After 4 years things are going wrong
Ruth
I am a bit of a serial lurker on this list but I read regulary. I am
wondering what you make of this? My kids have been unschooled for 4 years
and always found stuff to do themselves but recently life has got - well -
awful. They have hit teenage years one after the other and now have 4 of
them between the ages of nearly 16 and 13 and all they want to do is
computer games all day everyday, fight over the computer and squabble all
the time over trivial stuff. I have suggested stuff, put stuff out in their
way and taken them places they want to go to see if any interest ignites
from it. Nothing!!!! The younger three are still doing stuff so I don't
think it is me necessarily. Dh is not happy now either. He works from home
and sees the "dossing around" as he puts it. I have always trusted them to
do their own learning but feel like something has gone really wrong lately -
the last 6 months especially. I have had three discussions with them today
over the changes but have been met with blank stares, shrugs of shoulders
and stroppy attitudes. I am not against the computer but feel like it and
The Sims is the be all and end all of life nowadays. That and reruns of
Friends on the T.V. Should I start panicking yet?
Ruth
wondering what you make of this? My kids have been unschooled for 4 years
and always found stuff to do themselves but recently life has got - well -
awful. They have hit teenage years one after the other and now have 4 of
them between the ages of nearly 16 and 13 and all they want to do is
computer games all day everyday, fight over the computer and squabble all
the time over trivial stuff. I have suggested stuff, put stuff out in their
way and taken them places they want to go to see if any interest ignites
from it. Nothing!!!! The younger three are still doing stuff so I don't
think it is me necessarily. Dh is not happy now either. He works from home
and sees the "dossing around" as he puts it. I have always trusted them to
do their own learning but feel like something has gone really wrong lately -
the last 6 months especially. I have had three discussions with them today
over the changes but have been met with blank stares, shrugs of shoulders
and stroppy attitudes. I am not against the computer but feel like it and
The Sims is the be all and end all of life nowadays. That and reruns of
Friends on the T.V. Should I start panicking yet?
Ruth
Pam Sorooshian
.
I'm thinking that it might help you if you separate your concerns -
you've lumped together: not doing anything, doing too much computer,
fighting with each other, watching tv that you clearly don't think has
a lot of value, having some kind of negative attitudes.
If you separate each of these - you can probably figure out what is
really bothering you.
Also - might it be that it isn't any of these things - but that you're
worried because they are now "teens" and you think they ought to be
heading toward accomplishing something -gearing up for college or
work/career?
Getting really clear on what your specific problem/concern is, will
help a lot.
What comes across, otherwise, is just that you're generally not happy
with the way they "are."
I want to respond to one thing - separating it from the rest:
there was a long time when that was with SIMS. These days it is a
literary character role-playing game. For a long time she was writing
"descs" (descriptions of characters) for other people on other role
playing games. She IMs with other kids.
My 20 year old did a lot of that, for years, but does almost NONE
anymore - barely checks her email.
My 14 yo spends maybe 2 or 3 hours a day - sometimes playing games,
mostly talking online and part of the time she is writing stories.
I'm telling you about my kids, so you'll know that there are others who
really know what it is to have kids who are "on" so much of the time.
(My kids say, "I'm getting on," or "Are you getting on?" or "Is
so-and-so on?" <g>)
I'm not sure what the attraction of SIMS is - it doesn't appeal to me
at ALL. I get bored in minutes when my kids want to show me what
they're doing with it. But it sure does have some kind of strong appeal
and does a good job of meeting some sort of needs. So - there's that
trust thing. I trust that my kids are choosing to spend all those hours
on it because it meets a need, gives them pleasure, they derive
satisfaction from it - that's the proof that it is worthwhile, that
they choose it.
Now - they choose it in the midst of a million other possibilities.
That's how I know it MUST be great!
If they didn't live in the midst of all those other possibilities - if
I thought they just didn't have much else to do, then that would be
different.
-pam
I'm thinking that it might help you if you separate your concerns -
you've lumped together: not doing anything, doing too much computer,
fighting with each other, watching tv that you clearly don't think has
a lot of value, having some kind of negative attitudes.
If you separate each of these - you can probably figure out what is
really bothering you.
Also - might it be that it isn't any of these things - but that you're
worried because they are now "teens" and you think they ought to be
heading toward accomplishing something -gearing up for college or
work/career?
Getting really clear on what your specific problem/concern is, will
help a lot.
What comes across, otherwise, is just that you're generally not happy
with the way they "are."
I want to respond to one thing - separating it from the rest:
> I am not against the computer but feel like it andRuth - my 17 yo spends as much as 10 hours a day on the computer and
> The Sims is the be all and end all of life nowadays. That and reruns
> of
> Friends on the T.V. Should I start panicking yet?
there was a long time when that was with SIMS. These days it is a
literary character role-playing game. For a long time she was writing
"descs" (descriptions of characters) for other people on other role
playing games. She IMs with other kids.
My 20 year old did a lot of that, for years, but does almost NONE
anymore - barely checks her email.
My 14 yo spends maybe 2 or 3 hours a day - sometimes playing games,
mostly talking online and part of the time she is writing stories.
I'm telling you about my kids, so you'll know that there are others who
really know what it is to have kids who are "on" so much of the time.
(My kids say, "I'm getting on," or "Are you getting on?" or "Is
so-and-so on?" <g>)
I'm not sure what the attraction of SIMS is - it doesn't appeal to me
at ALL. I get bored in minutes when my kids want to show me what
they're doing with it. But it sure does have some kind of strong appeal
and does a good job of meeting some sort of needs. So - there's that
trust thing. I trust that my kids are choosing to spend all those hours
on it because it meets a need, gives them pleasure, they derive
satisfaction from it - that's the proof that it is worthwhile, that
they choose it.
Now - they choose it in the midst of a million other possibilities.
That's how I know it MUST be great!
If they didn't live in the midst of all those other possibilities - if
I thought they just didn't have much else to do, then that would be
different.
-pam
Ruth
Hi Pam
Thinking about it it is the fighting that is really getting to me. I am not *that* bothered they play Sims and watch T.V and, as you say in the midst of all the other possibilities it must be serving a purpose. Just cos I don't like it doesn't mean it is not important to them. Also the teen thing and to gearing up to college e.t.c doesn't bother me either. My kids all have AS and tbh I don't want them to grow up fast. I like the fact they still play and are children. We recently had a huge battle with our education authority over the children's education. The inspector was not happy with the "lack of evidence" of "work" and wanted third party testing of my two youngest which I refused and had to go and see a senior officer over. That has shock me up. It was 6 months of stress and worry. When you asked me what I was bothered about that came to mind straightaway so thanks for saying that. I am now thinking maybe they have picked up on it all. They know all the stuff they did show the inspector was rubbished by her as "not enough".
I think maybe the answer is to buy another computer lol.
Thanks
Ruth
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Thinking about it it is the fighting that is really getting to me. I am not *that* bothered they play Sims and watch T.V and, as you say in the midst of all the other possibilities it must be serving a purpose. Just cos I don't like it doesn't mean it is not important to them. Also the teen thing and to gearing up to college e.t.c doesn't bother me either. My kids all have AS and tbh I don't want them to grow up fast. I like the fact they still play and are children. We recently had a huge battle with our education authority over the children's education. The inspector was not happy with the "lack of evidence" of "work" and wanted third party testing of my two youngest which I refused and had to go and see a senior officer over. That has shock me up. It was 6 months of stress and worry. When you asked me what I was bothered about that came to mind straightaway so thanks for saying that. I am now thinking maybe they have picked up on it all. They know all the stuff they did show the inspector was rubbished by her as "not enough".
I think maybe the answer is to buy another computer lol.
Thanks
Ruth
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AC Lasater
I say don't worry!!! As my friends and husband tells me ..............THEY ARE PROCESSING!! Hang on tight!!
ac
Ruth <grayfamily9@...> wrote:
I am a bit of a serial lurker on this list but I read regulary. I am
wondering what you make of this? My kids have been unschooled for 4 years
and always found stuff to do themselves but recently life has got - well -
awful. They have hit teenage years one after the other and now have 4 of
them between the ages of nearly 16 and 13 and all they want to do is
computer games all day everyday, fight over the computer and squabble all
the time over trivial stuff. I have suggested stuff, put stuff out in their
way and taken them places they want to go to see if any interest ignites
from it. Nothing!!!! The younger three are still doing stuff so I don't
think it is me necessarily. Dh is not happy now either. He works from home
and sees the "dossing around" as he puts it. I have always trusted them to
do their own learning but feel like something has gone really wrong lately -
the last 6 months especially. I have had three discussions with them today
over the changes but have been met with blank stares, shrugs of shoulders
and stroppy attitudes. I am not against the computer but feel like it and
The Sims is the be all and end all of life nowadays. That and reruns of
Friends on the T.V. Should I start panicking yet?
Ruth
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ac
Ruth <grayfamily9@...> wrote:
I am a bit of a serial lurker on this list but I read regulary. I am
wondering what you make of this? My kids have been unschooled for 4 years
and always found stuff to do themselves but recently life has got - well -
awful. They have hit teenage years one after the other and now have 4 of
them between the ages of nearly 16 and 13 and all they want to do is
computer games all day everyday, fight over the computer and squabble all
the time over trivial stuff. I have suggested stuff, put stuff out in their
way and taken them places they want to go to see if any interest ignites
from it. Nothing!!!! The younger three are still doing stuff so I don't
think it is me necessarily. Dh is not happy now either. He works from home
and sees the "dossing around" as he puts it. I have always trusted them to
do their own learning but feel like something has gone really wrong lately -
the last 6 months especially. I have had three discussions with them today
over the changes but have been met with blank stares, shrugs of shoulders
and stroppy attitudes. I am not against the computer but feel like it and
The Sims is the be all and end all of life nowadays. That and reruns of
Friends on the T.V. Should I start panicking yet?
Ruth
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On Jun 1, 2005, at 1:07 PM, Ruth wrote:
my post. Then I reread it and thought that starting with, "Buy more
computers," sounded like I was being a smart-aleck.
But - two things can really make a difference in my teenagers "getting
along" - space of their own and plentiful computer access!
-pam
> I think maybe the answer is to buy another computer lol.Don't laugh. That was the FIRST thing I wrote. Then I wrote the rest of
my post. Then I reread it and thought that starting with, "Buy more
computers," sounded like I was being a smart-aleck.
But - two things can really make a difference in my teenagers "getting
along" - space of their own and plentiful computer access!
-pam
Pam Sorooshian
On Jun 1, 2005, at 11:01 PM, Pam Sorooshian wrote:
"serial" it was "simultaneous." Before, the minute one kid was off the
computer, another was on it. There was never any time that we were all
"off" at the same time. That gave me an odd feeling - like our family
was disconnected from each other - always "missing" one person. Now we
can all put down our computers at the same time and do something
together.
-pam
> But - two things can really make a difference in my teenagers "gettingOh - and having more computers meant that the computer time was not
> along" - space of their own and plentiful computer access!
"serial" it was "simultaneous." Before, the minute one kid was off the
computer, another was on it. There was never any time that we were all
"off" at the same time. That gave me an odd feeling - like our family
was disconnected from each other - always "missing" one person. Now we
can all put down our computers at the same time and do something
together.
-pam
Ruth
Yes ikwym about being disconnected. I have stood back and we had a discussion about getting another computer. They were not in favour cos the games they use they all use and would still have to take turns unless I buy more of the same games. I still think that is a better idea tho so I will look into it. I feel burnt out and I shouldn't. Stuff has definitely gone wrong. I think I have tried too hard to direct them after the LEA visit and I shouldn't. I trusted them up to then and nothing changed really. They have had times in the past of doing what appears very little. It was me who lost confidence not them. I asked them all if they are happy with their unschooling lives - if they feel fulfilled and content they are learning what they need and they all without exception said yes. They also felt I had changed and that had confusd them and caused them stress.. So I said sorry. That is 7 happy kids and that is what counts to me.
ruth
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ruth
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