I need some help.
messy_boys
I am utterly and completely miserable. Every day consists of my kids crying, screaming, fighting, following me around, wanting, needing, demanding, crying and screaming. It is driving me crazy. I cannot meet everyone's needs at once. I cannot get 5 seconds by myself. I cannot stand the noise!
There are things I need and want to get done. Just basic housework, taking a shower, and maybe eating without being pulled on or yelled at.
I find myself being annoyed with my kids constantly. I end up yelling or telling them to go in the other room. I hate it and I feel bad, but I finally don't know what else to do.
Is it just going to be this way until they get older? It's mostly my (almost) 3 yo and 5 yo. But the 6 yo and 7 yo chime in regularly as well.
Please help me! I don't know how to change this or what to do. I just know I can't go on like this much longer.
Kristie
PS - My two oldest boys hate all the noise and crazy, too.
There are things I need and want to get done. Just basic housework, taking a shower, and maybe eating without being pulled on or yelled at.
I find myself being annoyed with my kids constantly. I end up yelling or telling them to go in the other room. I hate it and I feel bad, but I finally don't know what else to do.
Is it just going to be this way until they get older? It's mostly my (almost) 3 yo and 5 yo. But the 6 yo and 7 yo chime in regularly as well.
Please help me! I don't know how to change this or what to do. I just know I can't go on like this much longer.
Kristie
PS - My two oldest boys hate all the noise and crazy, too.
[email protected]
I want to recommend checking out Gretchen Rubin's blog and or books.
_http://www.gretchenrubin.com/_ (http://www.gretchenrubin.com/)
Her thoughts on happiness changed my life. I also have four kids and A LOT
of noise but when I realized I was in control of my personal happiness
everything changed.
Do you have four kids, or six? I can't tell.
Also when I really have reached my limit I have my husband take everyone to
the zoo for the day so I can get caught up and have some quiet. It's good
for all of us.
Hang in there!
In a message dated 9/20/2012 9:25:49 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time,
messy_boys@... writes:
I am utterly and completely miserable. Every day consists of my kids
crying, screaming, fighting, following me around, wanting, needing, demanding,
crying and screaming. It is driving me crazy. I cannot meet everyone's needs
at once. I cannot get 5 seconds by myself. I cannot stand the noise!
There are things I need and want to get done. Just basic housework, taking
a shower, and maybe eating without being pulled on or yelled at.
I find myself being annoyed with my kids constantly. I end up yelling or
telling them to go in the other room. I hate it and I feel bad, but I
finally don't know what else to do.
Is it just going to be this way until they get older? It's mostly my
(almost) 3 yo and 5 yo. But the 6 yo and 7 yo chime in regularly as well.
Please help me! I don't know how to change this or what to do. I just know
I can't go on like this much longer.
Kristie
PS - My two oldest boys hate all the noise and crazy, too.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
_http://www.gretchenrubin.com/_ (http://www.gretchenrubin.com/)
Her thoughts on happiness changed my life. I also have four kids and A LOT
of noise but when I realized I was in control of my personal happiness
everything changed.
Do you have four kids, or six? I can't tell.
Also when I really have reached my limit I have my husband take everyone to
the zoo for the day so I can get caught up and have some quiet. It's good
for all of us.
Hang in there!
In a message dated 9/20/2012 9:25:49 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time,
messy_boys@... writes:
I am utterly and completely miserable. Every day consists of my kids
crying, screaming, fighting, following me around, wanting, needing, demanding,
crying and screaming. It is driving me crazy. I cannot meet everyone's needs
at once. I cannot get 5 seconds by myself. I cannot stand the noise!
There are things I need and want to get done. Just basic housework, taking
a shower, and maybe eating without being pulled on or yelled at.
I find myself being annoyed with my kids constantly. I end up yelling or
telling them to go in the other room. I hate it and I feel bad, but I
finally don't know what else to do.
Is it just going to be this way until they get older? It's mostly my
(almost) 3 yo and 5 yo. But the 6 yo and 7 yo chime in regularly as well.
Please help me! I don't know how to change this or what to do. I just know
I can't go on like this much longer.
Kristie
PS - My two oldest boys hate all the noise and crazy, too.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
"messy_boys" <messy_boys@...> wrote:
Is it that time of the month again already?
I'm being a little flippant, but Kristie, does anything every get any better at your house? If not, if it's an ongoing struggle to have a pack of kids at home, then maybe home/unschooling isn't such a good fit for your family.
What's better about the kids being at home? Really, seriously think about that. If you can rattle off a laundry list of reasons it's better for the kids to be home, hold that list in your heart. Post in on every mirror and cabinet so you don't forget. But if you're really miserable - were miserable last time and will be miserable again next time you post, then it's time to decide this isn't working, isn't helping you or your family.
Would things be Worse if you put one or more kids in school? If not, it's something to get real about.
----Meredith
>*************
> I am utterly and completely miserable. Every day consists of my kids crying, screaming, fighting, following me around, wanting, needing, demanding, crying and screaming. It is driving me crazy. I cannot meet everyone's needs at once. I cannot get 5 seconds by myself. I cannot stand the noise!
Is it that time of the month again already?
I'm being a little flippant, but Kristie, does anything every get any better at your house? If not, if it's an ongoing struggle to have a pack of kids at home, then maybe home/unschooling isn't such a good fit for your family.
What's better about the kids being at home? Really, seriously think about that. If you can rattle off a laundry list of reasons it's better for the kids to be home, hold that list in your heart. Post in on every mirror and cabinet so you don't forget. But if you're really miserable - were miserable last time and will be miserable again next time you post, then it's time to decide this isn't working, isn't helping you or your family.
Would things be Worse if you put one or more kids in school? If not, it's something to get real about.
----Meredith
Marieke Hensel
Is it possible to get some help? Even for a few hours a week?
When we had 6 kids (3 foster kids, 3 our own) this year, I had a nanny - it
was for me to go to work. But sometimes I just had to get out of the house
for 2 hours, and sleep in a car in a parking garage near my house. :-)
You need a lot of energy, especially when you take care of young kids that
aren't able to see that mom needs space sometimes too. If you find points
in your day that help you recharge, it will help you so much getting
through the day and eventually enjoying it.
Maybe you can find playdates for your kids, where you can bring a child for
a day?
I also like Meredith's idea, if its too hard with 4 kids, maybe try it with
2 unschooling first, and have the others go to daycare/school if needed,
and then you can get more at home when you are ready for it.
Its good to think of where the problem is. Are your kids being
unreasonable, or are they just being kids? Are you able to accept the
situation with kids making noise & mess at home? If you can't then its time
to find another solution.
:-)
Marieke
When we had 6 kids (3 foster kids, 3 our own) this year, I had a nanny - it
was for me to go to work. But sometimes I just had to get out of the house
for 2 hours, and sleep in a car in a parking garage near my house. :-)
You need a lot of energy, especially when you take care of young kids that
aren't able to see that mom needs space sometimes too. If you find points
in your day that help you recharge, it will help you so much getting
through the day and eventually enjoying it.
Maybe you can find playdates for your kids, where you can bring a child for
a day?
I also like Meredith's idea, if its too hard with 4 kids, maybe try it with
2 unschooling first, and have the others go to daycare/school if needed,
and then you can get more at home when you are ready for it.
Its good to think of where the problem is. Are your kids being
unreasonable, or are they just being kids? Are you able to accept the
situation with kids making noise & mess at home? If you can't then its time
to find another solution.
:-)
Marieke
Lesley Cross
Jumping off of Meredith's reply-
And if you do decide school would be worse... it's time to make a conscious effort to find the good that is there. There IS good. There is always good. A child's smile. 30 seconds of quiet while you pee. Make a gratitude practice into a mantra. Look for the good. Train yourself to see it. Catch your kids doing awesome things and appreciate yourself for noticing. Instead of becoming complacent when things are okay and freaking out when they aren't ( I think we all do this from time to time ) use the time when things are okay to increase your store of "what's good" examples, to dig in and connect MORE with your children so you know them that much better, and truly relish every drop of time and enjoyment you have that is just yours.
But there is no shame in getting help. If you can't afford to hire childcare help, public school makes fine daycare and the price is right. Just do it on your own terms. There are plenty of really responsive connected parents who put their kids in school. Some are able to maintain that responsiveness and connection *because* they have that space. 24/7 responsive connected parenting isn't workable for everyone. Frankly I'd say a large number of those for whom it does work, aren't actually doing it 24/7 alone. They have a tribe...whether it's a partner, friends, family....who help.
Throwing one more thing out there....something I'm seeing repeatedly among attachment parents/unschoolers is a tendency to make themselves responsible for their kids' feelings. Which means that if your kids aren't happy at every moment in the day, you blame yourself...."if I were a better parent, they'd be happy". It's a lie. And then it spirals out into something that looks like "what else can I do?" "I'm trapped" "I hate this, I can't take it anymore" and sometimes turns into "this unschooling stuff (or ap stuff) is bullshit, it doesn't work". When it's not unschooling at all that's not working. It's the making yourself responsible for their feelings. You are responsible TO them, not FOR them. They WILL feel unhappy sometimes. They WILL express it. They WILL, if it's part of their innate personality, be loud about it, or lash out physically. Sure, prevent it when you can....lists like this are full of great ideas for that...but there WILL be times when they aren't happy. When there is conflict you need to have your resources in place to not take it personally, to be their resource, to help them....but it is not your job to MAKE it better. It's your job to provide them with the support and resources to find better for themselves...to draw their own conclusions, try out their own solutions (which may or may not be ones you've suggested)- to make space for them to try things their way....as long as that way is not harming anyone else.
Complaining is also a really easy habit to get into. But it doesn't serve you. It takes your energy away from what you *can* do to change the situation. It sounds harsh, but it comes down to asking yourself "what am I willing and able to do about it"- even if the answer is that you're no longer willing or able to do it this way. Then do what you have to do.
Seriously though, you have a 3yo and 5yo. That's life. They're not polite. They demand, often unpleasantly, that their needs be met. They grow out of it. (And they're also REALLY awesome at this age... look for that!)
I'd edit this more....but my kids need food.
Lesley
Euphoria Life Design Studio
Join the Rest ∞ Play Project
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
And if you do decide school would be worse... it's time to make a conscious effort to find the good that is there. There IS good. There is always good. A child's smile. 30 seconds of quiet while you pee. Make a gratitude practice into a mantra. Look for the good. Train yourself to see it. Catch your kids doing awesome things and appreciate yourself for noticing. Instead of becoming complacent when things are okay and freaking out when they aren't ( I think we all do this from time to time ) use the time when things are okay to increase your store of "what's good" examples, to dig in and connect MORE with your children so you know them that much better, and truly relish every drop of time and enjoyment you have that is just yours.
But there is no shame in getting help. If you can't afford to hire childcare help, public school makes fine daycare and the price is right. Just do it on your own terms. There are plenty of really responsive connected parents who put their kids in school. Some are able to maintain that responsiveness and connection *because* they have that space. 24/7 responsive connected parenting isn't workable for everyone. Frankly I'd say a large number of those for whom it does work, aren't actually doing it 24/7 alone. They have a tribe...whether it's a partner, friends, family....who help.
Throwing one more thing out there....something I'm seeing repeatedly among attachment parents/unschoolers is a tendency to make themselves responsible for their kids' feelings. Which means that if your kids aren't happy at every moment in the day, you blame yourself...."if I were a better parent, they'd be happy". It's a lie. And then it spirals out into something that looks like "what else can I do?" "I'm trapped" "I hate this, I can't take it anymore" and sometimes turns into "this unschooling stuff (or ap stuff) is bullshit, it doesn't work". When it's not unschooling at all that's not working. It's the making yourself responsible for their feelings. You are responsible TO them, not FOR them. They WILL feel unhappy sometimes. They WILL express it. They WILL, if it's part of their innate personality, be loud about it, or lash out physically. Sure, prevent it when you can....lists like this are full of great ideas for that...but there WILL be times when they aren't happy. When there is conflict you need to have your resources in place to not take it personally, to be their resource, to help them....but it is not your job to MAKE it better. It's your job to provide them with the support and resources to find better for themselves...to draw their own conclusions, try out their own solutions (which may or may not be ones you've suggested)- to make space for them to try things their way....as long as that way is not harming anyone else.
Complaining is also a really easy habit to get into. But it doesn't serve you. It takes your energy away from what you *can* do to change the situation. It sounds harsh, but it comes down to asking yourself "what am I willing and able to do about it"- even if the answer is that you're no longer willing or able to do it this way. Then do what you have to do.
Seriously though, you have a 3yo and 5yo. That's life. They're not polite. They demand, often unpleasantly, that their needs be met. They grow out of it. (And they're also REALLY awesome at this age... look for that!)
I'd edit this more....but my kids need food.
Lesley
Euphoria Life Design Studio
Join the Rest ∞ Play Project
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Catherine GB
Hi
I understand you ! some of my days are like this... and when it happens,
I try to choose to "do" something. I play with them. We wrestle. We play
fight. I try to reconnect.
And after a while, I can see they are feeling better and me too !
Did you try reading Playful Parenting ?
It has helped me a lot !
Cath
I understand you ! some of my days are like this... and when it happens,
I try to choose to "do" something. I play with them. We wrestle. We play
fight. I try to reconnect.
And after a while, I can see they are feeling better and me too !
Did you try reading Playful Parenting ?
It has helped me a lot !
Cath