sex and alcohol; was tv and music
Ren Allen
"Does this apply to sex and alcohol too? So we should allow it all? (
This is a serious question. )"
It's called balance. It's called acceptance of the fact that we
control no one other than ourselves. If we truly and totally accept
that each person must make their own decisions, that our own ideas
may not be best for our children, then-and only then-can we help
them navigate these life experiences with balance and without fear.
I don't make sex and alcohol some taboo topic. I don't limit the
things they feel ready to watch or discuss. My children have taken
sips of our drinks whenever they've asked, they could care less
about sneaking anything.
My oldest (15.5) thinks it's pretty hilarious that other teens will
go to such lengths to drink. He has no attraction to it because it's
just another thing in life, not some forbidden fruit.
I discuss sex with them as an experience in life that's truly
wonderful, something that has risks you should know about, something
that I trust them to decide about just as they do everything else.
Takes away all that fascination when you approach it with balance,
yk?
Ren
This is a serious question. )"
It's called balance. It's called acceptance of the fact that we
control no one other than ourselves. If we truly and totally accept
that each person must make their own decisions, that our own ideas
may not be best for our children, then-and only then-can we help
them navigate these life experiences with balance and without fear.
I don't make sex and alcohol some taboo topic. I don't limit the
things they feel ready to watch or discuss. My children have taken
sips of our drinks whenever they've asked, they could care less
about sneaking anything.
My oldest (15.5) thinks it's pretty hilarious that other teens will
go to such lengths to drink. He has no attraction to it because it's
just another thing in life, not some forbidden fruit.
I discuss sex with them as an experience in life that's truly
wonderful, something that has risks you should know about, something
that I trust them to decide about just as they do everything else.
Takes away all that fascination when you approach it with balance,
yk?
Ren
Rod Thomas
So, you talk about it openly and its not a fascination. But that
doesn't mean they wont drink. Will you allow it?
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Ren Allen
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2005 10:07 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] sex and alcohol; was tv and music
"Does this apply to sex and alcohol too? So we should allow it all? (
This is a serious question. )"
It's called balance. It's called acceptance of the fact that we
control no one other than ourselves. If we truly and totally accept
that each person must make their own decisions, that our own ideas
may not be best for our children, then-and only then-can we help
them navigate these life experiences with balance and without fear.
I don't make sex and alcohol some taboo topic. I don't limit the
things they feel ready to watch or discuss. My children have taken
sips of our drinks whenever they've asked, they could care less
about sneaking anything.
My oldest (15.5) thinks it's pretty hilarious that other teens will
go to such lengths to drink. He has no attraction to it because it's
just another thing in life, not some forbidden fruit.
I discuss sex with them as an experience in life that's truly
wonderful, something that has risks you should know about, something
that I trust them to decide about just as they do everything else.
Takes away all that fascination when you approach it with balance,
yk?
Ren
Yahoo! Groups Links
doesn't mean they wont drink. Will you allow it?
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Ren Allen
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2005 10:07 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] sex and alcohol; was tv and music
"Does this apply to sex and alcohol too? So we should allow it all? (
This is a serious question. )"
It's called balance. It's called acceptance of the fact that we
control no one other than ourselves. If we truly and totally accept
that each person must make their own decisions, that our own ideas
may not be best for our children, then-and only then-can we help
them navigate these life experiences with balance and without fear.
I don't make sex and alcohol some taboo topic. I don't limit the
things they feel ready to watch or discuss. My children have taken
sips of our drinks whenever they've asked, they could care less
about sneaking anything.
My oldest (15.5) thinks it's pretty hilarious that other teens will
go to such lengths to drink. He has no attraction to it because it's
just another thing in life, not some forbidden fruit.
I discuss sex with them as an experience in life that's truly
wonderful, something that has risks you should know about, something
that I trust them to decide about just as they do everything else.
Takes away all that fascination when you approach it with balance,
yk?
Ren
Yahoo! Groups Links
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Rod Thomas <flyerrod@...>
So, you talk about it openly and its not a fascination. But that
doesn't mean they wont drink. Will you allow it?
-=-=-=-
Cameron's 17. He's "allowed" to do whatever he wants. I'm not so stupid
that I think I *could* stop him. His friends' parents think that they
can forbid things and have their children not do anything that was
forbidden. I won't fall for that silliness. That has just made his
friends dishonest with their parents. They sneak and lie.
He may drink, but doesn't---maybe a glass of wine with supper some
nights. He doesn't like beer or hard liquor. There's always beer and
wine and champagne in our 'frig' and hard liquor in the cupboard. No
stealing. No lying.
He smokes pot---well, he did. Since NBTSC, he's quit----I take that
back. I just asked---he's cut back a lot. He's a member of NORML. He's
tried mushrooms---scared me to DEATH. I asked that he not do that any
more----that's just plain dangerous. Only two kinds of mushroom
hunters---*very* good ones and dead ones. He's quit that. Mostly
because of our talks about it---then he looked it up online.
I'm asking him these things as we're watching "That 70s Show." He's
honest with me because he knows that he won't be lectured or punished.
We talk a lot. A LOT!
Sex. He has a girlfriend for almost 2.5 years now. Yes, the are
sexually active. We've talked about birth control and STDs. He (and the
neighbor children) have had access to condoms for years now. I've kept
them in a closet upstairs since he was 13/14. He gets a box in his
Christmas stocking. His girlfriend is on the pil (they use both). We've
talked about sex and marriage and children and well---anything he wants
to.
Do you think you *can* stop a teen? The best you can do is to be honest
and open. To talk a lot. If you trust them, they will trust you and be
honest and open with you.
If Cam were to wind up in the emergency room, I could answer the doctor
honestly because *I* know. If he winds up in a bad situation, he can
call me at any hour and know I'll be there to pick him up. He's never
driven high. How do I know? Because he's called me to pick him up when
he felt too out of it to drive home safely.
Safety is *much* more important than being the parent who has all the
power. My child doesn't fear me, so he's willing to share much more of
himself with me.
He's kind and gentle and honest and generous and real. He trusts me,
and I trust him. He's wonderful.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
From: Rod Thomas <flyerrod@...>
So, you talk about it openly and its not a fascination. But that
doesn't mean they wont drink. Will you allow it?
-=-=-=-
Cameron's 17. He's "allowed" to do whatever he wants. I'm not so stupid
that I think I *could* stop him. His friends' parents think that they
can forbid things and have their children not do anything that was
forbidden. I won't fall for that silliness. That has just made his
friends dishonest with their parents. They sneak and lie.
He may drink, but doesn't---maybe a glass of wine with supper some
nights. He doesn't like beer or hard liquor. There's always beer and
wine and champagne in our 'frig' and hard liquor in the cupboard. No
stealing. No lying.
He smokes pot---well, he did. Since NBTSC, he's quit----I take that
back. I just asked---he's cut back a lot. He's a member of NORML. He's
tried mushrooms---scared me to DEATH. I asked that he not do that any
more----that's just plain dangerous. Only two kinds of mushroom
hunters---*very* good ones and dead ones. He's quit that. Mostly
because of our talks about it---then he looked it up online.
I'm asking him these things as we're watching "That 70s Show." He's
honest with me because he knows that he won't be lectured or punished.
We talk a lot. A LOT!
Sex. He has a girlfriend for almost 2.5 years now. Yes, the are
sexually active. We've talked about birth control and STDs. He (and the
neighbor children) have had access to condoms for years now. I've kept
them in a closet upstairs since he was 13/14. He gets a box in his
Christmas stocking. His girlfriend is on the pil (they use both). We've
talked about sex and marriage and children and well---anything he wants
to.
Do you think you *can* stop a teen? The best you can do is to be honest
and open. To talk a lot. If you trust them, they will trust you and be
honest and open with you.
If Cam were to wind up in the emergency room, I could answer the doctor
honestly because *I* know. If he winds up in a bad situation, he can
call me at any hour and know I'll be there to pick him up. He's never
driven high. How do I know? Because he's called me to pick him up when
he felt too out of it to drive home safely.
Safety is *much* more important than being the parent who has all the
power. My child doesn't fear me, so he's willing to share much more of
himself with me.
He's kind and gentle and honest and generous and real. He trusts me,
and I trust him. He's wonderful.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/23/2005 1:46:45 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
He's kind and gentle and honest and generous and real. He trusts me,
and I trust him. He's wonderful.
***
Could I just second that :-)....I hope when my daughter has a relationship
that it is with someone just like him. I hope my relationship with my own
son can be like the one Kelly and Cameron have. It is all about the trust.
Gail....(now residing in New Mexico after having survived the move from
Florida)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
He's kind and gentle and honest and generous and real. He trusts me,
and I trust him. He's wonderful.
***
Could I just second that :-)....I hope when my daughter has a relationship
that it is with someone just like him. I hope my relationship with my own
son can be like the one Kelly and Cameron have. It is all about the trust.
Gail....(now residing in New Mexico after having survived the move from
Florida)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: gailbrocop@...
He's kind and gentle and honest and generous and real. He trusts me,
and I trust him. He's wonderful.
***
Could I just second that :-)....I hope when my daughter has a
relationship
that it is with someone just like him. I hope my relationship with my
own
son can be like the one Kelly and Cameron have. It is all about the
trust.
-=-=-=-=-
I'm going to take this opportunity to plug my own conference (take a
hint, Rue! <g>).
Gail's complimenting me and Cameron (thanks! <g>)---but that couldn't
have happened without the opportunity to meet other unschoolers. ( I
guess she could have made the compliment---but I'm talking about
*knowing* us! <g>)
I cannot tell you how incredibly powerful it is to be surrounded by
other unschoolers and to see the interaction between the parents and
children.
We can talk about our kids and our relationships with them---but how do
*you* know it's real? Actually seeing it for yourself is priceless!
If you're waffling about attending, please think about this. Maybe not
this year's conf, but consider attending one in the future---or a
mini-conference in your area next spring (I'm working on those! <g>).
Knowing that we're not just blowing a lot of smoke up your butt will
help you jump into unschooling wholly and completely.
It really works! No kidding! <g>
-=-=-=-
Gail....(now residing in New Mexico after having survived the move from
Florida)
-=-=-=-=
Oh, yeah! WOOOOHOOOO! <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
From: gailbrocop@...
He's kind and gentle and honest and generous and real. He trusts me,
and I trust him. He's wonderful.
***
Could I just second that :-)....I hope when my daughter has a
relationship
that it is with someone just like him. I hope my relationship with my
own
son can be like the one Kelly and Cameron have. It is all about the
trust.
-=-=-=-=-
I'm going to take this opportunity to plug my own conference (take a
hint, Rue! <g>).
Gail's complimenting me and Cameron (thanks! <g>)---but that couldn't
have happened without the opportunity to meet other unschoolers. ( I
guess she could have made the compliment---but I'm talking about
*knowing* us! <g>)
I cannot tell you how incredibly powerful it is to be surrounded by
other unschoolers and to see the interaction between the parents and
children.
We can talk about our kids and our relationships with them---but how do
*you* know it's real? Actually seeing it for yourself is priceless!
If you're waffling about attending, please think about this. Maybe not
this year's conf, but consider attending one in the future---or a
mini-conference in your area next spring (I'm working on those! <g>).
Knowing that we're not just blowing a lot of smoke up your butt will
help you jump into unschooling wholly and completely.
It really works! No kidding! <g>
-=-=-=-
Gail....(now residing in New Mexico after having survived the move from
Florida)
-=-=-=-=
Oh, yeah! WOOOOHOOOO! <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org