Not doing anything
Judy Anderson
Hi, I don't often post here, but I do read. I was discussing with my 9yo daughter about her mentioning wanting to go back to school, and I realized she hasn't deschooled yet. I took her out of school in April, when she came to live with me, and I told her I wouldn't send her to start a new school for just two months and I wanted her to settle in so I would homeschool her. At first she used to ask what I wanted her to do, but I would answer, "Whatever you want to do." I told her she could consider herself on vacation early if she wanted to. A couple of weeks later she stopped asking what she should do. Now that it is September, she says she feels like she doesn't do anything. I asked her what she would like to do, and she said she wanted projects. I went to Walmart and bought 15 one-subject notebooks for 10 cents each and some basic supplies - pencils, a real pencil sharpener, pocket portfolios, etc. I brought them home and she and her sister (they are 9 and 6) wrote down titles on all of the notebooks (Forest Creatures, Cooking, Computers, Gaming, Dinosaurs, Safety, etc.). They came up with the titles and when they were done, they were very proud of themselves. Then they started using the paper inside for both the subjects they had written on the front and for scribble paper (Walmart was sold out of that when I went). That seems to be as far as they want to carry it. I am just afraid that she will come to me in a month or so again and say she doesn't feel like she is doing anything. I remembered reading that it takes a month of deschooling for every year in school, so I thought that we would be past this. But she is frequently coming to me and saying she is bored, but declining everything I suggest.
I guess the problem is that she is looking to me for guidance in "what she should be doing", and I want her to take charge of what she does. How do others get past this? Thanks.
Judy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I guess the problem is that she is looking to me for guidance in "what she should be doing", and I want her to take charge of what she does. How do others get past this? Thanks.
Judy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Brandie
--- Judy Anderson <segwyne@...> wrote:
you for guidance. Unschooling is very much hands-on
for parents. Yes, you are following her lead, but it
is YOU who needs to be helping her come up with ideas
and you must suggest things to her. She's only 9 --
she definitely needs your assistance -- everyday. The
more she deschools, and truly lives an unschooling
life, she will come up with enough to keep herself
busy.
Truly listen to her, ask her questions, find out what
things she is interested in. I don't think this means
going up to her tomorrow and saying: "what interests
you?" I believe it is more about reading between the
lines, picking up on little things she says, and
helping her expand on what she seems to enjoy.
Brandie
http://tableforfive.blogspot.com
http://homemadeliving.blogspot.com
______________________________________________________
Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort.
http://store.yahoo.com/redcross-donate3/
> I guess the problem is that she is looking to me forThat's exactly what she should be doing -- looking to
> guidance in "what she should be doing", and I want
> her to take charge of what she does. How do others
> get past this? Thanks.
you for guidance. Unschooling is very much hands-on
for parents. Yes, you are following her lead, but it
is YOU who needs to be helping her come up with ideas
and you must suggest things to her. She's only 9 --
she definitely needs your assistance -- everyday. The
more she deschools, and truly lives an unschooling
life, she will come up with enough to keep herself
busy.
Truly listen to her, ask her questions, find out what
things she is interested in. I don't think this means
going up to her tomorrow and saying: "what interests
you?" I believe it is more about reading between the
lines, picking up on little things she says, and
helping her expand on what she seems to enjoy.
Brandie
http://tableforfive.blogspot.com
http://homemadeliving.blogspot.com
______________________________________________________
Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort.
http://store.yahoo.com/redcross-donate3/
Daniel MacIntyre
On 9/6/05, Judy Anderson <segwyne@...> wrote:
snip:
> But she is frequently coming to me and saying she is bored, but declining everything I suggest.
This is actually a good thing. Boredom is an inner impulse to do
something meaningful to you. This is what should happen:
1. You get bored.
2. In an effort to relieve this boredom, you examine your opportunities.
3. Opportunities present themselves as forms of imaginative play -
this is basically anything that actively engages your imagination.
Imagination is key here - no activity that doesn't engage your
imagination will relieve your boredom.
4. Once you find an activity that engages your imagination, you practice it.
5. Practice leads to mastery - not necessarily meaning being the best
at the activity in the world, but possessing the skills to succeed
consistently.
6. At this point, you get bored.
7. Repeat steps 1-6.
>
> I guess the problem is that she is looking to me for guidance in "what she should be doing", and I want her to take charge of what she does. How do others get past this? Thanks.
>
> Judy
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
--
Daniel
(Amy is doing a half marathon for Team in Training
Anyone who wants to help can do so by going to:
http://www.active.com/donate/fundraise/tntgmoAMacint )
Daniel MacIntyre
Oh, I almost forgot! One thing that can disrupt this process is a
lack of confidence. If she is afraid to try new things, she may think
she needs to be pushed in some way. YOU DO NOT NEED TO PUSH HER!
Self confidence comes with support. What she would need at this point
is the security of having a good strong connection with people that
can give her that support. Primarily family, of course, but it can
also come from friends, clubs, work or even internet groups :)
Connections also lead to ideas for relieving boredom too!
lack of confidence. If she is afraid to try new things, she may think
she needs to be pushed in some way. YOU DO NOT NEED TO PUSH HER!
Self confidence comes with support. What she would need at this point
is the security of having a good strong connection with people that
can give her that support. Primarily family, of course, but it can
also come from friends, clubs, work or even internet groups :)
Connections also lead to ideas for relieving boredom too!
On 9/7/05, Daniel MacIntyre <daniel.macintyre@...> wrote:
> On 9/6/05, Judy Anderson <segwyne@...> wrote:
> snip:
>
> > But she is frequently coming to me and saying she is bored, but declining everything I suggest.
>
> This is actually a good thing. Boredom is an inner impulse to do
> something meaningful to you. This is what should happen:
>
> 1. You get bored.
> 2. In an effort to relieve this boredom, you examine your opportunities.
> 3. Opportunities present themselves as forms of imaginative play -
> this is basically anything that actively engages your imagination.
> Imagination is key here - no activity that doesn't engage your
> imagination will relieve your boredom.
> 4. Once you find an activity that engages your imagination, you practice it.
> 5. Practice leads to mastery - not necessarily meaning being the best
> at the activity in the world, but possessing the skills to succeed
> consistently.
> 6. At this point, you get bored.
> 7. Repeat steps 1-6.
>
>
> >
> > I guess the problem is that she is looking to me for guidance in "what she should be doing", and I want her to take charge of what she does. How do others get past this? Thanks.
> >
> > Judy
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Yahoo! Groups Links
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
> --
> Daniel
> (Amy is doing a half marathon for Team in Training
> Anyone who wants to help can do so by going to:
> http://www.active.com/donate/fundraise/tntgmoAMacint )
>
--
Daniel
(Amy is doing a half marathon for Team in Training
Anyone who wants to help can do so by going to:
http://www.active.com/donate/fundraise/tntgmoAMacint )
Daniel MacIntyre
I wanted to say thanks for posting this Judy.
I used the meat of my response as my latest blog entry - You inspired me!
I used the meat of my response as my latest blog entry - You inspired me!
On 9/6/05, Judy Anderson <segwyne@...> wrote:
> Hi, I don't often post here, but I do read. I was discussing with my 9yo daughter about her mentioning wanting to go back to school, and I realized she hasn't deschooled yet. I took her out of school in April, when she came to live with me, and I told her I wouldn't send her to start a new school for just two months and I wanted her to settle in so I would homeschool her. At first she used to ask what I wanted her to do, but I would answer, "Whatever you want to do." I told her she could consider herself on vacation early if she wanted to. A couple of weeks later she stopped asking what she should do. Now that it is September, she says she feels like she doesn't do anything. I asked her what she would like to do, and she said she wanted projects. I went to Walmart and bought 15 one-subject notebooks for 10 cents each and some basic supplies - pencils, a real pencil sharpener, pocket portfolios, etc. I brought them home and she and her sister (they are 9 and 6) wrote down titles on all of the notebooks (Forest Creatures, Cooking, Computers, Gaming, Dinosaurs, Safety, etc.). They came up with the titles and when they were done, they were very proud of themselves. Then they started using the paper inside for both the subjects they had written on the front and for scribble paper (Walmart was sold out of that when I went). That seems to be as far as they want to carry it. I am just afraid that she will come to me in a month or so again and say she doesn't feel like she is doing anything. I remembered reading that it takes a month of deschooling for every year in school, so I thought that we would be past this. But she is frequently coming to me and saying she is bored, but declining everything I suggest.
>
> I guess the problem is that she is looking to me for guidance in "what she should be doing", and I want her to take charge of what she does. How do others get past this? Thanks.
>
> Judy
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
--
Daniel
(Amy is doing a half marathon for Team in Training
Anyone who wants to help can do so by going to:
http://www.active.com/donate/fundraise/tntgmoAMacint )
[email protected]
<<I want her to take charge of what she is doing>>
At 9yo and just coming out of school, she is going to be at a loss at what to do. Society has ingrained in her since infancy that she NEEDS school. So do some schooly kinds of things with her...read, make a math sheet, etc.. Then be sure to stop when she seems bored and start to throw in some fun things too. Grow a garden, visit a museum, go for a hike, do the things you are passionate about and invite her along to do them with you....again, no forcing, just fun.
When you hear about stuff that she might like or YOU might like, ask her if she wants to go or wants to join. Eventually, you will find she never even asks about the "school" kinds of things anymore....unless she is one of the unlucky ones whose ps friends "quiz" them, then she might ask off and on about multiplication tables and such.
It is a gradual thing.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
At 9yo and just coming out of school, she is going to be at a loss at what to do. Society has ingrained in her since infancy that she NEEDS school. So do some schooly kinds of things with her...read, make a math sheet, etc.. Then be sure to stop when she seems bored and start to throw in some fun things too. Grow a garden, visit a museum, go for a hike, do the things you are passionate about and invite her along to do them with you....again, no forcing, just fun.
When you hear about stuff that she might like or YOU might like, ask her if she wants to go or wants to join. Eventually, you will find she never even asks about the "school" kinds of things anymore....unless she is one of the unlucky ones whose ps friends "quiz" them, then she might ask off and on about multiplication tables and such.
It is a gradual thing.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/6/2005 9:55:55 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
scrapdiva73@... writes:
I guess the problem is that she is looking to me for
Your daughter may be looking to you for *you*, not just something to do.
My suggestion is to figure out what she likes to do, and do it with her.
What is her favorite TV show? Does she like to browse at a particular store?
Eat at a favorite restaurant? I would avoid anything schooly at this point,
the idea is to connect with her doing things she likes.
I like to think of it in toddler terms. Your toddler wants to explore the
world, but only once she is absolutely sure you are going to be there when she
gets back. Your daughter will explore the world, but she needs you *now* to
develop a home base, a safe place to just be herself.
Go have fun with her! Have some laughs, give each other makeovers or paint
toenails. Watch her TV shows with her and ask questions. Make brownies.
Don't worry about what she should be doing, she'll get there when she is ready.
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
scrapdiva73@... writes:
I guess the problem is that she is looking to me for
> guidance in "what she should be doing", and I want***************
> her to take charge of what she does. How do others
> get past this? Thanks.
Your daughter may be looking to you for *you*, not just something to do.
My suggestion is to figure out what she likes to do, and do it with her.
What is her favorite TV show? Does she like to browse at a particular store?
Eat at a favorite restaurant? I would avoid anything schooly at this point,
the idea is to connect with her doing things she likes.
I like to think of it in toddler terms. Your toddler wants to explore the
world, but only once she is absolutely sure you are going to be there when she
gets back. Your daughter will explore the world, but she needs you *now* to
develop a home base, a safe place to just be herself.
Go have fun with her! Have some laughs, give each other makeovers or paint
toenails. Watch her TV shows with her and ask questions. Make brownies.
Don't worry about what she should be doing, she'll get there when she is ready.
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
soggyboysmom
--- In [email protected], Leslie530@a... wrote:
bored/can't find anything to do when he wants more of MY time
directly. When she's looking for something (like the notebooks),
find resources and then -participate- in it. She is probably a bit
unsettled by the sea-change from "school is IMPORTANT!" to "school
is NOT important" - conencting with you is a way to regain her
balance.
Also, I think sometimes when a family has been schooled and is
transitioning to unschooling, parents have a tendency to continue a
hands-off type relationship. Hmm that doesn't sound right. What I
mean is, during school, mom/dad get the kids up and out, don't see
them for several hours, kids come home, mom/dad make sure schoolwork
gets done, kids get fed, bathed, to bed. If there's time, the kids
may play or watch TV or whatever -while- mom/dad prepare meal, do
dishes, pay bills. There's a disconnect there. When the kids are
home for good, parents need to remember they are there (that's not
the best way to put it, words aren't working well today), otherwise
they go about their 'usual' routine and figure the kids will do
their 'usual' routine or find stuff to do - but the 'usual' routine
is gone. This is the time when the kids need MORE involvement from
parents, even if they eventually start up doing their own things
more. Closest I can analogize it is when a child is ill. While
they're really ill, they mostly sleep (which is a good thing) and
once they're well again, they're bouncing merrily off to play. But
during that uncomfortable recuperating time when they're not feeling
well enough to play but they're all sleeped out, they can get
very "clingy" and "needy". Kids never been to school are
generally 'healthy' in this scenario. Kids in school are mostly
sleeping. Kids coming out of school are needing lots of mom and dad
time.
Lots of words, hope some make sense
--Deb
>Definitely! My never been to school 7 yr old ONLY says he's
> Your daughter may be looking to you for *you*, not just something
>to do.
>
bored/can't find anything to do when he wants more of MY time
directly. When she's looking for something (like the notebooks),
find resources and then -participate- in it. She is probably a bit
unsettled by the sea-change from "school is IMPORTANT!" to "school
is NOT important" - conencting with you is a way to regain her
balance.
Also, I think sometimes when a family has been schooled and is
transitioning to unschooling, parents have a tendency to continue a
hands-off type relationship. Hmm that doesn't sound right. What I
mean is, during school, mom/dad get the kids up and out, don't see
them for several hours, kids come home, mom/dad make sure schoolwork
gets done, kids get fed, bathed, to bed. If there's time, the kids
may play or watch TV or whatever -while- mom/dad prepare meal, do
dishes, pay bills. There's a disconnect there. When the kids are
home for good, parents need to remember they are there (that's not
the best way to put it, words aren't working well today), otherwise
they go about their 'usual' routine and figure the kids will do
their 'usual' routine or find stuff to do - but the 'usual' routine
is gone. This is the time when the kids need MORE involvement from
parents, even if they eventually start up doing their own things
more. Closest I can analogize it is when a child is ill. While
they're really ill, they mostly sleep (which is a good thing) and
once they're well again, they're bouncing merrily off to play. But
during that uncomfortable recuperating time when they're not feeling
well enough to play but they're all sleeped out, they can get
very "clingy" and "needy". Kids never been to school are
generally 'healthy' in this scenario. Kids in school are mostly
sleeping. Kids coming out of school are needing lots of mom and dad
time.
Lots of words, hope some make sense
--Deb
[email protected]
Also, I think sometimes when a family has been schooled and is
transitioning to unschooling, parents have a tendency to continue a
hands-off type relationship. Hmm that doesn't sound right. What I
mean is, during school, mom/dad get the kids up and out, don't see
them for several hours, kids come home, mom/dad make sure schoolwork
gets done, kids get fed, bathed, to bed. If there's time, the kids
may play or watch TV or whatever -while- mom/dad prepare meal, do
dishes, pay bills. There's a disconnect there. When the kids are
home for good, parents need to remember they are there (that's not
the best way to put it, words aren't working well today), otherwise
they go about their 'usual' routine and figure the kids will do
their 'usual' routine or find stuff to do - but the 'usual' routine
is gone. This is the time when the kids need MORE involvement from
parents, even if they eventually start up doing their own things
more. Closest I can analogize it is when a child is ill. While
they're really ill, they mostly sleep (which is a good thing) and
once they're well again, they're bouncing merrily off to play. But
during that uncomfortable recuperating time when they're not feeling
well enough to play but they're all sleeped out, they can get
very "clingy" and "needy". Kids never been to school are
generally 'healthy' in this scenario. Kids in school are mostly
sleeping. Kids coming out of school are needing lots of mom and dad
time.
Lots of words, hope some make sense
-=-=-=-
Good enough sense that I will be using some of these briliiant points
in my talk about deschooling at the conference!
Thanks, Deb!!!
~Kelly
transitioning to unschooling, parents have a tendency to continue a
hands-off type relationship. Hmm that doesn't sound right. What I
mean is, during school, mom/dad get the kids up and out, don't see
them for several hours, kids come home, mom/dad make sure schoolwork
gets done, kids get fed, bathed, to bed. If there's time, the kids
may play or watch TV or whatever -while- mom/dad prepare meal, do
dishes, pay bills. There's a disconnect there. When the kids are
home for good, parents need to remember they are there (that's not
the best way to put it, words aren't working well today), otherwise
they go about their 'usual' routine and figure the kids will do
their 'usual' routine or find stuff to do - but the 'usual' routine
is gone. This is the time when the kids need MORE involvement from
parents, even if they eventually start up doing their own things
more. Closest I can analogize it is when a child is ill. While
they're really ill, they mostly sleep (which is a good thing) and
once they're well again, they're bouncing merrily off to play. But
during that uncomfortable recuperating time when they're not feeling
well enough to play but they're all sleeped out, they can get
very "clingy" and "needy". Kids never been to school are
generally 'healthy' in this scenario. Kids in school are mostly
sleeping. Kids coming out of school are needing lots of mom and dad
time.
Lots of words, hope some make sense
-=-=-=-
Good enough sense that I will be using some of these briliiant points
in my talk about deschooling at the conference!
Thanks, Deb!!!
~Kelly
Judy Anderson
Thank you Daniel, Deb, jnjstau, and Leslie. Yes, Deb, that made perfect
sense to me. I was thinking that by adopting the attitude of always
vacation, that she would have no trouble. On Sunday she asked about baking
cookies, so I got some chocolate chips, but forgot the brown sugar! I am
going to get some today and bake with her today.
I have been pretty distant from my kids, which comes as a horrific
realization. I have spent so much time focusing on the needs of the family
as a whole that I haven't spent much time focusing on individual needs. I
always pictured myself as the doting mother, always available, but I guess I
haven't been. I will work on this some more.
Thanks again, folks.
Judy
sense to me. I was thinking that by adopting the attitude of always
vacation, that she would have no trouble. On Sunday she asked about baking
cookies, so I got some chocolate chips, but forgot the brown sugar! I am
going to get some today and bake with her today.
I have been pretty distant from my kids, which comes as a horrific
realization. I have spent so much time focusing on the needs of the family
as a whole that I haven't spent much time focusing on individual needs. I
always pictured myself as the doting mother, always available, but I guess I
haven't been. I will work on this some more.
Thanks again, folks.
Judy
soggyboysmom
--- In [email protected], "Judy Anderson"
<segwyne@v...> wrote:
on vacation and you're not, that's a 'glitch'. If you're both on
vacation, and vacation means those 'family cruises' where you get on
the boat and no one sees each other for a week, then that's a glitch.
If vacation means the whole family together finding what looks
interesting, then that's wonderful.
Have fun getting to know your family!
--Deb
<segwyne@v...> wrote:
> Thank you Daniel, Deb, jnjstau, and Leslie. Yes, Deb, that madeAlways vacation is fine - but how do -you- handle vacations? If she's
>perfect
> sense to me. I was thinking that by adopting the attitude of always
> vacation, that she would have no trouble. On Sunday she asked about
>baking
> cookies, so I got some chocolate chips, but forgot the brown sugar!
>I am
> going to get some today and bake with her today.
on vacation and you're not, that's a 'glitch'. If you're both on
vacation, and vacation means those 'family cruises' where you get on
the boat and no one sees each other for a week, then that's a glitch.
If vacation means the whole family together finding what looks
interesting, then that's wonderful.
Have fun getting to know your family!
--Deb
Ren Allen
"I have been pretty distant from my kids, which comes as a horrific
realization."
Shift happens.
Ren:)
realization."
Shift happens.
Ren:)
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/7/2005 11:46:41 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
segwyne@... writes:
I have been pretty distant from my kids, which comes as a horrific
realization. I have spent so much time focusing on the needs of the family
as a whole that I haven't spent much time focusing on individual needs. I
always pictured myself as the doting mother, always available, but I guess I
haven't been. I will work on this some more.
*************
Judy, this is something most of us always work on. I don't think we come by
it naturally in our culture. For me, it is definitely a LEARNED behavior.
I stopped everything today and did something fun with my kids because I've
been glued to the news for a week.
I think one of the reasons unschooling life is so much easier and the family
is so much more connected is the luxury of time. You aren't spending all of
your energy making your kids go to school and do homework, or do school at
home work. So now, you have the time and you will learn how to BE with your
children and it will be lovely.
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
segwyne@... writes:
I have been pretty distant from my kids, which comes as a horrific
realization. I have spent so much time focusing on the needs of the family
as a whole that I haven't spent much time focusing on individual needs. I
always pictured myself as the doting mother, always available, but I guess I
haven't been. I will work on this some more.
*************
Judy, this is something most of us always work on. I don't think we come by
it naturally in our culture. For me, it is definitely a LEARNED behavior.
I stopped everything today and did something fun with my kids because I've
been glued to the news for a week.
I think one of the reasons unschooling life is so much easier and the family
is so much more connected is the luxury of time. You aren't spending all of
your energy making your kids go to school and do homework, or do school at
home work. So now, you have the time and you will learn how to BE with your
children and it will be lovely.
Leslie in SC
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ruth G
Hi Judy
Judy wrote:-I have been pretty distant from my kids, which comes as a horrific
realization. I have spent so much time focusing on the needs of the family
as a whole that I haven't spent much time focusing on individual needs. I
always pictured myself as the doting mother, always available, but I guess I
haven't been. I will work on this some more.
**********************************
At least you have realised. That is a good thing and is hard to change things. I was the same. When my kids were in school I was caught up in the getting them there- getting them home, sorting homework, uniform and meals treadmill. We never had fun. All weekend was spent racing around cleaning up, washing uniform and P.E kit and sorting homework. I hated it and cried every holiday with happiness they were home and cried evey time they went back til I found out they didn't have to go. I was so pleased they cam e uput I didnt do anything with them for weeks. Just having them in the house adn how great that was seemed enough til I got my head round the fact they needed me to talk with them and play and do fun stuff. Now it has gone full circle. They get on with things on their own and don't need me like they did. The youngest, always unschooled, two still do but not the older ones.
Ruth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Judy wrote:-I have been pretty distant from my kids, which comes as a horrific
realization. I have spent so much time focusing on the needs of the family
as a whole that I haven't spent much time focusing on individual needs. I
always pictured myself as the doting mother, always available, but I guess I
haven't been. I will work on this some more.
**********************************
At least you have realised. That is a good thing and is hard to change things. I was the same. When my kids were in school I was caught up in the getting them there- getting them home, sorting homework, uniform and meals treadmill. We never had fun. All weekend was spent racing around cleaning up, washing uniform and P.E kit and sorting homework. I hated it and cried every holiday with happiness they were home and cried evey time they went back til I found out they didn't have to go. I was so pleased they cam e uput I didnt do anything with them for weeks. Just having them in the house adn how great that was seemed enough til I got my head round the fact they needed me to talk with them and play and do fun stuff. Now it has gone full circle. They get on with things on their own and don't need me like they did. The youngest, always unschooled, two still do but not the older ones.
Ruth
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Quit suggesting---just DO It!
Movie verticals! It's like a wine-tasting vertical! <G>
Rent all the Hitcock movies and watch them in order. Then do all Johnny Depp movies. Jack Nicholson. Matthew Broderick (start with Ferris Bueller! <G>) Compare and contrast---watch hair styles, mannerisms, sets, costumes.
*YOU* decide to become the world's greatest pie baker. (I tried and failed---I just call my friend Patrick now when I need a pie! <G>) Or bread baker. Make up the *perfect spaghetti sauce! Or Cajun food. Start getting serious in the kitchen! They'll join you---either to cook with you, to make up their own stuff, or just to eat what you make! <G>
Decide to eat at every ethnic restaurant in town---lunch is cheaper!
Become a secret shopper---could be fun!
Start a garden---butterfly gardens are soooo easy---and boy, are they beautiful! With and withOUT the butterflies! <G>
Get a beehive (I did two years ago---what fun!).
Buy a sewing machine---make your halloween costumes! Family Fun has a zillion *really* cool costumes---and some are sewingmachine-less. (I made Duncan the absolute CUTEST skunk costume one year! )
Get good quality binoculars and a bird book and start birdwatching---just walk through a wooeded park and keep your eyes and ears open.
Start a blog! Go to DanielleConger's site---INCREDIBLE!---for ideas.
Apply to raise a guide dog puppy. It's 1-2 years out of your life. He can go everywhere you go )pretty cool!), and it's a giving back to the community---awesome example!!! We're doing this now. Ryan has been with us for 18 months. We have six more to go. We'll miss him terribly!
Now---these are things for *YOU* to do!!! Invite the kids to join you. They may or may not. Don't judge. But let them see *YOU* be interested and interesting! It's not so much about "getting past this" as it is about showing them how it's done. What do *YOU* do all day?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
-----Original Message-----
From: Judy Anderson segwyne@...
Hi, I don't often post here, but I do read. I was discussing with my 9yo
daughter about her mentioning wanting to go back to school, and I realized she
hasn't deschooled yet. I took her out of school in April, when she came to live
with me, and I told her I wouldn't send her to start a new school for just two
months and I wanted her to settle in so I would homeschool her. At first she
used to ask what I wanted her to do, but I would answer, "Whatever you want to
do." I told her she could consider herself on vacation early if she wanted to.
A couple of weeks later she stopped asking what she should do. Now that it is
September, she says she feels like she doesn't do anything. I asked her what
she would like to do, and she said she wanted projects. I went to Walmart and
bought 15 one-subject notebooks for 10 cents each and some basic supplies -
pencils, a real pencil sharpener, pocket portfolios, etc. I brought them home
and she and her sister (they are 9 and 6) wrote down titles on all of the
notebooks (Forest Creatures, Cooking, Computers, Gaming, Dinosaurs, Safety,
etc.). They came up with the titles and when they were done, they were very
proud of themselves. Then they started using the paper inside for both the
subjects they had written on the front and for scribble paper (Walmart was sold
out of that when I went). That seems to be as far as they want to carry it. I
am just afraid that she will come to me in a month or so again and say she
doesn't feel like she is doing anything. I remembered reading that it takes a
month of deschooling for every year in school, so I thought that we would be
past this. But she is frequently coming to me and saying she is bored, but
declining everything I suggest.
I guess the problem is that she is looking to me for guidance in "what she
should be doing", and I want her to take charge of what she does. How do others
get past this? Thanks.
Judy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Movie verticals! It's like a wine-tasting vertical! <G>
Rent all the Hitcock movies and watch them in order. Then do all Johnny Depp movies. Jack Nicholson. Matthew Broderick (start with Ferris Bueller! <G>) Compare and contrast---watch hair styles, mannerisms, sets, costumes.
*YOU* decide to become the world's greatest pie baker. (I tried and failed---I just call my friend Patrick now when I need a pie! <G>) Or bread baker. Make up the *perfect spaghetti sauce! Or Cajun food. Start getting serious in the kitchen! They'll join you---either to cook with you, to make up their own stuff, or just to eat what you make! <G>
Decide to eat at every ethnic restaurant in town---lunch is cheaper!
Become a secret shopper---could be fun!
Start a garden---butterfly gardens are soooo easy---and boy, are they beautiful! With and withOUT the butterflies! <G>
Get a beehive (I did two years ago---what fun!).
Buy a sewing machine---make your halloween costumes! Family Fun has a zillion *really* cool costumes---and some are sewingmachine-less. (I made Duncan the absolute CUTEST skunk costume one year! )
Get good quality binoculars and a bird book and start birdwatching---just walk through a wooeded park and keep your eyes and ears open.
Start a blog! Go to DanielleConger's site---INCREDIBLE!---for ideas.
Apply to raise a guide dog puppy. It's 1-2 years out of your life. He can go everywhere you go )pretty cool!), and it's a giving back to the community---awesome example!!! We're doing this now. Ryan has been with us for 18 months. We have six more to go. We'll miss him terribly!
Now---these are things for *YOU* to do!!! Invite the kids to join you. They may or may not. Don't judge. But let them see *YOU* be interested and interesting! It's not so much about "getting past this" as it is about showing them how it's done. What do *YOU* do all day?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
-----Original Message-----
From: Judy Anderson segwyne@...
Hi, I don't often post here, but I do read. I was discussing with my 9yo
daughter about her mentioning wanting to go back to school, and I realized she
hasn't deschooled yet. I took her out of school in April, when she came to live
with me, and I told her I wouldn't send her to start a new school for just two
months and I wanted her to settle in so I would homeschool her. At first she
used to ask what I wanted her to do, but I would answer, "Whatever you want to
do." I told her she could consider herself on vacation early if she wanted to.
A couple of weeks later she stopped asking what she should do. Now that it is
September, she says she feels like she doesn't do anything. I asked her what
she would like to do, and she said she wanted projects. I went to Walmart and
bought 15 one-subject notebooks for 10 cents each and some basic supplies -
pencils, a real pencil sharpener, pocket portfolios, etc. I brought them home
and she and her sister (they are 9 and 6) wrote down titles on all of the
notebooks (Forest Creatures, Cooking, Computers, Gaming, Dinosaurs, Safety,
etc.). They came up with the titles and when they were done, they were very
proud of themselves. Then they started using the paper inside for both the
subjects they had written on the front and for scribble paper (Walmart was sold
out of that when I went). That seems to be as far as they want to carry it. I
am just afraid that she will come to me in a month or so again and say she
doesn't feel like she is doing anything. I remembered reading that it takes a
month of deschooling for every year in school, so I thought that we would be
past this. But she is frequently coming to me and saying she is bored, but
declining everything I suggest.
I guess the problem is that she is looking to me for guidance in "what she
should be doing", and I want her to take charge of what she does. How do others
get past this? Thanks.
Judy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
christy_imnotred
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@a... wrote:
you need a lot of room? Do you get the honey from them or just let
them live their life undisturbed?
back to the community---awesome example!!! We're doing this now. Ryan
has been with us for 18 months. We have six more to go. We'll miss
him terribly!<<<
Or apply to foster animals with the local animal shelter. We've
fostered 2 litters of kittens. And are waiting for the shelter to get
back from LA with animals they rescue there. I imagine we will be
fostering a few animals from this. Your local shelter may be
bringing animals back too and probably really need foster homes.
Christy
>>> Get a beehive (I did two years ago---what fun!).<<<Logan really wants to do this. How did you go about doing it? Do
you need a lot of room? Do you get the honey from them or just let
them live their life undisturbed?
>>>> Apply to raise a guide dog puppy. It's 1-2 years out of yourlife. He can go everywhere you go )pretty cool!), and it's a giving
back to the community---awesome example!!! We're doing this now. Ryan
has been with us for 18 months. We have six more to go. We'll miss
him terribly!<<<
Or apply to foster animals with the local animal shelter. We've
fostered 2 litters of kittens. And are waiting for the shelter to get
back from LA with animals they rescue there. I imagine we will be
fostering a few animals from this. Your local shelter may be
bringing animals back too and probably really need foster homes.
Christy
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: christy_imnotred christy_imnotred@...
you need a lot of room? Do you get the honey from them or just let
them live their life undisturbed?
-=-=-=-
They take a bit more time than just letting them bee. <g>
I go in about every two months. There are parasites and diseases you need to watch out for---imported critters and all that. If thet were native, they probably wouldn't be as fragile as they are. But they DO take some time and expperience. That comes in the form of local beekeepers---a dying breed; they're always looking for new, young beekeppers to mentor. I have two, Mike & Cliff.
I'm robbing them next week, I think. You shouldn't rob them the first year---they need that honey to help them make it through the first wintr. After that, you keep adding supers (or swarming!) and collecting the honey---either in the spring or fall.
You just need a quiet-ish spot in a corner of your yard. They fly directly out of the hive in a "bee line" so that should be clear---otherwise they bump into you! <g> I have them in my kitchen garden, on the side of the house, away from the rest of the yard. They still fly by the pool, but they NOT out to sting you. The only one who's ever been stung is me. They prefer standing water---a bird feeder or a small pond---we have both, and they're always lined up on the edges drinking! <G>
They are FASCINATING!! I have a chair in the kitchen garden, so I can watch them. Finding the queen when you go in is always a fun challenge---they all move so fast! <g>
-=-=-=-
Or apply to foster animals with the local animal shelter. We've
fostered 2 litters of kittens. And are waiting for the shelter to get
back from LA with animals they rescue there. I imagine we will be
fostering a few animals from this. Your local shelter may be
bringing animals back too and probably really need foster homes.
-=-=-=-
Good on you. We'll stick with guide dogs for now! <g> Ben and I are considering raising two search and rescue dogs (that way we can keep them!). We haven't decided exactly which branch we want to work in---there are so many. Right now, they could use cadaver dogs in LA! But there are water dogs that find bodies under water. Dogs that find living people under rubble or in the woods or in snow/avalanches (we won't do that).
I'm so amazed at what they are capable of! We'll wait until Ryan's gone before we get too far into it. It takes a few years to train them, so we figure we will wait a bit, then get two pups, train them, and hopefully start to work. That way, both boys will be pretty self-sufficient before we start working with the dogs seriously.
To get back on topic:
Let your children see that life is truly full of opportunities. Let them see you DO things. And do things that fail, as well. Too often children see adults ONLY do what we're good at, while they struggle and struggle to be mediocre. Let your kids see you try something new and struggle to get it right! Or not.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: christy_imnotred christy_imnotred@...
>>> Get a beehive (I did two years ago---what fun!).<<<Logan really wants to do this. How did you go about doing it? Do
you need a lot of room? Do you get the honey from them or just let
them live their life undisturbed?
-=-=-=-
They take a bit more time than just letting them bee. <g>
I go in about every two months. There are parasites and diseases you need to watch out for---imported critters and all that. If thet were native, they probably wouldn't be as fragile as they are. But they DO take some time and expperience. That comes in the form of local beekeepers---a dying breed; they're always looking for new, young beekeppers to mentor. I have two, Mike & Cliff.
I'm robbing them next week, I think. You shouldn't rob them the first year---they need that honey to help them make it through the first wintr. After that, you keep adding supers (or swarming!) and collecting the honey---either in the spring or fall.
You just need a quiet-ish spot in a corner of your yard. They fly directly out of the hive in a "bee line" so that should be clear---otherwise they bump into you! <g> I have them in my kitchen garden, on the side of the house, away from the rest of the yard. They still fly by the pool, but they NOT out to sting you. The only one who's ever been stung is me. They prefer standing water---a bird feeder or a small pond---we have both, and they're always lined up on the edges drinking! <G>
They are FASCINATING!! I have a chair in the kitchen garden, so I can watch them. Finding the queen when you go in is always a fun challenge---they all move so fast! <g>
-=-=-=-
Or apply to foster animals with the local animal shelter. We've
fostered 2 litters of kittens. And are waiting for the shelter to get
back from LA with animals they rescue there. I imagine we will be
fostering a few animals from this. Your local shelter may be
bringing animals back too and probably really need foster homes.
-=-=-=-
Good on you. We'll stick with guide dogs for now! <g> Ben and I are considering raising two search and rescue dogs (that way we can keep them!). We haven't decided exactly which branch we want to work in---there are so many. Right now, they could use cadaver dogs in LA! But there are water dogs that find bodies under water. Dogs that find living people under rubble or in the woods or in snow/avalanches (we won't do that).
I'm so amazed at what they are capable of! We'll wait until Ryan's gone before we get too far into it. It takes a few years to train them, so we figure we will wait a bit, then get two pups, train them, and hopefully start to work. That way, both boys will be pretty self-sufficient before we start working with the dogs seriously.
To get back on topic:
Let your children see that life is truly full of opportunities. Let them see you DO things. And do things that fail, as well. Too often children see adults ONLY do what we're good at, while they struggle and struggle to be mediocre. Let your kids see you try something new and struggle to get it right! Or not.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: kbcdlovejo@...
I go in about every two months.
-=-=-
Every two WEEKS!
~K
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: kbcdlovejo@...
I go in about every two months.
-=-=-
Every two WEEKS!
~K
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/10/2005 8:09:30 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
Let your children see that life is truly full of opportunities. Let them see
you DO things. And do things that fail, as well. Too often children see
adults ONLY do what we're good at, while they struggle and struggle to be
mediocre. Let your kids see you try something new and struggle to get it right! Or
not.
****************************************
I think one of the best things parents can do for their kids is to let them
see that it can be wonderful to be an adult. How can we encourage our kids to
try things, explore, and learn if all they ever see us doing is making a
living to support ourselves or cleaning the house? Or even just doing stuff for
the kids? Even done joyfully, those are not appealing visions of adulthood.
Who'd want to grow up if it means never getting to do the things that are most
fun and interesting?
Kelly's other point is also really important. Kids see the finished products
of things they love, and it seems perfect. So if they write or do music or
art, they don't see all the drafts, crappy songs, bad drawings, etc. Then the
adults around them seem SO good at the things they do. What a gift to let your
children see you learning and struggling!!!!
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
Let your children see that life is truly full of opportunities. Let them see
you DO things. And do things that fail, as well. Too often children see
adults ONLY do what we're good at, while they struggle and struggle to be
mediocre. Let your kids see you try something new and struggle to get it right! Or
not.
****************************************
I think one of the best things parents can do for their kids is to let them
see that it can be wonderful to be an adult. How can we encourage our kids to
try things, explore, and learn if all they ever see us doing is making a
living to support ourselves or cleaning the house? Or even just doing stuff for
the kids? Even done joyfully, those are not appealing visions of adulthood.
Who'd want to grow up if it means never getting to do the things that are most
fun and interesting?
Kelly's other point is also really important. Kids see the finished products
of things they love, and it seems perfect. So if they write or do music or
art, they don't see all the drafts, crappy songs, bad drawings, etc. Then the
adults around them seem SO good at the things they do. What a gift to let your
children see you learning and struggling!!!!
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: KathrynJB@...
Kelly's other point is also really important. Kids see the finished products
of things they love, and it seems perfect. So if they write or do music or
art, they don't see all the drafts, crappy songs, bad drawings, etc. Then the
adults around them seem SO good at the things they do. What a gift to let your
children see you learning and struggling!!!!
-=-=-=-
Yeah---I think this is something that is SOOO overlooked.
*YOU* as the parent---YOU need to do new things. Show how hard it can be to try new things. Get off YOUR butt and be a beginner at something new.
I've started fencing. At 45! <bwg>
NO, I BUILT a fence at 40! But I'm *now* learning to use a foil. Like Zorro! Errol Flynn! <G>
I'm a pretty w - i - d - e target, but I get my big old fat butt out there and glide across the floor with the best of them! All those teenagers and college kids! And a few ten year olds! <G>
But it's FUN hitting people with sharp pointy sticks! LOL I just wish I could do it every day! This Tuesday/Thursday crap is for the birds. I need it DAILY! <g>
But I certainly didn't get out there and look as if I'd been doing it for years and years! It's something new. I'm a beginner. I *look* like a beginner. But I work hard, and I ask a lot of questions. I check out fencing books and borrow videos. I watch the more experienced (teenagers! 30 years younger! <g>) fence during class. I'll go to some bouts soon.
My children see me do new, weird things ALL the time! Some I get good at; others, well...not so good. Some I work and work at because it's important to *me* that I get better/good. Others I drop when I feel I've learned enough for now.
I'm a work in progress. I want to be pretty interesting! <G>
Think of something you've always wanted to do. DO it!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: KathrynJB@...
Kelly's other point is also really important. Kids see the finished products
of things they love, and it seems perfect. So if they write or do music or
art, they don't see all the drafts, crappy songs, bad drawings, etc. Then the
adults around them seem SO good at the things they do. What a gift to let your
children see you learning and struggling!!!!
-=-=-=-
Yeah---I think this is something that is SOOO overlooked.
*YOU* as the parent---YOU need to do new things. Show how hard it can be to try new things. Get off YOUR butt and be a beginner at something new.
I've started fencing. At 45! <bwg>
NO, I BUILT a fence at 40! But I'm *now* learning to use a foil. Like Zorro! Errol Flynn! <G>
I'm a pretty w - i - d - e target, but I get my big old fat butt out there and glide across the floor with the best of them! All those teenagers and college kids! And a few ten year olds! <G>
But it's FUN hitting people with sharp pointy sticks! LOL I just wish I could do it every day! This Tuesday/Thursday crap is for the birds. I need it DAILY! <g>
But I certainly didn't get out there and look as if I'd been doing it for years and years! It's something new. I'm a beginner. I *look* like a beginner. But I work hard, and I ask a lot of questions. I check out fencing books and borrow videos. I watch the more experienced (teenagers! 30 years younger! <g>) fence during class. I'll go to some bouts soon.
My children see me do new, weird things ALL the time! Some I get good at; others, well...not so good. Some I work and work at because it's important to *me* that I get better/good. Others I drop when I feel I've learned enough for now.
I'm a work in progress. I want to be pretty interesting! <G>
Think of something you've always wanted to do. DO it!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Salamander starr
Kelly,
I was wondering how you got involved in raising guide dogs...you can email
me direct if you like...salamanderstarr @ hotmail . com
Thanks.
Don�t just search. Find. Check out the new MSN Search!
http://search.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200636ave/direct/01/
I was wondering how you got involved in raising guide dogs...you can email
me direct if you like...salamanderstarr @ hotmail . com
Thanks.
>_________________________________________________________________
>Good on you. We'll stick with guide dogs for now! <g>
Don�t just search. Find. Check out the new MSN Search!
http://search.msn.click-url.com/go/onm00200636ave/direct/01/
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Salamander starr <salamanderstarr@...>
Kelly,
I was wondering how you got involved in raising guide dogs...you can email
me direct if you like...salamanderstarr @ hotmail . com
Thanks.
-=-=-=-
Someone else might be interested---and we're always looking for new puppy raisers, so I'll answer on-list:
Well, I've wanted to do this since I was a little girl. The only organization at that time was The Seeing Eye in
Morristown, NJ. They only placed dogs in the NE. I'm a Southern girl!
A few years ago I looked into it again, and there were 9-10 groups training guide dogs. (The generic name is guide dog.
Seeing Eye is the oldest and most well-known so it's become as common as Xerox & Chlorox). Ryan is a *guide dog* from
SouthEastern Guide Dogs, Inc (SEGDI) out of Palmetto , FL.
Google guide dogs and puppy raisers in your state, and I'm sure you'll get the name of the organization nearest you.
You fill out a form and have in in-home interview. If you qualify, you get on a list for the next available puppy. SouthEastern uses
labradors, golden retrievers, goldadors (labXgoldens), Australian shepherds, German shepherds, smooth collies,
viszlak, and a few Weimaraners. We're seeing fewer and fewer German shepherds because they can *seem*
threatening to some people. Hell, *some* people absolutely freak out when they see our viszla, Ryan,
walk into a store---they scream and run away! Most people get a lab, golden, or goldador as a first
dog because they're quieter and more laidback. I specifically asked for a viszla and got one becasue
of my history with dogs. He's a dream!
He leaves us the week after Thanksgiving. We're driving him down there. It's going to kill me.
We've been asked to raise another. But the puppy stage is so hard, and as soon as it's over,
you give him up! So, Ben and I are seriously considering getting two puppies and raising them
to be search and rescue dogs. Not right away. We have an old German shepherd. I don't think she
can handle another puppy---much less, TWO!
We'll wait until Basia dies and then get two pups. It'll take a couple of year to train them,
so we have plenty of time. It'll be a nice thing to do at retirement. Also "giving back"---like
the guide dog, but we get to KEEP the dogs! <G>
It's been a WONDERFUL experience, and I LOVE being able to take him *everywhere*---groceries,
movies, restaurants, libraries, etc. It's FUN! We've learned a lot about state laws and what
the blind can and cannot do, what the dogs are and aren't capable of.---the list is endless!
I'd be happy to talk with anyone---the pros and cons.
~Kelly
Kelly LovejoyConference CoordinatorLive and Learn Unschooling ConferenceOctober 6-9, 2005http://liveandlearnconference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: Salamander starr <salamanderstarr@...>
Kelly,
I was wondering how you got involved in raising guide dogs...you can email
me direct if you like...salamanderstarr @ hotmail . com
Thanks.
-=-=-=-
Someone else might be interested---and we're always looking for new puppy raisers, so I'll answer on-list:
Well, I've wanted to do this since I was a little girl. The only organization at that time was The Seeing Eye in
Morristown, NJ. They only placed dogs in the NE. I'm a Southern girl!
A few years ago I looked into it again, and there were 9-10 groups training guide dogs. (The generic name is guide dog.
Seeing Eye is the oldest and most well-known so it's become as common as Xerox & Chlorox). Ryan is a *guide dog* from
SouthEastern Guide Dogs, Inc (SEGDI) out of Palmetto , FL.
Google guide dogs and puppy raisers in your state, and I'm sure you'll get the name of the organization nearest you.
You fill out a form and have in in-home interview. If you qualify, you get on a list for the next available puppy. SouthEastern uses
labradors, golden retrievers, goldadors (labXgoldens), Australian shepherds, German shepherds, smooth collies,
viszlak, and a few Weimaraners. We're seeing fewer and fewer German shepherds because they can *seem*
threatening to some people. Hell, *some* people absolutely freak out when they see our viszla, Ryan,
walk into a store---they scream and run away! Most people get a lab, golden, or goldador as a first
dog because they're quieter and more laidback. I specifically asked for a viszla and got one becasue
of my history with dogs. He's a dream!
He leaves us the week after Thanksgiving. We're driving him down there. It's going to kill me.
We've been asked to raise another. But the puppy stage is so hard, and as soon as it's over,
you give him up! So, Ben and I are seriously considering getting two puppies and raising them
to be search and rescue dogs. Not right away. We have an old German shepherd. I don't think she
can handle another puppy---much less, TWO!
We'll wait until Basia dies and then get two pups. It'll take a couple of year to train them,
so we have plenty of time. It'll be a nice thing to do at retirement. Also "giving back"---like
the guide dog, but we get to KEEP the dogs! <G>
It's been a WONDERFUL experience, and I LOVE being able to take him *everywhere*---groceries,
movies, restaurants, libraries, etc. It's FUN! We've learned a lot about state laws and what
the blind can and cannot do, what the dogs are and aren't capable of.---the list is endless!
I'd be happy to talk with anyone---the pros and cons.
~Kelly
Kelly LovejoyConference CoordinatorLive and Learn Unschooling ConferenceOctober 6-9, 2005http://liveandlearnconference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]