Help with big age gap!
Hilary Jackson
Hi There,
I've been lurking and reading and I like much of what I read here!
I have 2 sons, ds#1 who is 11 and came out of school last July. My youngest
son is going to be 3 in a few months time. He is a bit of a handful (a
gorgeous one however!) - yeah, he takes a lot of energy!
Are there any other folks on the list who have a similar situation with a
big age gap?
My eldest (daniel) seems to be happy, but he is also a little bored, and
often seems at a loose end. He complains sometimes about feeling lonely.
This is nto a huge issue, but I just feel that he does need to be doing
more. I find I am often feelign so damn tired from the smaller one that my
creativity just kind of flies out the window. I am not doing enough,
strewing enough. I feel really lazy actually. Feel like I am just doing the
basics and nto much else (I mean survival basics).
SO often when I think about doing something with Dan, I get disheartened
because I know it will inevitably lead to little one wanting to get in on
it, and then Dan getting frustrated with him. I find this stresful. I find
my energy levels are not so good lately and so its very easy for me to talk
myself out of doing stuff.
So - I guess this is prob less about a big age gap and more about whats
going on inside of me.
Any comments / support much welcomed.
Thanks
Hilary
I've been lurking and reading and I like much of what I read here!
I have 2 sons, ds#1 who is 11 and came out of school last July. My youngest
son is going to be 3 in a few months time. He is a bit of a handful (a
gorgeous one however!) - yeah, he takes a lot of energy!
Are there any other folks on the list who have a similar situation with a
big age gap?
My eldest (daniel) seems to be happy, but he is also a little bored, and
often seems at a loose end. He complains sometimes about feeling lonely.
This is nto a huge issue, but I just feel that he does need to be doing
more. I find I am often feelign so damn tired from the smaller one that my
creativity just kind of flies out the window. I am not doing enough,
strewing enough. I feel really lazy actually. Feel like I am just doing the
basics and nto much else (I mean survival basics).
SO often when I think about doing something with Dan, I get disheartened
because I know it will inevitably lead to little one wanting to get in on
it, and then Dan getting frustrated with him. I find this stresful. I find
my energy levels are not so good lately and so its very easy for me to talk
myself out of doing stuff.
So - I guess this is prob less about a big age gap and more about whats
going on inside of me.
Any comments / support much welcomed.
Thanks
Hilary
soggyboysmom
Any chance you can find someone to stay with little guy while you and
Dan go do something? Any chance that there's someone around (aunt,
uncle, cousin, neighbor, whoever) who is an ace at something Dan finds
interesting who would take him along sometimes (fishing, rebuilding
engines, cooking, painting, whatever)? Are there things around that
you could take Dan to as a 'drop off' activity (he's old enough to
stay at an activity himself if he's comfortable with that)? Can he
volunteer somewhere with or without you? If you can find a couple
things that fit into your current situation and make them regular
things, it won't take a lot of effort long term. The 'getting going'
is the hard part - maybe a time of brainstorming together is the first
order of business. What would he like to do? Then work together to
seek out opportunities for it. Use tidbits of time before the little
one is awake or after he falls asleep to talk about what you are
finding and make plans. Maybe even schedule a "date" for the two of
you to plan while someone else watches the little guy.
Dan go do something? Any chance that there's someone around (aunt,
uncle, cousin, neighbor, whoever) who is an ace at something Dan finds
interesting who would take him along sometimes (fishing, rebuilding
engines, cooking, painting, whatever)? Are there things around that
you could take Dan to as a 'drop off' activity (he's old enough to
stay at an activity himself if he's comfortable with that)? Can he
volunteer somewhere with or without you? If you can find a couple
things that fit into your current situation and make them regular
things, it won't take a lot of effort long term. The 'getting going'
is the hard part - maybe a time of brainstorming together is the first
order of business. What would he like to do? Then work together to
seek out opportunities for it. Use tidbits of time before the little
one is awake or after he falls asleep to talk about what you are
finding and make plans. Maybe even schedule a "date" for the two of
you to plan while someone else watches the little guy.
Pam Sorooshian
Ideas:
Get out more - to places the 3 yo can run around, but which are
interesting, enriching, stimulating environments for Dan, too. I'm
thinking of children's museums, the zoo, etc. Also - places like
McDonald's place space gives your little one something to do while you
and Dan talk or play cards or other simple games. We'd go there and
spend hours - I'd get a cup of coffee and the kids would get an ice
cream. We met some other homeschoolers there - doing the same thing.
Invite other homeschoolers over to hang out with Dan. Have a movie
night once a week. Or a gaming afternoon.
Definitely go to park days - if you don't have park days to go to,
start a group. It is VERY VERY easy and doesn't take a lot of energy -
really.
See if Dan wants to sign up for something new - karate, 4H, etc., so
that he has something more on his calendar and something to work on at
home.
Movies? Do you have Netflix? Dan could browse the movies looking for
those that interest him.
Do you get to the library weekly?
I know other people here will disagree but I'm not at all opposed to a
couple of hours a few days per week of preschool for younger kids, to
give mom and older kids some time. I was lucky that my mom ran a
preschool, so my little ones could go to Grandma's school. And I know
it can be hard to find an old-fashioned non-academic free-play
non-daycare preschool. But they ARE still out there - many high schools
and community colleges have lab schools that are NOT academic and allow
kids to come for just a couple of hours a couple of days per week.
There are also such programs run by city recreation departments. This
option works very well when the younger kid is outgoing and social and
enjoys that extra time with a group of other children. Not all kids do.
Or - maybe just set up a "trading kids" day with another mom. I'm just
talking about a couple of hours - but then you can plan on having that
time with your older son and the two of you can plan ahead what you're
going to do with it.
It is hard to know what else to suggest without knowing your older son
- what his temperament is like and the kinds of things in which he is
interested.
-pam
Get out more - to places the 3 yo can run around, but which are
interesting, enriching, stimulating environments for Dan, too. I'm
thinking of children's museums, the zoo, etc. Also - places like
McDonald's place space gives your little one something to do while you
and Dan talk or play cards or other simple games. We'd go there and
spend hours - I'd get a cup of coffee and the kids would get an ice
cream. We met some other homeschoolers there - doing the same thing.
Invite other homeschoolers over to hang out with Dan. Have a movie
night once a week. Or a gaming afternoon.
Definitely go to park days - if you don't have park days to go to,
start a group. It is VERY VERY easy and doesn't take a lot of energy -
really.
See if Dan wants to sign up for something new - karate, 4H, etc., so
that he has something more on his calendar and something to work on at
home.
Movies? Do you have Netflix? Dan could browse the movies looking for
those that interest him.
Do you get to the library weekly?
I know other people here will disagree but I'm not at all opposed to a
couple of hours a few days per week of preschool for younger kids, to
give mom and older kids some time. I was lucky that my mom ran a
preschool, so my little ones could go to Grandma's school. And I know
it can be hard to find an old-fashioned non-academic free-play
non-daycare preschool. But they ARE still out there - many high schools
and community colleges have lab schools that are NOT academic and allow
kids to come for just a couple of hours a couple of days per week.
There are also such programs run by city recreation departments. This
option works very well when the younger kid is outgoing and social and
enjoys that extra time with a group of other children. Not all kids do.
Or - maybe just set up a "trading kids" day with another mom. I'm just
talking about a couple of hours - but then you can plan on having that
time with your older son and the two of you can plan ahead what you're
going to do with it.
It is hard to know what else to suggest without knowing your older son
- what his temperament is like and the kinds of things in which he is
interested.
-pam
On Apr 12, 2005, at 5:06 AM, Hilary Jackson wrote:
> I find I am often feelign so damn tired from the smaller one that my
> creativity just kind of flies out the window. I am not doing enough,
> strewing enough. I feel really lazy actually. Feel like I am just
> doing the
> basics and nto much else (I mean survival basics).
>
soggyboysmom
Having sat and pondered more on this - maybe YOU are the one who needs
to get out more (or stay in and have the kids go out more). It sounds
like you really need a break on a regular basis where you can have
some time to yourself - some time to think deep thoughts and sip some
chai and feed your ownSelf without the phone and the cooking and the
cleaning and everything lurking out the corner of your eye and the
refrain of "Mom, Mom, Mom" in your ears. Maybe trade out both kids for
a time each week or have SO/grandma/sitter come over and you fo to
Barnes and Noble, pick up a magazine and a latte and relax for an hour.
to get out more (or stay in and have the kids go out more). It sounds
like you really need a break on a regular basis where you can have
some time to yourself - some time to think deep thoughts and sip some
chai and feed your ownSelf without the phone and the cooking and the
cleaning and everything lurking out the corner of your eye and the
refrain of "Mom, Mom, Mom" in your ears. Maybe trade out both kids for
a time each week or have SO/grandma/sitter come over and you fo to
Barnes and Noble, pick up a magazine and a latte and relax for an hour.
[email protected]
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
-----Original Message-----
From: Hilary Jackson <hilary@...>
I have 2 sons, ds#1 who is 11 and came out of school last July. My
youngest
son is going to be 3 in a few months time. He is a bit of a handful (a
gorgeous one however!) - yeah, he takes a lot of energy!
Are there any other folks on the list who have a similar situation with
a
big age gap?
-=-=-=-=-=-=
My boys are 17 and nine, so yes. Cameron came out of school at 12 (the
end of sixth grade). Duncan was four.
-=-=-=-=-
My eldest (daniel) seems to be happy, but he is also a little bored, and
often seems at a loose end. He complains sometimes about feeling
lonely.
This is nto a huge issue, but I just feel that he does need to be doing
more. I find I am often feelign so damn tired from the smaller one
that my
creativity just kind of flies out the window. I am not doing enough,
strewing enough. I feel really lazy actually. Feel like I am just
doing the
basics and nto much else (I mean survival basics).
-=-=-=-=-
Cameron spent his first 18 months out of school doing nothing biut
watching tv, sleeping, talking on the phone, and eating. So, yeah... it
seemed as if he were a bit bored! <g> But he was healing. From the
damage of school. He spent a good deal of time on the computer chatting
with friends, and we had someone over here as much as possible---or he
went there.
This is a tough age. They sleep a lot---are you letting him sleep as
much as possible? As late as possible?
-=-=-=-=-
SO often when I think about doing something with Dan, I get disheartened
because I know it will inevitably lead to little one wanting to get in
on
it, and then Dan getting frustrated with him. I find this stresful. I
find
my energy levels are not so good lately and so its very easy for me to
talk
myself out of doing stuff.
-=-=-=-=-
The baby would probably enjoy just about everything Dan would like--on
a smaller scale. Just take him along! Duncan went everywhere with us.
In fact, Duncan went MORE places! I'd tell Cameron that we (Duncan & I)
were going to the zoo, museum, beach, park, eat sushi.... whereever.
Did Cameron want to come with u? It took a while for him to start
joining us, but he did.
Now they are best buds. They do lots of things together---even with the
big age gap!
I've had a few really bad days in a row here lately. Cameron took
Duncan out for the day to give me some space (that car is worth every
penny! <g>).
My best suggestion is for YOU to just DO. Let the boys tag along. Do
fun stuff. Things YOU never got to do as a child. Find wonder in
everything. BE interested. BE interesting! They'll join you when THEY
are ready!
~Kelly, btdt! <G>
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
October 6-9, 2005
http://liveandlearnconference.org
-----Original Message-----
From: Hilary Jackson <hilary@...>
I have 2 sons, ds#1 who is 11 and came out of school last July. My
youngest
son is going to be 3 in a few months time. He is a bit of a handful (a
gorgeous one however!) - yeah, he takes a lot of energy!
Are there any other folks on the list who have a similar situation with
a
big age gap?
-=-=-=-=-=-=
My boys are 17 and nine, so yes. Cameron came out of school at 12 (the
end of sixth grade). Duncan was four.
-=-=-=-=-
My eldest (daniel) seems to be happy, but he is also a little bored, and
often seems at a loose end. He complains sometimes about feeling
lonely.
This is nto a huge issue, but I just feel that he does need to be doing
more. I find I am often feelign so damn tired from the smaller one
that my
creativity just kind of flies out the window. I am not doing enough,
strewing enough. I feel really lazy actually. Feel like I am just
doing the
basics and nto much else (I mean survival basics).
-=-=-=-=-
Cameron spent his first 18 months out of school doing nothing biut
watching tv, sleeping, talking on the phone, and eating. So, yeah... it
seemed as if he were a bit bored! <g> But he was healing. From the
damage of school. He spent a good deal of time on the computer chatting
with friends, and we had someone over here as much as possible---or he
went there.
This is a tough age. They sleep a lot---are you letting him sleep as
much as possible? As late as possible?
-=-=-=-=-
SO often when I think about doing something with Dan, I get disheartened
because I know it will inevitably lead to little one wanting to get in
on
it, and then Dan getting frustrated with him. I find this stresful. I
find
my energy levels are not so good lately and so its very easy for me to
talk
myself out of doing stuff.
-=-=-=-=-
The baby would probably enjoy just about everything Dan would like--on
a smaller scale. Just take him along! Duncan went everywhere with us.
In fact, Duncan went MORE places! I'd tell Cameron that we (Duncan & I)
were going to the zoo, museum, beach, park, eat sushi.... whereever.
Did Cameron want to come with u? It took a while for him to start
joining us, but he did.
Now they are best buds. They do lots of things together---even with the
big age gap!
I've had a few really bad days in a row here lately. Cameron took
Duncan out for the day to give me some space (that car is worth every
penny! <g>).
My best suggestion is for YOU to just DO. Let the boys tag along. Do
fun stuff. Things YOU never got to do as a child. Find wonder in
everything. BE interested. BE interesting! They'll join you when THEY
are ready!
~Kelly, btdt! <G>