child going back to school
Liz
There was something I read here or on the other list maybe about how to mentally/emotionally handle it when your child wants to try school. Something about letting the child 'own' it, being there because they want to be there (in school). Anyone know what I'm talking about??
I need to read it if anyone can point me in a direction (I've been trying to search Sandra's site, but no luck). I think it may be on there.
We've been homeschooling for 3 years (11yo son and 12yo daughter), unschooling (or being on a journey to true unschooling) for over a year. DD just started our local public school (8th grade), going because she really wanted to. She's having a ball and I'm really happy for her. BUT, the busywork to do at home already is really, really annoying me (it's been 3 days since school started). Ahhhhh, the bad memories of the kids first few years in school and the massive amount of parent/child homework are flooding back!
She wants/needs my help to do it, so I'm supporting her decision to try school in whatever way I can. But these 'parent/child' projects are just too much already.
She completely knows her dad and I don't put stock in the school's grading system, it's there for the school, not for us, and that we're not going to 'judge' her on what the school says she knows/doesn't know. She really gets all that, and I'm very proud of her.
But at the same time, I feel she has to try to 'follow the rules' of the school if she wants to attend. And that means doing these projects. But honestly, I'm floundering a bit right now. I'm stuck between "these projects are silly" and "just do it because it's part of the job of going to school", with a little "everyone else's parents are basically doing the project themselves, so theirs looks great" feelings.
I know the teachers know how much the parents put into these projects, and some teachers are great and say "I don't assign home-projects, because I know the kids aren't really doing them themselves", but some teachers don't care. They just seem to assign these huge things to do at home anyway (makes them look good to the administration????). There are so many moms who say "so, what grade did WE get on the project?" "I worked hard on that project, we better get a good grade!" Oh boy, talk me down please!
I need to read it if anyone can point me in a direction (I've been trying to search Sandra's site, but no luck). I think it may be on there.
We've been homeschooling for 3 years (11yo son and 12yo daughter), unschooling (or being on a journey to true unschooling) for over a year. DD just started our local public school (8th grade), going because she really wanted to. She's having a ball and I'm really happy for her. BUT, the busywork to do at home already is really, really annoying me (it's been 3 days since school started). Ahhhhh, the bad memories of the kids first few years in school and the massive amount of parent/child homework are flooding back!
She wants/needs my help to do it, so I'm supporting her decision to try school in whatever way I can. But these 'parent/child' projects are just too much already.
She completely knows her dad and I don't put stock in the school's grading system, it's there for the school, not for us, and that we're not going to 'judge' her on what the school says she knows/doesn't know. She really gets all that, and I'm very proud of her.
But at the same time, I feel she has to try to 'follow the rules' of the school if she wants to attend. And that means doing these projects. But honestly, I'm floundering a bit right now. I'm stuck between "these projects are silly" and "just do it because it's part of the job of going to school", with a little "everyone else's parents are basically doing the project themselves, so theirs looks great" feelings.
I know the teachers know how much the parents put into these projects, and some teachers are great and say "I don't assign home-projects, because I know the kids aren't really doing them themselves", but some teachers don't care. They just seem to assign these huge things to do at home anyway (makes them look good to the administration????). There are so many moms who say "so, what grade did WE get on the project?" "I worked hard on that project, we better get a good grade!" Oh boy, talk me down please!
Joyce Fetteroll
On Sep 10, 2012, at 9:38 AM, Liz wrote:
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice
You don't need to make her. It just is. She gets to choose. If she chooses differently than they wish, there will be real consequences. If the school wishes to speak to you, you can let them know your daughter is in school by choice. And she'll stay as long as it's meeting her needs. If not, she'll come home.
You can ask her "What do you want from the project?" to help her decide what level of effort she wants to put into the projects. Does the project seem like fun, something she might have done on her own? Does she want praise from the teacher? From other kids? Does she want grades? Does she want to not be embarrassed? Does she want to do it as a bond with the other kids? Try to help her pin down what it is she wants.
Does she want your help? Why? Because it sounds fun to do together? Or because of one of the above reasons?
Be honest about how much time you have available. But I'd drop the "these projects are silly" and "just do it because it's part of the job of going to school" thoughts. That's baggage. Look at your daughter, not at the school. Your daughter doesn't need to be the victim of your baggage exploding ;-)
If they sound like fun to her, if she'd love to do them with you, if you can make the time, do that.
If there are other goals she wants, help her get clear on them.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> There was something I read here or on the other list maybe about how toIs it Public School on Your Own Terms
> mentally/emotionally handle it when your child wants to try school.
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice
> But at the same time, I feel she has to try to 'follow the rules'Wording it like that -- "she has to try to 'follow the rules'" -- may cause you to think in terms of making her.
> of the school if she wants to attend.
You don't need to make her. It just is. She gets to choose. If she chooses differently than they wish, there will be real consequences. If the school wishes to speak to you, you can let them know your daughter is in school by choice. And she'll stay as long as it's meeting her needs. If not, she'll come home.
You can ask her "What do you want from the project?" to help her decide what level of effort she wants to put into the projects. Does the project seem like fun, something she might have done on her own? Does she want praise from the teacher? From other kids? Does she want grades? Does she want to not be embarrassed? Does she want to do it as a bond with the other kids? Try to help her pin down what it is she wants.
Does she want your help? Why? Because it sounds fun to do together? Or because of one of the above reasons?
Be honest about how much time you have available. But I'd drop the "these projects are silly" and "just do it because it's part of the job of going to school" thoughts. That's baggage. Look at your daughter, not at the school. Your daughter doesn't need to be the victim of your baggage exploding ;-)
If they sound like fun to her, if she'd love to do them with you, if you can make the time, do that.
If there are other goals she wants, help her get clear on them.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
lindaguitar
What kinds of projects is the school expecting you to do with your daughter?
If these projects seem overwhelming to you, is there anyone else - a relative, friend of the family, or a friend of your daughters, or a professional ... whatever the subject of the project is ... who might be available to help her instead?
A friend of my son's, who went to public high school after being unschooled previously, had to build a trebuchet for his high school physics class one year. My son and I helped him with that, because it was the sort of thing we enjoy doing, and we had tools and wood scraps, etc.
There are other types of projects that kids might have to do for school that *I* would find overwhelming - i.e., not have time for, or not know how to do - and I would then look for outside help, if I were expected to help my child do such a project.
This applies to projects that are not for school, too. My daughter needed some help making wings for a dragon costume, for the DragonCon convention, recently. I don't know how to sew, except by hand (and not very well, at that), and couldn't really think of any suggestions for her to make the wings come out the way she wanted them. But I was available to drive her to craft stores, and to her friends' homes - and her friends were able to help her finish the wings. (She got great advice on wing-making from YouTube videos. Your daughter's school projects may be subjects that there are videos about on YouTube, too.)
Linda
If these projects seem overwhelming to you, is there anyone else - a relative, friend of the family, or a friend of your daughters, or a professional ... whatever the subject of the project is ... who might be available to help her instead?
A friend of my son's, who went to public high school after being unschooled previously, had to build a trebuchet for his high school physics class one year. My son and I helped him with that, because it was the sort of thing we enjoy doing, and we had tools and wood scraps, etc.
There are other types of projects that kids might have to do for school that *I* would find overwhelming - i.e., not have time for, or not know how to do - and I would then look for outside help, if I were expected to help my child do such a project.
This applies to projects that are not for school, too. My daughter needed some help making wings for a dragon costume, for the DragonCon convention, recently. I don't know how to sew, except by hand (and not very well, at that), and couldn't really think of any suggestions for her to make the wings come out the way she wanted them. But I was available to drive her to craft stores, and to her friends' homes - and her friends were able to help her finish the wings. (She got great advice on wing-making from YouTube videos. Your daughter's school projects may be subjects that there are videos about on YouTube, too.)
Linda
--- In [email protected], "Liz" <lizjane68@...> wrote:
>
> There was something I read here or on the other list maybe about how to mentally/emotionally handle it when your child wants to try school. Something about letting the child 'own' it, being there because they want to be there (in school). Anyone know what I'm talking about??
>
> I need to read it if anyone can point me in a direction (I've been trying to search Sandra's site, but no luck). I think it may be on there.
>
> We've been homeschooling for 3 years (11yo son and 12yo daughter), unschooling (or being on a journey to true unschooling) for over a year. DD just started our local public school (8th grade), going because she really wanted to. She's having a ball and I'm really happy for her. BUT, the busywork to do at home already is really, really annoying me (it's been 3 days since school started). Ahhhhh, the bad memories of the kids first few years in school and the massive amount of parent/child homework are flooding back!
>
> She wants/needs my help to do it, so I'm supporting her decision to try school in whatever way I can. But these 'parent/child' projects are just too much already.
>
> She completely knows her dad and I don't put stock in the school's grading system, it's there for the school, not for us, and that we're not going to 'judge' her on what the school says she knows/doesn't know. She really gets all that, and I'm very proud of her.
>
> But at the same time, I feel she has to try to 'follow the rules' of the school if she wants to attend. And that means doing these projects. But honestly, I'm floundering a bit right now. I'm stuck between "these projects are silly" and "just do it because it's part of the job of going to school", with a little "everyone else's parents are basically doing the project themselves, so theirs looks great" feelings.
>
> I know the teachers know how much the parents put into these projects, and some teachers are great and say "I don't assign home-projects, because I know the kids aren't really doing them themselves", but some teachers don't care. They just seem to assign these huge things to do at home anyway (makes them look good to the administration????). There are so many moms who say "so, what grade did WE get on the project?" "I worked hard on that project, we better get a good grade!" Oh boy, talk me down please!
>