heavy heart
[email protected]
hello the very wise people of this list . . .I have been lurking and transforming for a few mos now. We've been homeschooling then transitioning to unschooling for only 2 years, with the unschooling part only for 6 months or so. My daughter decided she really wanted to go back to school. We've recently relocated and I decided to support her desire . . . hoping to unschool her school going -- I'm writing to say I feel so conflicted and scared and my heart is heavy tonight -- she is visiting a school for the first day tomorrow. I feel I've failed her, really she never deschooled I guess . . . the thought of handing her over tomorrow makes me shutter and feel so sad. I've talked with her about how I feel about compulsory school -- she really wants to go. Any thoughts anyone has I'd appreciate. Her brothers want no part of school -- they're happy as clams -- I don't know what it'll be like to have one going to school and the other two at home . . . I'm just trying to stay in where my feet are, have a sweet evening, connect to the kids and my honey and breathe deep. But, whhaaaaaa. thanks, Ann.
soggyboysmom
An acquaintance of ours relocated with a teenager (I think he was
already a teen when they moved) and he decided to go to high school in
their new town. She would sometimes tell hysterically funny stories of
what he related about his days there because she said it sounded like
an anthropologist discussing some fascinating odd other culture. Just
knowing there IS an alternative and that you DO have a choice is HUGE
in changing the situation. You can play the game KNOWING it is a game,
it isn't all of life.
Good luck
--Deb
already a teen when they moved) and he decided to go to high school in
their new town. She would sometimes tell hysterically funny stories of
what he related about his days there because she said it sounded like
an anthropologist discussing some fascinating odd other culture. Just
knowing there IS an alternative and that you DO have a choice is HUGE
in changing the situation. You can play the game KNOWING it is a game,
it isn't all of life.
Good luck
--Deb
Rose
Hi Ann,
We have been unschooling 2 of our kids for 4 years, but my oldest
decided to go to school not long after we started unschooling. He is
a senior in high school now. We had been homeschooling for 4 years
before unschooling.
One advantage that homeschoolers/unschoolers have is that they
generally have better communication with their kids. Make sure that
you remember to talk to your daughter about her choice to go to
school with an open mind. Just like with anything else in life, you
have to trust that she knows what she needs. My son just had a need
to go to school. We talked much about some of the things that go on
at schools that has nothing to do with school or learning. We talked
about the possibility that if it didn't work out, that he could come
home at any time. He has accused me at times of trying to talk him
into coming home, so I try to be careful not to sound like I am.
Michael thought that he would be behind his classmates (one reason
he wanted to go to school, not our idea, his), but he found that he
was way ahead of them in many areas. The only thing he had trouble
with was note taking and writing in general. I knew getting good
grades would be extremely important to him, so we have talked about
that alot. His grades do not matter to me and I've told him so. What
does matter is that he gets what he needs from his school
experience. It does make a big difference that he chose to go to
school compared to the other kids that have been there doing it all
of their life. We talk often. He is not as open with me as he used
to be but it is really his way of separating from his mother so he
can grow up. When he is ready to talk about something, he knows I am
there with an uncritical eye and ear.
For the first couple of years there were some things that came up
that you do have to watch out for when you have such extremes in one
household. Our other two boys got so used to hanging out together
that Michael began to feel kind of separated from the rest of us. It
was one of those things that you don't realize that it is happening.
I think this was part of Michaels growing up experience also. He
needed some space to find out just who he was. We did finally see
what was going on and we try to make sure now that Michael has the
opportunity to be involved in what his brothers do during the day
and of course they share many friends together, most of which are
homeschoolers/unschoolers, but they make Michael feel right at home.
I don't know if this helps any or not. It was hard for me to let
Michael go to school, knowing that he didn't have to. He has had
some tough times with classes he didn't like so well or even in
classes that he loves but he feels that what the teacher asks him to
do is pointless! But, he has stuck to it because that is what he
wants to do. He has managed to keep his grades at 3.0 or above
because he wants to get a scholarship. (We have bright futures in
FL, 3.0 will earn 75% paid scholarship!) He's gotten a part-time job
in the field that he loves (computers). Our communication is still
good and he is a happy camper.
My suggestion is to be open and honest to your daughter about how
you feel about her going to school without making her feel guilty or
that you are pressuring her to change her decision. If she chooses
to stay in school, she will remember your openness and honesty and
will do the same with you.
Rose
We have been unschooling 2 of our kids for 4 years, but my oldest
decided to go to school not long after we started unschooling. He is
a senior in high school now. We had been homeschooling for 4 years
before unschooling.
One advantage that homeschoolers/unschoolers have is that they
generally have better communication with their kids. Make sure that
you remember to talk to your daughter about her choice to go to
school with an open mind. Just like with anything else in life, you
have to trust that she knows what she needs. My son just had a need
to go to school. We talked much about some of the things that go on
at schools that has nothing to do with school or learning. We talked
about the possibility that if it didn't work out, that he could come
home at any time. He has accused me at times of trying to talk him
into coming home, so I try to be careful not to sound like I am.
Michael thought that he would be behind his classmates (one reason
he wanted to go to school, not our idea, his), but he found that he
was way ahead of them in many areas. The only thing he had trouble
with was note taking and writing in general. I knew getting good
grades would be extremely important to him, so we have talked about
that alot. His grades do not matter to me and I've told him so. What
does matter is that he gets what he needs from his school
experience. It does make a big difference that he chose to go to
school compared to the other kids that have been there doing it all
of their life. We talk often. He is not as open with me as he used
to be but it is really his way of separating from his mother so he
can grow up. When he is ready to talk about something, he knows I am
there with an uncritical eye and ear.
For the first couple of years there were some things that came up
that you do have to watch out for when you have such extremes in one
household. Our other two boys got so used to hanging out together
that Michael began to feel kind of separated from the rest of us. It
was one of those things that you don't realize that it is happening.
I think this was part of Michaels growing up experience also. He
needed some space to find out just who he was. We did finally see
what was going on and we try to make sure now that Michael has the
opportunity to be involved in what his brothers do during the day
and of course they share many friends together, most of which are
homeschoolers/unschoolers, but they make Michael feel right at home.
I don't know if this helps any or not. It was hard for me to let
Michael go to school, knowing that he didn't have to. He has had
some tough times with classes he didn't like so well or even in
classes that he loves but he feels that what the teacher asks him to
do is pointless! But, he has stuck to it because that is what he
wants to do. He has managed to keep his grades at 3.0 or above
because he wants to get a scholarship. (We have bright futures in
FL, 3.0 will earn 75% paid scholarship!) He's gotten a part-time job
in the field that he loves (computers). Our communication is still
good and he is a happy camper.
My suggestion is to be open and honest to your daughter about how
you feel about her going to school without making her feel guilty or
that you are pressuring her to change her decision. If she chooses
to stay in school, she will remember your openness and honesty and
will do the same with you.
Rose
--- In [email protected], amcarlson@m... wrote:
> hello the very wise people of this list . . .I have been lurking
and transforming for a few mos now. We've been homeschooling then
transitioning to unschooling for only 2 years, with the unschooling
part only for 6 months or so. My daughter decided she really wanted
to go back to school. We've recently relocated and I decided to
support her desire . . . hoping to unschool her school going -- I'm
writing to say I feel so conflicted and scared and my heart is heavy
tonight -- she is visiting a school for the first day tomorrow. I
feel I've failed her, really she never deschooled I guess . . . the
thought of handing her over tomorrow makes me shutter and feel so
sad. I've talked with her about how I feel about compulsory school -
- she really wants to go. Any thoughts anyone has I'd appreciate.
Her brothers want no part of school -- they're happy as clams -- I
don't know what it'll be like to have one going to school and the
other two at home . . . I'm just trying to stay in where my feet
are, have a sweet evening, connect to the kids and my honey and
breathe deep. But, whhaaaaaa. thanks, Ann.
[email protected]
Thank you, yes, the choice issue IS huge . . . and the game part. I think my daughter already treats it like a game and when she went to school before she did, too. I realize I may be projecting my own strong attachments/resistances with school onto her . .
again, thank you.
again, thank you.
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: amcarlson@...
Her brothers want no part of school --
they're happy as clams -- I don't know what it'll be like to have one going to
school and the other two at home . . . I'm just trying to stay in where my feet
are, have a sweet evening, connect to the kids and my honey and breathe deep.
-=-=-=-
I'm guessing it will suck.
But if you make *your* days at home really too interesting, you may find she'd rather spend more days with y'all than at school.
And if she knows she can come home at any time,....
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: amcarlson@...
Her brothers want no part of school --
they're happy as clams -- I don't know what it'll be like to have one going to
school and the other two at home . . . I'm just trying to stay in where my feet
are, have a sweet evening, connect to the kids and my honey and breathe deep.
-=-=-=-
I'm guessing it will suck.
But if you make *your* days at home really too interesting, you may find she'd rather spend more days with y'all than at school.
And if she knows she can come home at any time,....
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]