PS2...missing kidlet
The Millers
> > We are a sad mommy and daddy.My husband plays with her every night when he gets home, but he also likes
>
> So - why are you not playing WITH her?
to bike ride and misses her coming along. I play with her but she gets
upset because I cannot keep up with the two player games. It is soooo fast
to me....my mind starts going in circles.
+++++++++++++++++
> > We are continuingShe does want us, well more of daddy, to hang out with her with the game. I
> > to support her and hope that eventually she will want to hang with
> > us again.
>
> Does she not WANT you to hang with her while she's playing?
think since he is really good it creates a fun challenge for her.
+++++++++++++++++
> > Any suggestions on dealing with our feelings about this?Mostly me because I am not good at it. It is also something that I truly do
>
> Are you actually being rejected? Or are you feeling like her playing
> PS2 games is something she has to do alone and you can't play too? Do
> you have two controllers? Lots of games are more fun with more
> people. You should see my kids - the PS2 is in our bedroom in front
> of our king-size waterbed - so all three kids will be piled up - all
> over each other - on the waterbed, cheering, waiting to play the
> winner, giving pointers, playing together. I play too and they're
> always amazed at how good I am (I played a LOT of video games in my
> college years - have good manual dexterity for them which my kids
> just don't expect from me - being OLD and all <G>). My husband plays
> sports games with them - soccer and football - on the PS2. They have
> their teams and all that - an ongoing competition.
not enjoy. I am trying to say to myself, "Hey, what fun this is,
etc."...but I really get all twisted about in my brain. It's like having to
read (there's the "having to" - see I have read alot on this - haha), a book
in school that you did not like, did not get, did not enjoy.
++++++++++++++++++++
>Hmmm, good point...but how to jump that hurdle? I am going to ponder that
> In other words, I wonder if YOU are making this a solitary activity
> because you aren't joining in with HER new passionate interest and
> you're resenting that she's not joining in with your old joint
> interests?
>
for awhile. And yes, hate to say it, but I think that we are both
resentful. That was hard to say.
++++++++++++++++++++
> -pamThanks Pam. I really appreciate the input. It always helps me to stand
>
back and check myself. Last question, does life then revolve completely
around the PS2? Do we not do the other activities? Do we continue to do
them because we (dad and mom) enjoy them, even though she does not? Where
is the radical unschooling line? Is it just we completely revolve around
the child, or is it the complete family revolving around each other?
Confused and looking for the answer to create a great family.
I mean this in all sincerity, even though with email it will probably come
across snippy.
Thanks again.
Millers in New Mexico
Pamela Sorooshian
It comes across as sincere, to me.
There is no "line."
You live and flow and things happen and sometimes your life revolves
around a child's favorite activity and sometimes you're busy in all
kinds of activities and sometimes you're not busy at anything much
and other times a kid follows you around the house while you do
laundry and wipe counters and tells you ABOUT what they did in their
video game.
I'm a little concerned about the comments that she doesn't like
playing with you because you're not very good at it and also that you
just don't LIKE playing.
You have a rough future ahead for you unless you learn to find
pleasure and enjoyment in things your child is passionate about. You
should not have to be good at it to have fun together. If you're not
actually playing, why not get into watching her and cheering her on
and rejoicing over her achievements. ALso - does she have to be off
in another room? Put her PS2 on a tv in the same room with the other
tv you're watching - it is perfectly legal to have them in the same
room. Hang out together, both doing what you want to do.
Don't look for reasons why you can't - look for solutions. Think
outside the box.
You've handled what has been said here very well so I'm going to take
a little further risk of alienating you and say that your comments
sound pretty adult-centric. Your husband wants her to go bike-riding
with him, you don't like to play the games she is absolutely in love
with. Seems a bit too much about you and him and not enough about her.
However, there is nothing wrong with dad saying - "Hey, I want to go
bike riding and you want to play Spyro with me." So how about we play
Spyro for an hour or so and then go for a ride after? Sound good?
But - take care not to be guilt-tripping her because she's found
something SHE loves to do and it isn't what you want to do. That's
too much responsibility - she isn't responsible for making him or you
happy.
-pam
There is no "line."
You live and flow and things happen and sometimes your life revolves
around a child's favorite activity and sometimes you're busy in all
kinds of activities and sometimes you're not busy at anything much
and other times a kid follows you around the house while you do
laundry and wipe counters and tells you ABOUT what they did in their
video game.
I'm a little concerned about the comments that she doesn't like
playing with you because you're not very good at it and also that you
just don't LIKE playing.
You have a rough future ahead for you unless you learn to find
pleasure and enjoyment in things your child is passionate about. You
should not have to be good at it to have fun together. If you're not
actually playing, why not get into watching her and cheering her on
and rejoicing over her achievements. ALso - does she have to be off
in another room? Put her PS2 on a tv in the same room with the other
tv you're watching - it is perfectly legal to have them in the same
room. Hang out together, both doing what you want to do.
Don't look for reasons why you can't - look for solutions. Think
outside the box.
You've handled what has been said here very well so I'm going to take
a little further risk of alienating you and say that your comments
sound pretty adult-centric. Your husband wants her to go bike-riding
with him, you don't like to play the games she is absolutely in love
with. Seems a bit too much about you and him and not enough about her.
However, there is nothing wrong with dad saying - "Hey, I want to go
bike riding and you want to play Spyro with me." So how about we play
Spyro for an hour or so and then go for a ride after? Sound good?
But - take care not to be guilt-tripping her because she's found
something SHE loves to do and it isn't what you want to do. That's
too much responsibility - she isn't responsible for making him or you
happy.
-pam
On Sep 28, 2005, at 5:23 PM, The Millers wrote:
> Thanks Pam. I really appreciate the input. It always helps me to
> stand
> back and check myself. Last question, does life then revolve
> completely
> around the PS2? Do we not do the other activities? Do we continue
> to do
> them because we (dad and mom) enjoy them, even though she does
> not? Where
> is the radical unschooling line? Is it just we completely revolve
> around
> the child, or is it the complete family revolving around each other?
> Confused and looking for the answer to create a great family.
>
> I mean this in all sincerity, even though with email it will
> probably come
> across snippy.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The Millers
No Pam, I am definitely not alienated. We do not post often, but when we
do, it is something we truly need guidance with. If we really knew how to
deal with this and were not prepared for input then we should have never
posted.
After you wrote, "There is no line". I thought, " We know this one".
I think that it is more that she gets frustrated with me, not that she does
not want me playing it. So, with your thoughts on this, I have decided to
devote more of my time (the whole scramble brain thing...I'll have to work
on and with), to getting in there and playing away. That whole paragraph
was good for us to hear.
We did have PS2 in our main room until about a week ago. We purchased her a
TV and put it in her room. The reason being is that we use that room to
watch TV, read, basically, do everything in. It made it a little hard with
the PS2 on most of the time for anyone else to have their choice in the
room. We did not want to ask her to stop playing, so we could have a TV
turn, read, etc. so figured another TV was the answer. Hmm, maybe not.
Maybe we should have that TV in the same room? HMMM, again. Sooo trying
to make the right decisions.
And yes, THAT BOX does get us sometimes. You really would not believe how
far we have come. If you only knew....we were classical curriculum, stern
parenters. Ohhh yeah...really sad. We are very happy to have literally
halted and made a u-turn.
The funny part about your comment on, "it seems like you and him", is that
we feel like everything is revolving around our sweetie. LOL...and it
should be. Sooo, that one is a real eye-opener! I mean this is a good way.
My eyes are now truly open to looking at the WHOLE picture here. On these
list, and we are on several, it amazes me the insight some of you have. I
guess we are just at the beginning of this journey and of detoxing
ourselves.
We really like your suggestion on the bike ride thing. See, it is just
about being creative.
I will say that we are not guilt-tripping her. We know this is our deal. I
think that makes it even harder. We really have to look into ourselves, our
lives, our past, and our wants for all of our futures.
I was rereading some topics in Rue's book last night and something struck me
(well, the whole darn thing, strikes me..haha). On page 58, bottom
paragraph she says, "Do our children ever choose to watch something that I
don't enjoy? Yes. I sometimes watch things they don't enjoy as well. We
are different people and will surely have different opinions and interests
from time to time. It is important not to let your own opinions negate
another person's. The fact that I don't find enjoyment in a certain program
does not give me the right to interfere with someone else's enjoyment.
Even though this deals with TV, it really struck me with the PS2. When
Sorscha and I went to bed, I decided to "try and get" the whole PS2 thing.
What she basically said was this, "Mom, it's like when YOU read a book.
There are all these chapters and in each chapter there are all these levels.
Each chapter has characters, and clues. It's like in your book how you need
to know the definition of each word. I need to know each character and
clue. There's no story without all of this".
She then went on to say that she plays them over and over because she is
striving for mastery of each one.
SO BASICALLY I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT!!! Haha. She has a plan, a goal, and
obviously and understanding of her wants. And even if she did not, I think
that we have crossed this hurdle and are okay and willing to be much (MUCH)
more creative as parents.
I am sooo glad we emailed. I feel like we received a ton of great advise.
Thanks everyone.
The Millers in New Mexico
++++++++++++++++
do, it is something we truly need guidance with. If we really knew how to
deal with this and were not prepared for input then we should have never
posted.
After you wrote, "There is no line". I thought, " We know this one".
I think that it is more that she gets frustrated with me, not that she does
not want me playing it. So, with your thoughts on this, I have decided to
devote more of my time (the whole scramble brain thing...I'll have to work
on and with), to getting in there and playing away. That whole paragraph
was good for us to hear.
We did have PS2 in our main room until about a week ago. We purchased her a
TV and put it in her room. The reason being is that we use that room to
watch TV, read, basically, do everything in. It made it a little hard with
the PS2 on most of the time for anyone else to have their choice in the
room. We did not want to ask her to stop playing, so we could have a TV
turn, read, etc. so figured another TV was the answer. Hmm, maybe not.
Maybe we should have that TV in the same room? HMMM, again. Sooo trying
to make the right decisions.
And yes, THAT BOX does get us sometimes. You really would not believe how
far we have come. If you only knew....we were classical curriculum, stern
parenters. Ohhh yeah...really sad. We are very happy to have literally
halted and made a u-turn.
The funny part about your comment on, "it seems like you and him", is that
we feel like everything is revolving around our sweetie. LOL...and it
should be. Sooo, that one is a real eye-opener! I mean this is a good way.
My eyes are now truly open to looking at the WHOLE picture here. On these
list, and we are on several, it amazes me the insight some of you have. I
guess we are just at the beginning of this journey and of detoxing
ourselves.
We really like your suggestion on the bike ride thing. See, it is just
about being creative.
I will say that we are not guilt-tripping her. We know this is our deal. I
think that makes it even harder. We really have to look into ourselves, our
lives, our past, and our wants for all of our futures.
I was rereading some topics in Rue's book last night and something struck me
(well, the whole darn thing, strikes me..haha). On page 58, bottom
paragraph she says, "Do our children ever choose to watch something that I
don't enjoy? Yes. I sometimes watch things they don't enjoy as well. We
are different people and will surely have different opinions and interests
from time to time. It is important not to let your own opinions negate
another person's. The fact that I don't find enjoyment in a certain program
does not give me the right to interfere with someone else's enjoyment.
Even though this deals with TV, it really struck me with the PS2. When
Sorscha and I went to bed, I decided to "try and get" the whole PS2 thing.
What she basically said was this, "Mom, it's like when YOU read a book.
There are all these chapters and in each chapter there are all these levels.
Each chapter has characters, and clues. It's like in your book how you need
to know the definition of each word. I need to know each character and
clue. There's no story without all of this".
She then went on to say that she plays them over and over because she is
striving for mastery of each one.
SO BASICALLY I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT!!! Haha. She has a plan, a goal, and
obviously and understanding of her wants. And even if she did not, I think
that we have crossed this hurdle and are okay and willing to be much (MUCH)
more creative as parents.
I am sooo glad we emailed. I feel like we received a ton of great advise.
Thanks everyone.
The Millers in New Mexico
++++++++++++++++
> Message: 21
> Date: Wed, 28 Sep 2005 17:51:28 -0700
> From: Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>
> Subject: Re: PS2...missing kidlet
>
> It comes across as sincere, to me.
>
> There is no "line."
>
> You live and flow and things happen and sometimes your life revolves
> around a child's favorite activity and sometimes you're busy in all
> kinds of activities and sometimes you're not busy at anything much
> and other times a kid follows you around the house while you do
> laundry and wipe counters and tells you ABOUT what they did in their
> video game.
>
> I'm a little concerned about the comments that she doesn't like
> playing with you because you're not very good at it and also that you
> just don't LIKE playing.
>
> You have a rough future ahead for you unless you learn to find
> pleasure and enjoyment in things your child is passionate about. You
> should not have to be good at it to have fun together. If you're not
> actually playing, why not get into watching her and cheering her on
> and rejoicing over her achievements. ALso - does she have to be off
> in another room? Put her PS2 on a tv in the same room with the other
> tv you're watching - it is perfectly legal to have them in the same
> room. Hang out together, both doing what you want to do.
>
> Don't look for reasons why you can't - look for solutions. Think
> outside the box.
>
> You've handled what has been said here very well so I'm going to take
> a little further risk of alienating you and say that your comments
> sound pretty adult-centric. Your husband wants her to go bike-riding
> with him, you don't like to play the games she is absolutely in love
> with. Seems a bit too much about you and him and not enough about her.
>
> However, there is nothing wrong with dad saying - "Hey, I want to go
> bike riding and you want to play Spyro with me." So how about we play
> Spyro for an hour or so and then go for a ride after? Sound good?
>
> But - take care not to be guilt-tripping her because she's found
> something SHE loves to do and it isn't what you want to do. That's
> too much responsibility - she isn't responsible for making him or you
> happy.
>
> -pam