When Unschooling Brings up Stuff for Parents
ubertulip
I've seen it written here and on other lists and unschooling sites that a side benefit of unschooling can be the healing that comes from parenting the way you would like to have been parented.
My daughter is 9 and my son will be 7 next week.
Every now and then, I have a moment where I find out I can be there for my kids in a way I never knew was possible. Sometimes, along with the satisfaction of seeing the tangible results of unschooling in my childrens' lives, it brings up a lot of grief for me personally, realizing what I did not have as a child. It surprises me, because I thought I had processed that stuff long ago, but apparently these things can come in waves.
It can be motivating, but also distracting. I'd like to hear if others have experienced this and what has helped move through the grief and return more to the present moment.
I've read this: http://sandradodd.com/issues/
Melissa K.
My daughter is 9 and my son will be 7 next week.
Every now and then, I have a moment where I find out I can be there for my kids in a way I never knew was possible. Sometimes, along with the satisfaction of seeing the tangible results of unschooling in my childrens' lives, it brings up a lot of grief for me personally, realizing what I did not have as a child. It surprises me, because I thought I had processed that stuff long ago, but apparently these things can come in waves.
It can be motivating, but also distracting. I'd like to hear if others have experienced this and what has helped move through the grief and return more to the present moment.
I've read this: http://sandradodd.com/issues/
Melissa K.
Kelly Lovejoy
That often happens when a child is withdrawn from school too: the pain and grief can be overwhelming for the parent---sometimes moreso than for the child. The parent needs to "get it out" and can keep me on the phone for hours. <g> It may take weeks or months or years to get over the trauma, but slowly the parent can heal and start seeing the *benefits* of home/unschooling instead of the anger at school.
It's part of the healing process.
Work it out yourself. It may take time, and that's OK---as long as it doesn't interfere with your time with your children. The other side is greener. ;-)
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: ubertulip <ubertulip@...>
I've seen it written here and on other lists and unschooling sites that a side
benefit of unschooling can be the healing that comes from parenting the way you
would like to have been parented.
Every now and then, I have a moment where I find out I can be there for my kids
in a way I never knew was possible. Sometimes, along with the satisfaction of
seeing the tangible results of unschooling in my childrens' lives, it brings up
a lot of grief for me personally, realizing what I did not have as a child. It
surprises me, because I thought I had processed that stuff long ago, but
apparently these things can come in waves.
It can be motivating, but also distracting. I'd like to hear if others have
experienced this and what has helped move through the grief and return more to
the present moment.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It's part of the healing process.
Work it out yourself. It may take time, and that's OK---as long as it doesn't interfere with your time with your children. The other side is greener. ;-)
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: ubertulip <ubertulip@...>
I've seen it written here and on other lists and unschooling sites that a side
benefit of unschooling can be the healing that comes from parenting the way you
would like to have been parented.
Every now and then, I have a moment where I find out I can be there for my kids
in a way I never knew was possible. Sometimes, along with the satisfaction of
seeing the tangible results of unschooling in my childrens' lives, it brings up
a lot of grief for me personally, realizing what I did not have as a child. It
surprises me, because I thought I had processed that stuff long ago, but
apparently these things can come in waves.
It can be motivating, but also distracting. I'd like to hear if others have
experienced this and what has helped move through the grief and return more to
the present moment.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ann
When I have these moments, and I do, I remind myself that even though I had a painful childhood, that pain stops here. I am not passing on those parenting methods to my child,and I can be very proud of that. this helps me, hope it might help you too.
=Ann
=Ann
--- In [email protected], "ubertulip" <ubertulip@...> wrote:
>
> I've seen it written here and on other lists and unschooling sites that a side benefit of unschooling can be the healing that comes from parenting the way you would like to have been parented.
>
Kelly Lovejoy
Several years ago, a then-regular poster on this group, Maisha, wrote something along the lines of:
We all come with baggage. I just want to give my child a simple carry-on, not a whole set of Samsonite.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: Ann <auntannies2002@...>
When I have these moments, and I do, I remind myself that even though I had a
painful childhood, that pain stops here. I am not passing on those parenting
methods to my child,and I can be very proud of that. this helps me, hope it
might help you too.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We all come with baggage. I just want to give my child a simple carry-on, not a whole set of Samsonite.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: Ann <auntannies2002@...>
When I have these moments, and I do, I remind myself that even though I had a
painful childhood, that pain stops here. I am not passing on those parenting
methods to my child,and I can be very proud of that. this helps me, hope it
might help you too.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
brightman73
--- In [email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]> , "ubertulip" <ubertulip@...>
wrote: It can be motivating, but also distracting. I'd like to hear if
others have experienced this and what has helped move through the grief
and return more to the present moment.
I stopped forcing my son to eat at cetain times & certain things. In
doing so, a memory came up for me.
I was about 9 years old, broke, and ate beans & rice every night. I was
so tired of eating beans & rice and told my Mom so. She told me to get
over it, eat it, or go to bed hungry. So, I went to my room, stomach
rambling and became so, so angry. I started throwing my records on the
floor, breaking them. Anything to get her attention and more
importantly, understanding.
I allowed myself the moments to breathe that memory in and out. I tell
myself that today I have a choice. Today, as Mom in this scenario, I
would have taken me aside and listened to my complaints about the food
and deeper issues that the food manifested. I would ask if anything in
the kitchen we could find to make that would give me something different
to eat. I would ask about item I could purchase that would give me a
feeling of being satisfied with my nourishment.
AHH..felt better already. And so, giving my son these loving
experiences IS giving them to myself. Recreating what was done for me
forces the experience on me AGAIN and creating it anew on another human
being.
Stephanie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
<mailto:[email protected]> , "ubertulip" <ubertulip@...>
wrote: It can be motivating, but also distracting. I'd like to hear if
others have experienced this and what has helped move through the grief
and return more to the present moment.
><http://sandradodd.com/issues/>
> I've read this: http://sandradodd.com/issues/
>*************************************************
> Melissa K
I stopped forcing my son to eat at cetain times & certain things. In
doing so, a memory came up for me.
I was about 9 years old, broke, and ate beans & rice every night. I was
so tired of eating beans & rice and told my Mom so. She told me to get
over it, eat it, or go to bed hungry. So, I went to my room, stomach
rambling and became so, so angry. I started throwing my records on the
floor, breaking them. Anything to get her attention and more
importantly, understanding.
I allowed myself the moments to breathe that memory in and out. I tell
myself that today I have a choice. Today, as Mom in this scenario, I
would have taken me aside and listened to my complaints about the food
and deeper issues that the food manifested. I would ask if anything in
the kitchen we could find to make that would give me something different
to eat. I would ask about item I could purchase that would give me a
feeling of being satisfied with my nourishment.
AHH..felt better already. And so, giving my son these loving
experiences IS giving them to myself. Recreating what was done for me
forces the experience on me AGAIN and creating it anew on another human
being.
Stephanie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]