messy_boys

My oldest son's birthday was in June. He let everyone know that he wanted money so he could save up for a computer. He came within $50 of the amount he needed...and still had one relative who would give him money but it would be a while until we saw them.

So - I offered to cover the $50 for him so he could go ahead and buy the computer, with the agreement that when he received the rest of his BD money, he would pay me back.

Yesterday he finally received the money and is throwing a fit! I can not believe it. He says I am 'stealing' his money.

He is 14. Another thing he said is that he has no way to earn money (I can't afford allowances right now).

Can you please give me some insight on how to handle this in a respectful and mindful way?

Thanks,
Kristie

Joyce Fetteroll

On Sep 10, 2012, at 8:37 AM, messy_boys wrote:

> So - I offered to cover the $50 for him so he could go ahead and
> buy the computer, with the agreement that when he received the
> rest of his BD money, he would pay me back.
>
> Yesterday he finally received the money and is throwing a fit!
> I can not believe it. He says I am 'stealing' his money.

That's the worst part of paying on credit. You later have to pay for things you already have.

I think what I'd do is apologize to him. What you offered was beyond his ability to handle. And if he's feeling that money is so very scarce that he needs to hoard and protect it, this isn't the right time for absorbing lessons about the upside and downside of buying on credit. He's not going to be able to see beyond his point of view that he's finally got some of that precious stuff and you want to take it away

I'd apologize and let it go. And then, in the future, either give him the money freely or help him find other ways to get it, like selling on eBay, or being clever with the food budget, or turning down lights and electronic devices to lower the electric bill, or something else that could bring in money or shift it around.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

It was his birthday and I would have just given my son the $50 as a birthday present.
He is clearly feeling  a big lack of money. 
He feels he has no way to get some for himself and has no control over it.
 
I know there has been a lot lately for him. The separation and divorce and many changes in his life. He finally is able to get a computer just for him so he does not have to share with many siblings.
Make his life sweeter and be as generous as you can.

And if he really wants a job maybe help him brainstorm something he can do to make a buck.
Walking neighbors dogs, cutting grass,  helping a neighbor do yard work, ..

http://sandradodd.com/generosity%c2%a0



 
Alex Polikowsky

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

messy_boys

I knew I could count on you guys to help me see this with a new perspective. Thank you! I walked into his room, set the $50 on his desk and said "Happy Birthday." He was in shock! He said, "what do you mean? You said I owed you that money?" I told him I understood how he felt and that I had decided to give it back to him. He was SO HAPPY. He hugged me and said thank you. :) I told him I loved him and he said "I love you, too, Mom."

Thank you so much everyone!!! What had potential to drive a wedge between us was resolved in a way that has now made us closer. :)

Kristie

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

Thank you for writing this and letting us know!
 

Alex Polikowsky
 
 
 


________________________________
From: messy_boys <messy_boys@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, September 10, 2012 11:01 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Money - UPDATE


 
I knew I could count on you guys to help me see this with a new perspective. Thank you! I walked into his room, set the $50 on his desk and said "Happy Birthday." He was in shock! He said, "what do you mean? You said I owed you that money?" I told him I understood how he felt and that I had decided to give it back to him. He was SO HAPPY. He hugged me and said thank you. :) I told him I loved him and he said "I love you, too, Mom."

Thank you so much everyone!!! What had potential to drive a wedge between us was resolved in a way that has now made us closer. :)

Kristie




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kelly Lovejoy

You'll find that you are repaid in many wondrous ways. His future generosity will overwhelm you.


~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson



-----Original Message-----
From: messy_boys <messy_boys@...>

I knew I could count on you guys to help me see this with a new perspective.
Thank you! I walked into his room, set the $50 on his desk and said "Happy
Birthday." He was in shock! He said, "what do you mean? You said I owed you
that money?" I told him I understood how he felt and that I had decided to give
it back to him. He was SO HAPPY. He hugged me and said thank you. :) I told
him I loved him and he said "I love you, too, Mom."

Thank you so much everyone!!! What had potential to drive a wedge between us
was resolved in a way that has now made us closer. :)

Kristie





------------------------------------

Yahoo! Groups Links







[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]