Sunday) & Sierra, recently turned 7



p.s. Where are you located? This list may be quieter than usual this week
as there is an unschooling conference in St. Louis this Thurs - Sunday.
http://www.liveandlearnconference.org/

_____



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/3/2005 4:34:35 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
lindsayborrer@... writes:

What do you think? Would school give them more normalcy?

By the way, the kids are Annie, 10, Trey, 7, Lilly, 4, and Sophie,
13, Emma, 11, Becca, 9, and Phin, 7.


Welcome Lindsay... I'm very sorry for your losses and how wonderful that
these children have a single place to go to and someone to love them and care
for them...

In my opinion, I think they need each other to heal and deal with their
grief. Let them talk about their feelings, react to their feelings and just "be".
I know, from my own experiences, schools don't always handle grief very
well... with so many issues each individual may or may not have, sometimes the
important stuff gets swept under the carpet and no good results from that.

Are either you or your husband able to work from home? I wouldn't think you
would necessarily have to end your careers, just shift a little. See what
could work for you. Maybe you could work at home some days while your husband is
at the office and vice versa. You need to figure out what will be best for
you and your family.

And I wouldn't worry about what other family members say... shipping them
off to boarding school?? Yikes! You are the childrens' legal guardians now.
There must have been a good reason why you and your husband were chosen and not
other family members. Those kids need each other right now, not to be torn
apart anymore. They need time to heal.



Jenny
Homeschooling in Greenfield
Danny (12-1-99), Kelsey (11-1-01) and Evelyn (5-19-04)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Education is not filling a pail but the lighting of a fire. ~William Butler
Yeats


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Elisa Allender

Oh my heart!! How sad! God bless you and your husband for taking in these
poor children. They NEED family around them right now. It sounds like they
are telling you that very loud and clear. Those children's whole world has
changed, as far as they are concerned they have lost everything. Unless
THEY want to and desire school that is the last thing they need right now.
They need to be able to live and grow confident in their new surroundings
and new "parents". Praise God that you won't have a financial burden if you
or hubby quits working..so many people choose to live as one income families
and struggle financially their whole lives but they are so happy as a family
because they have that family bond and closeness that working parents just
can't have with their children. Listen to the kids.ask them what THEY want
and do what they want. Don't listen to relatives and others who are not in
your shoes or the shoes of those children who are grieving. Boarding
school???!!!!! You have got to be kidding me! That sounds to me like
whoever suggested that just doesn't want to see the grieving children or
have to deal with their grief..better to send the child away and let
somebody else deal with their grief!

I will be praying for you and your husband and your new responsibilities.
Hope things smooth out for you guys!

Much love and prayers,

Elisa



_____

From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of lindsayborrer
Sent: Monday, October 03, 2005 1:20 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Possible new unschoolers



Hello, I just joined, and wanted to introduce myself and possibly get
some advice.

My name is Lindsay, and I am 25 and married for a year to my beloved,
Dan. Six months ago my family had a tragedy, and everything changed.
My husband's brother and sister and their respective spouses had gone
on a weekend away when they were killed by a drunk driver. Between
the two families, there are 7 children, from age 4 to 13. My husband
was listed as back-up guardian in both sets of wills (they are a very
close family, and the primary guardians were all killed.)

As a result, we are now parenting 7 children very, very suddenly. The
legal aspects have just been completed, and we are now legal
guardians for all the children. We have also just bought a new house
where we will all fit.

The kids are grieving, but luckily they have one another. But they
are in new schools, and several of the kids are refusing to go. They
are afraid to be away from Dan and me and each other
(understandably!) because they are afraid something will happen to
more people they love.

My husband and I are lawyers at the very beginning of our careers,
but suddenly taking care of these kids seems more important. With the
life insurance money from both families, it is extremely doable that
either (or even both of us) could just not work and be home with the
kids. If either of us do that, it will change forever the kind of
careers we will have.

But a few years ago I read Summerhill and Holt, and I think that
unschooling would be the perfect thing for the kids. They need time
and love. Other relatives think they should just be in school, and
that we should use the money to hire help. A couple have suggested
that the kids could be sent to boarding school. But they have lost so
much already.

What do you think? Would school give them more normalcy?

By the way, the kids are Annie, 10, Trey, 7, Lilly, 4, and Sophie,
13, Emma, 11, Becca, 9, and Phin, 7.

Lindsay and Dan







_____

YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS



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<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics> " on the web.

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_____



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jlh44music

Welcome Lindsay,
I'm so sorry to hear your tragic story, but how lucky for the kids to
be able to be together.

I agree that they need time to grieve at home, where it's safe. Take
the time and talk with them, let them share what they feel they need
right now. If you're able to do that financially, then what a gift
you will give them.

As someone posted, most of the "experienced" unschoolers are at the
Live and Learn Conference thru the weekend, but if you have a chance
to go back and read through some of the archives this is a great
group for newbies to unschooling. My daughter just finished 6th
grade, and is deschooling big time. I researched homeschooling
starting over 2 years ago, found unschooling, have read tons of
books, websites, joined (and unjoined!) several yahoo groups and have
found the people here to be so supportive. I KNOW that unschooling
is what's best for my child. Feel free to share some of your
thoughts here (even with many of the more experienced unschoolers
gone for the week), sometimes it helps to have a place where you
know you can ask questions where others understand and have been
there (or in some cases are still "there"!).
Jann

[email protected]

Dear Lindsay: Thank you for reaching out to this unschoolers list at this time of incredible tragedy and change for you, your husband and your new family. There is alot of hope and wisdom here. I'm new to the unschooling philosophy (have been homeschooling for 3 years but only in the last year have shifted to unschooling.) We have three adopted children, my daughter decided to go to school this year, my boys are unschooling (they're 12). My partner and I also work, so it is possible to continue careers with adjustments. As other people have counseled, it sounds as if the children are guiding you towards what they need and want. It may not be the same for all of them, in terms of what they need to grieve and process all this change. What a gift that you both have the time, space, heart, to welcome them into your family. I send you all my thoughts and prayers. love, Ann.

Pamela Sorooshian

School would give them all KINDS of additional pressures and stresses
and steal a lot of their time which could be used for bonding and
healing - with you and each other. If they go to school, you'll spend
ALL your time on logistics - getting them dressed and fed and
homework done and all that. And you're guaranteed to develop at least
a somewhat adversarial relationship with them when you have to make
them do stuff. I really don't see any way that putting them in school
could be better than a nice long vacation.

Give them the gift of a year of peace and support and envelop them in
your new large family life. You don't have to make a commitment for
"forever" - just take this year.

And - I also left a high-powered career to be a homeschooling parent
- I wouldn't trade one MINUTE of homeschooling for my foregone career.

Also - you might be surprised what can happen, work-wise, when you
step off of the conventional path - you might end up with a far more
satisfying career, anyway, once you start thinking creatively it is
amazing what completely unexpected developments arise.

-pam

On Oct 3, 2005, at 11:19 AM, lindsayborrer wrote:

> What do you think? Would school give them more normalcy?
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

"But a few years ago I read Summerhill and Holt, and I think that
unschooling would be the perfect thing for the kids. They need time
and love. "

Time and love don't happen at school. You're right though, that is the
best thing for them...time and love that is.:)
What a wonderful thing that they have you in this terrible tragedy.
I really don't think there is anything "normal" about school, it's a
false environment at best. I don't see how sucking it up and suffering
more helps anyone...especially a grieving child.
School is abuse of the human spirit, they've been through more than
most young people in this country will ever suffer, give them freedom
of choice and plenty of wonderful things to do outside of school.

Please start reading some of the things listed in the "links" section
of this site. I really, really wish you could all get to St. Louis for
the conference this weekend. Maybe next year? If you could all get
there, you can register at the door.:)
liveandlearnconference.org.

Ren

Robyn Coburn

<<<< As a result, we are now parenting 7 children very, very suddenly. The
legal aspects have just been completed, and we are now legal
guardians for all the children. We have also just bought a new house
where we will all fit.>>>>>

Like the others who have replied I commend you both for opening your home
and hearts to loving your nephews and nieces, even while you must be
grieving also. I agree with Pam that treating life as temporary vacation
would be a great idea, to help the children move from a place of fear to a
place of confidence. I'm sure that incipient puberty is complicating the
emotions of some of your children.

<<<< My husband and I are lawyers at the very beginning of our careers,
but suddenly taking care of these kids seems more important. With the
life insurance money from both families, it is extremely doable that
either (or even both of us) could just not work and be home with the
kids. If either of us do that, it will change forever the kind of
careers we will have. >>>>

Your heart and intuition are telling you the truth, I think. Taking care of
these kids *is* more important. I hope that you can see this as an
opportunity to embrace freedom for yourselves, and find creative ways to
still practice. Many people do not have financial freedoms that allow them
to consider the choice of one parent being home, let alone both. It makes a
lot of difference to my dd to have her father and I with her most of the
time - although in our case that was due to an injury.

BTW there is a group called National Home Education Legal Defense - the
goals and mission are spelled out at the website www.nheld.com . They are a
secular group of lawyers, not to be confused with HSLDA. It is probably too
soon to think about this, but here may be a way to continue to foster your
interest in law and bring your expertise to bear with a group that can
always use more help.

<<<<< What do you think? Would school give them more normalcy? >>>>>

I'm not sure that normalcy is something to be desired when their emotional
situation is so far from normal. Boarding school is certainly not a normal
situation. Take it from one who's been there.

Robyn L. Coburn



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Brandie

Hi Lindsay...
It's best for you to follow their lead. These
children have been through enough -- things they had
no control over. Give them back some control. If
they don't want to attend school, don't make them. If
any of them really want school, allow them to attend.
Let them make the choice and support them either way.

I am very sorry for what you and your family have gone
through. I encourage you to hang out here and ask any
and all questions you might have and read everything
you can about unschooling.


Brandie
http://tableforfive.blogspot.com
http://homemadeliving.blogspot.com




__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com

Brenda Hoffman

I'm so sorry to hear about this tragedy! Out of curiosity are you and
your husband in the same type of law (ie family, crimnal, etc) because
you might consider opening your own law firm as it seems you may have the
funds available and if so then you could both "take turns" being there
for your new big family and then unschooling would work out great.

=^..^= Pastor Brenda
Ordained ULC Minister
yourhealthyfamily@...
Holistic living made easy at
http://www.yourhealthyfamilyhome.com
Discover a way to increase your health and/or income!
http://practicalsolution.info

--
___________________________________________________________
Sign-up for Ads Free at Mail.com
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Janis Tan

Hello Lindsay and Dan,

even though I am no seasoned unschooler, I feel compelled to respond because
your post so touched me. I feel terribly sorry for you and your dh's loss,
as well as the children's loss, it is so tragic! On the other hand, I feel
happy and relieved for the children for they have wonderful guardians who
are so willing to consider their true needs! I think they are very lucky and
would like to tell you how touched it made me to read the words you wrote.

You asked abt school and normalcy. I don't see how going to school will make
things or them "normal"- imagine them seeing parents of their classmates
picking them up from sch, attending activities, eating foods from home, etc
etc. Their state now is far from "normalcy", goodness, they just lost their
parents! It may take years for them to work out their grief. I agree with
what all the others have said, they need a lot of space to grief, think
things through, and be in a space of love and safety. Thank goodness it is
possible for this to happen!

In the meantime, I will really like to recommend the book "Hold on to your
Kids"- even tho it is geared towards parents, I think everyone shd read it.
It will lead to an understanding why the "normal" way our society function,
or treat children, is actually heading us to problems. It may also show you
(or rather your relatives) why it is so crucial now for the children to be
able to have your love and guidance, instead of being thrown off to school.

You seem to have an open heart, and this will lead you and the children
well! Your post actually gave me much food for thought, and much hope,
because I see a caring soul who understands the truly important things in
life, and this inspires me, so I thank you!

You did not say which state you are in, maybe if you do there are
unschoolers near you who can give you some support. It may also be good for
the kids to know/meet other children who do not go to school, and do not
need to go. Explore the idea of unschooling with them and see how they feel
about it.
Find support for yourself too, I am sure you will need it some time down the
road.

All the best to you and your new family!!

Warmly,
Janis in AZ

On 10/3/05, lindsayborrer <lindsayborrer@...> wrote:
>
> Hello, I just joined, and wanted to introduce myself and possibly get
> some advice.
>
> My name is Lindsay, and I am 25 and married for a year to my beloved,
> Dan. Six months ago my family had a tragedy, and everything changed.
> My husband's brother and sister and their respective spouses had gone
> on a weekend away when they were killed by a drunk driver. Between
> the two families, there are 7 children, from age 4 to 13. My husband
> was listed as back-up guardian in both sets of wills (they are a very
> close family, and the primary guardians were all killed.)
>
> As a result, we are now parenting 7 children very, very suddenly. The
> legal aspects have just been completed, and we are now legal
> guardians for all the children. We have also just bought a new house
> where we will all fit.
>
> The kids are grieving, but luckily they have one another. But they
> are in new schools, and several of the kids are refusing to go. They
> are afraid to be away from Dan and me and each other
> (understandably!) because they are afraid something will happen to
> more people they love.
>
> My husband and I are lawyers at the very beginning of our careers,
> but suddenly taking care of these kids seems more important. With the
> life insurance money from both families, it is extremely doable that
> either (or even both of us) could just not work and be home with the
> kids. If either of us do that, it will change forever the kind of
> careers we will have.
>
> But a few years ago I read Summerhill and Holt, and I think that
> unschooling would be the perfect thing for the kids. They need time
> and love. Other relatives think they should just be in school, and
> that we should use the money to hire help. A couple have suggested
> that the kids could be sent to boarding school. But they have lost so
> much already.
>
> What do you think? Would school give them more normalcy?
>
> By the way, the kids are Annie, 10, Trey, 7, Lilly, 4, and Sophie,
> 13, Emma, 11, Becca, 9, and Phin, 7.
>
> Lindsay and Dan
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

liannemargaret

Is it possible for one or both of you to have a home-based practise?

Even if you both have to work out of the home, can there be some
flexibility that allows tag teaming child care between parents and a
hired person, at least until the oldest / older 2 are old enough to
help out, possibly for a small wage?

I'm going to another country for a one year program, and am the
primary (only, except for 3 days every 2 weeks) caregiver of my 6 yr
old now. Initially, I thought I would have to leave my son with
extended family, or a close friend. This was unacceptable to us both.

Then I went at it from the other end... what are our needs? Then the
way to make it happen seems clearer, and an easier jump. I have
arranged for a young teen peer of my son to be a live in nanny, for
room & board + small monthly allowance. It's a great opportunity for
her to experience another culture with security, and a perfect
solution for us.

I hope your family comes to a solution without any more pain.

Lianne

--- In [email protected], "lindsayborrer"
<lindsayborrer@y...> wrote:
> Hello, I just joined, and wanted to introduce myself and possibly get
> some advice.
>
> My name is Lindsay, and I am 25 and married for a year to my beloved,
> Dan. Six months ago my family had a tragedy, and everything changed.
> My husband's brother and sister and their respective spouses had gone
> on a weekend away when they were killed by a drunk driver. Between
> the two families, there are 7 children, from age 4 to 13. My husband
> was listed as back-up guardian in both sets of wills (they are a very
> close family, and the primary guardians were all killed.)
>
> As a result, we are now parenting 7 children very, very suddenly. The
> legal aspects have just been completed, and we are now legal
> guardians for all the children. We have also just bought a new house
> where we will all fit.
>
> The kids are grieving, but luckily they have one another. But they
> are in new schools, and several of the kids are refusing to go. They
> are afraid to be away from Dan and me and each other
> (understandably!) because they are afraid something will happen to
> more people they love.
>
> My husband and I are lawyers at the very beginning of our careers,
> but suddenly taking care of these kids seems more important. With the
> life insurance money from both families, it is extremely doable that
> either (or even both of us) could just not work and be home with the
> kids. If either of us do that, it will change forever the kind of
> careers we will have.
>
> But a few years ago I read Summerhill and Holt, and I think that
> unschooling would be the perfect thing for the kids. They need time
> and love. Other relatives think they should just be in school, and
> that we should use the money to hire help. A couple have suggested
> that the kids could be sent to boarding school. But they have lost so
> much already.
>
> What do you think? Would school give them more normalcy?
>
> By the way, the kids are Annie, 10, Trey, 7, Lilly, 4, and Sophie,
> 13, Emma, 11, Becca, 9, and Phin, 7.
>
> Lindsay and Dan

christy_imnotred

Oh, bless you! Thank you for taking these children in and
investigating unschooling. If you or your husband are willing to
take a year off and just be with the kids, I think it would make a
world of difference in their healing process. After that year, you
can all discuss, as a family, if they want to stay home or if they
want to go to school. I can't imagine how putting a child that has
just lost both parents into school could be at all helpful. How can
they possible concentrate when their world has been torn apart? By
making it for a year to begin with, you don't have to project into
the future and worry about careers etc. Just do what you need to
right now, the future will be there later to worry about.

I have a PhD in science and spent many years building a successful
career. When my son was born, I was just going to stay home with him
for a year. He is six now and I don't plan on ever going back to
work full-time. Being with him means so much more than any career
ever could. But, I have found some fun and creative ways to still be
involved in science (and make some money).

I wish you all the best. You are doing an amazing thing!

Christy

huntmom1996

Thank God those children have you two. It is a huge leap of faith,
but I have to think that to model trust in their learning can only
help the children regain some of teh trust in the universe that they
must have lost.

School won't help them bond, build trust in you and themselves, or
heal their pain. But maybe you can. Stay home, watch good movies,
play games and make some gentle unschooling friends.

Also, others may be able to speak more to this (and check out
sandradood.com on unschooling school
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice ). Basically, what I have heard
people say is that you may have school in your life, but it is just
some *thing* in your life~not *the* thing that will bring normalcy to
you lives. I really liked a book called _The Intentional Family_ by
William Doherty. Here's a link to amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/038073205X/002-8263217-2710409?
v=glance&n=283155&n=507846&s=books&v=glance

This book is a user friendly book that describes rituals you can use
at home (candles at dinner or going around the table saying favorite
parts of the day) pretty easily that create community feeling. I
have to say, tho, that I haven't looked at it in a few years and it
may be very "schooly" as I was a different person then (but we still
do a lot of the rituals).

Some of the children may choose school, and some may stay home. You
sound so respectful of them already, you are on the right track
already no matter what you choose.

As for the money, just because they are all home doesn't mean you may
not still use some of it for help. :)

Unschooling/homeschooling is something that people (relatives)
frequently have objections to, or even gentle concerns about.

Unfortunately, as "instant" parents, you guys haven't already lived
through everyone having an opinion about your babies; clothes,
nursery colors, names, how you are carrying your babies, binkies,
breast feeding, sleeping, carrying, crying, consoling/not consoling,
reading, tv, gun toys, natural foods, additives, detergent types,
time outs, etc, to name a few things my family has expressed an
opinion about LOL.

Best wishes and much admiration and love for you and those children.

Peace~Jessica

Elisa Allender

You know something.....all this talk about careers and quitting careers
to stay home with kids made me think of a conversation I had with one of
my teenage daughters recently. She just graduated this past year and is
in college now, but she doesn't drive yet. She is extremely nervous and
hates driving. I have made her drive more and more lately (with me of
course since she doesnt' have her license yet!) hoping that her
confidence will build and she will start driving herself to things. She
attends college, coaches cheerleading at the community ballpark, has a
weekly babysitting job and weekly cleaning job and I cart her back and
forth to all this stuff. My husband and I are getting ready to leave
town for 3 weeks at the end of this month to go on a trip cross country
to celebrate our anniversary (we are taking our 9-yr-old with us and he
is so excited!) Anyway, I have been preparing my dd for this separation
because she is going to have to drive herself around town (unless she
sweet talks grandma and grandpa to cart her everywhere....LOL) She made
the comment recently that she is going to miss me and our talks when I
am out of town and she doesn't want to drive by herself back and
forth....she LIKES me driving her around because we talk and cut up and
hang out. I felt so honored!

I was a single mom early on in my twenties and I went to college, worked
full time and raised 3 small children by myself for 5 years before I
remarried. Once I remarried, my husband and I decided to have a child
of our own and when he was born a year later I wanted to quit work and
stay home with our son. I ended up working until he was two and by then
my other children were in middle school. I worked in dialysis at the
hospital and loved my job but I was always taking off work to chaperone
field trips and do things with the kids. My boss told me one day I
needed to make a decision whether I was going to have a career there or
be a mom.....so I quit! Without even discussing it with my husband. He
about freaked when I told him.

Well that was 7 years ago now and I praise God every day that I have
been able to stay home with the kids. Since my daughter has started
college this year she has asked me recently if I have any desire to go
back to work at the hospital one day and I told her heck no! I was in
the medical field for 10 years and loved every bit of it but now that I
am out of it and have expanded my horizons and lived life I have so many
other interests I would pursue before ever going back to work in that
field. Sort of like unschooling! I was allowed to spread my wings and
fly the last 10 years along with my children and I have learned so much
and experienced so many things. It has been an awesome time of growth!
Thanks for listening..........
Elisa

jlh44music

What wonderful responses you've been getting to your post!

I wanted to share this site for you (nhen.org, they list support
groups in every state), in case you want to try to find local
homeschooling support groups (there are often a lot of unschoolers
who belong to these groups as well) and also if you post what state
you're in here there might be some members who can help you get
started (depending too on what your state's homeschooling
requirements are - in some states you don't have to do anything,
others, like mine (MA) are more particular, but fortunately we have
some great sites for guidance and I also belong to a MA yahoo group
that has been very helpful in getting started as far as what's
required by my state). You might want to do a search on yahoo
groups ("unschooling" and your state name, or if you just put
unschooling, you can look through what you come up with to see if
there's any in your particular state).

Please keep us posted. I'm sending hugs and love in your direction.
Jann

[email protected]

Lindsay,

I apologize for just now getting back to you. I was in transit to the conference when your post came through.

I'm SO sorry for your loss. I can't imagine such a tragedy.

What state are you in? We could probably put you in direct touch with someone in your area

I'm glad the children have a guardian who is so concerned for their mental/emotional health.

Please let us know what we can do to help you with your situation.

Much love and luck on this journey! And feel free to call me directly if you have any questions or just need to talk.

~Kelly
803 776 4849


Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://liveandlearnconference.org


-----Original Message-----
From: lindsayborrer <lindsayborrer@...>

Hello, I just joined, and wanted to introduce myself and possibly get
some advice.

My name is Lindsay, and I am 25 and married for a year to my beloved,
Dan. Six months ago my family had a tragedy, and everything changed.
My husband's brother and sister and their respective spouses had gone
on a weekend away when they were killed by a drunk driver. Between
the two families, there are 7 children, from age 4 to 13. My husband
was listed as back-up guardian in both sets of wills (they are a very
close family, and the primary guardians were all killed.)

As a result, we are now parenting 7 children very, very suddenly. The
legal aspects have just been completed, and we are now legal
guardians for all the children. We have also just bought a new house
where we will all fit.

The kids are grieving, but luckily they have one another. But they
are in new schools, and several of the kids are refusing to go. They
are afraid to be away from Dan and me and each other
(understandably!) because they are afraid something will happen to
more people they love.

My husband and I are lawyers at the very beginning of our careers,
but suddenly taking care of these kids seems more important. With the
life insurance money from both families, it is extremely doable that
either (or even both of us) could just not work and be home with the
kids. If either of us do that, it will change forever the kind of
careers we will have.

But a few years ago I read Summerhill and Holt, and I think that
unschooling would be the perfect thing for the kids. They need time
and love. Other relatives think they should just be in school, and
that we should use the money to hire help. A couple have suggested
that the kids could be sent to boarding school. But they have lost so
much already.

What do you think? Would school give them more normalcy?

By the way, the kids are Annie, 10, Trey, 7, Lilly, 4, and Sophie,
13, Emma, 11, Becca, 9, and Phin, 7.

Lindsay and Dan









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