Getting rid of a label.
messy_boys
My second born son, now 11, has been labeled "lazy" because he has a very relaxed and laid back nature. Nothing upsets him. I have always tried to stop this labeling (usually done by my older son and occasionally his father) but it has taken hold. I heard him refer to himself as lazy more than once the other day, with a laugh. How concerned should I be about this? Is this something I should try to change?
When he referred to himself as lazy the other day, it was because there was something he didn't know how to do on his computer. I went to do it for him (after he asked) and offered to show him how. He said, no, that's okay - I'm lazy! Then laughed.
Thanks,
Kristie
When he referred to himself as lazy the other day, it was because there was something he didn't know how to do on his computer. I went to do it for him (after he asked) and offered to show him how. He said, no, that's okay - I'm lazy! Then laughed.
Thanks,
Kristie
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jan 13, 2013, at 11:20 AM, messy_boys wrote:
While you want to do it for what you believe are good reasons, that doesn't change how it feels to the other person.
You could say cheerily "Oh, I prefer to think of things like that as using my energy wisely!" Think about the times he uses the term and come up with a few more positive things to say. But don't always correct him. A few dropped here and there is better than always saying something which will sound like always disagreeing.
Even better might be to say such things when they're said to him. Again, do it cheerily.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I heard him refer to himself as lazy more than once the other day, with a laugh. ... Is this something I should try to change?People don't like to be other's improvement projects.
While you want to do it for what you believe are good reasons, that doesn't change how it feels to the other person.
You could say cheerily "Oh, I prefer to think of things like that as using my energy wisely!" Think about the times he uses the term and come up with a few more positive things to say. But don't always correct him. A few dropped here and there is better than always saying something which will sound like always disagreeing.
Even better might be to say such things when they're said to him. Again, do it cheerily.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
"messy_boys" wrote:
You might be on the lookout for sayings which flip the idea of "laziness" around and make it a virtue - the first thing that comes to mind is "work smarter not harder" or "ingenuity is the mother of invention but laziness is the father", but it could be something which highlights your son's easygoing nature if you'd prefer. Like "he's very zen".
Laughed as in self-defence maybe? If something similar happens again, you could say "you know what you need" with a casual shrug, and leave it at that. He Does know - he needs someone to give him a hand - and that's a Good thing.
---Meredith
>I heard him refer to himself as lazy more than once the other day, with a laugh. How concerned should I be about this? Is this something I should try to change?************
You might be on the lookout for sayings which flip the idea of "laziness" around and make it a virtue - the first thing that comes to mind is "work smarter not harder" or "ingenuity is the mother of invention but laziness is the father", but it could be something which highlights your son's easygoing nature if you'd prefer. Like "he's very zen".
>>I went to do it for him (after he asked) and offered to show him how. He said, no, that's okay - I'm lazy! Then laughed.*************
Laughed as in self-defence maybe? If something similar happens again, you could say "you know what you need" with a casual shrug, and leave it at that. He Does know - he needs someone to give him a hand - and that's a Good thing.
---Meredith
[email protected]
Maybe announce that this is an issue to you -- sticking labels on others -- and you are going to do the best you can to stop doing it. That you are not going to use the word "lazy" to describe one of your children (yes, I know it's not you doing this) and you are going to change your email so you are not calling them "messy." And anything else you can think of that you can do, that you can talk about as something you see as an improved way of looking at things and doing things. That you used to think these things were cute but now they really bother you and you see them as insulting to the other person and imposing a personality on them that, in the end, is theirs and none of your business.
It might set a good example and make you more prone to discuss these things in a general, thoughtful way and, who knows, maybe some message will get through.
Nance
It might set a good example and make you more prone to discuss these things in a general, thoughtful way and, who knows, maybe some message will get through.
Nance
--- In [email protected], "messy_boys" wrote:
>
> My second born son, now 11, has been labeled "lazy" because he has a very relaxed and laid back nature. Nothing upsets him. I have always tried to stop this labeling (usually done by my older son and occasionally his father) but it has taken hold. I heard him refer to himself as lazy more than once the other day, with a laugh. How concerned should I be about this? Is this something I should try to change?
>
> When he referred to himself as lazy the other day, it was because there was something he didn't know how to do on his computer. I went to do it for him (after he asked) and offered to show him how. He said, no, that's okay - I'm lazy! Then laughed.
>
> Thanks,
> Kristie
>