Struggling with behaviors that I and society dislike
ch1qui74
Hi, my oldest just turned 4. I have been struggling with a lot of things that she does that I dislike. Ie licking me, showing me her spit, talking about pee and poop, talking like a baby, reaching in my shirt for my breasts she still nurses)
I try not to let this stuff bother me but there are just so many behaviors and so frequent that it gets to me and of course other family members.
Was hoping for advice or words of encouragement. Do I allow
And try to deal with them or try to correct them.
Thanks much for reading.
I try not to let this stuff bother me but there are just so many behaviors and so frequent that it gets to me and of course other family members.
Was hoping for advice or words of encouragement. Do I allow
And try to deal with them or try to correct them.
Thanks much for reading.
Jo
I would treat these differently, rather than lumping them all together as behaviours you don't like.
The licking, I would calmly and sweetly ask her to not do that, but you'll take a kiss and cuddle instead if she wants :-)
Showing spit, at home I would maybe even be genuinely interested! I'd consider getting a microscope slide to take a closer look.
Out and about or with others though, I'd explain that some people don't like that kind of thing and it's best that she doesn't do it when others are around. The same with talking about pee and poop. Let her explore with you in a safe, fun way.
Talking like a baby I'd try to be patient with, or maybe see if you can make it into a game together.
Reaching in your shirt I would tell her not to do that please, and think of a secret 'code' together that she can do if she wants to nurse. If the code is more fun than pulling at your shirt, she'll likely do that.
I think the more you lump these things together in your mind the more potentially damaging to your relationship with her. They're really all very very common behaviours for a four year old. With regards to others not liking them either, be light and be less stressed about them and re-direct her with a quiet word or a distraction. After that try not to worry about what other people think. But be respectful: if she doesn't stop and it's getting uncomfortable, tell her you think that you should both leave, and do so if she still continues.
I would drop the idea of trying to correct them. See it more as trying to work with them.
All the best,
Jo
The licking, I would calmly and sweetly ask her to not do that, but you'll take a kiss and cuddle instead if she wants :-)
Showing spit, at home I would maybe even be genuinely interested! I'd consider getting a microscope slide to take a closer look.
Out and about or with others though, I'd explain that some people don't like that kind of thing and it's best that she doesn't do it when others are around. The same with talking about pee and poop. Let her explore with you in a safe, fun way.
Talking like a baby I'd try to be patient with, or maybe see if you can make it into a game together.
Reaching in your shirt I would tell her not to do that please, and think of a secret 'code' together that she can do if she wants to nurse. If the code is more fun than pulling at your shirt, she'll likely do that.
I think the more you lump these things together in your mind the more potentially damaging to your relationship with her. They're really all very very common behaviours for a four year old. With regards to others not liking them either, be light and be less stressed about them and re-direct her with a quiet word or a distraction. After that try not to worry about what other people think. But be respectful: if she doesn't stop and it's getting uncomfortable, tell her you think that you should both leave, and do so if she still continues.
I would drop the idea of trying to correct them. See it more as trying to work with them.
All the best,
Jo
On 27 Aug 2012, at 02:02, "ch1qui74" <ch1qui74@...> wrote:
> Hi, my oldest just turned 4. I have been struggling with a lot of things that she does that I dislike. Ie licking me, showing me her spit, talking about pee and poop, talking like a baby, reaching in my shirt for my breasts she still nurses)
>
> I try not to let this stuff bother me but there are just so many behaviors and so frequent that it gets to me and of course other family members.
>
> Was hoping for advice or words of encouragement. Do I allow
> And try to deal with them or try to correct them.
> Thanks much for reading.
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Aug 26, 2012, at 9:02 PM, ch1qui74 wrote:
Second, often when they're at their worst, they need you to love them the most. It's possible she has a higher need for touching and your full attention than you've been giving. And your responses feel like a rejection of her. Her unwanted touching, unliked behavior not only gets her your attention but asks the question "Do you still love me even now?" And the answer keeps feeling to her like no.
So give her more attention, more hugs, more light-hearted responses to her subject matter, more of whatever feels like love to her and see if that helps.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I have been struggling with a lot of things that she does that I dislike.First, it will pass.
> Ie licking me, showing me her spit, talking about pee and poop, talking
> like a baby, reaching in my shirt for my breasts she still nurses)
Second, often when they're at their worst, they need you to love them the most. It's possible she has a higher need for touching and your full attention than you've been giving. And your responses feel like a rejection of her. Her unwanted touching, unliked behavior not only gets her your attention but asks the question "Do you still love me even now?" And the answer keeps feeling to her like no.
So give her more attention, more hugs, more light-hearted responses to her subject matter, more of whatever feels like love to her and see if that helps.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
I assume you are tandem nursing. It's a hard thing, tandem nursing. It may help if you recognise that you are asking a lot of yourself and take it easy more often than you may currently be doing. Sit more. Rest more. Give yourself high calorie foods, drink smoothies. Recognise your own hunger and your own tiredness and take care of those things as soon and as regularly as you are able.
The more I've been able to take care of my tiredness and my hungry, the less impatient I am with the small things like licking or showing spit or talking about pee and poop. I am much less impatient when I'm not hungry. I am much less annoyed when I'm not tired. I'm tired today and I've had to walk away from a couple of moments because I knew I was being crabby, being impatient, being annoyed over nothing more than being tired.
Two children is more than one. Double the number. If you don't understand that you are being asked to expend twice the energy that you were when you only had one, you will end up seeing more things wrong with your daughter than really are wrong.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: ch1qui74 <ch1qui74@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, 27 August 2012, 11:02
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Struggling with behaviors that I and society dislike
Hi, my oldest just turned 4. I have been struggling with a lot of things that she does that I dislike. Ie licking me, showing me her spit, talking about pee and poop, talking like a baby, reaching in my shirt for my breasts she still nurses)
I try not to let this stuff bother me but there are just so many behaviors and so frequent that it gets to me and of course other family members.
Was hoping for advice or words of encouragement. Do I allow
And try to deal with them or try to correct them.
Thanks much for reading.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The more I've been able to take care of my tiredness and my hungry, the less impatient I am with the small things like licking or showing spit or talking about pee and poop. I am much less impatient when I'm not hungry. I am much less annoyed when I'm not tired. I'm tired today and I've had to walk away from a couple of moments because I knew I was being crabby, being impatient, being annoyed over nothing more than being tired.
Two children is more than one. Double the number. If you don't understand that you are being asked to expend twice the energy that you were when you only had one, you will end up seeing more things wrong with your daughter than really are wrong.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: ch1qui74 <ch1qui74@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, 27 August 2012, 11:02
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Struggling with behaviors that I and society dislike
Hi, my oldest just turned 4. I have been struggling with a lot of things that she does that I dislike. Ie licking me, showing me her spit, talking about pee and poop, talking like a baby, reaching in my shirt for my breasts she still nurses)
I try not to let this stuff bother me but there are just so many behaviors and so frequent that it gets to me and of course other family members.
Was hoping for advice or words of encouragement. Do I allow
And try to deal with them or try to correct them.
Thanks much for reading.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
When my kids did this, I would get up and walk away. She's testing your limits and trying to learn where the boundaries are. It's part of learning and growing.
You can address every issue and tell her why its bad once, but a 4 year old is going to do it repeatedly and ask why, why, why usually after explanations. Getting up and removing yourself from the situation is effective and kids get that pretty quick.
Also, never show embarrassment or a reaction.
Bree Normandin, Freelance Writer
www.blackfeathers.net
________________________________
From: ch1qui74 <ch1qui74@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, August 26, 2012 9:02 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Struggling with behaviors that I and society dislike
Hi, my oldest just turned 4. I have been struggling with a lot of things that she does that I dislike. Ie licking me, showing me her spit, talking about pee and poop, talking like a baby, reaching in my shirt for my breasts she still nurses)
I try not to let this stuff bother me but there are just so many behaviors and so frequent that it gets to me and of course other family members.
Was hoping for advice or words of encouragement. Do I allow
And try to deal with them or try to correct them.
Thanks much for reading.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
You can address every issue and tell her why its bad once, but a 4 year old is going to do it repeatedly and ask why, why, why usually after explanations. Getting up and removing yourself from the situation is effective and kids get that pretty quick.
Also, never show embarrassment or a reaction.
Bree Normandin, Freelance Writer
www.blackfeathers.net
________________________________
From: ch1qui74 <ch1qui74@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, August 26, 2012 9:02 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Struggling with behaviors that I and society dislike
Hi, my oldest just turned 4. I have been struggling with a lot of things that she does that I dislike. Ie licking me, showing me her spit, talking about pee and poop, talking like a baby, reaching in my shirt for my breasts she still nurses)
I try not to let this stuff bother me but there are just so many behaviors and so frequent that it gets to me and of course other family members.
Was hoping for advice or words of encouragement. Do I allow
And try to deal with them or try to correct them.
Thanks much for reading.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
CarenKH
~~So give her more attention, more hugs, more light-hearted responses to her subject matter, more of whatever feels like love to her and see if that helps~~
To help with the lightheartedness, I recommend 'Playful 'Parenting' by Lawrence Cohen. It was a big realization when I got that I could turn those bothersome things into sweet, connecting, fun moments; it really shifted the atmosphere in our house:
http://www.playfulparenting.com/
I had to relearn how to be playful! It's still tricky for me at times, but it's gotten so much better!
Caren
To help with the lightheartedness, I recommend 'Playful 'Parenting' by Lawrence Cohen. It was a big realization when I got that I could turn those bothersome things into sweet, connecting, fun moments; it really shifted the atmosphere in our house:
http://www.playfulparenting.com/
I had to relearn how to be playful! It's still tricky for me at times, but it's gotten so much better!
Caren
Joyce Fetteroll
On Aug 27, 2012, at 7:35 AM, digital.disciple@... wrote:
If the mom can say "Whoa, I can understand you better if you don't scream (or whine)," as she focuses on figuring out what the child needs, good! Helping kids find better, more effective ways to communicate their needs, helps the child *and* helps the child be people others enjoy having around.
In this case, it sounds like the mom has been reacting negatively to the child's attempts to communicate for quite some time. It's very likely the child needs a big dose of trust that her mom does care about her and her needs before she can have any energy left over for mom's messages.
If you couldn't communicate well, were having problems where it felt like your emotions were overwhelming your brain, and someone repeatedly just walked away, would that feel nurturing and enlightening? Would you feel closer to that person, trust that person to be there to help you no matter what?
Or might you feel bereft? Or even WTF?!?
That's how we're hard wired to figure out the world: Coming up with a theory, testing, assessing what happened, adjusting the theory if need be. Repeat until the theory is matching predicted outcomes well.
Instead of limits, instead of control, use your values as tools to help your child get what he or she wants. Be kind, be patient, be helpful, be trustworthy. If the child experiences all those as tools that mom uses to help her get what she wants, if she experiences them as tools that make her feel warm, loved and supported, she'll see them as useful and good too. If she experiences tools as means to stop her on her path towards something she wants for a lesson she hasn't asked for they're likely to feel irritating.
Quite often kids mature while mothers are trying these harsh methods and it can seem like the method worked, when really it was the child growing out of it. But in the process, the relationship has suffered some damage the mom may not even realize if she's looking at who she wants her child to be rather than directly at her child.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> When my kids did this, I would get up and walk away.If the goal is controlling behavior, that might work. If the goal is building a trusting relationship with a child, it's more useful to see behavior as the child's attempt to communicate a need. The method they're choosing may not be the best, but if the mom focuses on the method, the message she's sending is "First fix your wrongness, then and only then will I listen to what you want." The mom would be saying she doesn't care about the child's need. Her priority is her agenda for the child.
If the mom can say "Whoa, I can understand you better if you don't scream (or whine)," as she focuses on figuring out what the child needs, good! Helping kids find better, more effective ways to communicate their needs, helps the child *and* helps the child be people others enjoy having around.
In this case, it sounds like the mom has been reacting negatively to the child's attempts to communicate for quite some time. It's very likely the child needs a big dose of trust that her mom does care about her and her needs before she can have any energy left over for mom's messages.
If you couldn't communicate well, were having problems where it felt like your emotions were overwhelming your brain, and someone repeatedly just walked away, would that feel nurturing and enlightening? Would you feel closer to that person, trust that person to be there to help you no matter what?
Or might you feel bereft? Or even WTF?!?
> She's testing your limits and trying to learn where the boundaries are.The fewer arbitrary limits and boundaries a parent has, the less kids have to test in order to figure out what the heck's going on, and what these weird rules mean in actual practice.
That's how we're hard wired to figure out the world: Coming up with a theory, testing, assessing what happened, adjusting the theory if need be. Repeat until the theory is matching predicted outcomes well.
Instead of limits, instead of control, use your values as tools to help your child get what he or she wants. Be kind, be patient, be helpful, be trustworthy. If the child experiences all those as tools that mom uses to help her get what she wants, if she experiences them as tools that make her feel warm, loved and supported, she'll see them as useful and good too. If she experiences tools as means to stop her on her path towards something she wants for a lesson she hasn't asked for they're likely to feel irritating.
> Getting up and removing yourself from the situation is effective and kids get that pretty quick.What kids appear to understand and what they really understand can be two very different things. Just because a child stops doesn't mean they've had an "aha!" moment. Quite often it means they've given up asking because they're convinced they'll get no help from mom.
Quite often kids mature while mothers are trying these harsh methods and it can seem like the method worked, when really it was the child growing out of it. But in the process, the relationship has suffered some damage the mom may not even realize if she's looking at who she wants her child to be rather than directly at her child.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dana Hoffman Ellis
Perhaps, because she's your eldest, you expect her to be mature beyond her age? My youngest is 4, my older ones are 14 and 20, and my 4 yo does all those things, too. Who are the other family members her (normal, age-appropriate) actions bother? "Grandma doesn't like spit" is something my daughter understands.
Dana
Sent from my iPad
Dana
Sent from my iPad
On Aug 26, 2012, at 6:02 PM, "ch1qui74" <ch1qui74@...> wrote:
> Hi, my oldest just turned 4. I have been struggling with a lot of things that she does that I dislike. Ie licking me, showing me her spit, talking about pee and poop, talking like a baby, reaching in my shirt for my breasts she still nurses)
>
> I try not to let this stuff bother me but there are just so many behaviors and so frequent that it gets to me and of course other family members.
>
Sacha Davis
I think being as positive and loving as possible helps deflect the
behavior and keeps you in a good place mentally (fake it til you make it
real?). I find I have the hardest time dealing with behaviors when my own
head is struggling. When your DD licks you, maybe respond by doing
something like tickling her, or playing with her. "you're going to lick
me, I'm going to tickle you!!!"
The spitting - I gave my son a cup to spit in if he wants to spit. He
would show me his spit and I would say, "oh, here's your spit cup! How
much can you spit in it????" He will still do the spitting thing here and
there, but not that often anymore.
Pee and poop - we have ZERO potty talk in our house but because I am the
biggest potty talker of them all. I'm a nurse and we LOVE pee and poop.
I could discuss extensively how much I love that fact that we pee and
poop. Both are indications of our bodies working correctly. What a
beautiful thing that our kidneys function, that our body's muscles work to
get rid of waste. See, I'm so excited. Hard for anyone to push my
buttons in that area - bring on the awesome potty talk.
The last thing is what my wife calls paying the bank. Give a little, get
a ton back. Engage ahead of time with your daughter, anticipate a need,
make a batch of cookies out of the blue, have a dance party, when you
leave her take an extra five minutes to rush back into the house and grab
her into your arms and tell her you just couldn't stand to leave, that you
missed her SO much in that minute that you had to come for one more hug.
I struggle with this myself. I see the joy but it doesn't always feel
easy for me to grab on to, but things are so much better then I'm able to
do it (I have a 5.5 year old).
And it's a reasonable to discuss that people like grandma don't like to be
licked (like Dana said).
Our kids are safest with us, which means they are often at their most
challenging because they can be. It's a compliment.
S.
behavior and keeps you in a good place mentally (fake it til you make it
real?). I find I have the hardest time dealing with behaviors when my own
head is struggling. When your DD licks you, maybe respond by doing
something like tickling her, or playing with her. "you're going to lick
me, I'm going to tickle you!!!"
The spitting - I gave my son a cup to spit in if he wants to spit. He
would show me his spit and I would say, "oh, here's your spit cup! How
much can you spit in it????" He will still do the spitting thing here and
there, but not that often anymore.
Pee and poop - we have ZERO potty talk in our house but because I am the
biggest potty talker of them all. I'm a nurse and we LOVE pee and poop.
I could discuss extensively how much I love that fact that we pee and
poop. Both are indications of our bodies working correctly. What a
beautiful thing that our kidneys function, that our body's muscles work to
get rid of waste. See, I'm so excited. Hard for anyone to push my
buttons in that area - bring on the awesome potty talk.
The last thing is what my wife calls paying the bank. Give a little, get
a ton back. Engage ahead of time with your daughter, anticipate a need,
make a batch of cookies out of the blue, have a dance party, when you
leave her take an extra five minutes to rush back into the house and grab
her into your arms and tell her you just couldn't stand to leave, that you
missed her SO much in that minute that you had to come for one more hug.
I struggle with this myself. I see the joy but it doesn't always feel
easy for me to grab on to, but things are so much better then I'm able to
do it (I have a 5.5 year old).
And it's a reasonable to discuss that people like grandma don't like to be
licked (like Dana said).
Our kids are safest with us, which means they are often at their most
challenging because they can be. It's a compliment.
S.
> Hi, my oldest just turned 4. I have been struggling with a lot of things
> that she does that I dislike. Ie licking me, showing me her spit, talking
> about pee and poop, talking like a baby, reaching in my shirt for my
> breasts she still nurses)
>
> I try not to let this stuff bother me but there are just so many behaviors
> and so frequent that it gets to me and of course other family members.
>
> Was hoping for advice or words of encouragement. Do I allow
> And try to deal with them or try to correct them.
> Thanks much for reading.
>
>
ch1qui74
Thank you for all the responses. I am tandem nursing. I honestly do try to sit/ rest or not do too much but as we all know just the basics keep a mom busy. Ie cooking and dishes. We have food allergies and intolerances so we make most things from scratch. And no dishwasher. They used to like to do recipes with me but when hubby cooks he ends them away so not sure if that is why they aren't in the kitchen w me much anymore. I do pick up or carry my kids when they ask. I am small 100 pounds and my daughter is already 40 pounds. They like piggy back rides. I do refuse to nurse my son anymore in standing and most times insist on the rocker/recliner so I am comfortable. My husband likes the house picked up when he gets home and I find picking up all the toys exhausting. My kids like everything out. They are starting to help. I have an alarm on my phone that goes off every week day at 4:45 and they now know it is clean up for papi time. So they start to help so that is good.
To clarify on pee and poop talk it goes like this: mom says what do you want for dinner? 4 year old: poop. Or she may just say I am going to poop on you. It bothers other family members like grandma aunts uncles.
The spit thing is showing me it or trying to put it on me. I honestly have tried walking away and it does not work. I have tried to explain that others don't like it but I get the impression in her eyes she is getting in trouble.
All if these behaviors seem do much to me a part of who she is right now.
She has always been a high need kid. Nursed 24 -7. When she does nurse she still does not want to let go like she needs a lot of sucking time. My Dom used to be easy but demands a lot of attention himself. He hates sharing nursing something he has done since day 1.
My kids won't let anyone watch them but mommy or daddy. When I bring it up my daughter immediately cries and says but then I won't have a mommy anymore. My husband works a lot and is out of town a lot so I do it all including working 1.5-3 hours outside the home when hubby is home. When he is home he is great at playing with them but does not have a lot of patience if they do not listen to something he asks of them. He just expects them to listen. If they don't he gets frustrated and they end up in tears. Both my kids now say take me with when I go to work. If I can sell the building I own that just got leased with option I may quit work next year. I am a little nervous about that as it is my only time away. When I am home he has grass cutting, repairs on our 110 year old home or work for his job. My husband is very stressed at work and does not get good sleep as he is a light sleeper and has trouble with his back. So I try to help him but we are both exhausted. He also needs more time especially intimate time than I can give him. My son has been staying up til 11:30. Last night he crashed at 6 on no nap. We hoped it was for the night. He woke at 10:30 pm nursed to try to fall back asleep but said he was thirsty have him water I had in the room then he decided he was hungry so had to bring him downstairs. He ate but now he was awake. I was up with him for 3 hours then both kids were up by 6:20.
To clarify on pee and poop talk it goes like this: mom says what do you want for dinner? 4 year old: poop. Or she may just say I am going to poop on you. It bothers other family members like grandma aunts uncles.
The spit thing is showing me it or trying to put it on me. I honestly have tried walking away and it does not work. I have tried to explain that others don't like it but I get the impression in her eyes she is getting in trouble.
All if these behaviors seem do much to me a part of who she is right now.
She has always been a high need kid. Nursed 24 -7. When she does nurse she still does not want to let go like she needs a lot of sucking time. My Dom used to be easy but demands a lot of attention himself. He hates sharing nursing something he has done since day 1.
My kids won't let anyone watch them but mommy or daddy. When I bring it up my daughter immediately cries and says but then I won't have a mommy anymore. My husband works a lot and is out of town a lot so I do it all including working 1.5-3 hours outside the home when hubby is home. When he is home he is great at playing with them but does not have a lot of patience if they do not listen to something he asks of them. He just expects them to listen. If they don't he gets frustrated and they end up in tears. Both my kids now say take me with when I go to work. If I can sell the building I own that just got leased with option I may quit work next year. I am a little nervous about that as it is my only time away. When I am home he has grass cutting, repairs on our 110 year old home or work for his job. My husband is very stressed at work and does not get good sleep as he is a light sleeper and has trouble with his back. So I try to help him but we are both exhausted. He also needs more time especially intimate time than I can give him. My son has been staying up til 11:30. Last night he crashed at 6 on no nap. We hoped it was for the night. He woke at 10:30 pm nursed to try to fall back asleep but said he was thirsty have him water I had in the room then he decided he was hungry so had to bring him downstairs. He ate but now he was awake. I was up with him for 3 hours then both kids were up by 6:20.
--- In [email protected], "Sacha Davis" <sacha@...> wrote:
>
> I think being as positive and loving as possible helps deflect the
> behavior and keeps you in a good place mentally (fake it til you make it
> real?). I find I have the hardest time dealing with behaviors when my own
> head is struggling. When your DD licks you, maybe respond by doing
> something like tickling her, or playing with her. "you're going to lick
> me, I'm going to tickle you!!!"
>
> The spitting - I gave my son a cup to spit in if he wants to spit. He
> would show me his spit and I would say, "oh, here's your spit cup! How
> much can you spit in it????" He will still do the spitting thing here and
> there, but not that often anymore.
>
> Pee and poop - we have ZERO potty talk in our house but because I am the
> biggest potty talker of them all. I'm a nurse and we LOVE pee and poop.
> I could discuss extensively how much I love that fact that we pee and
> poop. Both are indications of our bodies working correctly. What a
> beautiful thing that our kidneys function, that our body's muscles work to
> get rid of waste. See, I'm so excited. Hard for anyone to push my
> buttons in that area - bring on the awesome potty talk.
>
> The last thing is what my wife calls paying the bank. Give a little, get
> a ton back. Engage ahead of time with your daughter, anticipate a need,
> make a batch of cookies out of the blue, have a dance party, when you
> leave her take an extra five minutes to rush back into the house and grab
> her into your arms and tell her you just couldn't stand to leave, that you
> missed her SO much in that minute that you had to come for one more hug.
> I struggle with this myself. I see the joy but it doesn't always feel
> easy for me to grab on to, but things are so much better then I'm able to
> do it (I have a 5.5 year old).
>
> And it's a reasonable to discuss that people like grandma don't like to be
> licked (like Dana said).
>
> Our kids are safest with us, which means they are often at their most
> challenging because they can be. It's a compliment.
>
> S.
>
> > Hi, my oldest just turned 4. I have been struggling with a lot of things
> > that she does that I dislike. Ie licking me, showing me her spit, talking
> > about pee and poop, talking like a baby, reaching in my shirt for my
> > breasts she still nurses)
> >
> > I try not to let this stuff bother me but there are just so many behaviors
> > and so frequent that it gets to me and of course other family members.
> >
> > Was hoping for advice or words of encouragement. Do I allow
> > And try to deal with them or try to correct them.
> > Thanks much for reading.
> >
> >
>
Meredith
"ch1qui74" <ch1qui74@...> wrote:
Grandparents sometimes forget what little kids are like - and something like potty talk varies a bit from kid to kid, some loooooove to talk about poop and farts and all sorts of bodily functions. If your daughter does, that's something to play with at home - stretch your own boundaries as far as you possibly can so that she can fill up on her desire for grody-talk and it's not such an "issue" when she's out and about.
Around age 4 kids often become fascinated with bodies in general - how they work, what's inside, how they differ, and all the marvelous things that come Out of them. Aren't bodies miraculous? Look for ways to feed that sense of wonder and excitement. Books, movies and websites are good, but also simple home fun like making gooey things to play with - fake snot, fake pee, fake poop! (if you squish a brownie between your hands and roll it into a log it looks like poop - this was a big thrill for my brother and I when we were kids, I remember it well: poop snacks!)
Chances are, you're not going to get a 4yo to censor herself with any regularity, so give her Other things to talk about with the extended family. You could coach them a little (we're studying the human body! isn't that exciting?!) so they "catch on" that this isn't just "bad language" it's a little kid learning about the world.
When she tries to put in on you, offer her something Else to put it on. Make her a kissing window - or wall or tablecloth or whatever. Maybe get some lipstick, while you're at it ;) Actually, make more than one thing so she can feel different textures. I'll bet some of it is still little-kid oral fascination, so give her things she can mouth. Make a fuss over her wonderful mouth-patterns, so you're not just brushing her off: you're giving her something Better.
Give Things to spit - candies and watermelon seeds are good, or small ice cubes. Make a target. Do this outside or in a designated place - the bathtub, for instance - so if she's in the mood to spit you can send her there.
Then, when you go visiting, you can have her show off her incredible spitting capabilities (bring a target), or bring a napkin for "kissing games". Get her to make cards for people with lipstick kisses and hand them out.
---Meredith
>> To clarify on pee and poop talk it goes like this: mom says what do you want for dinner? 4 year old: poop. Or she may just say I am going to poop on you. It bothers other family members like grandma aunts uncles************
Grandparents sometimes forget what little kids are like - and something like potty talk varies a bit from kid to kid, some loooooove to talk about poop and farts and all sorts of bodily functions. If your daughter does, that's something to play with at home - stretch your own boundaries as far as you possibly can so that she can fill up on her desire for grody-talk and it's not such an "issue" when she's out and about.
Around age 4 kids often become fascinated with bodies in general - how they work, what's inside, how they differ, and all the marvelous things that come Out of them. Aren't bodies miraculous? Look for ways to feed that sense of wonder and excitement. Books, movies and websites are good, but also simple home fun like making gooey things to play with - fake snot, fake pee, fake poop! (if you squish a brownie between your hands and roll it into a log it looks like poop - this was a big thrill for my brother and I when we were kids, I remember it well: poop snacks!)
Chances are, you're not going to get a 4yo to censor herself with any regularity, so give her Other things to talk about with the extended family. You could coach them a little (we're studying the human body! isn't that exciting?!) so they "catch on" that this isn't just "bad language" it's a little kid learning about the world.
> The spit thing is showing me it or trying to put it on me.Make a fuss over it. Get some pH strips and test it. Get some fun lollies or popsicles or candies which will turn her spit different colors. Get a bunch of different toothpastes. Talk about what's in saliva and what it's for - get excited about it.
When she tries to put in on you, offer her something Else to put it on. Make her a kissing window - or wall or tablecloth or whatever. Maybe get some lipstick, while you're at it ;) Actually, make more than one thing so she can feel different textures. I'll bet some of it is still little-kid oral fascination, so give her things she can mouth. Make a fuss over her wonderful mouth-patterns, so you're not just brushing her off: you're giving her something Better.
Give Things to spit - candies and watermelon seeds are good, or small ice cubes. Make a target. Do this outside or in a designated place - the bathtub, for instance - so if she's in the mood to spit you can send her there.
Then, when you go visiting, you can have her show off her incredible spitting capabilities (bring a target), or bring a napkin for "kissing games". Get her to make cards for people with lipstick kisses and hand them out.
---Meredith
Scott Wright
"some loooooove to talk about poop and farts and all sorts of bodily functions" Oh, I thought you were talking about the average adult male. Or at least their favorite type of on the spot spontaneous humor.
________________________________
From: Meredith <plaidpanties666@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, August 27, 2012 7:44 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Struggling with behaviors that I and society dislike
"ch1qui74" <ch1qui74@...> wrote:
Grandparents sometimes forget what little kids are like - and something like potty talk varies a bit from kid to kid, some loooooove to talk about poop and farts and all sorts of bodily functions. If your daughter does, that's something to play with at home - stretch your own boundaries as far as you possibly can so that she can fill up on her desire for grody-talk and it's not such an "issue" when she's out and about.
Around age 4 kids often become fascinated with bodies in general - how they work, what's inside, how they differ, and all the marvelous things that come Out of them. Aren't bodies miraculous? Look for ways to feed that sense of wonder and excitement. Books, movies and websites are good, but also simple home fun like making gooey things to play with - fake snot, fake pee, fake poop! (if you squish a brownie between your hands and roll it into a log it looks like poop - this was a big thrill for my brother and I when we were kids, I remember it well: poop snacks!)
Chances are, you're not going to get a 4yo to censor herself with any regularity, so give her Other things to talk about with the extended family. You could coach them a little (we're studying the human body! isn't that exciting?!) so they "catch on" that this isn't just "bad language" it's a little kid learning about the world.
When she tries to put in on you, offer her something Else to put it on. Make her a kissing window - or wall or tablecloth or whatever. Maybe get some lipstick, while you're at it ;) Actually, make more than one thing so she can feel different textures. I'll bet some of it is still little-kid oral fascination, so give her things she can mouth. Make a fuss over her wonderful mouth-patterns, so you're not just brushing her off: you're giving her something Better.
Give Things to spit - candies and watermelon seeds are good, or small ice cubes. Make a target. Do this outside or in a designated place - the bathtub, for instance - so if she's in the mood to spit you can send her there.
Then, when you go visiting, you can have her show off her incredible spitting capabilities (bring a target), or bring a napkin for "kissing games". Get her to make cards for people with lipstick kisses and hand them out.
---Meredith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
________________________________
From: Meredith <plaidpanties666@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, August 27, 2012 7:44 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Struggling with behaviors that I and society dislike
"ch1qui74" <ch1qui74@...> wrote:
>> To clarify on pee and poop talk it goes like this: mom says what do you want for dinner? 4 year old: poop. Or she may just say I am going to poop on you. It bothers other family members like grandma aunts uncles************
Grandparents sometimes forget what little kids are like - and something like potty talk varies a bit from kid to kid, some loooooove to talk about poop and farts and all sorts of bodily functions. If your daughter does, that's something to play with at home - stretch your own boundaries as far as you possibly can so that she can fill up on her desire for grody-talk and it's not such an "issue" when she's out and about.
Around age 4 kids often become fascinated with bodies in general - how they work, what's inside, how they differ, and all the marvelous things that come Out of them. Aren't bodies miraculous? Look for ways to feed that sense of wonder and excitement. Books, movies and websites are good, but also simple home fun like making gooey things to play with - fake snot, fake pee, fake poop! (if you squish a brownie between your hands and roll it into a log it looks like poop - this was a big thrill for my brother and I when we were kids, I remember it well: poop snacks!)
Chances are, you're not going to get a 4yo to censor herself with any regularity, so give her Other things to talk about with the extended family. You could coach them a little (we're studying the human body! isn't that exciting?!) so they "catch on" that this isn't just "bad language" it's a little kid learning about the world.
> The spit thing is showing me it or trying to put it on me.Make a fuss over it. Get some pH strips and test it. Get some fun lollies or popsicles or candies which will turn her spit different colors. Get a bunch of different toothpastes. Talk about what's in saliva and what it's for - get excited about it.
When she tries to put in on you, offer her something Else to put it on. Make her a kissing window - or wall or tablecloth or whatever. Maybe get some lipstick, while you're at it ;) Actually, make more than one thing so she can feel different textures. I'll bet some of it is still little-kid oral fascination, so give her things she can mouth. Make a fuss over her wonderful mouth-patterns, so you're not just brushing her off: you're giving her something Better.
Give Things to spit - candies and watermelon seeds are good, or small ice cubes. Make a target. Do this outside or in a designated place - the bathtub, for instance - so if she's in the mood to spit you can send her there.
Then, when you go visiting, you can have her show off her incredible spitting capabilities (bring a target), or bring a napkin for "kissing games". Get her to make cards for people with lipstick kisses and hand them out.
---Meredith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
We love Captain Underpants books! Great potty humor. Maybe read her some of those!!
We have had a lot of fun talking about poop in our house. But kids are growing and now they are starting to be grossed out.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We have had a lot of fun talking about poop in our house. But kids are growing and now they are starting to be grossed out.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Aug 27, 2012, at 9:53 PM, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY wrote:
There's a great book titled Everyone Poops.
http://amzn.to/QrlmmX
There's also The Gas We Pass
http://amzn.to/NZ4pMu
For adults but illustrated and funny. (Though you may want to preview first.)
Everybody Poops 410 Pounds a Year
http://amzn.to/QrmLd8
What's Your Poo Telling You
http://amzn.to/NZ5W5d
The more you use appropriate times to fill their poopy humor, the less likely it is to pop up at inappropriate times.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> We love Captain Underpants books! Great potty humor.Kat loved those too :-)
There's a great book titled Everyone Poops.
http://amzn.to/QrlmmX
There's also The Gas We Pass
http://amzn.to/NZ4pMu
For adults but illustrated and funny. (Though you may want to preview first.)
Everybody Poops 410 Pounds a Year
http://amzn.to/QrmLd8
What's Your Poo Telling You
http://amzn.to/NZ5W5d
The more you use appropriate times to fill their poopy humor, the less likely it is to pop up at inappropriate times.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tam
There's also the Flush Tracker, sadly not available in all countries but brilliant toilet fun if you can get it :)
http://www.flushtracker.com/%c2%a0
Tam
http://sprout-and-squidge.blogspot.com/
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://www.flushtracker.com/%c2%a0
Tam
http://sprout-and-squidge.blogspot.com/
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lyla Wolfenstein
there's another great book called "good families don't" about farts.
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Families-Dont-Robert-Munsch/dp/0440405653
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Families-Dont-Robert-Munsch/dp/0440405653
On Tue, Aug 28, 2012 at 5:41 AM, Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...>wrote:
> **
>
>
>
> On Aug 27, 2012, at 9:53 PM, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY wrote:
>
> > We love Captain Underpants books! Great potty humor.
>
> Kat loved those too :-)
>
> There's a great book titled Everyone Poops.
>
> http://amzn.to/QrlmmX
>
> There's also The Gas We Pass
>
> http://amzn.to/NZ4pMu
>
> For adults but illustrated and funny. (Though you may want to preview
> first.)
>
> Everybody Poops 410 Pounds a Year
> http://amzn.to/QrmLd8
>
> What's Your Poo Telling You
> http://amzn.to/NZ5W5d
>
> The more you use appropriate times to fill their poopy humor, the less
> likely it is to pop up at inappropriate times.
>
> Joyce
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Anna
My daughter was the very similar. She was experimenting and was seeing
what peoples reactions were. The more the reaction the more she would do
it.
This is what I found worked best for our family when my daughter would say
something:
1. Read some books with some potty humor: Everyone Poops, Everyone Farts,
Walter the Farting Dog, An Ant in the Toilet, or The adventures of Captain
Underpants. If that didn't work....
2. I would ask if she would like to clean the bathroom with me. As this
is where all these things happen and we could talk more about it there.
If that didn't work...
3. I would say: "Those words are ok to use but have a very specific
meaning." I would explain the meaning, then I would go on to say...
"Some people may get offended by the use of those words in this context.
So if you want to use those words, you can, you need to say them by
yourself in your bedroom or in the bathroom." I found that usually always
worked.
Hope this helps.
what peoples reactions were. The more the reaction the more she would do
it.
This is what I found worked best for our family when my daughter would say
something:
1. Read some books with some potty humor: Everyone Poops, Everyone Farts,
Walter the Farting Dog, An Ant in the Toilet, or The adventures of Captain
Underpants. If that didn't work....
2. I would ask if she would like to clean the bathroom with me. As this
is where all these things happen and we could talk more about it there.
If that didn't work...
3. I would say: "Those words are ok to use but have a very specific
meaning." I would explain the meaning, then I would go on to say...
"Some people may get offended by the use of those words in this context.
So if you want to use those words, you can, you need to say them by
yourself in your bedroom or in the bathroom." I found that usually always
worked.
Hope this helps.
On Tue, Aug 28, 2012 at 9:05 AM, Tam <wifejuliefish@...> wrote:
> **
>
>
> There's also the Flush Tracker, sadly not available in all countries but
> brilliant toilet fun if you can get it :)
>
> http://www.flushtracker.com/
>
> Tam
>
> http://sprout-and-squidge.blogspot.com/
>
> ________________________________
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
--
Anna
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]