A Family Situation
messy_boys
A situation has come up that I would appreciate your perspectives on. My ex-MIL, who has never approved of us homeschooling, had a private conversation with my oldest son, who is now 14. She was trying to persuade him that he needed to go to public school. She then began quizzing him on math. And then to top it all off, told him to NOT tell his parents about what she said!!!
I am so upset! Brad (my oldest) asked me not to say anything to her, but he is obviously uncomfortable with it. I told him that his Nana had never approved of us homeschooling. I also told him that he could politely refuse to take any pop quizzes!
But what bothers me most is her telling him not to tell us! When is it ever okay to tell a kid that!!!?
So now I don't know what to do. I haven't said anything to my ex-husband because he will probably blow up at her and then Brad will feel bad for telling me. But it just doesn't seem right to say nothing?!
Thank you,
Kristie
I am so upset! Brad (my oldest) asked me not to say anything to her, but he is obviously uncomfortable with it. I told him that his Nana had never approved of us homeschooling. I also told him that he could politely refuse to take any pop quizzes!
But what bothers me most is her telling him not to tell us! When is it ever okay to tell a kid that!!!?
So now I don't know what to do. I haven't said anything to my ex-husband because he will probably blow up at her and then Brad will feel bad for telling me. But it just doesn't seem right to say nothing?!
Thank you,
Kristie
Kelly Lovejoy
I would send a letter/email detailing the issues. I would politely tell her that
1) *I*, as the PARENT, have made the decision to homeschool. It's not up for debate.
2) I would appreciate if she would respect my authority on this subject and NOT bring it up again.
3) He is NOT a performing monkey and is NEVER to be quizzed again.
4) If she EVER tries to get *my* child to keep a secret from me, she will be denied access to the children. I have that power, and I will use it . I want *my* children to feel comfortable telling me anything, and I don't want anyone undermining that. It's WAY too important.
I would be very clear about the boundaries.
One thing to remember (and I admit I have a hard time doing this myself!) is that she loves him and is worried. She wants the best for him. But she had her opportunity to raise her child/ren as *she* saw fit. Now it's *your* turn.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: messy_boys <messy_boys@...>
A situation has come up that I would appreciate your perspectives on. My
ex-MIL, who has never approved of us homeschooling, had a private conversation
with my oldest son, who is now 14. She was trying to persuade him that he
needed to go to public school. She then began quizzing him on math. And then
to top it all off, told him to NOT tell his parents about what she said!!!
I am so upset! Brad (my oldest) asked me not to say anything to her, but he is
obviously uncomfortable with it. I told him that his Nana had never approved of
us homeschooling. I also told him that he could politely refuse to take any pop
quizzes!
But what bothers me most is her telling him not to tell us! When is it ever
okay to tell a kid that!!!?
So now I don't know what to do. I haven't said anything to my ex-husband
because he will probably blow up at her and then Brad will feel bad for telling
me. But it just doesn't seem right to say nothing?!
Thank you,
Kristie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
1) *I*, as the PARENT, have made the decision to homeschool. It's not up for debate.
2) I would appreciate if she would respect my authority on this subject and NOT bring it up again.
3) He is NOT a performing monkey and is NEVER to be quizzed again.
4) If she EVER tries to get *my* child to keep a secret from me, she will be denied access to the children. I have that power, and I will use it . I want *my* children to feel comfortable telling me anything, and I don't want anyone undermining that. It's WAY too important.
I would be very clear about the boundaries.
One thing to remember (and I admit I have a hard time doing this myself!) is that she loves him and is worried. She wants the best for him. But she had her opportunity to raise her child/ren as *she* saw fit. Now it's *your* turn.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: messy_boys <messy_boys@...>
A situation has come up that I would appreciate your perspectives on. My
ex-MIL, who has never approved of us homeschooling, had a private conversation
with my oldest son, who is now 14. She was trying to persuade him that he
needed to go to public school. She then began quizzing him on math. And then
to top it all off, told him to NOT tell his parents about what she said!!!
I am so upset! Brad (my oldest) asked me not to say anything to her, but he is
obviously uncomfortable with it. I told him that his Nana had never approved of
us homeschooling. I also told him that he could politely refuse to take any pop
quizzes!
But what bothers me most is her telling him not to tell us! When is it ever
okay to tell a kid that!!!?
So now I don't know what to do. I haven't said anything to my ex-husband
because he will probably blow up at her and then Brad will feel bad for telling
me. But it just doesn't seem right to say nothing?!
Thank you,
Kristie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
How would your son like you to handle it? Does he want to avoid her for awhile, or only visit her in the company of a trusted adult? Would he like some "answers" for if she tries to quiz him again - either answers to likely questions or something to say, like "it's not my school time, now, so I don't have to answer"? Maybe he just wants some reassurances from you that grandma was out-of-line.
The good news is he didn't listen - hold on to that. He Trusts You enough to come to you. That's a Good thing.
----Meredith
> But what bothers me most is her telling him not to tell us! When is it ever okay to tell a kid that!!!?**************
The good news is he didn't listen - hold on to that. He Trusts You enough to come to you. That's a Good thing.
----Meredith
[email protected]
That is a very good thing.
There was a reason my MIL was never allowed to be alone with our children. This was it. Whether hsing or something else, you never knew what crazy, nasty stuff she was going to come up with.
Your DS and you can figure out how you want to handle it in the future but neither one of you is required to be alone with her or put up with anything this negative.
Nance
There was a reason my MIL was never allowed to be alone with our children. This was it. Whether hsing or something else, you never knew what crazy, nasty stuff she was going to come up with.
Your DS and you can figure out how you want to handle it in the future but neither one of you is required to be alone with her or put up with anything this negative.
Nance
--- In [email protected], "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>
> How would your son like you to handle it? Does he want to avoid her for awhile, or only visit her in the company of a trusted adult? Would he like some "answers" for if she tries to quiz him again - either answers to likely questions or something to say, like "it's not my school time, now, so I don't have to answer"? Maybe he just wants some reassurances from you that grandma was out-of-line.
>
> > But what bothers me most is her telling him not to tell us! When is it ever okay to tell a kid that!!!?
> **************
>
> The good news is he didn't listen - hold on to that. He Trusts You enough to come to you. That's a Good thing.
>
> ----Meredith
>