Dealing with frustration
jkaterina
Hi guys
I need some suggestions how to help my 7 year old son deal with his frustration.
He is usually struggling when he is playing a challenging new video game, he starts banging the controller, scream and shout.Me and his Dad try and help, but more often then not we are doing worse then him playing and it does not help at ll.
It can also happen in other situations like not being able to open a door, zip/unzip a jumper, squeeze the last bit of a toothpaste etc
I need some suggestions how to help my 7 year old son deal with his frustration.
He is usually struggling when he is playing a challenging new video game, he starts banging the controller, scream and shout.Me and his Dad try and help, but more often then not we are doing worse then him playing and it does not help at ll.
It can also happen in other situations like not being able to open a door, zip/unzip a jumper, squeeze the last bit of a toothpaste etc
Joyce Fetteroll
On May 3, 2013, at 9:14 AM, jkaterina wrote:
In the meantime you can be helpful. Like protecting your stuff ;-) Helping him breathe. Just be calm and confident and say "Breathe." (It won't work for all kids. Some get annoyed.)
http://sandradodd.com/breathing
The Explosive Child by Ross Greene should have lots of suggestions.
http://amzn.to/JCilMW
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I need some suggestions how to help my 7 year old son deal with his frustration.Right now he may not physically be able to. When the frustration comes over him, it's like he has a monster inside of him. It's going to take a while before it doesn't feel uncontrollable. So don't expect there's a way to make him to stop. Time and strategies will help.
In the meantime you can be helpful. Like protecting your stuff ;-) Helping him breathe. Just be calm and confident and say "Breathe." (It won't work for all kids. Some get annoyed.)
http://sandradodd.com/breathing
The Explosive Child by Ross Greene should have lots of suggestions.
http://amzn.to/JCilMW
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ubertulip
Try talking about it briefly before he starts playing a frustrating game-- "what shall we do if you get really frustrated?", try to take a break before it gets too frustrating, hang a heavy bag (there's a $30 one at amazon you can fill with things like foam or old clothes), ride it out without taking it personally, be nearby and not angry at him, do your best to protect your stuff, but let him know he is more important. With games, help him watch videos on youtube of people playing-- they can get tips that way. Reassure him later on that it will get easier to handle his big emotions, give him lots of hugs, and just wait. It wil get easier as he grows, and requires a great deal of patience and compassion.
--Melissa K.
--Melissa K.
--- In [email protected], "jkaterina" <katerina.kolevablisss@...> wrote:
>
> Hi guys
>
> I need some suggestions how to help my 7 year old son deal with his frustration.
>
> He is usually struggling when he is playing a challenging new video game, he starts banging the controller, scream and shout.Me and his Dad try and help, but more often then not we are doing worse then him playing and it does not help at ll.
> It can also happen in other situations like not being able to open a door, zip/unzip a jumper, squeeze the last bit of a toothpaste etc
>
Meredith
"jkaterina" <katerina.kolevablisss@...> wrote:
Has he broken a controller yet? Sometimes, once a kid has broken one or two, it's easier to talk about that as something to avoid - until then it's one of those silly adult "if you do that" scenarios kids learn to ignore. If he has broken them in the past, talk to him some time when he's not playing a game and come up with some plans for what he can do so the controller doesn't get broken. Do that gently and helpfully, so he knows you're on his side rather than trying to threaten or scold him.
Screaming and shouting is a different matter - he's upset and announcing it loudly. In and of itself that's not bad... unless you have close neighbors or someone trying to sleep. If it upsets you, that's something think about - why does it bother you? It used to really distress me when my daughter would yell and cry over a video game - I felt like I was failing her! But over time I started to see that as part of her process, part of how she was learning. Sometimes frustration Is part of learning.
How do you handle frustration? That's something to think about and even talk about with your son -not in terms of "you should do this" but in terms of sharing what works for you, what you do when nothing helps and you're just coming unglued, what you've seen others do that helps them. My partner is much better at those kinds of conversations with the kids than I am, in part because he's more overtly emotional. But he also gets the benefit of working through some of his own emotional baggage by talking through that process with the kids - he gets to learn along with them. Pretty cool.
---Meredith
>> He is usually struggling when he is playing a challenging new video game, he starts banging the controller, scream and shout.************
Has he broken a controller yet? Sometimes, once a kid has broken one or two, it's easier to talk about that as something to avoid - until then it's one of those silly adult "if you do that" scenarios kids learn to ignore. If he has broken them in the past, talk to him some time when he's not playing a game and come up with some plans for what he can do so the controller doesn't get broken. Do that gently and helpfully, so he knows you're on his side rather than trying to threaten or scold him.
Screaming and shouting is a different matter - he's upset and announcing it loudly. In and of itself that's not bad... unless you have close neighbors or someone trying to sleep. If it upsets you, that's something think about - why does it bother you? It used to really distress me when my daughter would yell and cry over a video game - I felt like I was failing her! But over time I started to see that as part of her process, part of how she was learning. Sometimes frustration Is part of learning.
How do you handle frustration? That's something to think about and even talk about with your son -not in terms of "you should do this" but in terms of sharing what works for you, what you do when nothing helps and you're just coming unglued, what you've seen others do that helps them. My partner is much better at those kinds of conversations with the kids than I am, in part because he's more overtly emotional. But he also gets the benefit of working through some of his own emotional baggage by talking through that process with the kids - he gets to learn along with them. Pretty cool.
---Meredith
kkmurphy88
Recent research on the brain and emotional distress is very interesting and helpful for supporting our kids at these times. In a nutshell, when kids experience distress emotion floods the limbic region, effectively blocking connections to the prefrontal cortex (seat of high knowledge and impulse control). This is why logical verbal responses often don't compute.
When frustration comes up at our house I check in with my kid about what's going on and offer listening. This is only truly effective if they're willing to take a break from the computer. Sometimes they pull it together and keep playing sometimes in order to protect the computer I place myself in my child's way and move the computer aside. We create a space for allowing the emotion to release completely. Sometimes he storms and thrashes on the couch or bed. Sometimes he tries to hit or kick me. At these times I know that he has something deep coming up for release and I make sure to keep us both safe and give him the needed time and attention to shed fully. Once he's done he's always much happier, more flexible, and more connected to the rest of us the rest of the day.
Another way to release is in the opposite direction - laughter. My older son is an expert at nipping younger brother's frustration in the bud by getting him to laugh and wrestle.
karen
When frustration comes up at our house I check in with my kid about what's going on and offer listening. This is only truly effective if they're willing to take a break from the computer. Sometimes they pull it together and keep playing sometimes in order to protect the computer I place myself in my child's way and move the computer aside. We create a space for allowing the emotion to release completely. Sometimes he storms and thrashes on the couch or bed. Sometimes he tries to hit or kick me. At these times I know that he has something deep coming up for release and I make sure to keep us both safe and give him the needed time and attention to shed fully. Once he's done he's always much happier, more flexible, and more connected to the rest of us the rest of the day.
Another way to release is in the opposite direction - laughter. My older son is an expert at nipping younger brother's frustration in the bud by getting him to laugh and wrestle.
karen