Finances and dads
nicole collier-naidoo
Hello all. I have a fifteenth month old daughter, am new to unschooling,
and have been gorging myself on the websites recommended here. I have also
learned a whole lot reading your questions and answers, thank you :)
I have two questions I'd really appreciate some feedback on:
Firstly, I expected to return to work after a four month maternity leave
(which I did and then quit three months later), and our plans (for
travelling, buying a home etc.) were based on both my husband and I
bringing in an income. Even after having quit my job, I expected to return
in a year, which became five years (when she'd start preschool), and now
perhaps never! I am really excited about unschooling, but I am worried that
we are going to struggle financially and that this may cause strife and
impact on our ability to provide our daughter with an environment that is
'rich' enough for her to flourish. I worry that it is a luxury we may not
be able to afford. I would like to know whether any other families have
done well despite considerable financial constraints, or have had to
similarly rethink 'plans' and yet made it work. (I currently do editing
work at night, but it is slow-going and really doesn't pay well. I feel
helpless that I cannot contribute more to aid our situation.)
Secondly, I feel that this decision to unschool provides the potential for
myself and my daughter to live quite a 'free' life, to focus our energies
on living fully and joyfully, but in order to do so my husband has to slog
away. He doesn't get to spend much time with her during the week. Being a
stay-at-home mom is by no means easy, but it is extremely fulfilling, and I
cannot say the same for his work. It just seems unfair. Any advice on how
to navigate this?
Thanks for a wonderful resource :)
Nicole
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and have been gorging myself on the websites recommended here. I have also
learned a whole lot reading your questions and answers, thank you :)
I have two questions I'd really appreciate some feedback on:
Firstly, I expected to return to work after a four month maternity leave
(which I did and then quit three months later), and our plans (for
travelling, buying a home etc.) were based on both my husband and I
bringing in an income. Even after having quit my job, I expected to return
in a year, which became five years (when she'd start preschool), and now
perhaps never! I am really excited about unschooling, but I am worried that
we are going to struggle financially and that this may cause strife and
impact on our ability to provide our daughter with an environment that is
'rich' enough for her to flourish. I worry that it is a luxury we may not
be able to afford. I would like to know whether any other families have
done well despite considerable financial constraints, or have had to
similarly rethink 'plans' and yet made it work. (I currently do editing
work at night, but it is slow-going and really doesn't pay well. I feel
helpless that I cannot contribute more to aid our situation.)
Secondly, I feel that this decision to unschool provides the potential for
myself and my daughter to live quite a 'free' life, to focus our energies
on living fully and joyfully, but in order to do so my husband has to slog
away. He doesn't get to spend much time with her during the week. Being a
stay-at-home mom is by no means easy, but it is extremely fulfilling, and I
cannot say the same for his work. It just seems unfair. Any advice on how
to navigate this?
Thanks for a wonderful resource :)
Nicole
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
nicole collier-naidoo <nicole.collier.naidoo@...> wrote:
It helps to keep in mind that there are very few "once and for all" decisions in life - whether to unschool or do some kind of homeschooling, day care, preschool, school ... those are Not "once and for all" decisions. There's no need to back yourself into a corner over any of it.
And don't forget, no once-and-for all decisions. My partner used to be the main breadwinner, and now I am. Things change. You may find that it works better for him to do something freelance on the side while you have the day job. Or he may find a way to work from home. Or you might find a better editing job and he can cut his hours.
---Meredith
>Welcome to the rabbit hole ;)
> Hello all. I have a fifteenth month old daughter, am new to unschooling
It helps to keep in mind that there are very few "once and for all" decisions in life - whether to unschool or do some kind of homeschooling, day care, preschool, school ... those are Not "once and for all" decisions. There's no need to back yourself into a corner over any of it.
>>Even after having quit my job, I expected to returnAre you struggling now? It's possible to get used to living on a smaller income. You can shift your priorities around and learn to be more creative about some things, more eccentric about some things! There are home and unschooling families living on very small incomes indeed. It takes some creativity and flexibility but "a rich environment" doesn't depend on having big bucks.
> in a year, which became five years (when she'd start preschool), and now
> perhaps never! I am really excited about unschooling, but I am worried that
> we are going to struggle financially
>I am worried thatStrife between whom? You and your husband? That's something to consider - look for ways to help him feel valued and supported on a lower income. Depending on his personality, that may mean more of the discretionary funds go to his interests and hobbies. Or it may be a matter of loving him up in ways that don't cost anything at all, or some combination. Extend the same love and care and consideration to him that you would to your child - the principles of what makes unschooling work can be extended to any relationship.
> we are going to struggle financially and that this may cause strife
>> He doesn't get to spend much time with her during the week.Does he want to? Some men do start to feel like the family is happening without them. It can help to keep him "in the loop" with as much daily contact as you can manage. Depending on what he does, that might mean messages, emails, photos, a blog, or it could mean greeting him at the door with a kiss and telling him about your wonderful day, the wonderful day he helped make possible. I'm the out-of-home working parent in my household and I love hearing about what went on while I was gone - yeah! all my hard work was worth it!
And don't forget, no once-and-for all decisions. My partner used to be the main breadwinner, and now I am. Things change. You may find that it works better for him to do something freelance on the side while you have the day job. Or he may find a way to work from home. Or you might find a better editing job and he can cut his hours.
---Meredith
[email protected]
Thank you, Meredith. It is so helpful to have a fresh perspective. Key is that nothing is set in stone, thanks for the reminder :)
It is a great idea to consider having him at home at some point since he's in a field in which he can bring in a lot more with fewer hours of work. I didn't even think of that!
Thanks again,
Nicole
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
-----Original Message-----
From: "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@...>
Sender: [email protected]
Date: Sat, 04 Aug 2012 22:25:46
To: <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Finances and dads
nicole collier-naidoo <nicole.collier.naidoo@...> wrote:
It helps to keep in mind that there are very few "once and for all" decisions in life - whether to unschool or do some kind of homeschooling, day care, preschool, school ... those are Not "once and for all" decisions. There's no need to back yourself into a corner over any of it.
And don't forget, no once-and-for all decisions. My partner used to be the main breadwinner, and now I am. Things change. You may find that it works better for him to do something freelance on the side while you have the day job. Or he may find a way to work from home. Or you might find a better editing job and he can cut his hours.
---Meredith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It is a great idea to consider having him at home at some point since he's in a field in which he can bring in a lot more with fewer hours of work. I didn't even think of that!
Thanks again,
Nicole
Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom - let your email find you!
-----Original Message-----
From: "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@...>
Sender: [email protected]
Date: Sat, 04 Aug 2012 22:25:46
To: <[email protected]>
Reply-To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Finances and dads
nicole collier-naidoo <nicole.collier.naidoo@...> wrote:
>Welcome to the rabbit hole ;)
> Hello all. I have a fifteenth month old daughter, am new to unschooling
It helps to keep in mind that there are very few "once and for all" decisions in life - whether to unschool or do some kind of homeschooling, day care, preschool, school ... those are Not "once and for all" decisions. There's no need to back yourself into a corner over any of it.
>>Even after having quit my job, I expected to returnAre you struggling now? It's possible to get used to living on a smaller income. You can shift your priorities around and learn to be more creative about some things, more eccentric about some things! There are home and unschooling families living on very small incomes indeed. It takes some creativity and flexibility but "a rich environment" doesn't depend on having big bucks.
> in a year, which became five years (when she'd start preschool), and now
> perhaps never! I am really excited about unschooling, but I am worried that
> we are going to struggle financially
>I am worried thatStrife between whom? You and your husband? That's something to consider - look for ways to help him feel valued and supported on a lower income. Depending on his personality, that may mean more of the discretionary funds go to his interests and hobbies. Or it may be a matter of loving him up in ways that don't cost anything at all, or some combination. Extend the same love and care and consideration to him that you would to your child - the principles of what makes unschooling work can be extended to any relationship.
> we are going to struggle financially and that this may cause strife
>> He doesn't get to spend much time with her during the week.Does he want to? Some men do start to feel like the family is happening without them. It can help to keep him "in the loop" with as much daily contact as you can manage. Depending on what he does, that might mean messages, emails, photos, a blog, or it could mean greeting him at the door with a kiss and telling him about your wonderful day, the wonderful day he helped make possible. I'm the out-of-home working parent in my household and I love hearing about what went on while I was gone - yeah! all my hard work was worth it!
And don't forget, no once-and-for all decisions. My partner used to be the main breadwinner, and now I am. Things change. You may find that it works better for him to do something freelance on the side while you have the day job. Or he may find a way to work from home. Or you might find a better editing job and he can cut his hours.
---Meredith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]