Manisha Kher

On Mar 14, 2005, at 9:52 PM, Judy Anderson wrote:

> **** I believe my children are full when they
> tell me they are full. If
> they tell me that they are full and ten minutes
> later are asking for more to
> eat because they are starving, then either they
> have unnaturally fast metabolisms or they are lying
to me.
>
My kids are 6 and 3. A lot of times when they say
they're full what they really mean is that they're
done eating as much of the whatever was served as they
wanted. I have now started asking if they want
something else instead. Sometimes I get a yes and
other times it's a no followed by a request for snack
a few minutes later.

A lot of traffic on this list today and I'm way
behind. So I'm sure everything that I'm going to say
has been said already. I'm new here. I'm unschoolish
(Thanks Pam for that word) and not a veteran at this.

I too believed in family dinner times. Some of my
fondest memories are of dinner times. We would sit
around the table talking long after everyone was done
eating. So I tried to do the same. But it didn't work
and too much energy was being wasted in getting them
to eat "properly", so that we didn't have much
conversation anyway. Looking back at my childhood I
realized that the family dinner routine was
established when we were all older - above 8 for sure
and did not need help with eating. Also that was the
_only_ time that we connected with our parents. So
I've dropped the family dinner for now. We feed the
kids first if they're hungry or they eat whenever
they're hungry. The connecting still matters to me. I
work full-time and am not with them all day. But that
does not have to happen over dinner.

Another idea I had was that food had to be eaten at
the table and not elsewhere. Mostly because of not
wanting to clean up a mess everywhere. My kids would
much rather be playing than eating and would not eat
enough and then get up in the middle of the night
asking for milk. I've decided that my sleep is more
important that rules about when and where to eat :-).
So I've loosened my rule about eating at the table. I
decide based on the food item instead of it being a
blanket rule. I also feed the younger one while he's
chugging his trains or watching a movie. He eats more
willingly that way and I get a good night's rest.

Also it helps me to acknowledge my own needs. So I let
them know when I'm hungry or sleepy and hence likely
to be impatient. Sometimes they nap and then are up
jumping on the bed at 10.30 pm. I tell them that I
need to go to bed, but I'm willing to read to them
right now and they don't have to go to bed
immediately, but won't get another book when they're
ready to go to bed.

Manisha




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Ren Allen

" I couldn't get her to
understand that it didn't matter if he ate one of his pieces of
turkey now or in 15 minutes. What did it matter if he ate it now.
He was hungry now. "

I have a good friend that sort of understands unschooling, but is
still very traditional in some ways. They were over at our house for
dinner one night and her ds kept munching on some carrots I had out.

She said "Don't eat any more of those, it will spoil your appetite."
I looked at her and said "Isn't that the whole POINT of eating?
Those are probably healthier than anything we're eating for dinner!!"

She looked at me and said "Yeah, you're right, I don't know why I
said that!"
It was an instinct reaction...leftover from how she was raised.
There was no thought or logic used, just a knee jerk "don't eat
before dinner"

The whole "spoil your appetite" thing is SO stupid. Anytime you eat
you take away appetite...that's the whole POINT!!!
So people should eat when they're hungry and stop when they aren't.
We'll have a lot healthier society if everyone would do that.

Ren