mom2ckm

We've started letting go of our control issues and I know it's going
to take time for everyone to adjust... but this is ridiculous!

Yesterday our 5yo tried to make his room into a swimming pool by
spraying the hose into his open window. As my husband and I sat on
the couch and the STINK of the soaked carpet began to waft through
the house, my husband expressed that he is finding it very difficult
not to go back to yelling and spanking, he feels this new parenting
method is not working - and it's all my fault...heated discussion
ensued...Tonight when he gets home we have to rip up the carpet
before the floor starts to rot, so he's already going to be in a bad
mood.

And now for the BEST part - this morning I was in the kitchen
washing dishes, kids happily playing in the living room, I go in to
check on them and 5yo has completely ripped the screen door (the
very same screen door that my husband just fixed about a month ago).
Why did he rip the screen door? Because he wanted the water to come
in (it's raining here today). Daddy is probably going to be very mad
about this, what are we going to do? Daddy can't find me if I hide
under my bed. You can't hide under your bed forever.

I've already told 5yo that I expect him to tell Daddy he is sorry
for ripping the screen and I expect him to help fix it. But I am
seriously worried about how my husband is going to react to this.
What am I going to do?

Stresssssing,
Sarah

G&M Contracting Inc., Kenneth Gillilan

Sarah,
My husband is the same way sometimes. It;s hard for him to let go of
the "the way I grew up" way of thinking. I can tell you with 100% certainty
that with your type of child spanking will not work long term,(and I know
you already know this). What's done is done all the yelling and spanking
won't help anything. My advice: Put the hose away if you can't give him
something to fill or spray the hose with, leave his floor wood for awhile he
doesn't really need carpet anyway, and the screen door I saw this cool
inexpensive screen that splits in the middle when you walk through it. No
need to rip it off it's already open. If your intention was to keep him in
then shut the door.
Just curious, but what's his fascination with water? Is this something
you could build on. Build dams, channel water, visit streams etc.. There is
so much fun involved in water I can understand his fascination of it.
I know it's tough, but try to hang in there.

AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: mom2ckm [mailto:sarah_smile@...]
Sent: Thursday, June 10, 2004 10:24 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Need Advice Quick!!


We've started letting go of our control issues and I know it's going
to take time for everyone to adjust... but this is ridiculous!

Yesterday our 5yo tried to make his room into a swimming pool by
spraying the hose into his open window. As my husband and I sat on
the couch and the STINK of the soaked carpet began to waft through
the house, my husband expressed that he is finding it very difficult
not to go back to yelling and spanking, he feels this new parenting
method is not working - and it's all my fault...heated discussion
ensued...Tonight when he gets home we have to rip up the carpet
before the floor starts to rot, so he's already going to be in a bad
mood.

And now for the BEST part - this morning I was in the kitchen
washing dishes, kids happily playing in the living room, I go in to
check on them and 5yo has completely ripped the screen door (the
very same screen door that my husband just fixed about a month ago).
Why did he rip the screen door? Because he wanted the water to come
in (it's raining here today). Daddy is probably going to be very mad
about this, what are we going to do? Daddy can't find me if I hide
under my bed. You can't hide under your bed forever.

I've already told 5yo that I expect him to tell Daddy he is sorry
for ripping the screen and I expect him to help fix it. But I am
seriously worried about how my husband is going to react to this.
What am I going to do?

Stresssssing,
Sarah




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mom2ckm

Ann Marie,

Thanks for your advice... my husband and I know that yelling and
spanking does nothing to solve this problem (or any problem for that
matter) but in his eyes, neither the permissive style nor the
controlling style is having any effect, so since he grew up with the
controlling style that's what he's going to go with.

Yes, Kenyon is fascinated with water, and I do try to give him time
to play and experiment with water as much as possible, but if he's
not being supervised it gets out of control-as was the case with him
drenching his bedroom floor-he was outside playing with the hose, I
had to go tend to the baby, he saw the open window, the floor was
soaked before I even knew what happened. Same thing with the screen
door, the front door was open to let in the fresh, cool air that
came with the rainstorm (our house has been stifling hot for 3 days
now). The screen door was latched to keep my toddler daughter and
infant nephew safe. Kenyon couldn't reach the latch to open the
door, so he tore the screen to get out to the rain.

This is driving me NUTS! I just have to keep looking at it as
learning opportunity (for my husband and me) I guess. Hopefully my
husband will be able to see it as a learning opportunity...

~Sarah


--- In [email protected], "G&M Contracting Inc.,
Kenneth Gillilan" <gmcontractinginc@v...> wrote:
> Sarah,
> My husband is the same way sometimes. It;s hard for him to
let go of
> the "the way I grew up" way of thinking. I can tell you with 100%
certainty
> that with your type of child spanking will not work long term,(and
I know
> you already know this). What's done is done all the yelling and
spanking
> won't help anything. My advice: Put the hose away if you can't
give him
> something to fill or spray the hose with, leave his floor wood for
awhile he
> doesn't really need carpet anyway, and the screen door I saw this
cool
> inexpensive screen that splits in the middle when you walk through
it. No
> need to rip it off it's already open. If your intention was to
keep him in
> then shut the door.
> Just curious, but what's his fascination with water? Is this
something
> you could build on. Build dams, channel water, visit streams
etc.. There is
> so much fun involved in water I can understand his fascination of
it.
> I know it's tough, but try to hang in there.
>
> AnnMarie

G&M Contracting Inc., Kenneth Gillilan

Sarah,
Your son sounds so much like mine, really. The stories I could tell.
The things he has destroyed. I know you may not believe it now, but it will
get better and rather suddenly. It took much teeth clenching and walking
away for me to handle it well, but I think it's starting to pay off.

Again, good luck
AnnMarie
-----Original Message-----
From: mom2ckm [mailto:sarah_smile@...]
Sent: Thursday, June 10, 2004 11:55 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Need Advice Quick!!


Ann Marie,

Thanks for your advice... my husband and I know that yelling and
spanking does nothing to solve this problem (or any problem for that
matter) but in his eyes, neither the permissive style nor the
controlling style is having any effect, so since he grew up with the
controlling style that's what he's going to go with.

Yes, Kenyon is fascinated with water, and I do try to give him time
to play and experiment with water as much as possible, but if he's
not being supervised it gets out of control-as was the case with him
drenching his bedroom floor-he was outside playing with the hose, I
had to go tend to the baby, he saw the open window, the floor was
soaked before I even knew what happened. Same thing with the screen
door, the front door was open to let in the fresh, cool air that
came with the rainstorm (our house has been stifling hot for 3 days
now). The screen door was latched to keep my toddler daughter and
infant nephew safe. Kenyon couldn't reach the latch to open the
door, so he tore the screen to get out to the rain.

This is driving me NUTS! I just have to keep looking at it as
learning opportunity (for my husband and me) I guess. Hopefully my
husband will be able to see it as a learning opportunity...

~Sarah


--- In [email protected], "G&M Contracting Inc.,
Kenneth Gillilan" <gmcontractinginc@v...> wrote:
> Sarah,
> My husband is the same way sometimes. It;s hard for him to
let go of
> the "the way I grew up" way of thinking. I can tell you with 100%
certainty
> that with your type of child spanking will not work long term,(and
I know
> you already know this). What's done is done all the yelling and
spanking
> won't help anything. My advice: Put the hose away if you can't
give him
> something to fill or spray the hose with, leave his floor wood for
awhile he
> doesn't really need carpet anyway, and the screen door I saw this
cool
> inexpensive screen that splits in the middle when you walk through
it. No
> need to rip it off it's already open. If your intention was to
keep him in
> then shut the door.
> Just curious, but what's his fascination with water? Is this
something
> you could build on. Build dams, channel water, visit streams
etc.. There is
> so much fun involved in water I can understand his fascination of
it.
> I know it's tough, but try to hang in there.
>
> AnnMarie



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--
Yahoo! Groups Links

a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
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b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]

c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.



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