messy_boys

Hello all,

My 2 yr old daughter has begun having meltdowns, at least once a day. I am trying to figure out what she needs, but it seems she is just tired. She usually ends up going in her room, lying down on her bed and going to sleep after a few minutes of crying. Is there something more I can do for her?

Thanks,
Kristie

Claire Darbaud

Hello Kristie,

What does her day look like prior to the meltdown? Does it always happen at
roughly the same time?There is most probably plenty of things you can do,
proactively, way before she gets to the meltdown place.

> -=- it seems she is just tired.
>
Beware of the word "just". It's belittling her experience and might
encourage you to think it's her problem and there's nothing to do about it.

Claire


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

messy_boys

>>>--- In [email protected], Claire Darbaud cdarbaud@...> wrote: What does her day look like prior to the meltdown? Does it always happen at roughly the same time?<<<

There are a couple usual times that this happens. One is mid-afternoon, about 3ish. Her day is very busy up to this point. She has five older brothers and they play, play, play...

The other time is in the evening after dinner. But I would say the mid-afternoon meltdown is most common. She hasn't taken a nap for a while, and hadn't been struggling until recently.

>>> Beware of the word "just". It's belittling her experience and might encourage you to think it's her problem and there's nothing to do about it.<<<

I really meant that I had eliminated other causes, such as hunger, thirst, or need for attention. But I still see your point in using "just."

I feel bad for her because she appears to be miserable at these times. Just crying and wailing and I am unable to comfort her. She refuses to sit with me or be held. She just plops down on her bed and cries. Heartbreaking!!!

Thanks for any suggestions!
Kristie

[email protected]

It sounds like she's exhausted. When she cries, does she get a nap? Does she wake up happy from the nap? She may not be able to plan her days well enough to realize she needs a nap but you and the other kids might help. Five older brothers -- I'm tired just thinking about it. How about they give her some space and let her ease into nap time? Are they old enough to talk to about this? Will they understand playing quietly for a bit after lunch so Little Sister can ease into a nap/rest without having to crash? Can you do something with her and without them for a quiet, restful time?

Nance

--- In [email protected], "messy_boys" <messy_boys@...> wrote:
>
> >>>--- In [email protected], Claire Darbaud cdarbaud@> wrote: What does her day look like prior to the meltdown? Does it always happen at roughly the same time?<<<
>
> There are a couple usual times that this happens. One is mid-afternoon, about 3ish. Her day is very busy up to this point. She has five older brothers and they play, play, play...
>
> The other time is in the evening after dinner. But I would say the mid-afternoon meltdown is most common. She hasn't taken a nap for a while, and hadn't been struggling until recently.
>
> >>> Beware of the word "just". It's belittling her experience and might encourage you to think it's her problem and there's nothing to do about it.<<<
>
> I really meant that I had eliminated other causes, such as hunger, thirst, or need for attention. But I still see your point in using "just."
>
> I feel bad for her because she appears to be miserable at these times. Just crying and wailing and I am unable to comfort her. She refuses to sit with me or be held. She just plops down on her bed and cries. Heartbreaking!!!
>
> Thanks for any suggestions!
> Kristie
>

Meredith

"messy_boys" <messy_boys@...> wrote:
>> I feel bad for her because she appears to be miserable at these times. Just crying and wailing and I am unable to comfort her. She refuses to sit with me or be held. She just plops down on her bed and cries. Heartbreaking!!!
**************

I sent a post on this topic yesterday but it doesn't appear to have gone through. Some kids go through a stage of crying themselves to sleep - using crying as a kind of strategy to transition into sleep. My daughter did, and it is really upsetting for a parent, I know. But it really did seem to be that she was tired and that was what was working for her to get from "play play play play play" to somnolence. It was a relief to me to know that it's not all that uncommon. It's similar, in a way, to that feeling of "needing a good cry" if you know what I mean? Crying can be a way to break up a lot of tension and relax. It won't last forever and you don't need to "teach her better" she'll grow out of it. It took Mo about a year of crying to sleep nearly every night before she moved on.

---Meredith

Sacha Davis

My daughter is a couple months short of two and she's experiencing
meltdowns on a regular basis. She's very different from her brother who
didn't have this level of strong emotions regularly until he was three to
three and a half. I think often kids her age don't need anything, they
are simply in the grips of very strong emotions and are still very
immature when it comes to managing them. What I do for Zivia is sit with
her, hold her, reflect her emotions, and this seems to help her move
smoothly through it.

I don't know if that helps - the falling asleep could indicate tiredness,
although I really think meltdowns sometimes of epic proportions are part
of this age, and certainly having one could make a person tired.

Sacha

> Hello all,
>
> My 2 yr old daughter has begun having meltdowns, at least once a day. I
> am trying to figure out what she needs, but it seems she is just tired.
> She usually ends up going in her room, lying down on her bed and going to
> sleep after a few minutes of crying. Is there something more I can do for
> her?
>
> Thanks,
> Kristie
>
>

messy_boys

Thanks for all the replies on this. It is as if she is just needing a good cry at times. She usually does go on to sleep and then wakes up feeling fine later. I've started sitting with her in her room and she really likes that. I've started keeping her blinds about half shut and her TV turned down and she will often just retreat in there without a big scene, lay down, and go to sleep. It's almost as if she's trying to get away from the noise and activity of the rest of the household. I am considering giving her her own room, too. Right now she shares with her 4 yo brother.

Kristie


--- In [email protected], "messy_boys" <messy_boys@...> wrote:
>
> Hello all,
>
> My 2 yr old daughter has begun having meltdowns, at least once a day. I am trying to figure out what she needs, but it seems she is just tired. She usually ends up going in her room, lying down on her bed and going to sleep after a few minutes of crying. Is there something more I can do for her?
>
> Thanks,
> Kristie
>