Lost and Confused
amberb.sanders
Hello Everyone! I am new to this group and want to start off by saying thank you for allowing me to join such a great group. I have been watching the threads to get a feel of the different personalities and topics.
I have a dilemma I am not sure how to handle and was hoping some of you might be able to at least point me in the right direction. I will not bore you with the tedious details but I will get a brief insight into my situation so you can possibly understand what I am dealing with before I ask my question.
My family was forced to move back in with my parents last year for reasons that were simply unavoidable. The kids (B-12 and D-11)are completely miserable here for more reason than one but that is understandable for its hard to learn to live with two families under one roof. Since day one I have constantly battled my mother over how to raise "MY KIDS" but for the most part I have come out on top, but there are still several issues like the junk food she keeps bringing into the house. I feel like its her house and I have no right to tell her what she can and cannot eat in her house but in the same respect its impossible to keep my kids from eating because it is here and readily available. I try to counter balance things with fresh fruit and veggies which works great with my daughter but my son would rather a debbie cake of an apple any day :( That is a my life right now in a nutshell.
We have decided this year to homeschool, at first we went through a virtual school that took me about a month to realize it was a "brick & mortar" program in disguise so we pulled out of that and decided to homeschool under the third option. Of course at first I thought I had to replicate school and turned one bedroom into a "school" room. We spent 4-5 hours every morning do academic studies just like school would do. It was then I noticed my children for the first time in a way I almost cannot describe. These so-called subject lesson were painfully being forced down their throats like the most disgusting food. I actually felt like a failure to them all these years. I spent days just talking to them getting to know their likes and dislikes with school things, their personal interests, etc. Then after much research online I came to a term I had never heard before... Unschooling! I read and read all I could find to read on Unschooling and the more I learned the more drawn to this foreign concept I felt. So I did the one thing I had never done with my kids.... I sat them down and explained to them what unschooling was and asked them what they thought and if they wanted to try that route for a while to see just how well it would work for our family. They both wanted to try it and so we have been living this way for about a month now and I can't believe how well we are getting along with each other. I know most of you (if you are still reading my rambling) are asking yourself, "ok so whats the problem?" Well the problem is my parents. Their are very old school and the only "school" there can be is hours and hours of vigorous math problems, history lessons, science facts, etc followed by insulting tests. I have tried to explain natural learning vs force fed schooling 1000 times over but to no avail they are still against it. They are always saying that playing is not learning anything and that they will fail in life without proper schooling and that if they are ever question they will have to tell the governing school board how my kids never do any school.
My question is.... how do I get them to first of all butt out and second of all understand and accept unschooling???? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
I have a dilemma I am not sure how to handle and was hoping some of you might be able to at least point me in the right direction. I will not bore you with the tedious details but I will get a brief insight into my situation so you can possibly understand what I am dealing with before I ask my question.
My family was forced to move back in with my parents last year for reasons that were simply unavoidable. The kids (B-12 and D-11)are completely miserable here for more reason than one but that is understandable for its hard to learn to live with two families under one roof. Since day one I have constantly battled my mother over how to raise "MY KIDS" but for the most part I have come out on top, but there are still several issues like the junk food she keeps bringing into the house. I feel like its her house and I have no right to tell her what she can and cannot eat in her house but in the same respect its impossible to keep my kids from eating because it is here and readily available. I try to counter balance things with fresh fruit and veggies which works great with my daughter but my son would rather a debbie cake of an apple any day :( That is a my life right now in a nutshell.
We have decided this year to homeschool, at first we went through a virtual school that took me about a month to realize it was a "brick & mortar" program in disguise so we pulled out of that and decided to homeschool under the third option. Of course at first I thought I had to replicate school and turned one bedroom into a "school" room. We spent 4-5 hours every morning do academic studies just like school would do. It was then I noticed my children for the first time in a way I almost cannot describe. These so-called subject lesson were painfully being forced down their throats like the most disgusting food. I actually felt like a failure to them all these years. I spent days just talking to them getting to know their likes and dislikes with school things, their personal interests, etc. Then after much research online I came to a term I had never heard before... Unschooling! I read and read all I could find to read on Unschooling and the more I learned the more drawn to this foreign concept I felt. So I did the one thing I had never done with my kids.... I sat them down and explained to them what unschooling was and asked them what they thought and if they wanted to try that route for a while to see just how well it would work for our family. They both wanted to try it and so we have been living this way for about a month now and I can't believe how well we are getting along with each other. I know most of you (if you are still reading my rambling) are asking yourself, "ok so whats the problem?" Well the problem is my parents. Their are very old school and the only "school" there can be is hours and hours of vigorous math problems, history lessons, science facts, etc followed by insulting tests. I have tried to explain natural learning vs force fed schooling 1000 times over but to no avail they are still against it. They are always saying that playing is not learning anything and that they will fail in life without proper schooling and that if they are ever question they will have to tell the governing school board how my kids never do any school.
My question is.... how do I get them to first of all butt out and second of all understand and accept unschooling???? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
Meredith
"amberb.sanders" <amberb.sanders@...> wrote:
Come at that from another angle - you've been trying to teach your parents about unschooling and they're responding pretty much the way your kids did when you tried to homeschool. The principles of unschooling apply to adults as well as kids - they're principles of human nature! People can choose to learn from others, but they don't much like having other people trying to teach them without their consent.
So step waaaaaay back from trying to teach your parents about unschooling and instead work on having a better relationship with them and smoothing the way for your kids to have a better relationship with them. That may include keeping some kind of journal about what your kids are doing and learning so you can share with your folks - not in a "see it works" snippy kind of way, but in a "aren't your grandkids cool?" kind of way. Give them ways to connect and things to boast about to their friends.
Let the results speak for themselves!
If you're in compliance with the law, you could say so, but don't make a big deal out of it. Try to see things from your parents perspective - you can do that without agreeing with them! From their perspective, education is really important. They're concerned about their grandchildren. See their care and concern and speak to that - don't brush it off or try to tell them they're wrong, be gentle with their feelings.
To some people, providing sweets is a way of saying "I love and value you". Like buying a box of chocolates for valentine's day or an anniversary. See your mom doing something like that and let her know you appreciate her love and care. A few snack cakes aren't going to ruin your kids - but creating power struggles around food can be disastrous.
---Meredith
>> My question is.... how do I get them to first of all butt out and second of all understand and accept unschooling???? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.************
Come at that from another angle - you've been trying to teach your parents about unschooling and they're responding pretty much the way your kids did when you tried to homeschool. The principles of unschooling apply to adults as well as kids - they're principles of human nature! People can choose to learn from others, but they don't much like having other people trying to teach them without their consent.
So step waaaaaay back from trying to teach your parents about unschooling and instead work on having a better relationship with them and smoothing the way for your kids to have a better relationship with them. That may include keeping some kind of journal about what your kids are doing and learning so you can share with your folks - not in a "see it works" snippy kind of way, but in a "aren't your grandkids cool?" kind of way. Give them ways to connect and things to boast about to their friends.
>> They are always saying that playing is not learning anythingDon't argue. Make polite sounds of conciliation without "getting into it". Say "you may be right" and "I'm researching the matter" and "we're trying this right now" and then change the subject to something sweet or light or fun.
Let the results speak for themselves!
>> if they are ever question they will have to tell the governing school board how my kids never do any school.***********
If you're in compliance with the law, you could say so, but don't make a big deal out of it. Try to see things from your parents perspective - you can do that without agreeing with them! From their perspective, education is really important. They're concerned about their grandchildren. See their care and concern and speak to that - don't brush it off or try to tell them they're wrong, be gentle with their feelings.
>there are still several issues like the junk food she keeps bringing into the house. I feel like its her house and I have no right to tell her what she can and cannot eat in her house but in the same respect its impossible to keep my kids from eating because it is here and readily available.***************
To some people, providing sweets is a way of saying "I love and value you". Like buying a box of chocolates for valentine's day or an anniversary. See your mom doing something like that and let her know you appreciate her love and care. A few snack cakes aren't going to ruin your kids - but creating power struggles around food can be disastrous.
---Meredith
lindaguitar
Hi Amber,
About the junk food - hopefully, with a variety of foods in the house, and with some casual discussions about nutrition and health, your kids will learn to self-regulate/find a balance when it comes to food choices.
My (now-grown) kids have ended up being able to make better food choices than my husband and I! My dh and I are both overweight, and he has diabetes. We do buy "junk" - cookies, cakes, pastries, potato chips, etc. (Bad idea, I know. I have not figured out how to overcome my own carb/sugar cravings.) But we also have veggies, fruit, cheese, nuts, whole grain bread, and other healthy foods available.
Neither of our kids is overweight. They are both healthier and more active than dh and I are. We never put arbitrary limits on how much "junk" the kids could eat, when we have it in the house, but I have spoken to them a lot about nutrition and health, especially since dh was diagnosed with diabetes about 8 years ago.
I get the impression that most unschooled kids who have access to sugary/HFCS-containing, salty, white-flour-based, GMO-containing (e.g. "modified food starch"), and food-colored snacks, but who also always have access to healthier snacks and are well-informed about nutrition and health, eventually tend to make healthy choices, overall. (My 19 y.o. daughter texted me a grocery list while I was in the supermarket a few days ago, and included "healthy snacks" in the list. So I got some sugar snap peas, baby carrots, frozen mixed fruit and plain organic yogurt for smoothies - which we sweeten with stevia, some unsalted roasted peanuts in the shell, whole wheat pitas, and hummus.)
The other issue - of your parents not understanding about unschooling and educational alternatives - seems like a much more difficult one. I would have had that problem if we had had to live with my mother.
One thing I can think of that *might* help (if your parents are willing to read about new ideas or to listen to you read aloud to them, and to look at websites and watch videos) is to start collecting LOTS of books, articles, and links to websites and videos about unschooling, educational alternatives, and the drawbacks of mainstream/traditional schooling.
Print out everything you can find online about it, and leave the articles on the kitchen table or somewhere your parents can't help but see them! Also, print out every post you can find from unschooling parents whose kids are now grown and either in college or employed (e.g., me! My two formerly unschooled kids are both in college AND employed), and every post from adults who were, themselves, unschooled.
(To help you get started with grown unschoolers, Google: "Kate Fridkis on unschooling", without the quotation marks.)
In addition, print out articles about the Sudbury Valley School, buy some of their books (they have published a veritable library), and watch their videos. The educational philosophy of the Sudbury Valley School, and all the other Sudbury/Democratic schools is almost identical to unschooling, and SVS has the advantage of being a school with a very large number of alumni, all of whom have either gone to college, or found success in careers though other paths. (See sudval.org, and Google articles on education by Daniel Greenberg.) There is strength in numbers and verifiable data, and the Sudbury schools have that!
I recommend books, articles, and Ted Talks by authors and educators such as John Taylor Gatto, John Holt, Alfie Kohn, Sir Ken Robinson, and Sugata Mitra, among others. I also recommend the book Deschooling Society, by Ivan Illich, even though it strays off-topic in parts, and was written in the 1960s. Most of it is still relevant. It's available for free, online. So are some of JT Gatto's books.
There's a new book just out by Cindy Gaddis, called "The Right Side of Normal". See http://www.therightsideofnormal.com
Cindy has a Yahoo Group called Homeschooling Creatively. She unschools her own kids. But she also has a perspective on what the "normal" progression of learning and learning styles are for kids who are right-brain-dominant, and, in her view, the public school system and its methods and "scope and sequence" are entirely geared towards left-brained learners.
I recommend reading Dr. Peter Gray's blog "Freedom to Learn", on the Psychology Today website. (He has ties to the Sudbury Valley School AND to the worldwide unschooling community.)
If your parents are the types who would consider asking questions of and listening to someone with experience, I'd be willing to correspond with them by email. In addition to having unschooled my own kids, having been a part of a vibrant local unschooling group, and having been a part of the broader (international) unschooling community through a variety of online groups, I am now a founder and staff member at the Sudbury School of Atlanta.
It is often harder for older people who are very set in their ways, and who have been thoroughly brainwashed by mainstream educrats, to even begin to consider new or different ideas. But, since you're stuck living with your parents, it seems that you have no better alternative than to try to expose them to these different ideas, for the sake of your kids!
Linda
About the junk food - hopefully, with a variety of foods in the house, and with some casual discussions about nutrition and health, your kids will learn to self-regulate/find a balance when it comes to food choices.
My (now-grown) kids have ended up being able to make better food choices than my husband and I! My dh and I are both overweight, and he has diabetes. We do buy "junk" - cookies, cakes, pastries, potato chips, etc. (Bad idea, I know. I have not figured out how to overcome my own carb/sugar cravings.) But we also have veggies, fruit, cheese, nuts, whole grain bread, and other healthy foods available.
Neither of our kids is overweight. They are both healthier and more active than dh and I are. We never put arbitrary limits on how much "junk" the kids could eat, when we have it in the house, but I have spoken to them a lot about nutrition and health, especially since dh was diagnosed with diabetes about 8 years ago.
I get the impression that most unschooled kids who have access to sugary/HFCS-containing, salty, white-flour-based, GMO-containing (e.g. "modified food starch"), and food-colored snacks, but who also always have access to healthier snacks and are well-informed about nutrition and health, eventually tend to make healthy choices, overall. (My 19 y.o. daughter texted me a grocery list while I was in the supermarket a few days ago, and included "healthy snacks" in the list. So I got some sugar snap peas, baby carrots, frozen mixed fruit and plain organic yogurt for smoothies - which we sweeten with stevia, some unsalted roasted peanuts in the shell, whole wheat pitas, and hummus.)
The other issue - of your parents not understanding about unschooling and educational alternatives - seems like a much more difficult one. I would have had that problem if we had had to live with my mother.
One thing I can think of that *might* help (if your parents are willing to read about new ideas or to listen to you read aloud to them, and to look at websites and watch videos) is to start collecting LOTS of books, articles, and links to websites and videos about unschooling, educational alternatives, and the drawbacks of mainstream/traditional schooling.
Print out everything you can find online about it, and leave the articles on the kitchen table or somewhere your parents can't help but see them! Also, print out every post you can find from unschooling parents whose kids are now grown and either in college or employed (e.g., me! My two formerly unschooled kids are both in college AND employed), and every post from adults who were, themselves, unschooled.
(To help you get started with grown unschoolers, Google: "Kate Fridkis on unschooling", without the quotation marks.)
In addition, print out articles about the Sudbury Valley School, buy some of their books (they have published a veritable library), and watch their videos. The educational philosophy of the Sudbury Valley School, and all the other Sudbury/Democratic schools is almost identical to unschooling, and SVS has the advantage of being a school with a very large number of alumni, all of whom have either gone to college, or found success in careers though other paths. (See sudval.org, and Google articles on education by Daniel Greenberg.) There is strength in numbers and verifiable data, and the Sudbury schools have that!
I recommend books, articles, and Ted Talks by authors and educators such as John Taylor Gatto, John Holt, Alfie Kohn, Sir Ken Robinson, and Sugata Mitra, among others. I also recommend the book Deschooling Society, by Ivan Illich, even though it strays off-topic in parts, and was written in the 1960s. Most of it is still relevant. It's available for free, online. So are some of JT Gatto's books.
There's a new book just out by Cindy Gaddis, called "The Right Side of Normal". See http://www.therightsideofnormal.com
Cindy has a Yahoo Group called Homeschooling Creatively. She unschools her own kids. But she also has a perspective on what the "normal" progression of learning and learning styles are for kids who are right-brain-dominant, and, in her view, the public school system and its methods and "scope and sequence" are entirely geared towards left-brained learners.
I recommend reading Dr. Peter Gray's blog "Freedom to Learn", on the Psychology Today website. (He has ties to the Sudbury Valley School AND to the worldwide unschooling community.)
If your parents are the types who would consider asking questions of and listening to someone with experience, I'd be willing to correspond with them by email. In addition to having unschooled my own kids, having been a part of a vibrant local unschooling group, and having been a part of the broader (international) unschooling community through a variety of online groups, I am now a founder and staff member at the Sudbury School of Atlanta.
It is often harder for older people who are very set in their ways, and who have been thoroughly brainwashed by mainstream educrats, to even begin to consider new or different ideas. But, since you're stuck living with your parents, it seems that you have no better alternative than to try to expose them to these different ideas, for the sake of your kids!
Linda
--- In [email protected], "amberb.sanders" <amberb.sanders@...> wrote:
>
> Hello Everyone! I am new to this group and want to start off by saying thank you for allowing me to join such a great group. I have been watching the threads to get a feel of the different personalities and topics.
>
> I have a dilemma I am not sure how to handle and was hoping some of you might be able to at least point me in the right direction. I will not bore you with the tedious details but I will get a brief insight into my situation so you can possibly understand what I am dealing with before I ask my question.
>
> My family was forced to move back in with my parents last year for reasons that were simply unavoidable. The kids (B-12 and D-11)are completely miserable here for more reason than one but that is understandable for its hard to learn to live with two families under one roof. Since day one I have constantly battled my mother over how to raise "MY KIDS" but for the most part I have come out on top, but there are still several issues like the junk food she keeps bringing into the house. I feel like its her house and I have no right to tell her what she can and cannot eat in her house but in the same respect its impossible to keep my kids from eating because it is here and readily available. I try to counter balance things with fresh fruit and veggies which works great with my daughter but my son would rather a debbie cake of an apple any day :( That is a my life right now in a nutshell.
>
> We have decided this year to homeschool, at first we went through a virtual school that took me about a month to realize it was a "brick & mortar" program in disguise so we pulled out of that and decided to homeschool under the third option. Of course at first I thought I had to replicate school and turned one bedroom into a "school" room. We spent 4-5 hours every morning do academic studies just like school would do. It was then I noticed my children for the first time in a way I almost cannot describe. These so-called subject lesson were painfully being forced down their throats like the most disgusting food. I actually felt like a failure to them all these years. I spent days just talking to them getting to know their likes and dislikes with school things, their personal interests, etc. Then after much research online I came to a term I had never heard before... Unschooling! I read and read all I could find to read on Unschooling and the more I learned the more drawn to this foreign concept I felt. So I did the one thing I had never done with my kids.... I sat them down and explained to them what unschooling was and asked them what they thought and if they wanted to try that route for a while to see just how well it would work for our family. They both wanted to try it and so we have been living this way for about a month now and I can't believe how well we are getting along with each other. I know most of you (if you are still reading my rambling) are asking yourself, "ok so whats the problem?" Well the problem is my parents. Their are very old school and the only "school" there can be is hours and hours of vigorous math problems, history lessons, science facts, etc followed by insulting tests. I have tried to explain natural learning vs force fed schooling 1000 times over but to no avail they are still against it. They are always saying that playing is not learning anything and that they will fail in life without proper schooling and that if they are ever question they will have to tell the governing school board how my kids never do any school.
>
> My question is.... how do I get them to first of all butt out and second of all understand and accept unschooling???? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
>
alma
Lots of people, when they return to their parents home (even for a visit), play out all their old childhood patterns again. Maybe there is a dynamic going on with you and your parents where you are kicking against their attempts to tell you what to do in the ways that you did as a teenager.
You say your return to their house was unavoidable. But I suspect it was actually a choice (even if a difficult one).
If you returned to their house to care for them, then part of that care needs to be an understanding of their ways. They will not feel good about being cared for by a daughter who is irritated by them and thinks they're stupid. It will also not help the relationship between them and their grandchildren. Ultimately though, in this scenario, you can leave and not care for them, so you have a little bargaining power in how you live your life.
If you returned because of homelessness, divorce or lack of work/money then you are in a vulnerable position. If your parents have watched you "mess up" in some way they may feel both that you should be a bit more grateful for their taking you in and that they don't want to watch you mess up their grandchildren's lives too. And what you are doing is very worrying (from their perspective).
Unschooling cannot work if the relationships in the home are rotten. That, to me, seems to be where you need to spend your energy. There is a danger that the more you push and explain unschooling the more they'll worry about your ability to parent.
If I were in this situation I would explain to my parents that, since we've all had big changes recently, I'm going to keep the kids out of school for a while. I'd find stuff to reassure them that this is legal, won't ruin their life chances and they'll be able to slot back in when the time is right. Rather than battling I would concentrate on building relationships between us all. I would look for cool, fun things that we, or any combination of us, could do together. I would not battle about things like food, but try to make it more fun. I would say thank you for my parents provision of food. I would make tasty, inviting food of my own (not as competition but as a gift, as choice). We might explore more about food - themed meals for example. I'd try to make the experience of food and eating pleasurable, whatever the food actually is. During this "break" from school I would casually chat with my parents about all that the kids are learning, using schooly jargon if it helps. [eg while my son is flying around on google earth my mum is seeing "geography".]
I guess what I'm trying to say in all this is that you are fighting a battle that you cannot win. If you are all miserable unschooling will not work. Concentrate first on being kind and understanding and building relationships - with your parents as well as your kids.
Alison
DS1(10) and DS2(7)
You say your return to their house was unavoidable. But I suspect it was actually a choice (even if a difficult one).
If you returned to their house to care for them, then part of that care needs to be an understanding of their ways. They will not feel good about being cared for by a daughter who is irritated by them and thinks they're stupid. It will also not help the relationship between them and their grandchildren. Ultimately though, in this scenario, you can leave and not care for them, so you have a little bargaining power in how you live your life.
If you returned because of homelessness, divorce or lack of work/money then you are in a vulnerable position. If your parents have watched you "mess up" in some way they may feel both that you should be a bit more grateful for their taking you in and that they don't want to watch you mess up their grandchildren's lives too. And what you are doing is very worrying (from their perspective).
Unschooling cannot work if the relationships in the home are rotten. That, to me, seems to be where you need to spend your energy. There is a danger that the more you push and explain unschooling the more they'll worry about your ability to parent.
If I were in this situation I would explain to my parents that, since we've all had big changes recently, I'm going to keep the kids out of school for a while. I'd find stuff to reassure them that this is legal, won't ruin their life chances and they'll be able to slot back in when the time is right. Rather than battling I would concentrate on building relationships between us all. I would look for cool, fun things that we, or any combination of us, could do together. I would not battle about things like food, but try to make it more fun. I would say thank you for my parents provision of food. I would make tasty, inviting food of my own (not as competition but as a gift, as choice). We might explore more about food - themed meals for example. I'd try to make the experience of food and eating pleasurable, whatever the food actually is. During this "break" from school I would casually chat with my parents about all that the kids are learning, using schooly jargon if it helps. [eg while my son is flying around on google earth my mum is seeing "geography".]
I guess what I'm trying to say in all this is that you are fighting a battle that you cannot win. If you are all miserable unschooling will not work. Concentrate first on being kind and understanding and building relationships - with your parents as well as your kids.
Alison
DS1(10) and DS2(7)
--- In [email protected], "amberb.sanders" <amberb.sanders@...> wrote:
>
> Hello Everyone! I am new to this group and want to start off by saying thank you for allowing me to join such a great group. I have been watching the threads to get a feel of the different personalities and topics.
>
> I have a dilemma I am not sure how to handle and was hoping some of you might be able to at least point me in the right direction. I will not bore you with the tedious details but I will get a brief insight into my situation so you can possibly understand what I am dealing with before I ask my question.
>
> My family was forced to move back in with my parents last year for reasons that were simply unavoidable. The kids (B-12 and D-11)are completely miserable here for more reason than one but that is understandable for its hard to learn to live with two families under one roof. Since day one I have constantly battled my mother over how to raise "MY KIDS" but for the most part I have come out on top, but there are still several issues like the junk food she keeps bringing into the house. I feel like its her house and I have no right to tell her what she can and cannot eat in her house but in the same respect its impossible to keep my kids from eating because it is here and readily available. I try to counter balance things with fresh fruit and veggies which works great with my daughter but my son would rather a debbie cake of an apple any day :( That is a my life right now in a nutshell.
>
> We have decided this year to homeschool, at first we went through a virtual school that took me about a month to realize it was a "brick & mortar" program in disguise so we pulled out of that and decided to homeschool under the third option. Of course at first I thought I had to replicate school and turned one bedroom into a "school" room. We spent 4-5 hours every morning do academic studies just like school would do. It was then I noticed my children for the first time in a way I almost cannot describe. These so-called subject lesson were painfully being forced down their throats like the most disgusting food. I actually felt like a failure to them all these years. I spent days just talking to them getting to know their likes and dislikes with school things, their personal interests, etc. Then after much research online I came to a term I had never heard before... Unschooling! I read and read all I could find to read on Unschooling and the more I learned the more drawn to this foreign concept I felt. So I did the one thing I had never done with my kids.... I sat them down and explained to them what unschooling was and asked them what they thought and if they wanted to try that route for a while to see just how well it would work for our family. They both wanted to try it and so we have been living this way for about a month now and I can't believe how well we are getting along with each other. I know most of you (if you are still reading my rambling) are asking yourself, "ok so whats the problem?" Well the problem is my parents. Their are very old school and the only "school" there can be is hours and hours of vigorous math problems, history lessons, science facts, etc followed by insulting tests. I have tried to explain natural learning vs force fed schooling 1000 times over but to no avail they are still against it. They are always saying that playing is not learning anything and that they will fail in life without proper schooling and that if they are ever question they will have to tell the governing school board how my kids never do any school.
>
> My question is.... how do I get them to first of all butt out and second of all understand and accept unschooling???? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
>
Joyce Fetteroll
On Oct 27, 2012, at 2:05 PM, amberb.sanders wrote:
BUT, kids bodies have different needs than adults. They need more fat and more quick energy. (Often they also want food that's fast to spend as little time on boring stuff like eating so they can get back to what's interesting to them.) If your son is eating a lot of snack cakes it's because of 2 things: One they've been limited. Anything that someone likes or is intrigued by grows in value if it's limited. Please do read here:
The subject is television, but the underlying reasons apply to anything that's limited.
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
Two, because he's gearing up for puberty his food needs are skewed towards foods that will support his body through that, generally by bulking him up. It's like the fat babies have to sustain their tremendous growth rate. He's gearing up for the same.
Make note of what he likes of the snack foods. And make similar but more nutritionally dense foods ALSO easily available. Make them as easy to grab as the snack foods. Don't see yourself as in competition with the snack foods. See your goal as meeting your son's nutritional needs in ways he likes. Part of that will be snack cakes. Unless you stumble across something he likes even better. But he can't choose what's right for him unless he has choices.
Also look into monkey platters:
http://sandradodd.com/monkeyplatters/
as a way to offer a variety of foods to choose from.
I would have a frank discussion with them. Let them know you've done extensive reading about unschooling. That, yes, it sounds impossible to work, but you're confident that it does. You're going to do it *for now*. If it stops working you'll do something else. If they'd like to discuss it, you have some reading they can do. -- And make it readily available to them. -- Once they've read, you'll be happy to discuss it. But until they've read the subject needs to be off limits because it's disrupting the peace of the home.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Since day one I have constantly battled my mother over how to raiseSo what you're showing your kids about how to deal with situations where two opinions clash is to be more powerful and crush the opposition.
> "MY KIDS" but for the most part I have come out on top
> but in the same respect its impossible to keep my kids from eating because it is here and readily availableUnschooling is about kids exploring broadly to, to make choices, to find what is right *for them*. Unschooled kids who have a good foundation of healthy choices readily available AND the ability to explore whatever interests them won't eat nothing but snacky, chemical-laden food.
BUT, kids bodies have different needs than adults. They need more fat and more quick energy. (Often they also want food that's fast to spend as little time on boring stuff like eating so they can get back to what's interesting to them.) If your son is eating a lot of snack cakes it's because of 2 things: One they've been limited. Anything that someone likes or is intrigued by grows in value if it's limited. Please do read here:
The subject is television, but the underlying reasons apply to anything that's limited.
http://sandradodd.com/t/economics
Two, because he's gearing up for puberty his food needs are skewed towards foods that will support his body through that, generally by bulking him up. It's like the fat babies have to sustain their tremendous growth rate. He's gearing up for the same.
Make note of what he likes of the snack foods. And make similar but more nutritionally dense foods ALSO easily available. Make them as easy to grab as the snack foods. Don't see yourself as in competition with the snack foods. See your goal as meeting your son's nutritional needs in ways he likes. Part of that will be snack cakes. Unless you stumble across something he likes even better. But he can't choose what's right for him unless he has choices.
Also look into monkey platters:
http://sandradodd.com/monkeyplatters/
as a way to offer a variety of foods to choose from.
> I have tried to explain natural learning vs force fed schooling 1000 times over but to no avail they are still against it.I wouldn't try to explain. Unschooling sounds goofy. And the more you push, the more you denigrate what they believe, the tighter they'll hold to their beliefs and the more they'll shut their ears to what you say as a form of self-protection. Imagine them trying to get you to embrace some cult they'd joined. (And unschooling does sound rather cult like.)
I would have a frank discussion with them. Let them know you've done extensive reading about unschooling. That, yes, it sounds impossible to work, but you're confident that it does. You're going to do it *for now*. If it stops working you'll do something else. If they'd like to discuss it, you have some reading they can do. -- And make it readily available to them. -- Once they've read, you'll be happy to discuss it. But until they've read the subject needs to be off limits because it's disrupting the peace of the home.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Move out of their house. Really, how is any of this supposed to really work with all the conflict with your parents? Why did you start hsing this year?
Nance
Nance
> My question is.... how do I get them to first of all butt out and second of all understand and accept unschooling???? Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
>