Homeschooling malaise
Ren Allen
"My job is to provide them with clothes, food, haircuts, an
education, curriculum needs - those kinds of things. "
This is pretty mainstream thought. Most parents would agree with
this and pat you on the back...I'm here to say we need to think
outside of that box.
An unschooling parents job is different. My job is not to provide
them with an education and curriculum needs, my job is to provide
them with the things they love, the things that interest them and
the things that they are curious about.
That often includes items they don't have money for at the moment,
how fair is it to withhold that item to teach them some kind of
lesson in money management? It only teaches them that Mom is
arbitrary with how she spends her money and that you can't count on
Mom to help out when you need something.
I don't want those kind of lessons imparted to my children.
I want them to know I'm on their side.
If I have the money, I will gladly help them.
If I don't have the money, they are very understanding.
We're a family, not a dictatorship.
If I decided how much money they got, what kind of hoops they had to
jump through to get that money and refused to pay for "extras", I
don't believe unschooling would be unfolding as beautifully as it is
around here.
I don't believe I'd have the kind of relationship I have with my
children either, which is based on trust.
I would really resent the hell out of my dh if he gave me a list of
chores and paid me allowance based on my performance. Yuck.
And if he told me to pay for my own "extras" because he deemed them
unworthy of his investment...more yuck.
My children's wants are worthy. Discussing ways to get where they
want to go, is far more useful than arbitrarily deciding the money
they get based on performance.
My kids help out when I ask for help, because I only ask when I
really need it. They get money because we're a family, and the wage
earning ability of some members is greater than others, but
shouldn't limit them to an arbitrary amount.
If the amount is based on budget, that's a real reason.
If the amount is based on performance, that's not respectful in my
opinion. Adults don't do that to each other.
On the other hand, if there are certain jobs I'd be willing to pay
for extra help, then my kids certainly have first dibs at those
jobs. But I don't tie their money to chores in any way.
They get money, because they're part of our family and I happen to
have money to give them.
If they don't have money and need help, I help them. I think that's
a more useful way to assist children in their learning adventures.
Ren
education, curriculum needs - those kinds of things. "
This is pretty mainstream thought. Most parents would agree with
this and pat you on the back...I'm here to say we need to think
outside of that box.
An unschooling parents job is different. My job is not to provide
them with an education and curriculum needs, my job is to provide
them with the things they love, the things that interest them and
the things that they are curious about.
That often includes items they don't have money for at the moment,
how fair is it to withhold that item to teach them some kind of
lesson in money management? It only teaches them that Mom is
arbitrary with how she spends her money and that you can't count on
Mom to help out when you need something.
I don't want those kind of lessons imparted to my children.
I want them to know I'm on their side.
If I have the money, I will gladly help them.
If I don't have the money, they are very understanding.
We're a family, not a dictatorship.
If I decided how much money they got, what kind of hoops they had to
jump through to get that money and refused to pay for "extras", I
don't believe unschooling would be unfolding as beautifully as it is
around here.
I don't believe I'd have the kind of relationship I have with my
children either, which is based on trust.
I would really resent the hell out of my dh if he gave me a list of
chores and paid me allowance based on my performance. Yuck.
And if he told me to pay for my own "extras" because he deemed them
unworthy of his investment...more yuck.
My children's wants are worthy. Discussing ways to get where they
want to go, is far more useful than arbitrarily deciding the money
they get based on performance.
My kids help out when I ask for help, because I only ask when I
really need it. They get money because we're a family, and the wage
earning ability of some members is greater than others, but
shouldn't limit them to an arbitrary amount.
If the amount is based on budget, that's a real reason.
If the amount is based on performance, that's not respectful in my
opinion. Adults don't do that to each other.
On the other hand, if there are certain jobs I'd be willing to pay
for extra help, then my kids certainly have first dibs at those
jobs. But I don't tie their money to chores in any way.
They get money, because they're part of our family and I happen to
have money to give them.
If they don't have money and need help, I help them. I think that's
a more useful way to assist children in their learning adventures.
Ren
[email protected]
Apparently, you took what I wrote wrong. I do not deprive my children from
them expanding their horizons because they may not have the funds to get it.
But, if you are like most parents, I don't think you can afford Yugioh cards
or a dvd everytime you go to a store and if you can, I moving in with you.
They are learning how to handle money. I do not dictate to them what they
can buy and for how long they need to save for. You kind of make in sound in
your letter that I do not have a relationship with my children. For the
record, Me and my three children are extremely close and we have experienced
things in life that most have not (i.e., my daughter's illness with Cancer, their
father dying) I am not rich here. I almost all the time have to wait and
save even for the things I want, which are usually last on the list.
For anyone on the list, my e-mail was not to step on anyone's toes but to
offer some advice. Take it or leave it, but don't be nasty. I wasn't when I
first replied.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
them expanding their horizons because they may not have the funds to get it.
But, if you are like most parents, I don't think you can afford Yugioh cards
or a dvd everytime you go to a store and if you can, I moving in with you.
They are learning how to handle money. I do not dictate to them what they
can buy and for how long they need to save for. You kind of make in sound in
your letter that I do not have a relationship with my children. For the
record, Me and my three children are extremely close and we have experienced
things in life that most have not (i.e., my daughter's illness with Cancer, their
father dying) I am not rich here. I almost all the time have to wait and
save even for the things I want, which are usually last on the list.
For anyone on the list, my e-mail was not to step on anyone's toes but to
offer some advice. Take it or leave it, but don't be nasty. I wasn't when I
first replied.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
scrapgal
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
(depending on if A) I have it and B) I and they remember. It isn't
because I think my 6 yo only needs $6, but because most of what he
wants to buy is in the $6 a week range. A pack of M&M's here and a
little car there. And my 12 yo generally has needs that are around
$12. A CD this week or some piece of jewelry that week. And they
aren't limited by their allowance. If they want a CD or a new DVD
or Gameboy cartridge they know they will get it if it fits into our
budget. They *totally* understand "We don't have the money for it
this week" because they know they will get it next week (or after
the next pay period.) What my children want is the ability to make
purchases. To do the entire transaction themselves whether it is a
pack of 20¢ gum or a $20 outfit. The love spending "their own"
money (even when they know mom is going to help them out at the cash
register!) :-) Keon especially loves places like Walmart that have
self check out lines. He gets to scan the items himself, put in his
money, get his change, bag his own items, collect his receipt. This
is great fun! (For you Pensacola people, the Walmart on 29 has
these as does the Home Depot on Davis!)
Michelle
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
>Mine is sort of like that. My kids get a dollar per age per week
> They get money because we're a family, and the wage
> earning ability of some members is greater than others, but
> shouldn't limit them to an arbitrary amount.
> If the amount is based on budget, that's a real reason.
(depending on if A) I have it and B) I and they remember. It isn't
because I think my 6 yo only needs $6, but because most of what he
wants to buy is in the $6 a week range. A pack of M&M's here and a
little car there. And my 12 yo generally has needs that are around
$12. A CD this week or some piece of jewelry that week. And they
aren't limited by their allowance. If they want a CD or a new DVD
or Gameboy cartridge they know they will get it if it fits into our
budget. They *totally* understand "We don't have the money for it
this week" because they know they will get it next week (or after
the next pay period.) What my children want is the ability to make
purchases. To do the entire transaction themselves whether it is a
pack of 20¢ gum or a $20 outfit. The love spending "their own"
money (even when they know mom is going to help them out at the cash
register!) :-) Keon especially loves places like Walmart that have
self check out lines. He gets to scan the items himself, put in his
money, get his change, bag his own items, collect his receipt. This
is great fun! (For you Pensacola people, the Walmart on 29 has
these as does the Home Depot on Davis!)
Michelle