[email protected]

Hi all,
My boys, 10 and 6, are keeping themselves so busy these days, I'm beginning
to wonder if we are doing all this unschooling the right way? I know, there
is no exact right way, but you know what I mean. I read about people playing
games with their kids and mine just as soon play xbox then play anything with
mom! Once in a while they'll get out a deck of cards or something, but its
rare when they do. But when I say they are busy, they are BUSY! Like I said,
xbox, tv, playing with the kittens, ALOT of what I call dramatic play (GIjoes,
army, nijas). The oldest even fixes his and his brothers breakfast and lunch.
He enjoys its, believe me, but its starting to give me a complex! Am I not
needed anymore???? Are we doing this right? Suggestions on going places or
doing things are usually met with opposition, but I do try. So is all this
business OK?
syndi---btw, people hate it when I tell them my kids never say the words I'm
board!


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Valerie

You are doing it sooooooo right! You've created a home environment
where the kids are happy happy happy. They're too busy deciding what
*they* want to do to get bored. If you started suggesting things for
them to do instead, they'd probably learn that "I'm bored," phrase
really fast.

I've said it a million times; It's all about choice.

Laurie never wanted to go anywhere either. She still loves being at
home when she has a day off. She announced on her lunch hour that
nothing short of a nuclear war could get her out of the house this
weekend. Uhm, but she called an hour ago to see if we all wanted to
go out to the comedy club on Saturday night to see improv.

Whomever mentioned Whose Line Is It Anyway. The woman that owns the
comedy club here, Jen Kober, has taped a show with Whose Line. It
hasn't aired yet.

love, Valerie

--- In [email protected], Onesnotenough@a... wrote:
> Hi all,
> My boys, 10 and 6, are keeping themselves so busy these days,
I'm beginning
> to wonder if we are doing all this unschooling the right way? I
know, there
> is no exact right way, but you know what I mean. I read about
people playing
> games with their kids and mine just as soon play xbox then play
anything with
> mom! Once in a while they'll get out a deck of cards or
something, but its
> rare when they do. But when I say they are busy, they are BUSY!
Like I said,
> xbox, tv, playing with the kittens, ALOT of what I call dramatic
play (GIjoes,
> army, nijas). The oldest even fixes his and his brothers
breakfast and lunch.
> He enjoys its, believe me, but its starting to give me a
complex! Am I not
> needed anymore???? Are we doing this right? Suggestions on going
places or
> doing things are usually met with opposition, but I do try. So is
all this
> business OK?
> syndi---btw, people hate it when I tell them my kids never say the
words I'm
> board!
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jon and Rue Kream

Dagny and Rowan go through phases where they're very involved in playing
with each other - usually 'dramatic' play like you mentioned - and don't
need or want me to do much. I don't think it's a problem. I'm glad they
like doing things together and are so happily busy. ~Rue


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

I'm so glad there is someone to tell me everything is ok! It gets hard to
get them out of here sometimes, but eventually we HAVE to go somewhere, for
groceries or whatever, and all they want to do is get back home. What a relief!
thanks
syndi

"while raising my children, I lost my mind but found my soul."
Unknown author


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Oh don't get me wrong, I LOVE the fact that they are so busy! But just
wanted to make sure I was not bordering on neglect!!!!
thanks
syndi

"while raising my children, I lost my mind but found my soul."
Unknown author


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Everything is OK -- as a matter of fact, it sounds grand to me! :)

I was thinking of my family today and thinking we were pretty strange. We
went to Orlando (a big deal around here -- we saved forever and had a wonderful
time!!) and did the Wet N Wild thing and the Universal thing. Had a blast.

But when other families were trooping off to restaurants for dinner and
wandering (so the fliers said :) ) in the local mall-type place or going to the
show at some club-looking place across the street, we were tucked into a
family-style suite of rooms. Happily all together and making our own dinner and just
hanging out and watching TV and playing and swimming a little in the pool and
just being together. We did not feel this urge to "do something." We were in a
different town but pretty much doing what we always do -- hanging out together.

So we weren't seeing any sort of "night life" but we were happy. So are we
strange? Oh well. :)

Nance




In a message dated 6/10/2004 5:23:19 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:
I'm so glad there is someone to tell me everything is ok! It gets hard to
get them out of here sometimes, but eventually we HAVE to go somewhere, for
groceries or whatever, and all they want to do is get back home. What a
relief!
thanks
syndi


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Happily strange!
We love hanging out with our kids too, always have. Everyone wants to know
why we don't take them to the sitters and go out. Go out and do what???! Its
THAT bad around here!
On our honeymoon, all we could talk about and think about was our oldest
son Josh (this was 12 years ago). We wished he was there with us! Didn't know
a thing about unschooling or gently raising kids back then. Boy I wish we
would have. We probably would have come back home and got him!
now THATS strange!
syndi

"while raising my children, I lost my mind but found my soul."
Unknown author


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Sylvia Toyama

We probably would have come back home and got him!
now THATS strange!
syndi

*****

Hi Syndi -- I knew someone else a while back at a (very) shortlived e-group for Moms (I don't even remember the name now, but it was just this past April). Is that you? I'm asking because that Syndi was also an unschooler.

Syl


---------------------------------
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Friends. Fun. Try the all-new Yahoo! Messenger

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Probably was me, I remember your signature
Syndi

"while raising my children, I lost my mind but found my soul."
Unknown author


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Our family just hangs out together also....all the time. Most of the year
its just my two kids, my husband and I. We play board games alot, do house
projects, swim in the pool and just talk. The neighbor kids hang out here alot
and play games with us. Last night we had a group here....the three oldest made
waffles and eggs and put out fresh blueberries we had picked last
weekend...then a few more trickled in. Alot of laughter and some of us played Cranium
and some were with their Neopets on the computer. I love having them here and
next week my three stepkids ( 11,13 and 15) will join us for a month.

I usually get up earlier than the kids and read the paper and have my coffee.
Brenna comes in and reads the paper and then we have these discussions as
she reads and I am on the computer. This morning, Logan came in also and we
talked about whether there is another place for someone else on Mount Rushmore,
if Reagan will be on the $20 bill, and one of Dave Barry's pieces he is
listening to on tape. My husband has a home office and he will come through
sometimes and put in his 2 cents.

If we do go out, it's as a family....an occasional dinner or to a free
concert on the beach. My husband and I realize how quickly they are growing up and
he and I will have lots of time with just the two of us. With teenagers, it
just so nice that they enjoy being here and I really like these people! There
is no one else I could imagining being as much fun to be with.

Gail





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Valerie

I think it's strange to NOT want your children with you for special
events. Laurie was with us on all of our anniversary celebrations,
etc.

love, Valerie

--- In [email protected], Onesnotenough@a... wrote:
> Happily strange!
> We love hanging out with our kids too, always have. Everyone
wants to know
> why we don't take them to the sitters and go out. Go out and do
what???! Its
> THAT bad around here!
> On our honeymoon, all we could talk about and think about was
our oldest
> son Josh (this was 12 years ago). We wished he was there with
us! Didn't know
> a thing about unschooling or gently raising kids back then. Boy I
wish we
> would have. We probably would have come back home and got him!
> now THATS strange!
> syndi
>
> "while raising my children, I lost my mind but found my
soul."
> Unknown author
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

"I think it's strange to NOT want your children with you for special
events. Laurie was with us on all of our anniversary celebrations,
etc.

love, Valerie"

WEeelllll....this is another issue where it depends on circumstances and the unique family.
If I had one child, I think it would be really hard to make sense of leaving them alone. But I have four, and if dh and I want any kind of good relationship, we NEED time alone.
So it depends on the kids, the parents and the entire family dynamics.

'Course celebrations and just plain old dates are different. We tend to celebrate part of our anniversary with the entire family, and plan something short in the evening for just the two of us. Nothing wrong with that.

I don't think parents should leave children if the child is stressed about it. I work as it is, so it's rare for us to leave the kids alone. But with four people needing attention and rides and conversations, I can tell you it's a whole different ballgame than parenting one child as far as energy and time go.

I care very much about keeping our marriage healthy, and we don't get time to really connect and talk if we're all together. I don't think parents should feel guilty about spending time with spouses, as long as they aren't choosing one or the other (children or spouse).
If we go out, we talk to the kids about it ahead of time, we make sure it's ok with all parties involved and we get a fun movie/pizza, whatever makes their night fun too.

The other night, Markus and I were going to sneak up to the bookstore for a coffee and chat. Sierra was very sad and asked us not to go...so we didn't. We talked to her about it and she asked if we could please go the next night. No problem.
Jalen is asleep, Trevor babysits. I can see where this might be a challenge in some families, but there's always time to talk or connect when the children fall asleep...dates at home are great too.:)

I think it's great if families take their kids everywhere, I also don't think it's always a bad thing to spend time alone. A healthy marriage needs some of that.

Ren


Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/

Valerie

I agree Ren. :-) I meant for "special events" and "celebrations."

--- In [email protected], <starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
>
> "I think it's strange to NOT want your children with you for
special
> events. Laurie was with us on all of our anniversary celebrations,
> etc.
>
> love, Valerie"
>
> WEeelllll....this is another issue where it depends on
circumstances and the unique family.
> If I had one child, I think it would be really hard to make sense
of leaving them alone. But I have four, and if dh and I want any
kind of good relationship, we NEED time alone.
> So it depends on the kids, the parents and the entire family
dynamics.
>
> 'Course celebrations and just plain old dates are different. We
tend to celebrate part of our anniversary with the entire family,
and plan something short in the evening for just the two of us.
Nothing wrong with that.
>
> I don't think parents should leave children if the child is
stressed about it. I work as it is, so it's rare for us to leave the
kids alone. But with four people needing attention and rides and
conversations, I can tell you it's a whole different ballgame than
parenting one child as far as energy and time go.
>
> I care very much about keeping our marriage healthy, and we don't
get time to really connect and talk if we're all together. I don't
think parents should feel guilty about spending time with spouses,
as long as they aren't choosing one or the other (children or
spouse).
> If we go out, we talk to the kids about it ahead of time, we make
sure it's ok with all parties involved and we get a fun movie/pizza,
whatever makes their night fun too.
>
> The other night, Markus and I were going to sneak up to the
bookstore for a coffee and chat. Sierra was very sad and asked us
not to go...so we didn't. We talked to her about it and she asked if
we could please go the next night. No problem.
> Jalen is asleep, Trevor babysits. I can see where this might be a
challenge in some families, but there's always time to talk or
connect when the children fall asleep...dates at home are great
too.:)
>
> I think it's great if families take their kids everywhere, I also
don't think it's always a bad thing to spend time alone. A healthy
marriage needs some of that.
>
> Ren
>
>
> Learn about unschooling at:
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/

Nichole in Round Rock

Ren, I'm glad you wrote that post. I have just one precious child at this point, but my situation is unique in that my husband works 3.5 hours away from home all week in Dallas and is home on the weekends. I'm basically doing a single parent unschooling situation and it's hard sometimes. When we were all together all the time, we wanted our daughter to be with us in all circumstances and felt weird when someone would ask us if we wanted them to babysit her while we went out for a birthday celebration or something like that. Though we'd still want to be together for such occasions, we are feeling more and more like we need some time alone. It's difficult when Margaux misses her dad so much during the week and then asking her if we can have some time away from her, which we haven't done up to now. We usually just take some time alone in the bedroom, which doesn't seem to bother her a bit, but there's more to reconnecting than just the physical. Sure we could just sit in there and talk, but then that seems like a waste...;o)

Right now, my husband is driving home and will be here in about an hour. I have a feeling this weekend won't be any different than any other--we'll spend all our time together as a family doing fun things and enjoying our time, but by the end of the weekend, with saying goodbye again for another week, I always wish that we could have, just a few hours.... even now just writing this I feel guilty for thinking it. Margaux will grow up so fast and then we'll wish to have her back again.

It's confusing for me. Margaux has never had a babysitter. She has spent some time with unschooling families on the few occasions that were necessary for us to be away, but usually that was not time for us to be together, it was time when we were both running in different directions.

Sigh...

Is anyone else out there in this kind of boat?

Thanks...

Nichole
----- Original Message -----
From: starsuncloud@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, June 11, 2004 3:29 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Some days (not so strange)



"I think it's strange to NOT want your children with you for special
events. Laurie was with us on all of our anniversary celebrations,
etc.

love, Valerie"

WEeelllll....this is another issue where it depends on circumstances and the unique family.
If I had one child, I think it would be really hard to make sense of leaving them alone. But I have four, and if dh and I want any kind of good relationship, we NEED time alone.
So it depends on the kids, the parents and the entire family dynamics.

'Course celebrations and just plain old dates are different. We tend to celebrate part of our anniversary with the entire family, and plan something short in the evening for just the two of us. Nothing wrong with that.

I don't think parents should leave children if the child is stressed about it. I work as it is, so it's rare for us to leave the kids alone. But with four people needing attention and rides and conversations, I can tell you it's a whole different ballgame than parenting one child as far as energy and time go.

I care very much about keeping our marriage healthy, and we don't get time to really connect and talk if we're all together. I don't think parents should feel guilty about spending time with spouses, as long as they aren't choosing one or the other (children or spouse).
If we go out, we talk to the kids about it ahead of time, we make sure it's ok with all parties involved and we get a fun movie/pizza, whatever makes their night fun too.

The other night, Markus and I were going to sneak up to the bookstore for a coffee and chat. Sierra was very sad and asked us not to go...so we didn't. We talked to her about it and she asked if we could please go the next night. No problem.
Jalen is asleep, Trevor babysits. I can see where this might be a challenge in some families, but there's always time to talk or connect when the children fall asleep...dates at home are great too.:)

I think it's great if families take their kids everywhere, I also don't think it's always a bad thing to spend time alone. A healthy marriage needs some of that.

Ren


Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

"Is anyone else out there in this kind of boat?"

Not anymore! But I've been there.
Before we moved to Florida, my dh worked long hours away from home, made really good money in the summer and had time off in the winter. One season, he was only home Sat. night and Sunday, then back to work all week, so we didn't even get him for the whole weekend.
Those days, we didn't do stuff alone. We were always together as a family when he was home, it would have been too stressful for the kids otherwise, and I don't think either of us could have done it anyway!

He quit that job, to start his own business so he could be with us more. I don't always like the money he makes (up and down), but it sure is nice to have him around so much and able to participate in family life again....it's been 6 years and I don't think he'll ever go back to working for someone else.

What I recommend during this time in your lives, is to get REALLY creative. Work around when your child is asleep and plan some really cool home dates. You could set up an inflatable kiddie pool (make sure it has a drain that you could attach a rubber hose that reaches outside for after you're done) in the kitchen and have a "jacuzzi"night....complete with wine and finger food, all within reach.:)
Write him a note or leave a message during the week, about meeting you at a certain time or place in the house, have candles burning or whatever it is that helps you both relax and connect. It doesn't have to be about sex at all...it's about connecting, finding a special time/place to re-connect and talk. It CAN be done at home, you just have to plan ahead once in a while.

Don't stress about trying to go off alone somewhere, it's much too hard on children when they're already missing a parent. That's just my take...I think you can balance both needs.

Ren


Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/

Nichole in Round Rock

Thanks, Ren,

Very cool suggestion. I guess ours will have to be a nice candle-lit early morning breakfast. Margaux sleeps until about noon and is up until 2 am. :o)

I can hardly wait to tell Shahram about this.

Thank you very much.

:o)
Nichole
----- Original Message -----
From: starsuncloud@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, June 11, 2004 7:29 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Some days (not so strange)



"Is anyone else out there in this kind of boat?"

Not anymore! But I've been there.
Before we moved to Florida, my dh worked long hours away from home, made really good money in the summer and had time off in the winter. One season, he was only home Sat. night and Sunday, then back to work all week, so we didn't even get him for the whole weekend.
Those days, we didn't do stuff alone. We were always together as a family when he was home, it would have been too stressful for the kids otherwise, and I don't think either of us could have done it anyway!

He quit that job, to start his own business so he could be with us more. I don't always like the money he makes (up and down), but it sure is nice to have him around so much and able to participate in family life again....it's been 6 years and I don't think he'll ever go back to working for someone else.

What I recommend during this time in your lives, is to get REALLY creative. Work around when your child is asleep and plan some really cool home dates. You could set up an inflatable kiddie pool (make sure it has a drain that you could attach a rubber hose that reaches outside for after you're done) in the kitchen and have a "jacuzzi"night....complete with wine and finger food, all within reach.:)
Write him a note or leave a message during the week, about meeting you at a certain time or place in the house, have candles burning or whatever it is that helps you both relax and connect. It doesn't have to be about sex at all...it's about connecting, finding a special time/place to re-connect and talk. It CAN be done at home, you just have to plan ahead once in a while.

Don't stress about trying to go off alone somewhere, it's much too hard on children when they're already missing a parent. That's just my take...I think you can balance both needs.

Ren


Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/


Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT





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Yahoo! Groups Links

a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/

b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]

c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.



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