Healing through unschooling
Ren Allen
The list has been a bit on the slow side lately, so I thought I'd
pose some questions I've been pondering myself.
I've been thinking a lot about how unschooling has helped me heal
myself and my family in a variety of ways....I had a spiritual shift
after my unschooling shift and even more healing happened in my
personal journey.
Beyond that, our unschooling philosophies have translated into
better relationships all around in our house, not only between our
children, but between Markus and I.
There's so much about unschooling that has been healing for us. Does
anyone else have stories to share about this?
What significant healing (if any) has your family found after
adopting an unschooling lifestyle? How has it affected your
relationships with your immediate family or with others?
Has it increased your feelings of confidence in yourself and your
ability to learn new things at any time?
There are many things in my journey that have assisted me in healing
from self esteem and relationship issues, but I can trace a lot of
my shifts back to my unschooling shift. Maybe that sounds too
simple, but it's true.
How about the rest of you?
Ren
pose some questions I've been pondering myself.
I've been thinking a lot about how unschooling has helped me heal
myself and my family in a variety of ways....I had a spiritual shift
after my unschooling shift and even more healing happened in my
personal journey.
Beyond that, our unschooling philosophies have translated into
better relationships all around in our house, not only between our
children, but between Markus and I.
There's so much about unschooling that has been healing for us. Does
anyone else have stories to share about this?
What significant healing (if any) has your family found after
adopting an unschooling lifestyle? How has it affected your
relationships with your immediate family or with others?
Has it increased your feelings of confidence in yourself and your
ability to learn new things at any time?
There are many things in my journey that have assisted me in healing
from self esteem and relationship issues, but I can trace a lot of
my shifts back to my unschooling shift. Maybe that sounds too
simple, but it's true.
How about the rest of you?
Ren
[email protected]
In a message dated 27/02/2005 07:40:19 Pacific Standard Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
There's so much about unschooling that has been healing for us. Does
anyone else have stories to share about this?
What significant healing (if any) has your family found after
adopting an unschooling lifestyle? How has it affected your
relationships with your immediate family or with others?
Has it increased your feelings of confidence in yourself and your
ability to learn new things at any time?
These are such deep questions, Ren, but I'll take a stab at it.
Our family has always unschooled, our ds is 9.4 and dd is 3.5. I thought we
were unschooling, but I discovered we had lots to learn when I first started
reading at unschooling.com and the lists. There I discovered just how
controlling we were of all that our son did. The usual food, tv, bedtime controls were
very much in place. Letting go of those things brought us a lot more peace in
the house, helped my ds to learn a lot about himself thru making choices and
having more control over himself. Letting go of theneed to judge what he was
doing in a day as worthy or not worthy was also very healing, seeing the value in
whatever he does, in every minute of every day, has made all the people in
this house so relaxed and happy.
My husband really struggled with the control issues, more so than I did. He
has really relaxed now, and is enjoying the relationship with his children so
much more. We have really "gelled" as a family, we can feel the connections
strongly, and have a lot more fun doing things together.
As far as increasing my confidence in myself, and my ability to learn new
things at any time, I think that I was always fairly diverse in my interests, and
willing to try new stuff, but now am much more likely to try even more
things. Our house is always so messy, strewn with books, crafts, games, pets. I do
now feel very firm in my philosophy of unschooling, and am a strong advocate
for my children's rights to learn in their own way, in their own time. If a
situation arises during an outing or activity with the homeschool group here, I
am quick to help ds to do things the way he wants to, rather than the "schooly"
way the group sometimes espouses.
I think the respectful nature of unschooling now shows in our family, in the
way we treat each other and the way my children are in the world. They are
empathic and thoughtful, and creative and confident.IT has been very life
changing for all of us, and has allowed me to sort of re-parent the child in me that
was not raised this way.
Sort of a rambling reply, but it is hard to express the huge changes that
have happened here.
Great post Ren, I look forward to reading other replies.
Nancy in BC, pondering.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
starsuncloud@... writes:
There's so much about unschooling that has been healing for us. Does
anyone else have stories to share about this?
What significant healing (if any) has your family found after
adopting an unschooling lifestyle? How has it affected your
relationships with your immediate family or with others?
Has it increased your feelings of confidence in yourself and your
ability to learn new things at any time?
These are such deep questions, Ren, but I'll take a stab at it.
Our family has always unschooled, our ds is 9.4 and dd is 3.5. I thought we
were unschooling, but I discovered we had lots to learn when I first started
reading at unschooling.com and the lists. There I discovered just how
controlling we were of all that our son did. The usual food, tv, bedtime controls were
very much in place. Letting go of those things brought us a lot more peace in
the house, helped my ds to learn a lot about himself thru making choices and
having more control over himself. Letting go of theneed to judge what he was
doing in a day as worthy or not worthy was also very healing, seeing the value in
whatever he does, in every minute of every day, has made all the people in
this house so relaxed and happy.
My husband really struggled with the control issues, more so than I did. He
has really relaxed now, and is enjoying the relationship with his children so
much more. We have really "gelled" as a family, we can feel the connections
strongly, and have a lot more fun doing things together.
As far as increasing my confidence in myself, and my ability to learn new
things at any time, I think that I was always fairly diverse in my interests, and
willing to try new stuff, but now am much more likely to try even more
things. Our house is always so messy, strewn with books, crafts, games, pets. I do
now feel very firm in my philosophy of unschooling, and am a strong advocate
for my children's rights to learn in their own way, in their own time. If a
situation arises during an outing or activity with the homeschool group here, I
am quick to help ds to do things the way he wants to, rather than the "schooly"
way the group sometimes espouses.
I think the respectful nature of unschooling now shows in our family, in the
way we treat each other and the way my children are in the world. They are
empathic and thoughtful, and creative and confident.IT has been very life
changing for all of us, and has allowed me to sort of re-parent the child in me that
was not raised this way.
Sort of a rambling reply, but it is hard to express the huge changes that
have happened here.
Great post Ren, I look forward to reading other replies.
Nancy in BC, pondering.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela S
This is pretty deep and I am not sure I can sum up all the changes that have
come over me since discovering unschooling, but I'd like to try. My
children have always been unschooled. (ages 8 and 10) Our journey began
when I tried to drop my oldest dd off at nursery school at age 4.75 one day
per week, in preparation for kindergarten, which would be 5 days a week.
Well, she didn't want to stay and she made that clear. I found it kind of
shocking that it was normal to the parents and the staff to see a very
distressed child and think nothing of it. At that moment, I decided to
homeschool (had been thinking about it anyway) and it wasn't long before I
discovered unschooling and realized that it wasn't much different than what
I'd already been doing with my kids all along.
Reading unschooling lists gave me the knowledge and courage to further
advocate for my children. It helped me to accept my children the way they
are without comparing them to other children of the same age. It helped me
to learn to live in the moment and to be a better, less controlling parent.
It helped me not only to accept myself and my differences from other people,
It helped me to appreciate myself and my children and our differences from
other people.
I too had a spiritual shift and that helped me to let go of some
preconceived notions I had with regards to religion/spirituality. It sounds
so simple to say that but it went deep. I was able to get over feelings of
guilt that I wasn't even aware of on some levels, that were there from my
own upbringing. It was very freeing. I credit the unschooling lists with
helping me to think outside the box.
It is so hard to put into words how I feel about all the changes that have
come about in the years following my discovery of unschooling. Our lives
are SO rewarding and fulfilling and Peaceful! We are just a very happy
family. I've challenged myself to reach for dreams for my children that
seemed impossible. In learning to be my children's best advocate, I have
also learned to be a better advocate for myself.
I have told this story several times now, about getting a horse for my kids,
but I just can't help talking about it some more because it's been life
changing in many ways. It has just been the best thing for us. In the
first few months of horse ownership, I faced and conquered many fears. I
started taking riding lesson too (kids had already taken them for a couple
years) and it is such a huge feeling of accomplishment to go from being
somewhat intimidated by these huge animals, to not only feeling comfortable
around them, but confident in riding them.
I have always been a person who enjoyed challenges and learning new things.
I'm a jack of all trades, master of none, and I like it that way. But most
of those things have been static things that I've learned to control. I can
use a skill saw, shingle a roof, wire a house, etc. Those things are just
things I've learned to do with tools. But with the horse back riding, it is
different. You are reading (body language, etc) a living breathing animal
and working with her and communicating with her and it is such a powerful
feeling of accomplishment.
O.K. We are off to the tack store so I can't elaborate any more. I wish I
could make how I feel clearer. I'll think on it and maybe write more later.
Angela
* game-enthusiast@....
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
come over me since discovering unschooling, but I'd like to try. My
children have always been unschooled. (ages 8 and 10) Our journey began
when I tried to drop my oldest dd off at nursery school at age 4.75 one day
per week, in preparation for kindergarten, which would be 5 days a week.
Well, she didn't want to stay and she made that clear. I found it kind of
shocking that it was normal to the parents and the staff to see a very
distressed child and think nothing of it. At that moment, I decided to
homeschool (had been thinking about it anyway) and it wasn't long before I
discovered unschooling and realized that it wasn't much different than what
I'd already been doing with my kids all along.
Reading unschooling lists gave me the knowledge and courage to further
advocate for my children. It helped me to accept my children the way they
are without comparing them to other children of the same age. It helped me
to learn to live in the moment and to be a better, less controlling parent.
It helped me not only to accept myself and my differences from other people,
It helped me to appreciate myself and my children and our differences from
other people.
I too had a spiritual shift and that helped me to let go of some
preconceived notions I had with regards to religion/spirituality. It sounds
so simple to say that but it went deep. I was able to get over feelings of
guilt that I wasn't even aware of on some levels, that were there from my
own upbringing. It was very freeing. I credit the unschooling lists with
helping me to think outside the box.
It is so hard to put into words how I feel about all the changes that have
come about in the years following my discovery of unschooling. Our lives
are SO rewarding and fulfilling and Peaceful! We are just a very happy
family. I've challenged myself to reach for dreams for my children that
seemed impossible. In learning to be my children's best advocate, I have
also learned to be a better advocate for myself.
I have told this story several times now, about getting a horse for my kids,
but I just can't help talking about it some more because it's been life
changing in many ways. It has just been the best thing for us. In the
first few months of horse ownership, I faced and conquered many fears. I
started taking riding lesson too (kids had already taken them for a couple
years) and it is such a huge feeling of accomplishment to go from being
somewhat intimidated by these huge animals, to not only feeling comfortable
around them, but confident in riding them.
I have always been a person who enjoyed challenges and learning new things.
I'm a jack of all trades, master of none, and I like it that way. But most
of those things have been static things that I've learned to control. I can
use a skill saw, shingle a roof, wire a house, etc. Those things are just
things I've learned to do with tools. But with the horse back riding, it is
different. You are reading (body language, etc) a living breathing animal
and working with her and communicating with her and it is such a powerful
feeling of accomplishment.
O.K. We are off to the tack store so I can't elaborate any more. I wish I
could make how I feel clearer. I'll think on it and maybe write more later.
Angela
* game-enthusiast@....
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maria Dorian
Although I can't specifically share a story on how unschooling has
helped my family to heal, I can share that because of unschooling
(we've been unschooling since my kiddos were 3), our family doesn't
need healing at all! We are a very close family, we love our kids
and treat them as our friends. We are very open about ALL subjects
and issues, even if they are only 6 and 5. I only wish I had this
type of schooling when I was a kid. I remember crying everyday when
I went to school. As a matter of fact, I was constantly getting
sent home from school because I would just cry all day. I just
missed my parents sooo much! This happened until I hit third
grade. It was miserable! And now I see my kids with no wake up
time, no bed time, and an extremely relaxed learning environment and
I notice that they are happy! And they are learning things that his
same aged friends will have no clue about until they reach much
older grades. As far as esteem goes, unschooling has helped me to
know that I can teach them in a different way then a school would
and they still come out ahead. Overall, it is a great place to
be...!
Maria
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
helped my family to heal, I can share that because of unschooling
(we've been unschooling since my kiddos were 3), our family doesn't
need healing at all! We are a very close family, we love our kids
and treat them as our friends. We are very open about ALL subjects
and issues, even if they are only 6 and 5. I only wish I had this
type of schooling when I was a kid. I remember crying everyday when
I went to school. As a matter of fact, I was constantly getting
sent home from school because I would just cry all day. I just
missed my parents sooo much! This happened until I hit third
grade. It was miserable! And now I see my kids with no wake up
time, no bed time, and an extremely relaxed learning environment and
I notice that they are happy! And they are learning things that his
same aged friends will have no clue about until they reach much
older grades. As far as esteem goes, unschooling has helped me to
know that I can teach them in a different way then a school would
and they still come out ahead. Overall, it is a great place to
be...!
Maria
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
>shift
> The list has been a bit on the slow side lately, so I thought I'd
> pose some questions I've been pondering myself.
> I've been thinking a lot about how unschooling has helped me heal
> myself and my family in a variety of ways....I had a spiritual
> after my unschooling shift and even more healing happened in myDoes
> personal journey.
> Beyond that, our unschooling philosophies have translated into
> better relationships all around in our house, not only between our
> children, but between Markus and I.
> There's so much about unschooling that has been healing for us.
> anyone else have stories to share about this?healing
> What significant healing (if any) has your family found after
> adopting an unschooling lifestyle? How has it affected your
> relationships with your immediate family or with others?
> Has it increased your feelings of confidence in yourself and your
> ability to learn new things at any time?
>
> There are many things in my journey that have assisted me in
> from self esteem and relationship issues, but I can trace a lot of
> my shifts back to my unschooling shift. Maybe that sounds too
> simple, but it's true.
>
> How about the rest of you?
>
> Ren
Ren Allen
"Letting go of those things brought us a lot more peace in
the house, helped my ds to learn a lot about himself thru making
choices and
having more control over himself. Letting go of theneed to judge
what he was
doing in a day as worthy or not worthy was also very healing, seeing
the value
in
whatever he does, in every minute of every day, has made all the
people in
this house so relaxed and happy."
Thanks for sharing this Nancy....it's really helped me be more at
peace with myself by honoring and valuing my children's activities
without all the judgement also.
It's really cool to hear from people that have always unschooled,
yet found healing as they dug deeper.
Even if it was more on a personal level than within the family, like
Maria.
Thanks for sharing everyone...I've been very touched by all the
posts so far. Unschooling philosophies are so Zen like to me.
Healing just goes hand in hand with it all I believe...whether it's
childhood crap we let go of, or better relationships we find (or
both for some of us:)
Ren
the house, helped my ds to learn a lot about himself thru making
choices and
having more control over himself. Letting go of theneed to judge
what he was
doing in a day as worthy or not worthy was also very healing, seeing
the value
in
whatever he does, in every minute of every day, has made all the
people in
this house so relaxed and happy."
Thanks for sharing this Nancy....it's really helped me be more at
peace with myself by honoring and valuing my children's activities
without all the judgement also.
It's really cool to hear from people that have always unschooled,
yet found healing as they dug deeper.
Even if it was more on a personal level than within the family, like
Maria.
Thanks for sharing everyone...I've been very touched by all the
posts so far. Unschooling philosophies are so Zen like to me.
Healing just goes hand in hand with it all I believe...whether it's
childhood crap we let go of, or better relationships we find (or
both for some of us:)
Ren
Ren Allen
"I have told this story several times now, about getting a horse for
my kids,
but I just can't help talking about it some more because it's been
life
changing in many ways."
I love that story. I think it beautifully illustrates how
unschoolers see posssibility rather than dead-ends. How unschoolers
challenge themselves to find creative solutions, rather than just
accepting "reality" according to society.
I remember being told all the reasons we couldn't have a horse when
I was a child...there was never any discussion of how we could make
it happen or exploration of ideas. Just "no", we can't.
I think that has been another amazingly healing thing for me...to
see obstacles as challenges not a reason to give up a dream.
We are moving slowly ahead with not one, but two businesses right
now. Slowly pulling in the pieces to make them a reality. There is
nothing but joy in this process, because it's what we love.
In the past, when the difficult parts of a dream or idea came up, I
would typically abandon the project. I had this notion that I was
not "living up to my potential" all my life...boy was that ever a
self-fulfilling prophecy. Yucky.
Thanks for sharing Angela....I really enjoyed being reminded of your
dream come true.
Ren
my kids,
but I just can't help talking about it some more because it's been
life
changing in many ways."
I love that story. I think it beautifully illustrates how
unschoolers see posssibility rather than dead-ends. How unschoolers
challenge themselves to find creative solutions, rather than just
accepting "reality" according to society.
I remember being told all the reasons we couldn't have a horse when
I was a child...there was never any discussion of how we could make
it happen or exploration of ideas. Just "no", we can't.
I think that has been another amazingly healing thing for me...to
see obstacles as challenges not a reason to give up a dream.
We are moving slowly ahead with not one, but two businesses right
now. Slowly pulling in the pieces to make them a reality. There is
nothing but joy in this process, because it's what we love.
In the past, when the difficult parts of a dream or idea came up, I
would typically abandon the project. I had this notion that I was
not "living up to my potential" all my life...boy was that ever a
self-fulfilling prophecy. Yucky.
Thanks for sharing Angela....I really enjoyed being reminded of your
dream come true.
Ren
Angela S
"I have told this story several times now, about getting a horse for
my kids,
but I just can't help talking about it some more because it's been
life
changing in many ways."
<<<I love that story. I think it beautifully illustrates how
unschoolers see posssibility rather than dead-ends. How unschoolers
challenge themselves to find creative solutions, rather than just
accepting "reality" according to society.>>>
---
Thanks. Every day, at different times during the day, I think about how
great our lives are. We have peacefulness, happiness, love, a great
relationship with our kids, a dh who supports unschooling and me, good
coffee. :-) We have enough. It just feels so good. (Sometimes I do wonder
if we got someone else's share of happiness too.) Life seems unfair at
times and I sometimes feel guilty for being so happy and contented.
Good luck with those businesses! I am sure you will be a stronger more
adept person when you get over whatever stands in your way. You can do it!
Just think outside the box. If you let people know what you need, sometimes
there are people willing to help you get what you want. They can't help you
if they don't know what you want though.
Angela
game-enthusiast@....
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
my kids,
but I just can't help talking about it some more because it's been
life
changing in many ways."
<<<I love that story. I think it beautifully illustrates how
unschoolers see posssibility rather than dead-ends. How unschoolers
challenge themselves to find creative solutions, rather than just
accepting "reality" according to society.>>>
---
Thanks. Every day, at different times during the day, I think about how
great our lives are. We have peacefulness, happiness, love, a great
relationship with our kids, a dh who supports unschooling and me, good
coffee. :-) We have enough. It just feels so good. (Sometimes I do wonder
if we got someone else's share of happiness too.) Life seems unfair at
times and I sometimes feel guilty for being so happy and contented.
Good luck with those businesses! I am sure you will be a stronger more
adept person when you get over whatever stands in your way. You can do it!
Just think outside the box. If you let people know what you need, sometimes
there are people willing to help you get what you want. They can't help you
if they don't know what you want though.
Angela
game-enthusiast@....
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Elisa Allender
I have enjoyed reading all the posts on this subject.
My own experience with unschooling only started last year after 3 years of trying to homeschool the traditional way (by sitting at the kitchen table with workbooks galore!) and failing miserably and making my child hate school. I always hated school and the whole atmosphere of school (I am an introvert and school is NOT a place for introverted people!) Living in a Navy family I had to change schools about 8 times and that added to my introverted-ness...LOL, is that even a word?!
All of my teenagers went to public school and have loved most of it (they are all very extroverted and have been extremely involved in band, cheerleading, leadership positions, etc.) so they all say they wouldn't trade it for anything. My last two are graduating this year and they are both suffering from a bad case of "senioritis" LOL.
My husband has not been very supportive of this unschooling method. We had several discussions here lately, really turning into arguments about it. He has basically been patient with me the last year but finally felt the "need to say something about my lack of schooling with Dakota each day." I got so upset with him recently I couldn't even think of what to say to him. So I decided what we needed to do was go away for a weekend and just spend time talking and discussing our ideas/opinions of Dakota's upbringing. We did that two weeks ago and it was wonderful! We were able to hash out everything in a non-confrontational, non-argumentative way and he understands where I am coming from now. What he was having a hard time understanding was why all of a sudden last year I had made this change to completely unschooling.....he was looking at it as laziness on my part as far as Dakota was concerned! All he knows is we had 5 other children all go through public school and all of a sudden now I am just keeping our last child home with me every day. He tried to tell me he always loved school and he feels bad for Dakota!! I asked him if he loved school so much why didn't he go on to college or take classes anytime he is interested in something. I hated school but I love learning!! I did get my college degree and continue to take classes now on anything I have an interest in that I can't learn on my own and need a little instruction in. I showed him how he actually "loved" the activities at school he was involved in (football, basketball, etc) but he didn't love the book-learning part and he finally agreed. I went into a lot of detail with him about the whole unschooling philosophy and how it fosters a child's love for learning and freedom to do that. I also pointed out all of the "things" Dakota has learned this last year ON HIS OWN! My dh thought that "learning" came from me sitting at the table with a workbook teaching Dakota....he didn't realize that was completely Dakota's doing on his own. I think he finally understands and is much more willing to help Dakota out now when Dakota asks a question or is curious about something.....he sees how he has a major impact/role on his learning experience.....it is not all me anymore! LOL
Dakota pretty much has the freedom to do what he wants when he wants with a couple of exceptions. He is always picking up a new hobby or wanting to try something new and I (now that my husband is on board, we) fully support anything he wants to try. We do restrict shows he watches on TV/movies only because it goes against our Christian beliefs. (We don't watch it either though.) Biblically in Philippians we are instructed to fill our minds with only things that are good and wholesome, lovely, right and pure so we don't watch any trash TV or Rated R movies. He wouldn't admit this to his friends but he absolutely LOVES watching things like "The Wiggles", "LazyTown", "Out of the Box" etc....all the musical shows on in the morning times.
The second thing he is "made" to do is our Bible studies....but even that can be made fun so he enjoys it now. I am his Sunday School teacher too so he loves it when he already knows what the lesson is about on Sunday mornings and can answer all the questions! LOL The kids think he is just so smart!
Anyway, I guess the biggest "healing" through unschooling that I have experienced is watching Dakota enjoy his daily life in freedom and watching him absorb life like a sponge knowing he will be supported and loved in whatever he wants to do. My heart breaks for kids (like those in my SS class) that hate going to school and wish they could just stay home with their mommy & daddy.
Elisa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My own experience with unschooling only started last year after 3 years of trying to homeschool the traditional way (by sitting at the kitchen table with workbooks galore!) and failing miserably and making my child hate school. I always hated school and the whole atmosphere of school (I am an introvert and school is NOT a place for introverted people!) Living in a Navy family I had to change schools about 8 times and that added to my introverted-ness...LOL, is that even a word?!
All of my teenagers went to public school and have loved most of it (they are all very extroverted and have been extremely involved in band, cheerleading, leadership positions, etc.) so they all say they wouldn't trade it for anything. My last two are graduating this year and they are both suffering from a bad case of "senioritis" LOL.
My husband has not been very supportive of this unschooling method. We had several discussions here lately, really turning into arguments about it. He has basically been patient with me the last year but finally felt the "need to say something about my lack of schooling with Dakota each day." I got so upset with him recently I couldn't even think of what to say to him. So I decided what we needed to do was go away for a weekend and just spend time talking and discussing our ideas/opinions of Dakota's upbringing. We did that two weeks ago and it was wonderful! We were able to hash out everything in a non-confrontational, non-argumentative way and he understands where I am coming from now. What he was having a hard time understanding was why all of a sudden last year I had made this change to completely unschooling.....he was looking at it as laziness on my part as far as Dakota was concerned! All he knows is we had 5 other children all go through public school and all of a sudden now I am just keeping our last child home with me every day. He tried to tell me he always loved school and he feels bad for Dakota!! I asked him if he loved school so much why didn't he go on to college or take classes anytime he is interested in something. I hated school but I love learning!! I did get my college degree and continue to take classes now on anything I have an interest in that I can't learn on my own and need a little instruction in. I showed him how he actually "loved" the activities at school he was involved in (football, basketball, etc) but he didn't love the book-learning part and he finally agreed. I went into a lot of detail with him about the whole unschooling philosophy and how it fosters a child's love for learning and freedom to do that. I also pointed out all of the "things" Dakota has learned this last year ON HIS OWN! My dh thought that "learning" came from me sitting at the table with a workbook teaching Dakota....he didn't realize that was completely Dakota's doing on his own. I think he finally understands and is much more willing to help Dakota out now when Dakota asks a question or is curious about something.....he sees how he has a major impact/role on his learning experience.....it is not all me anymore! LOL
Dakota pretty much has the freedom to do what he wants when he wants with a couple of exceptions. He is always picking up a new hobby or wanting to try something new and I (now that my husband is on board, we) fully support anything he wants to try. We do restrict shows he watches on TV/movies only because it goes against our Christian beliefs. (We don't watch it either though.) Biblically in Philippians we are instructed to fill our minds with only things that are good and wholesome, lovely, right and pure so we don't watch any trash TV or Rated R movies. He wouldn't admit this to his friends but he absolutely LOVES watching things like "The Wiggles", "LazyTown", "Out of the Box" etc....all the musical shows on in the morning times.
The second thing he is "made" to do is our Bible studies....but even that can be made fun so he enjoys it now. I am his Sunday School teacher too so he loves it when he already knows what the lesson is about on Sunday mornings and can answer all the questions! LOL The kids think he is just so smart!
Anyway, I guess the biggest "healing" through unschooling that I have experienced is watching Dakota enjoy his daily life in freedom and watching him absorb life like a sponge knowing he will be supported and loved in whatever he wants to do. My heart breaks for kids (like those in my SS class) that hate going to school and wish they could just stay home with their mommy & daddy.
Elisa
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mamaaj2000
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
personality. A little background: I'd always wanted to homeschool,
but started off pushing and controling--well, attempting to control.
I was on homeschooling pre-K lists that talked about kids who enjoyed
the elaborate projects their moms set up. There were a ton of rewards
needed to keep the kids doing their work of learning the alphabet and
other 3 yr old-ish skills. Even before reading Alfie Kohn, I didn't
like that. So I kept reading and found unschooling. Even though my
son was only 3, it was a big switch from thinking about pushing
academics and controling food, tv, etc. to letting him set the pace
and make decisions for himself.
As a baby and toddler, he tended to be anxious about new situations,
doing things for himself or group settings. (One on one, even with
new people, he's always been outgoing). I started relaxing controls
last May. There were some gradual changes in him and potty training
in Oct. when he turned four went very easily. I'd expected every step
to be a big deal--the big toilet, public toilets, etc. but instead he
enjoyed becoming competant and mastering each step.
Around Christmas, he was extremely anxious and stuck to dh and me
like glue. We thought it was because of the holiday (which was fairly
calm, but still a big change from our routine). Anyway, in January,
we figured out that it was a kind of emotional growth spurt! He's now
confident and wanting to prove himself in physical and other areas.
For instance, he went from refusing to be upstairs alone to opening
the gate to the stairs, closing it behind him (so the 2 yr old is
safe!) and happily playing by himself. From saying he couldn't open
the fridge to get his cup to trying to make a pb&j sandwich alone!
Since it's been snowy and muddy, we haven't been outside much, but
we've been developing our own gymnastics routines inside. Mikey
climbs on top of the reclining chair and does a backwards somersault
down the chair and lands on his feet. I still can't believe it when I
see him do that!
Some of it is probably natural changes, but I *know* some of it is
because I'm not trying to push, challenge, strongly encourage him to
do things, but instead being comfortable with his decisions about
when and if he wants to do something. I was anxious as a child (okay,
I'm not exactly over it at 35) and I was pushed a lot and not
respected when I didn't want to do something. I know my parents were
trying to do their best and were afraid I'd never do this, that and
the other thing, but I'm glad I've found a way to support my kids
without pushing.
--aj
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
> What significant healing (if any) has your family found afterMy first story is about my four year old and the huge change in his
> adopting an unschooling lifestyle? How has it affected your
> relationships with your immediate family or with others?
> Has it increased your feelings of confidence in yourself and your
> ability to learn new things at any time?
personality. A little background: I'd always wanted to homeschool,
but started off pushing and controling--well, attempting to control.
I was on homeschooling pre-K lists that talked about kids who enjoyed
the elaborate projects their moms set up. There were a ton of rewards
needed to keep the kids doing their work of learning the alphabet and
other 3 yr old-ish skills. Even before reading Alfie Kohn, I didn't
like that. So I kept reading and found unschooling. Even though my
son was only 3, it was a big switch from thinking about pushing
academics and controling food, tv, etc. to letting him set the pace
and make decisions for himself.
As a baby and toddler, he tended to be anxious about new situations,
doing things for himself or group settings. (One on one, even with
new people, he's always been outgoing). I started relaxing controls
last May. There were some gradual changes in him and potty training
in Oct. when he turned four went very easily. I'd expected every step
to be a big deal--the big toilet, public toilets, etc. but instead he
enjoyed becoming competant and mastering each step.
Around Christmas, he was extremely anxious and stuck to dh and me
like glue. We thought it was because of the holiday (which was fairly
calm, but still a big change from our routine). Anyway, in January,
we figured out that it was a kind of emotional growth spurt! He's now
confident and wanting to prove himself in physical and other areas.
For instance, he went from refusing to be upstairs alone to opening
the gate to the stairs, closing it behind him (so the 2 yr old is
safe!) and happily playing by himself. From saying he couldn't open
the fridge to get his cup to trying to make a pb&j sandwich alone!
Since it's been snowy and muddy, we haven't been outside much, but
we've been developing our own gymnastics routines inside. Mikey
climbs on top of the reclining chair and does a backwards somersault
down the chair and lands on his feet. I still can't believe it when I
see him do that!
Some of it is probably natural changes, but I *know* some of it is
because I'm not trying to push, challenge, strongly encourage him to
do things, but instead being comfortable with his decisions about
when and if he wants to do something. I was anxious as a child (okay,
I'm not exactly over it at 35) and I was pushed a lot and not
respected when I didn't want to do something. I know my parents were
trying to do their best and were afraid I'd never do this, that and
the other thing, but I'm glad I've found a way to support my kids
without pushing.
--aj
Ren Allen
" Biblically in Philippians we are instructed to fill our minds with
only things that are good and wholesome, lovely, right and pure so
we don't watch any trash TV or Rated R movies."
Ok, I know we all have different beliefs, but if my child wanted to
watch something *I* deemed as "trash", I would think that trusting
my child over a verse in the Bible would be extremely important.
There are many verses that contradict themselves, considering human
need is important to the unschooling process. Trusting our children
to find their spiritual path while watching, learning about things
that aren't completely "pure" according to Mom and Dad can lead to
some really great learning moments.
If I limited what my children watched, they would have missed out on
some amazing things (because *I* didn't like them).
Unschooling is about trust. It sounds like you've all found a
wonderful place in your journey...it's SO awesome to have a dh that
understands and doesn't hassle your decision. Really cool.
I encourage you to trust that young man fully. If he wants to watch
something that seems dubious, trust that he's getting something good
out of it. Truly.
It's hard to let go of our preconcieved notions of what is "good"
or "bad", but since I have been able to do that, I've seen so much
learning flow out of it.
Ren
only things that are good and wholesome, lovely, right and pure so
we don't watch any trash TV or Rated R movies."
Ok, I know we all have different beliefs, but if my child wanted to
watch something *I* deemed as "trash", I would think that trusting
my child over a verse in the Bible would be extremely important.
There are many verses that contradict themselves, considering human
need is important to the unschooling process. Trusting our children
to find their spiritual path while watching, learning about things
that aren't completely "pure" according to Mom and Dad can lead to
some really great learning moments.
If I limited what my children watched, they would have missed out on
some amazing things (because *I* didn't like them).
Unschooling is about trust. It sounds like you've all found a
wonderful place in your journey...it's SO awesome to have a dh that
understands and doesn't hassle your decision. Really cool.
I encourage you to trust that young man fully. If he wants to watch
something that seems dubious, trust that he's getting something good
out of it. Truly.
It's hard to let go of our preconcieved notions of what is "good"
or "bad", but since I have been able to do that, I've seen so much
learning flow out of it.
Ren