RE: Limiting screen time / Trust / Help for Newbie Unschooler
Hilary Jackson
Hi Robyn,
Thanks for your reply. I appreciated it. Yeah, I will have a conversation
with dh about all this. It's good for me to hear about how all that Daniel
is doing is all a normal part of this process.. I feel I need to hear that
alot at the moment. This deschooling is just as much a journey for me as it
is for him.
If there are others out there lurking on the list who have pulled their kids
out of school and who have been through this same process....., and are
either right in the midst of it or have passed on thru, I would absolutely
love to hear from you!! If you would prefer to email me privately, please
do so on hilary@...
When does this focus on computer games start to widen a little!?!?!?!
Bye for now - and yes, I am feeling much better today, thanks!
Hilary
From: "Robyn Coburn" <dezigna@...>
Subject: RE: Limiting screen time / Trust / Help for Newbie Unschooler
<<<<He told em at the end of the day after having dropped Dan off at Drama
class that he was really pissed off with Daniel as he had spent all day
playing Runescape and had told him he was not to play any more computer
games between 9am and 3pm.>>>>
Does dh realize that he designated school hours as the verboten time?
I wonder if he was having a knee jerk reaction to an unexpressed desire to
have more of his step son's attention, spend more time together doing fun
stuff? Perhaps he is feeling left out, especially as you are ill also and
presumably unavailable. Not that I agree with his proposed solution to the
problem!
<<<< to find my way to feeling OK about it. We ended the conv by him saying
something like "well, you should at least enforce that for a week". >>>>
It is hard to feel ok about a plan that sounds increasingly like a
punishment. I like that he wants you to the dirty work of enforcement! My dh
is like that too sometimes: "I have this problem, here's how *you* fix it".
Seriously, I think trying to get at what your dh actually wants, rather than
focusing on what he doesn't want, might help. Even getting him to elucidate
what the heck he hopes to gain by this limitation idea, might help him to
realize how counterproductive it is - he might talk himself out of it.(My dh
does that sometimes too.)
<<<<< He still seems so
unmotivated, a little lost - he came out of school last July (remembering
that our summer break in NZ is December/January).>>>>
Definitely your son is still deschooling, and by others' accounts this
appearance of "unmotivated" is typical (almost universal!), as is the focus
on computer games.
Hope you feel well soon.
Robyn L. Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thanks for your reply. I appreciated it. Yeah, I will have a conversation
with dh about all this. It's good for me to hear about how all that Daniel
is doing is all a normal part of this process.. I feel I need to hear that
alot at the moment. This deschooling is just as much a journey for me as it
is for him.
If there are others out there lurking on the list who have pulled their kids
out of school and who have been through this same process....., and are
either right in the midst of it or have passed on thru, I would absolutely
love to hear from you!! If you would prefer to email me privately, please
do so on hilary@...
When does this focus on computer games start to widen a little!?!?!?!
Bye for now - and yes, I am feeling much better today, thanks!
Hilary
From: "Robyn Coburn" <dezigna@...>
Subject: RE: Limiting screen time / Trust / Help for Newbie Unschooler
<<<<He told em at the end of the day after having dropped Dan off at Drama
class that he was really pissed off with Daniel as he had spent all day
playing Runescape and had told him he was not to play any more computer
games between 9am and 3pm.>>>>
Does dh realize that he designated school hours as the verboten time?
I wonder if he was having a knee jerk reaction to an unexpressed desire to
have more of his step son's attention, spend more time together doing fun
stuff? Perhaps he is feeling left out, especially as you are ill also and
presumably unavailable. Not that I agree with his proposed solution to the
problem!
<<<< to find my way to feeling OK about it. We ended the conv by him saying
something like "well, you should at least enforce that for a week". >>>>
It is hard to feel ok about a plan that sounds increasingly like a
punishment. I like that he wants you to the dirty work of enforcement! My dh
is like that too sometimes: "I have this problem, here's how *you* fix it".
Seriously, I think trying to get at what your dh actually wants, rather than
focusing on what he doesn't want, might help. Even getting him to elucidate
what the heck he hopes to gain by this limitation idea, might help him to
realize how counterproductive it is - he might talk himself out of it.(My dh
does that sometimes too.)
<<<<< He still seems so
unmotivated, a little lost - he came out of school last July (remembering
that our summer break in NZ is December/January).>>>>
Definitely your son is still deschooling, and by others' accounts this
appearance of "unmotivated" is typical (almost universal!), as is the focus
on computer games.
Hope you feel well soon.
Robyn L. Coburn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kim
--- In [email protected], "Hilary Jackson"
<hilary@l...> wrote:
middle of what you are going thru.
I pulled my 14yo son(now 15) out of school last Oct, and his days
consist of sleeping late and then playing computer games for most of
his awake time. It bothered me a lot at first, but I came to this
list and found some other local unschooling lists too and did a lot of
reading. I learned 2 important things that have helped me to relax
and trust in unschooling:
1. On average it takes 1 month of de-schooling for every year your
child has been schooled in the "typical" way (10 years for my son, so
he's still de-schooling and I'm going to let him take all the time he
needs - regular school really damaged his confidence in himself!)
2. It is amazing the wide variety of things someone can learn by
playing video games! Below are some links I used to put together
information for my son's portfolio review that he has this week. You
will find them totally encouraging and showing them to your husband
might help a lot too:
www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hollow/1093/tvandvideogames.html
sandradodd.com/games/page
www.unschoolinginfo/articles/article7.htm
As far as his interest widening, I do get books and magazines for him
on other subjects I know he is interested in too, then leave them in
his bedroom. Sometimes, when I am sure he hasn't been doing anything
but playing games, I find the books on his nightstand and know he's
been reading them on his own. He has actually read quite a lot - and
he hated to read when he was in public school! Unschooling does work
if your child feels like he is making the decisions and not being forced.
Hope this helps!
~Kim
<hilary@l...> wrote:
>their kids
>
> If there are others out there lurking on the list who have pulled
> out of school and who have been through this same process....., and areabsolutely
> either right in the midst of it or have passed on thru, I would
> love to hear from you!!I am one of those lurkers that you have called out, and I am in the
>
>
> When does this focus on computer games start to widen a little!?!?!?!
>
>
>
> Hi Hilary,
middle of what you are going thru.
I pulled my 14yo son(now 15) out of school last Oct, and his days
consist of sleeping late and then playing computer games for most of
his awake time. It bothered me a lot at first, but I came to this
list and found some other local unschooling lists too and did a lot of
reading. I learned 2 important things that have helped me to relax
and trust in unschooling:
1. On average it takes 1 month of de-schooling for every year your
child has been schooled in the "typical" way (10 years for my son, so
he's still de-schooling and I'm going to let him take all the time he
needs - regular school really damaged his confidence in himself!)
2. It is amazing the wide variety of things someone can learn by
playing video games! Below are some links I used to put together
information for my son's portfolio review that he has this week. You
will find them totally encouraging and showing them to your husband
might help a lot too:
www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hollow/1093/tvandvideogames.html
sandradodd.com/games/page
www.unschoolinginfo/articles/article7.htm
As far as his interest widening, I do get books and magazines for him
on other subjects I know he is interested in too, then leave them in
his bedroom. Sometimes, when I am sure he hasn't been doing anything
but playing games, I find the books on his nightstand and know he's
been reading them on his own. He has actually read quite a lot - and
he hated to read when he was in public school! Unschooling does work
if your child feels like he is making the decisions and not being forced.
Hope this helps!
~Kim
>
>
>
>
jlh44music
> > If there are others out there lurking on the list who have pulledprocess....., and are either right in the midst of it or have passed
> their kids out of school and who have been through this same
on thru, I would absolutely love to hear from you!!
> > When does this focus on computer games start to widen alittle!?!?!?!
> I pulled my 14yo son(now 15) out of school last Oct, and his daysconsist of sleeping late and then playing computer games for most of
his awake time. It bothered me a lot at first, but I came to this
list and found some other local unschooling lists too and did a lot of
reading. I learned 2 important things that have helped me to relax
and trust in unschooling:....>>>>>>>
I'm another lurker. I feel like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde sometimes
about the computer games. My daughter (12, currently in 6th grade)
has 13 more days of school, THEN we'll be
homeschooling/unschooling/deschooling. I know we both need LOTS of
time to adjust.
Currently she's VERY into Runescape (before that it was Toontown
Online, which she said she's enjoys once in a while but is starting
to "outgrow" and neopets). I'm the one that suggested Runescape to
her, after someone on one of the yahoo groups (don't remember which
one) said their children enjoyed it. She likes dragons/medieval and
interactive (live) on-line stuff. I haven't actually looked at it
much or watched her play much as I've had too much going on, so I
really can't be fair in "critiquing" it or criticizing it. It DOES
seem really interesting.
I think what bothers me is that I know there are other things she's
intersted in, and she'll find them or get to them in her own time,
when she's ready. And to be honest with myself, I have a lot of
varied interests, things I haven't had time to do when working full
time (and then having to work with her at night on "homework" aka
busywork much of the time) that I can't WAIT to get to. I'm
projecting my enthusiasm about our soon to be had freedom on to her
and expecting her to feel differently ("more like me"). I KNOW we
have to deschool, I KNOW we need time, I KNOW all the things that
need to happen or not happen.
I just needed to write it, not very well, but it's a start. I'm very
tired and need to sleep! Plus I'm getting stressed about my foot
surgery this Friday, but the good thing is, I can't return to work
for 3 weeks or longer and I had already planned to quit at the end of
June, so it works out. I've been working towards this for over a
year (a lot has gone on in our lives this past year that I may not
have shared, perhaps another time), I've held on for so long, it's
hard to finally realize it's really going to happen, and soon!
I'm glad to have a place like this from which to absorb some words of
wisdom and experience.
Jann
PS: this site wouldn't come up, is something missing?
> www.unschoolinginfo/articles/article7.htm
>
Pam Sorooshian
On Jun 6, 2005, at 7:30 PM, jlh44music wrote:
(The other was missing a "dot" between unschooling and info.)
-pam
><http://www.unschooling.info/articles/article7.htm>
> PS: this site wouldn't come up, is something missing?
>> www.unschoolinginfo/articles/article7.htm
(The other was missing a "dot" between unschooling and info.)
-pam
>>
jlh44music
> > PS: this site wouldn't come up, is something missing?A hA! I tried "dot" com but then didn't have time to search further (I
> >> www.unschoolinginfo/articles/article7.htm
>
> <http://www.unschooling.info/articles/article7.htm>
>
> (The other was missing a "dot" between unschooling and info.)
>
> -pam
know I've been to that site before!)
Thanks Pam! (always love your words of wisdom)
>
> >>
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Hilary Jackson <hilary@...>
If there are others out there lurking on the list who have pulled their
kids
out of school and who have been through this same process....., and are
either right in the midst of it or have passed on thru, I would
absolutely
love to hear from you!!
-=-=-=-
Not a lurker... but I pulled Cameron (now 17) out of school at the end
of sixth grade.
Life was tough for almost two years.
Now he's so busy with so many things that we have two daytimers to keep
track.
What specific questions do you have?
-=-=-=-
When does this focus on computer games start to widen a little!?!?!?!
-=-=-
When he's had his fill and is ready to pursue other things. Seems
ridiculously simplistic, but it's true.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
From: Hilary Jackson <hilary@...>
If there are others out there lurking on the list who have pulled their
kids
out of school and who have been through this same process....., and are
either right in the midst of it or have passed on thru, I would
absolutely
love to hear from you!!
-=-=-=-
Not a lurker... but I pulled Cameron (now 17) out of school at the end
of sixth grade.
Life was tough for almost two years.
Now he's so busy with so many things that we have two daytimers to keep
track.
What specific questions do you have?
-=-=-=-
When does this focus on computer games start to widen a little!?!?!?!
-=-=-
When he's had his fill and is ready to pursue other things. Seems
ridiculously simplistic, but it's true.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org